Miss Enid Kirkwood’s Academy Pt. 02

Melanie giggled "Yeah, is the pop catholic, come on me too, the quicker we get these down us and the sooner we can get back to the warm of the dorm!" As Nelly nodded and followed Melanie out the door with the others.

"But that means going past Jimmy again!" Nelly grumbled.

"Just show him your muddy arse, he is happy then!" Melanie suggested.

"It will look at if I have shat myself!" Nelly shook her head in disgust as she flicked some wet mud from her legs on the floor then wiped her finger on her skirt.

"Have you?" Melanie asked as they ducked their head to try and keep some of the rain off their heads and scrunched their shoulders and made a bee line to the nearest table occupied by Veronica. She had her mud encrusted legs on the bench under the large green brewery sponsored umbrella drinking her beer, her lips had a white head moustache across the top of her lips.

"Morning you two!" she grinned and took another gulp before licking most of the froth from her lip. "You okay this morning, Nells?" she probed before filling her lungs yet again with smoke.

Nelly twisted her mouth and nodded gently "Yeah, had a bit of a tumble last night."

Veronica cackled and flicked her ash to the floor "Yeah, we all heard the scream, we thought someone was being murdered!" she grinned.

"Hmmm, meant I wasn't able to keep up with you on the run this morning!" she grinned and bent down and rubbed her thigh.

Veronica laughed, "I wasn't able to keep up with me either! Just had to get past Jimmy as quickly as possible" she stuck her tongue out and panted "how did you go?"

"We got past him with a flash of our bottoms!" Melanie giggled.

"Yup it's the only way, it's easier than our tits!" Veronica mused "So, this afternoon, are you ready for the cooking lesson?

Nelly coughed her gulp of beer and looked up. "Pardon Veronica? We don't do anything other than nap after lunch, because, of the wine and these?" She grinned and raised her pint as a 'cheers!' then successfully brought the glass to her lips and gulped the beer.

Veronica smiled and shrugged her shoulders "Yeah, we are cooking tea tonight, kitchen staff have a evening off!"

Nelly and again coughed her swallow and spluttered as she looked towards Melanie before looking back at Veronica. "Pardon?"

"I assume you have been practicing. I am sure Mel has, haven't you?"

Melanie hid her face behind the pint, and the brought it down "Err, no?"

"Oh well, never mind, drink, smoke, and have fun, you first years will be making us all Spag Bol!" Veronica grinned and then as the drinking expert they all are she quickly chugged and downed the rest of the pint in one, licked her lips, giggled and then loudly burped, wiped her hand across her beery lips and nodded, took a drag of her short remaining butt of a cigarette and dropped it on the floor. "I think I have time for another, see you later girls!" she stopped burped loudly again, grinned and ducked under the umbrella and carrying her empty pint headed back in the rain towards the pub door.

"Err Mel cooking tea?"

Melanie grinned "Yeah Miss Archers doing cooking lessons."

"I know but she is a morning thing?" Nelly tilted her head, flicked the lighter and pulled on the cigarette.

"Well just sometimes they like to throw in a quick afternoon session!" Melanie brought her pint to her lips and gulped some of it down sighing satisfactorily afterwards. "Glass of wine, recipe book and away we go."

Nelly giggled and flicked the ash beside her. "Mel, I am normally fucked by lunchtime, hell after this one, I will be topped up nicely and probably fucked again. I can't cut a fucking carrot drunk." Nelly shook her head and again pulled on her cigarette.

Melanie shrugged her shoulders "Yeah, and neither will Miss Archer, no one cares!" Melanie then guzzled her pint. Putting the glass down quicker than she anticipated with bang and the flicking open her pack and then accepted the fame from Nelly's lighter, before streaming the smoke out of her nose she flicked the fresh ash off on the end edge of the table.

"True!" Nelly mused.

As they both again pulled on the cigarette in unison and then both exhaled their smoke, smiled, and nodded to each other and repeatedly brought the filter back to their lips as they sat there in silence, pint in one hand cigarette in the other in the limited shelter of the umbrella as the rain noisily pelted down on the canvas and the drips dropped off the edge and sipped their overly cold pints.

"Oh, I forgot to ask, go on...whats the goss?" Melanie asked.

"There isn't any?" Nelly replied deadpan.

"You spent the weekend frigging both teachers' you were hours in their rooms."

"Yeah..." she smiled "...I think they might be looking for me to be prefect next year or something!" she grinned and sipped her pint.

