All Comments on 'My brother's Party'

Nice short story, many ways it could go in the future. Keep writing.

Very good story. Lovely fantasy. I enjoy your writing style. I also hope there are more stories to come. Thank you.

0-60 in 0.3s is exciting on a motorcycle, not so much with erotica.

God short story. With this first chapter not giving any direction as to where this story should go, a new chapter would seem like the beginning. So, I guess ending it like it is was the right thing to do.

follow up? nice quick story :)

Stop using 'as' like it's one of the few words you know (that's probably true, but go ahead and fake it).

If you can use 'since' or 'because' instead, definitely, in that case, NEVER use 'as'. Only someone who wants to pretend they have a better vocabulary than they do uses 'as' in that situation, but instead of making them sound like a better writer (you have a long way to go to even be considered a writer) it makes them sound like they have no clue how to write (again, that's true of you.)

There will ALWAYS be another word besides 'as' that can be used. An example of a person blundering through typing out disjointed and badly expressed ideas of only 1,100 words (approximately) would be excused for using 'as' two or three times, but NOT 21.

Ignore the Anonymous commentor who told you to keep writing. I don't see any promise with any submissions you've made, so really, you're just cluttering up the website and making harder for readers to find a story worth reading. You're also wasting resources. Think green. Think about not trying to be something you're not and keep your thoughts in your head.

Okay, you really need to get your terminology straight:

"and precum was seeping through near the waistband by his left thigh, where his penis lay."

First off, the WAISTBAND on a pair of underwear is located AT THE WAIST. In your story, his dick head is at the LEG BAND if it is resting on his thigh.

I'm not a fan of the one page quick jerk off piece. 😒 You could have easily done better. 3/5

KGC9725 is right about overusing 'as'.

Ignore everything else though. KGC just enjoys putting others down. I've read so many of his demeaning comments that the only conclusion I can draw is that he's a troll and that's the reason he visits.

cageysea9725 must be a sad and lonely, perverted, old man.

ScottishTexan can't read, a thigh goes from your hip to your knee, so if your dick is on your thigh it isn't necessarily pointing down. DUH!

I liked it.

'She was a pretty flower.' OR 'She was as pretty as a flower.' Simile or metaphor. You're the writer, your story, you decide. Mix it up or go with what you know. Just keep writing.

Hot n sexy so far, please keep going with these two. Hopefully they get it on and stay together as lovers and make a baby

good, but, need another chapter