Maximum Badonkadonk Ch. 15

On my last trip in there for a few days, Colleen the trustee in my block gave me some paper and a pen. You'd love her, from the back at least cause she's packing hella butt. We're kind of buddies and she's claimed me to keep the haters off my ass. Yeah, we did gay stuff together but you can't blame me for that cause it gets lonely at night up in here. I mean, we're nothing to each other just the way your milk princess wanted so I'm kind of a free agent. I used to wanna choke that fake white bitch to death every time that jail door closed at lights out, but Colleen got me to see the truth.

I fucked myself up.

Well, if you haven't torn this fucking letter up; I just wanted to apologize for everything I put you through and explain myself. I really hope you haven't torn this letter up because I need you to understand me for real. That's more important to me than anything in the world. Even if we never see each other again, I just want you to know how happy you made me for that little bit of time we spent together. That's one thing lite brite can never take away from us right? Your mom is so pretty and she understood me even though we met like we did. I was just watching you sleep thinking about smashing the fuck out of your computer so that I'd be the only girl you had left.

Yeah I know its messed up to be jealous of a laptop, but you had all those pretty girls on there that you fucked, even lite brite. I don't know how to explain it, but after we made up that night, I just wanted you all to myself. I would've made one of those porno movies if you asked, but I knew you wouldn't. Man, I cry a lot these days but for different reasons. Sometimes when I sleep at night, I see you there beside me, then I have to fucking wake up to Colleen's ugly ass face. She was probably a whole snack back in the day before her pimp carved up her face. I guess that's why she took him out. Colleen is a lifer in here and she told me she don't care about getting out.

Your mom liked me and I guess she knew how much I just wanted to take care of you, but I messed all that up before we even met. Hey, I'm crying while I'm writing this shit. Some fat bitch tried to snatch my papers, but I stomped her out until she said everybody was tired of my drama. Colleen keeps me straight. She says I should keep writing until I feel better. We kinda got our own little world in here and everything. I wasn't supposed to be here all that long, but the cops are trying to make me snitch about some shit. I guess that's why those fuckers really keep tossing me into solitary like that.

It's no big deal, I make my own little world when I'm locked up in there. Kinda play with myself a lot, too haha.

I hope you're still reading this. I would probably punch you if we were in person because I'm crying again while I'm writing this shit. Your mom liked me so you can't take that back. No matter what kind of bitch you're fucking right now, you can't take that back. If she would've tried whipping you that morning, I was gonna take one for the team cause I shouldn't have been there. I don't care what you think about me now, but I don't let nobody go down for my shit. I was gonna get on top of you and take hits from the belt, but she just talked to me. I was scared and embarrassed, but she left us there and went to work.

That's gotta mean something, right?

Now that I think of it, I do hate lite brite but not because of what she did to me; but because she got to spend so much more time with you. Sometimes I laugh my ass off when I think about how mad she got that I was with you. Fuck, I was so much of a threat to you that she had to bring in some other girls to try to steal you away from me. She thought I would be intimidated by her, but I was just mad she had you first because if that happened you never would've been with her in the first place. She wants to own you like a thing, but I wanted to be with you. Just be together with you and sleep with you every night even if we didn't have sex.

Now I gotta blow your head up a bit so don't judge me. Uhm, I thought you were cute when you asked if you could sit beside me, but I was too embarrassed to say yes. Kind of ashamed actually, but more about that later. I felt bad about hurting your feelings. You looked like you was gonna cry because I said no and it hurt my conscious. Don't you tear this letter up or I'm gonna kick your ass fool!! Please read it if I ever meant anything to you. Well I'm locked up behind bars anyway so I don't know what you're doing anyway. Please don't tear this up because I hurt you! I'm sorry about that shit but everything just happened out of nowhere.

Colleen says I should keep writing until I got nothing else to say because the bible ain't working. We got our own little church in here and stuff, but I can't get down with religion anymore. I guess that's why I'm writing you this letter even though you probably hate me. Sorry I didn't come out when you tried to visit me a few weeks ago. I just told those guards I wasn't feeling well, but then I found out one of them niggas lied. He told you I didn't wanna see you no more, but that was bullshit. That motherfucker been in my business since I came in, but now he know I'm a lesbian-tee hee. Colleen made sure he got the message cause she's cool like that. Are you still reading this letter?