"Oh wow, how did you manage that, you are frigging them?"

Nelly shook her head with panic pulling a face of disgust. "No, god no, I have no idea, not sure it's me really."

"What's Miss Hunter like; you know on her own?"

"What do you expect? She is drunk!" Nelly giggled.

"And Miss Turnaware, come on she is lovely, and you were like hours with her on Saturday?"

"Oh yes, she is lovely, but...err...very we, I mean she... got me very drunk too, I just did a load of boring typing!" she cackled and brought the filter to her lips and pulled on her cigarette. "But she can piss for England, I will give her that!"

A few seconds later there was a deep cough to say hello as Veronica ducked her head under the umbrella and giggled as she tried to carry three fresh pints between her long fingers with her bitten fingernails, carefully managing to get them on to the table, once settled she soon had a lit cigarette back between her lips.

"Come on girls get these down you too, then we can get back to the warmth!" she grinned as she instantly gulped her fresh pint, and then licked her lips of the froth, and instantly brought the filter back to lips.

"But..." Nelly tried to fight the indefensible as she was now definitely double parked as Veronica pushed the pint slowly in her direction.

"Come girls light up, get them down you. Sooner the better!" she grinned, and then raised suggestively one eyebrow "otherwise I will top them both nearly empty ones up with my own amber nectar she laughed deeply as she suggestively spread her legs a little brought the drink to her lips and took too long gulps as there was a splattering on the floor. "Ahh that's better, nothing like cold piss wet knickers on a winters day, I love them, and Fat Jimmy will love them too." She winked, smiled, and closed her legs again as she put the pint down as she shuffled uncomfortably around and then pulled a cigarette out from the hem of her skirt.

Nelly smiled at Veronica grabbed the glass and looked intently at Melissa who instantly did the same thing, and they hurriedly brought their drinks to their lips finishing off the first pint in one long gulp.

Then with a grin on their lips swapped the glasses over and picked up their second and carried on drinking.

Chapter 4- Cooking Tea

Nelly leaned forwards on to her elbow which firmly supported her weight on the tabletop as Melanie offered the flame for her post lunch time cigarette. As she moved forward her stomach hit the table, she loudly knocked her knife off the plate which clattered and then dropped into a puddle on to the floor leaving her fork roughly in the middle of her empty plate.

"Oops!" she stated once she released the cigarette from her lips in a cloud of exhaled smoke poured out of her nose as she smiled dreamily as she then casually fiddled with her still damp wet hair from the post walk shower. Before attempting in vain to try and pick it off the floor, before giggling and giving up.

They had all come back plastered in mud from the walks and because they were relaxed, they had spent most of the walk falling and slipping over on the way back down the wet slushy muddy path, they had all staggered back through the showers before slowly making their way to their next drink at lunch.

There was a shrill of a bell followed by an instant groan then the squeak of benches and a clattering of cutlery indicating that they really should move from their slumped location as the mess that looked like a huge party had taken place both on and under the tables that needed to be cleaned.

Nelly pulled on her cigarette she finished off noisily emptying her bladder on the bench as she again, sighed the exhale and her thumb stroked the inside of her lip before she smiled as looked across at equally messy Melissa. Nelly wiggled her buttocks from side to side to attempt to dry off and then took another drag. "I guess we better move?"

Melissa flipped her hair over her head and nodded as she flicked her cigarette "We need to sleep off lunch, then cook our tea!" she smiled, and her cheeks collapsed around the cigarette.

"I am so full of chicken and wine!" Nelly giggled and held her bloated stomach.

Melissa forced her exhale, licked her lips, and shook her head "Come on Nells, you've seen Miss Archer, so is she!" They both laughed "Plus there is bound to be wine later! Let's get some sleep, so we can go cocking...I mean cooking!" she laughed loudly at her own joke.

"A cock right about now, would be nice, don't know if need any more wine just now, but cock in me, then sleep would be so good!" Nelly giggled, then suddenly hiccupped loudly, and looked very sorry for herself and hiccupped again.

"You, okay?"

Nelly nodded and hiccupped and then attempted to giggle only to loudly hiccup again.

***

A three and half hours later the girls were all in the school's kitchen classroom, they very rarely used the 1960's cold extension room, but needs must. All the windows were steamed up and it was equally steamy inside.

