My Father's Son

'Scott is kissing Jess now. I think he's in. Tracey also locking lips with another guy. Melissa danced with two guys but not chatting with them. So far she's been a good girl.'

I'm happy with the update. Maybe she just had a bit too much to drink last Friday and got carried away with the other guy. Maybe there's hope for us yet.

It's now almost midnight and I haven't had any further updates from Gary. Melissa is usually home in about an hour, so finger's crossed that there's nothing more to report. Five minutes later my phone chimes once more.

'Scott has just left with Jess going back to his place. Tracey is just leaving with another guy. Guy from last week is here and talking to Melissa, but she doesn't seem interested. She is leaving with Tracey too.'

I quickly text him back.

'Can u check if she shares a cab or Uber with Tracey or gets her own. Thx'

A minute later my phone chimes again.

'Melissa in her own cab. I bet she'll be home soon.'

'Thx Gary. I owe u for tonight.'

About ten minutes later there's a taxi out front of our apartment, and moments later Melissa comes walking through the door. I'm relieved, I was expecting the worst tonight, but Melissa has pleasantly surprised me.

"Are you still up? What are you watching?" Melissa asks as she walks over to me and kisses my cheek.

"Ah nothing. I was about to go to bed myself."

"Well, give me a few minutes to shower and I'll join you. Maybe you'd like to have some fun tonight?" Melissa asks with a slightly pleading look. After we've barely spoken or touched each other all week, I can tell she's missing me.

"That sounds good, hurry up." I reply as I head for our bedroom.

For the first time this week I actually want to be with Melissa, I've missed her too.

Twenty minutes later and I'm laying on my back looking up at the ceiling while Melissa is curled up beside me drifting off to sleep. We had sex and I enjoyed it, I kissed her a little more than usual before we fucked, it's like I was secretly saying thank you to her for not letting me down tonight.

The sex itself was the usual for us, I don't do a whole heap of positions or vary it much, I never have. But while laying here, I think back to what Ray said about why wives and girlfriends cheat, because their boyfriends or husbands don't satisfy them in bed. That instead of telling them, they just start looking for someone else who can give them what they need.

Is that what happened with Melissa last Friday? Did she get her fix last weekend but that she's okay now for a while? Maybe she'll cheat on me again next week or the week after when she needs it again. I start to think about myself, do I actually satisfy her? Or am I crap in the bedroom?

I've never been the biggest guy, the toughest or the tallest. I'm probably a bit below average on a lot of those metrics. But I do try to keep in shape. I walk everywhere during the day, I do bowling on Fridays and shoot hoops with Ray on Saturdays. I'm definitely not fat, maybe a bit too thin if I'm being honest. Yeah, I could do with some more muscle on my bones, but I've never liked going to gyms, it's the most boring thing in the world to me.

So, how about my performance in the bedroom? Maybe I'm not the most expressive or I don't try different things, different positions. Some positions I find difficult, because I'm a little below average when it comes to down there too. Doggy-style is out for us, my dick keeps falling out. Same when Melissa tries some other positions, most of her time is spent trying to put me back in. That really leaves us with missionary and with Melissa on top. She does like to grind on my dick when she rides me, but as soon as she starts to go up and down too much, I tend to fall out as well.

So, is that it? Is she bored with the same two positions, doing the same routine each time? Does she wish that I would fuck her a different way? Does she wish that she was riding a bigger cock than mine? Would that please her more? These questions I don't think I could ever ask her, and I don't think she'd be honest with me if I did. Not because she'd want to lie to me, but because she'd not want to hurt my feelings if any were true.

But for right now, I'm just happy that she doesn't appear to be cheating on me with someone else, even if she did kiss a guy the other week.

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On Wednesday Gary had to cancel our usual lunch as he has work issues to deal with, so I've decided to try a different café for a change which is massive for me, to change my routine. As I stand in line to place my order, the woman in front of me seems familiar to me. As she moves to the counter and begins placing her order, I realize that it's Marianne, my ex-girlfriend from college. After placing her order, she turns to see me standing behind her in the queue.

"Oh my God, Tommy it's good to see you." Marianne says as she gave me a quick hug.