So uhm, these other women tried to get me to go to jail church, but I spazzed out and told them why I hated that shit. No, it ain't because of you nigga. Well uhm, you know what I was doing to make change so I'm just gonna rip the band-aid off and tell you now. Wow, even though I'm writing this letter, I'm so scared my legs are shaking. I think I might never stop crying until I get rid of this fucking letter, but I keep writing because it's stopping me from going crazy. Well, you know I'm a bastard probably. My dad got mom pregnant but didn't put a ring on it cause he had a bunch of other bitches. Both of my parents were pretty, but people say I have the best looks of both.

Dad got killed by one of his other women because he wouldn't make her ugly ass exclusive. She set him up supposedly, but mom still hated him and wouldn't even go to the funeral or let me go by myself. I was so mad because she tried to smooth the shit over by taking me to this inner city fair instead with some nigga she was seeing on the down low. I never stopped hating her for that and she didn't care. So, I was madder and madder until she moved out. Tressie and Demon kind of my family from the other side, but not really blood related as far as I know.

She talked me into going to church after taking my little brother and sister there for a while to give me some time alone so I wouldn't go crazy. Kept putting on the pressure, but I didn't cave until Justin begged for us to be a family despite mom. Mom was sending some crap money orders to the house and a bag of groceries every other week, but we knew she was out. I told my siblings we'd make it, but I was lying. I was so scared that we were gonna starve or get put into foster care. Tressie's mom hated my dad because he got into her panties back in the day and ghosted her, so she wasn't helping out. We knew not to tell her my mom was M.I.A. but Tressie couldn't help out all the time and Demon, well you know how he is, right?

Damn, my hands are shaking writing this. We already broke up, but I'm scared how you're gonna take this. Please don't hate me even if we never see each other again. Don't hate me even if lite brite gets you again. I should hate her for diming me out to the cops, but its really my fault I'm here. Fucking cops can do anything when you don't matter and they want something out of you. Shit, everything's shaking right now. Colleen tried to get me to see one of them state appointed therapists who do free work down here. I tried it, but that ugly bitch was gay too, all trying to get into my panties until I balled my fist up around her nose. We worked it out by not snitching on each other.

I'm just gonna get this out so I hope you're still reading this shit. I been writing for three days and I guess this is like my security blanket. I went to church with my brother and sister and you know, it wasn't all that bad. Tressie kept me close to the vest helping out with her Sunday school and everything. We got food cause they gave out breakfast in the mornings, so I knew I was at least coming for that. Hey man, I'm not that smart. I dropped out of school telling myself I would get my G.E.D at some point, but really I just liked running the streets. I had to take care of my siblings cause momma's checks were slowing down and then her number was out of service. I started hanging around that church too much looking for scraps. That was my worst mistake.

Pastor Grey said I could get some office training and shit working with him in his office. I never liked him and he always had a bunch of women skinning and grinning up in his face. You know about him, right? I didn't know this at the time, but he was stuffing my cousin Tressie. Oh yeah, he was gone by the time you was going huh? Well if you didn't know, this motherfucking pastor was on some serious perverted shit around there. I didn't give a damn because guys always trying to fuck, so I figured he was banging somebody's mom on the low, maybe even one of those bitches smiling in his face. He was way too nice, but I wasn't having it.

He tried me one Saturday afternoon trying to be all slick and everything sending Tressie to pick up supplies at a dollar store. She knew I was rough and street smart, so she thought he would leave me alone. Soon as she was gone, that nigga's hand was on my ass. I told him where to go with that shit, but he tried it again getting serious as fuck. He tried to bend me over his desk, but I clocked him dead in the eye and broke out. Uhm, I didn't know how serious this fucker was, cause he got into his car and met me at the backdoor of my house.

I told him I was gonna tell, call the cops, told him I was gonna expose his nasty ass and everything. He rolled right through that shit.