"Well done everyone, the meat should be browned now, it's time to put your wine glass down and top it up before we move on to the next phase, make sure your kettle is boiling ready for the stock!" the plump Miss Archer stated as the smell of onions, garlic and meat started to permeate the kitchen area mixing with the smoke from burning cigarettes scattered around the room. "Right, next we add a good dollop of puree and continue stirring it in." She looked through her round glasses balanced on her curved nose at the dozen girls all desperately trying to stand up by leaning on their peeling and old Formica counters next to their saucepans.

The kitchen area was a large square room with paint peeling off the wall's decks with identical counters with oven, hobs and various equipment for cooking for at least 12 pupils sharing a pot. Everyone turned to look as Sarah Jones squealed and swore as her large bouncing chest went bright red as the lid from the tomato puree tube in Tabitha hands popped off and squirted her on the neck and lower face then dribbled down in the large cavern between her breasts.

"Tabitha Walshingham, the tomato puree is to go in the saucepan on top of the meat and bits, not on top of Sarah's amazing and meaty tits, however large and no doubt tasty they are, I am sure they don't need seasoning with that, maybe later with the whipped cream for dessert!" The stern looking Miss Archer suggested from behind her counter before breaking out in a chuckle.

"Sorry miss, it got excited miss, and it just cum on her miss, I couldn't help it!" She said trying desperately to keep a straight face and then failing.

"Go and wash yourself down Sarah!" Miss Archer stated as the pointed to the door, as Sarah nodded, and then dejectedly made her way out of it still wiping her hands over her red chest smearing it further across her body.

The whole class laughed, cackled and giggled, even Miss Archer couldn't keep a straight face after a few seconds of squealing she coughed to gain their attention then banged a wooden spoon on the side of a pot.

Melissa giggled "What's it tastes like Nells?" As she lent on the counter and sniffed the frying meat and onions and watched her stirring it.

"I don't know," she pulled the wooden spoon out the pot and offered the tip to Melissa, she blew on it and then touched her tongue on the end and recoiled at the heat before both turned their heads to the front of the class.

"Nelly put the wooden spoon in the pot and not in your mouth of Melissa's, you can play your sex games later!"

"Ooooh sorry miss!" Nelly giggled as she instantly put the spoon back in the saucepan as Melissa licked her meat smothered lips.

"Please girls, focus the sooner we do this, the sooner we can all smoke and drink, right, so puree into the pan please, you can smear yourself in the food and lick it off after the class at your own leisure!" Miss Archer shouted. "Right girls, tomato puree in, Tabitha, please stop pouring it on the floor, you've made your point, right then then stir, everyone happy?"

"Yeah Miss" they chanted back between stifled giggles.

"Right tip in the bacon, carrots, leeks, and any other veg you can find, give it a stir! Yes, girls you can have a ciggy or drink whilst doing this bit, I know I need one!"

"Yes miss!" came the response followed by a chattering, giggling, clanking utensils, pans, and clinking of glasses with the clicks of lighters.

Miss Archer tucked her stray brunette bang behind her ear and glasses and then took a deep stress filled breath and looked to the side and picked up her glass and after a big sigh gulped most of her red wine as she watched the mess and disorder continue in front of her and then stirred in her vegetables.

"Right, I have earlier, and in an Blue Peter style, as the adult I am, and before I had a drink or two this morning, I have already opened the cans of chopped tomatoes, so no one can cut themselves on the sharp edge, please, between the two of you, can you determine the soberer one, please pour the hot water into the jug and stir the stock cube in roughly 500ml please? As its boiling, one of you needs to be sensible, chose one please. Thank you, girls, well done. Jennie I wouldn't stick your finger in it, as it's boiling it will hurt, use the spoon, and Michelle turn the jug the other way around for millilitres!"

"Sorry miss" she giggled back.

Miss Archer topped up her wine glass and then instantly drank some more "Jennie the plastic jug, not Tabitha's jugs! Yes, they are larger. God's sake girls! You will be the ones that are sorry, right those silly enough not wearing an apron, stand back a little from the hob with this one, please keep your tits out and suck those wine bellies in, those like me who have them, yes even you Jennie, you do have one, they need to be away from the pan. Pour in the tins of tomato, then pour the stock in and give it a stir, and bellies in, don't lean on the oven as it will sizzle watch out."

