All Comments on 'Move-In Special'

Thank you shaguire_242's for editing this work.

This is the second part to my first ever published story. Follow me, rate the story, leave a comment. I'll write more if y'all are enjoying my stories.

You are trying too hard to get the story to develop and use too many cliche situations. It has potential but it was easy to predict what would happen. Not much development etc. Good place to start but it felt forced.

Thanks for the input. All your points are valid. Instead of offending me, they actually make me feel accomplished. These first stories I've written were very much meant to be everything you commented. Very short to the point, with no build up, predictable and very cliche to the time of when I first started reading erotica in the late 80s. Hopefully you stick around for more of my pieces coming up. They will slowly become more indepth. Again thank you so much for the input.