I know a player when I see one and this motherfucker was an old school criminal from the streets. He hides behind all that religious shit to get the bag, but he stone cold. Nigga told me he knew about my situation, told me about how me and my siblings were gonna get split up if I told. Said his lawyer would have him out of jail long enough to put some bullets in me, Tressie and my siblings for snitching. I was so fucking scared because I'd never heard him talk like that before. I half thought this old nigga was possessed or something telling me that it would be over for me no matter what before flashing a thirty-eight at me. I tried to talk shit, but he blew through that until I cried.

That dirty ass pastor coughed up two hundred dollars saying we could negotiate or he could just plug my ass right there. He was serious mad cause I gave him a black eye, so he was gonna get the pussy no matter what. He kept fast talking me, being smooth and scary at the same time. I tried to bullshit my way out of it, because I wasn't no hoe at that time. Tried to get out of it by saying let me think about it, but he grabbed my hair. Said he wanted some of my ass the minute he saw me. I was so scared because I was a virgin. Yep, I wasn't doing nothing before that cause simps always were intimidated by me.

But not Pastor Grey; he was for real serious.

He took my keys, pushed me into Justin's room and made me suck his dick. I had to do it a few times until he said I got it right. It was so nasty, but I was doing it for Justin and Stacy. He made me show him my boobs, but said they were ugly, then wanted me to come up out my panties. We started fighting hard as fuck in there until he got me on my stomach. I was screaming so loud that old pastor bitch cut it out sitting down beside me. I couldn't believe it, but the nigga came in his pants from all that wriggling around and shit. He started acting normal talking to me like he was my dad, but off key threatening me about keeping quiet. He walked around my house looking at everything still holding my hand.

So uhm, we made a deal that I wouldn't snitch him out and he would help us out with funds. I didn't know what to do cause Demon was locked up for a minute and Tressie, well now you probably know he was fucking her too. I hated her after that because I figured she did that to me on purpose, so I ghosted her. Reggie, that's his actual name was buying groceries and giving Justin all these toys and stuff. He even bought Stacy a tablet. I stayed on my knees "paying taxes" to this old pervert until he got tired and just took the pussy one Saturday afternoon.

Fuck, you probably tore this shit up already. Think I'm a hoe for trading ass for supplies, huh? Well fuck you man! Please don't tear this letter up.

His dick hurt so much all those times, but I just got numb to it after a while. He stopped working Saturdays because he was taking me to motels and busting my guts open. I know you hate me, but I earned every bit of the money he was paying me. Yeah its shitty getting fucked for eight hours straight and he even kept me all night one time. He drove me and my siblings to church that weekend.

Stacy thought we were dating and I lost it and trashed her ugly ass. Then I trashed Justin too because he was too happy playing with them toys Pastor Grey bought. I kept punching and whipping them, before I just broke down. Pastor Grey didn't care because he was getting some pussy.

You can't hate me more than I hate myself. Justin always thought our mom was coming back and I never told him the truth. After a while he just stopped talking about it, then I found out Pastor Grey was taking him to the park on the low which scared the shit out of me. He said he was making sure I didn't snitch. I knew I was trapped and just, stopped giving a shit. Started playing the role like I was into it doing all the nasty things he wanted. Making it look like I was drinking the Kool-Aid. It was Hollywood on them streets and I was earning an Oscar for best actress. Guess I did too good of a job, cause this old nigga took me to a motel room and left me with some geezer. He wanted me to trick for him.

Can you believe that shit?

This man was like, grand pappa old and shit; grabbing my titties and feeling on my ass! He was drooling like he had rabies talking about how he ain't never had nothing as fine as me. I don't know what came over me cause I just started dumping on his sorry ass until he wasn't moving no more. I stomped him out and took his wallet and I ain't gonna lie, it felt so good. It was the first time I brought groceries and stuff without Pastor Grey's hand on my ass. He didn't snitch me out but tried to beat me and we started throwing hands in front of my siblings. He left because they were there but took what was left of the money. Told us we were gonna starve to death, scared Justin.

