All Comments on 'Mary's 20 Labors Pt. 05'

More description of the waitresses would have been nice.

Sunday morning wood scene continuity error, if I read it correctly.

Several auto correct/spelling mistakes. If you want a proof reader I’d be glad to offer my services.

Other than that I’m thoroughly enjoying the stories twists and turns, even if they are on the fantastic side. Lol.

Stuart.

good writing, but what a jerk, claiming he's not a monster and yet willing to hurt a woman just to be controlling, and what's with filming people's faces??? doesn't he know that nothing is truly safe??? if he was more considerate and less domineering, this would be even nicer (the sex is mostly quite hot, I just don't like when a guy hurts a woman or acts like a controlling jerk)

So we are 5 labors into the story and we have already done (nearly) everything sexually that can be done to a woman. All three holes used - check. Lesbo - check. FMF three way - check. Etc...

So while there are a few more sexual events you can do to Mary and friends, are there really fifteen more, let’s say unique and exciting things left to do?

I say this because things are getting repetitive already. In this chapter alone the sexual events that happened to one woman also happened to a second and in some case to a third and fourth. It basically felt very dry and repetitive. As if you thought that simply changing the name of the woman would some how make the reusing the words we just read in a previous paragraph become new and exciting.

Think of it like this, what if you would have thought this chapter should have been about 400 women instead of two or four. Could you have written it in a way to make it unique and exciting without repeating anything or everything, no you couldn’t, and I don’t know any author here who could. It would have been boring and flat with no connection from the readers towards any of these characters.

It is the connection with the antagonist(s) and the protagonist(s) in every story that creates plausibility and therefore an emotional link with the reader that induces...well let’s just call it excitement.

Not saying it was a bad chapter, just a very repetitive one, and I’m worried about the story concept if you are struggling at five labors to get us to twenty.

The labours - he isn’t telling her what is and what isn’t a labour. He’s a rapist because there isn’t any consent so anything she doesn’t want to do is technically a labour.

As for this...

“I hadn't counted the Brazillian, because I was looking at it as grooming. Well yes it was recorded I didn't get any direct pleasure from it.”

That’s more than a labour it’s a fucking ordeal. They’re meant to be labours for her, so if it wasn’t a labour she should have been able to refuse it? I’m calling bullshit on he didn’t get any pleasure out of it he’s definitely enjoying being a puppet master, dressing it up as a romantic outing is ridiculous.

FILMING everything ?! Like someone else mentioned, nothing is secure, those films will come out.

This is why blackmail stories just piss me off, which means I’m quitting here, there’s no guarantee that there will ever be an end to the labours and because he’s filming everything he’s getting more things to blackmail her with at every step of the way.

Best of luck with your writing. You are a creative writer and this story is coming along quite well for those who enjoy this sort of thing. If you submit something consensual in the future I’ll give it a go.

Tess (UK)

Hot story. Please get an editor or reread your work.