"You look well, it's nice to see you too, Marianne."

"Do you have to run, or are you eating here too? Do you have time to catch up?" Marianne asks me.

"Um, yeah sure." I reply before placing my own order.

I turn around and watch as Marianne grabs a table near the back, so I follow. As I sit down, Marianne kicks off the conversation.

"So, Tommy. What have you been doing? Where are you working?"

"I'm working for one of the state government departments here in downtown, working as an accountant, of course. How about you?"

"Oh, I'm a para-legal at the moment, still waiting for the opportunity to work as a lawyer. I'm working for a small private law firm at the moment, I'm hoping the experience will get my foot in the door when something better comes up."

"That's good, I hope it turns out well for you."

One of the staff then delivers our orders to us, and I can't help but notice a big shiny ring on Marianne's wedding finger.

"Are you married?" I ask her.

"Engaged, weddings next month. I'm so over all the planning for this. I just can't wait for it to be over now."

"Most women love planning their weddings, you sound more like the groom." I respond with a chuckle.

"I loved it, don't get me wrong. It's just been over six months of stressing about every little detail, now I just want to have the wedding and go on my honeymoon."

"Going anywhere special?"

Marianne pauses for a moment, looking up into my eyes before taking a breath.

"We're going to the Greek Islands, I'm so sorry Tommy." Marianne replies quietly.

That's where we'd both planned to go together after we graduated college. We had every location, every hotel, every landmark already picked out. Then I caught her cheating on me, and we broke up.

"Well, at least you'll get to go at last. I hope you enjoy it; I really do." I respond while trying hard to give her a slight smile.

"Thanks Tommy. The funny thing is, Peter wasn't even that keen on the idea at first. He wanted to go to Mexico instead."

"What does Peter do? How'd you guys meet?" I ask, trying to move the conversation forward.

"He's a lawyer too, I met him in one of my classes in college, he was giving us law students some tips for getting a job after college. Thomas, Peter's the guy you caught me with. I never did get a proper chance to say sorry to you. I really was, too. You're a good guy, I'm sure you'll make someone very happy." Marianne replies, straight forward as always.

"Well, at least you're marrying the guy, I guess maybe there's a silver lining. I'm engaged myself; we're planning on getting married in about six months' time, though we haven't finalized a date or a venue yet." I respond to her.

"That's great news, I'm so happy for you."

We continue eating our lunch for a few moments without speaking, there's something I want to ask her, that I've always wanted to ask her.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable Marianne, but there's something I've always wanted to know."

"Why I did it? I'm assuming that's the question, right?" Marianne replies, she was always perceptive and direct to talk with.

"Well, yeah. At the time I thought we were so good together. I was planning on us getting married, on spending the rest of our lives with one another. I had no idea you weren't happy, it blindsided me completely when I saw you two together that day."

Marianne reaches across the table to take my hand for a moment.

"I'm so sorry Thomas, you deserved better than what I did to you. So much better. I thought about it a lot afterwards, why I did it; trying to understand it. I was happy with you, very much so. When we planned the trip to the Greek Islands, I was even secretly hoping you'd propose to me there."

"So, why then? If you were happy, why would you do that to me, to us?" I quietly ask her.

"Oh God, I've practiced what I'd say to you a hundred times, to try to make you feel better and for you to not think that I was such a bitch like I was. But I think you deserve to be told the truth, the truth is I wasn't happy, not like I wanted to be. And I acted on that, selfishly."

"Marianne, you just said you were happy with me a moment ago, that you wanted to marry me, I don't get it."

"I was very happy being with you, being in a relationship with you. When I say I wasn't happy it wasn't about that, oh God, I'm sorry Tommy, but I wasn't happy with us, you know, in the bedroom."

I look away for a moment shaking my head.

"Ray was right then, women cheat on guys if they're crap in bed." I say quietly.

"Don't say that, Thomas. It's just, okay, do you want me to be brutally honest with you?"

"Please."

"Sex was always the same for us, and it got terribly boring after a while. It's like I knew exactly what we'd do every time we did it, play by play. And you never wanted to change, no matter what I tried. Then there's the other little issue that didn't help. I can't believe I'm saying this to you, but you're on the smaller side. It makes it harder to enjoy, sometimes. That and us doing the same thing over and over, I needed more."