"Yes miss!" they all chanted back very much out of tune as the echo of shrieks of surprize as the splashing stock and tomato bubbled away. They all looked across to the door as the blonde Sarah stropped back in completely topless her chest and neck red from being rubbed clean and remaining puree stains she had missed. She grabbed her cigarette from the pack on the counter and swiftly got it alight by bending down and getting the cigarette near the flame under the pot. She then leant heavily on the counter and pulled hard on the cigarette as she watched on.

Miss Archer took another gulp of wine "Hello Sarah, you, okay, stay back if I was you, the pots a sizzling until we get the lids on!" She nodded ad shrugged her shoulders in response as she sulked in and leaned against the end of the counter squishing her breasts and belly against as she pulled on her cigarette. "Right, anyway where we, ah yes, the important one, it may seem like a waste, but pour whatever is left of your wine bottle into the pot!" she grinned. "Once in, add a bit of salt and pepper, then put the lid on, turn the heat down, make sure you have, we can have it boiling dry, oh and then relax and if you want you can go to the tearoom, but don't forget please come back before it boils dry.

Nelly tipped the wine bottle towards the pan, watching the red liquid chug in, then grabbed the saltshaker and shook that above the pan and giggled as far too much went in "oops" she giggled as she stirred it in.

"Girls, as the bolognaise reduces I recommend it is now time to open your next bottle all for yourself and relax for the next forty-five minutes to an hour whilst we reduce the bolognaise, I know I will be!" Miss Archer grinned as she pulled a cigarette out of the pack and placed it between her thin lips and with a deep cheek collapsed as she tried to de-stress before sighing her exhale, she shook her head "No Tabitha don't try snorting the salt!" so she instantly pulled again on the cigarette "Girls please just go to the common room, thank you!" She said exhaling and pointing towards the door, and then poured the contents of her wine glass down her throat, licking her lips satisfactorily afterwards.

Nelly looked at the half empty bottle of red merlot beside her and grinned.

***

Forty or so minutes later Miss Archer leaned back against the kitchen counter, the wine in her glass sloshed from side to side as she tried to gulp yet more of her red wine from her glass as she leaned at slight angle with her hips and hand against the end of her counter at the end of the room as the girls chatted, squeaked, and giggled their way in.

"Oh, hello girls, I do hopes your bladders and bol are as reduced as mine is, and before we finish this off!" she mumbled, murmured, slurred and took another slurping gulp, and the girls ignored her, she removed her hand from the counter to move but fell further sideways catching her fall by putting her hand down again, she pushed herself up and tried again. "Now guys wesh needs to boil the spashgetti," she shook her head "the spaggesti," again she shook her head "the sketty!" she nodded to herself and grinned. "So gurls wesh gets the big pots from down here and fills it up wish water, not wine!" she announced as the girls continued chatting.

She squatted down out of view from the class and with a yelp she rocked on her heels and fell backwards on to her bum in to her cold puddle of her own urine as soon as she let go of the tabletop and tried and open the cupboard, so sat cross legged giggling to herself as opened the cupboard door and fished around creating an almighty clatter as the contents fell on the floor as she eventually pulled out a large saucepan and lid out, she huffed as climbed back up holding the saucepan and banged it noisily on the counter.

The room was finally silent as everyone looked at Miss Archer waving her large pan around in the air. Explaining again what she wanted them all to do.

There was a communal banging, crashing squealing and shrieking as the girls got the pans out of the respective cupboards.

Miss Archer concentrated as she turned the taps on and filled up the pan with water then with great uncontrol bashing it again on top of the hob, the water sloshed over her hands, the counter, everywhere.

"Comes on girls, catch up!" she grinned wiping her hand on her already wet skirt after she banged the lid with a clang on top. "Wesh needs to boil the wine, no, no, drink wine, boils the water!" she shook her head and waved her finger as she corrected herself, smiled tipsily at the girls and then fiddled with the oven button, after doing all four hobs twice she eventually getting the right hob hot. She stood to the side and took another long gulp from her wine glass to celebrate and sighed loudly. She then banged the cupboard door shut beside her. "Hows everyone dosing I shall has a pee in your pants," she shook her head and licked her lips and waved her index finger "Silly me, we can't do that!" she laughed to herself "we are not wearing any, I meant can I peek at your pans, as I've already pees lots, but not much in the pans!" She slurred, talking nonsense as she then giggled and grinned at her attempt at humour as she staggered off to the side leaving the hem of her short skirt wedged in the cupboard door. As she staggered sideways there was the unmistakable noise of ripping fabric, she didn't notice as she stumbled out of it until she was standing there completely naked from the waist down.