After two weeks of no contact or supplies, I was scared enough to go around there to Tubman Estates. There was always bitches back there tricking off their pussy, but I usually sold some weed I got off a neighborhood homie. Now it was different and there was no way I was getting out of the shit. My back was to the wall and food was running low. Back then I thought getting welfare would put us on blast and in foster care, so now I had to trick too. So you probably hate me, but I ain't lying or running away from this anymore.

Hey man, I got a physical when they tossed me up in jail and uhm, I'm clean. I ain't got nothing so you can tell that milk bitch for me. My panties clean.

I tricked like five times, some old dudes because ain't no way I was fucking them young ass niggas out there. One married guy hooked me up with five hundred, then said it was because he was getting a divorce. Said his wife hadn't slept with him since they got married. I don't feel guilty about that one, but I hated all the others. Some white man offered me a grip for some pussy, but I didn't trust him. Then my fifth nigga turned out to be the cop who busted my ass. He took some pussy too before he was like "aha, I'm the popo bitch"; motherfucker just wanted some doggie cause my butt so big. Didn't mention that shit at the station.

I got put in a lineup and guess what? That first old fool picked me out for robbing him. I thought he was dead honestly because I really fucked him up bad. This nasty geezer showed up with his stupid daughter and messed my shit up. I had one phone call and you know who I dialed up. Reggie sent his lawyer to get me out and guess what; I had to give it up to that asshole too. Reggie was telling me how much I owed him and how I was gonna be walking the stroll to pay him back that bail money.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I almost checked out that night. I didn't do it because who would take care of my sister and brother?

Demon turned up a few days later staying in our house because his shitty mother wouldn't let him come home. Pastor Grey got the shock of his life when he popped up after ten finding Demon there. Them niggas went outside for a long ass time, then Demon came back looking crazy as fuck. We was scared cause he never looked like that before and I just started spilling. Told him everything going on behind closed doors and that's when it came out. All the sick shit going on in that church and how Tressie got it too; how Demon got it too. Yeah, the old nigga fucked my cousin on some gay ass shit. I know you ain't gonna tell him I snitched cause he'd make you disappear. So uhm, I ain't blood with him or Tressie and all I got is a face and my pussy.

I hooked him up because he didn't know if he was gay, bi or whatever they call that shit these days.

You probably tore this shit up but its too late now. Pastor Grey was fucking me, Tressie when I wasn't around and he stuffed Demon too.

That's how I know that old nigga was crazy as fuck, but he fucked up big time. See we all know Demon got issues, but that fucker didn't know shit about Tressie. Especially after he got her pregnant and made her trash it too!! She came over and stayed by my side with Demon cause we knew it was about to get real. That was the first time I believed in God, that day and no other. See, somehow Pastor Grey got busted right after that within a day or so with this girl who went to our church. He was fucking the shit out of her when the church fire alarms went off.

I wanna tell you so much more about what happened after that, but I really can't snitch. I can't mail this shit so the cops can read it and fuck up my family even more. Tressie and Demon, Justin my sister Stacy, they're my people and I gotta take one for the team. It's just that I wish I had more time with you. At least enough time to make some more memories because I'm running out of shit to jerk off to nigga. It's boring as fuck in here and I ain't got many friends, so I guess I'll find Jesus sooner or later.

Maybe I'll become a Muslim woman and be like the female Malcom X, but I ain't wearing no motherfucking burka. I'm too pretty for that shit.

I wish with all my heart that I could go back in time and say yes when you asked to sit next to me.

I wish we could have talked like real people and left Tressie out of the equation.

Tressie was there when we all hooked up that first time because she was worried I might be on some crazy PTSD shit and fuck you up. She already hooked up with you, said you were nice but I wasn't having it. Then you showed up and I felt it. Just this kind of tingling deep inside, but I was scared. Not of you but scared of living in the real world. Tressie finagled us together that day and we all did it together because she wanted me to see you were safe. I knew I liked you already, especially when you were honest with me about hurting your feelings. Every time you said you hated me, I felt that tingle inside.