"So, I'm crap in bed then is what you're saying?"

"You could've been better, Thomas. Maybe try being more open to different things every now and then. Like I said, I did try to change things up for us, to breathe some life into our bedroom but you never went for that. You never wanted to change."

I nod my head in response, I've already come to a similar conclusion while thinking about why Melissa might want to cheat on me too. I can now only assume her reasons might be the same as Marianne's. And she's right about me wanting to stick to my routines, and that includes in the bedroom too. I think me being on the autistic scale has a lot to do with that, just like my father.

"I'm sorry Thomas, I shouldn't have said anything. It doesn't always pay to be honest."

"No, I'm fine. And thanks for telling me, I mean that. Can I ask you something else? Something that I ask that you keep to yourself."

"Of course, anything."

"I think my fiancé has been cheating on me too, although I'm not sure just yet. Do you think it's likely after we've been together for two years, that she'd cheat on me as well?"

"I'm probably the worst person to ask after what I did to you. Are you expecting me to say yes?"

"No, I just want you to be honest with me."

"Okay, then it all depends, Thomas. How much experience with sex did she have before you two met?"

"How much experience? Well, she'd already had a few boyfriends and also slept with a few other guys by the time we met near the end of college."

"Then my answer would be probably yes, she's probably getting bored after two years and might be looking elsewhere to get what she needs. But that's how I felt, Thomas. However, she might be completely different to me."

"Thanks, I appreciate you being honest, I do. Most people wouldn't tell someone the truth to save their feelings. I'm just glad you're a lawyer." I reply with a wry smile on my face.

"Very funny, not all lawyers are heartless. I am sorry though Thomas, you're a good guy and you deserve to be happy too. Hopefully your fiancé sees that. Just try to keep things fresh in the bedroom from now on, that's my only advice."

We finished our lunch before promising to keep in touch, although I doubt we ever will.

On Thursday after work, Melissa has just left for the gym while I've decided to use my free time to play a game on my console, when I hear a knock on our front door.

As I open the door, I'm surprised to see my mom standing in front of me. I have no idea why she's here, I thought I'd made it clear after dad's funeral that I didn't want anything more to do with her.

"Are you going to invite me in, Thomas?" My mom asks quietly.

I move to the side to allow her to enter my apartment. She places her bag down on the dining table before taking a seat, as I sit down across from her.

My mom is Jennifer Egan, she's forty-five years old now, but she still looks great for her age. Growing up, all my friends thought she was hot, although Ray was the only one that never said that. The fact she was sleeping with his dad may have meant he saw her differently. My mom works as a real estate agent now which makes her enough to get by since my father passed away.

"How long are you going to keep this up, Thomas?"

"Keep what up?"

"Oh, come on. It's been almost two years since your father died, and you haven't called me or visited once, and you won't ever take my calls. You're acting like a child, it's time you grew up."

"You don't get to criticize me after what you did, mom." I reply to her defiantly.

"And just what exactly is it that you think I did? It's clear you've blamed me for your father taking his own life, and that's completely unfair."

"Don't play dumb, it doesn't suit you, mom. You've been cheating on dad since I was a child. It destroyed him in the end, and you couldn't give a shit as long as you got to fuck Uncle Charlie. Hell, I bet you're still fucking Uncle Charlie even now. You're just cold-hearted and I've told you that I don't want anything to do with you anymore." I reply, finally saying what I should've said almost two years ago now.

Mom looks away from me shaking her head. I can see some tears welling up in her eyes, but I'm not going to pity her. She doesn't deserve that. Finally, my mom responds to me.

"You have no idea about our relationship, about me and your father with Charlie. You only think you know. I get that from a child's perspective, how you might think the way you do, but you're an adult now, you're getting married soon. Did it ever cross your mind to talk to me, to ask me about us? No, instead I have to hear from Charlie that you're asking Ray about us. About me and your dad."

"Maybe it's because I knew you'd lie to me, to cover for the torment you gave dad over all those years. He'd still be with us today if you weren't such a whore." I reply angrily.

"I never raised you to be stupid, even though you're slightly autistic like your father was. But even that's no excuse. Do you seriously think I was ever trying to hurt your dad, my husband? The man I loved more than anything, that I'd torment him in any way?"

"I know you did, I saw the look on his face every time you were busy fucking Uncle Charlie, he looked depressed, like he was a beaten man."

"Thomas, his disappointment was that he was worried how you'd take what was happening. He was such a proud man and loved how you looked up to him. He was worried you wouldn't respect him because you were too young to understand what was going on, and then his pride wouldn't allow him to explain it to you as you got older."

"Well, he wouldn't have felt that way if you weren't fucking someone else, mom. He wouldn't have to worry about what I'd think then, would he? Did you ever think of that? Did it cross your mind to not have sex with his best friend while your husband and son were at home? Or was your enjoyment the only thing that mattered to you?"

Mom again shakes her head and looks away, taking a deep breath before answering.

"Thomas, it was your dad who wanted me to have sex with Charlie. It was your dad who spoke to Charlie to convince him to agree to it. It was your dad who wanted this, don't you understand?" My mom pleads back to me.

I sit back for a moment; I can't believe what mom is telling me. Why would my dad want my mom to cheat on him with his best friend? It makes no sense.

"Bullshit. There's no way dad would have wanted that to happen. Like you said, he was a proud man. Why in hell would he ever want his best friend to have sex with his wife every week, year after year? You're just lying to me now to cover for what you did to him." I finally answer.

"No, I'm not lying to you. I don't want to explain the details of our sex life, that's not something any parent should have to explain to their child. You'll just have to take my word that it's what your father wanted. I loved your father, I always will." Mom explains quietly.

"So why then? Why did he take his own life if it was something he wanted all along?" I fire back at my mom.

"It wasn't because he hated me was sleeping with Charlie, it was because he was too proud for his own good. Remember when we moved when you were still in elementary school? After you told me what the kids next door said about him?" Mom asked.

"Yeah, that everyone knew you were sleeping with Uncle Charlie."

"Well, your dad was mortified that the neighbors knew about us. He couldn't bear to see their faces; their accusing looks while he was out in the yard or down the shops. That people would be talking about him, ridiculing him. He was way too proud of a man for that. So, he put the place up for sale straight away, so he wouldn't have to deal with them."

"That still doesn't explain why he killed himself."

"You were away at college, staying on campus. I doubt if you knew that someone at his work found out about me and Charlie, and they started telling everyone at his work. Your father instantly resigned from his job, but the damage was already done. People even found out at the chess club that he'd been going to for over twenty years. He initially wanted to put our house up for sale and to move far away from Lincoln, to move away from everyone we'd ever known. But then he privately decided on a simpler solution. An easier way out that meant we didn't have to leave." Mom replies quietly again, tears now rolling down her cheeks.

"But if you wouldn't have been sleeping with Uncle Charlie, none of this would've happened."

"You're right, none of it would have happened. I have to live with that for the rest of my life. Knowing that something I did contributed to losing the only man I've ever loved."

"So why? Why do it? Why would he want you to? I still don't understand."

Mom sighs, before taking a deep breath and closing her eyes for a moment, then looking back at me.

"Alright, I'm talking to you now as a grown man, as someone who's about to get married and hopefully start your own family soon. Not as my son, okay?" My mom asks me as I nod back to her.

"I first met your father at the beginning of my third year in college, he was in his last year. From the moment I met him, I knew he was the one for me. I'd had a few boyfriends before I met him, but I didn't feel for them anything like I did for your father. Well, six months later I was pregnant. Your dad had just graduated and got a job, so we got married and I dropped out of college to have you." Mom states as she wipes her tears from her face.

"Am I his? And not one of your other boyfriend's?"

"Of course you're his. You really do think that poorly of me, don't you?"

"I'd say it's deserved."

"Do you want me to keep going, or not?"

"Yeah, keep going."

"Where was I? Yes, I'd just given birth to you, and everything seemed fine. This next bit is hard for me to tell you, and I need you to be a grown-up about this, but your dad was always worried, worried that he wasn't able to please me, in the bedroom. That he finished too quickly and that he was too small to give me pleasure. He always asked me if I'd enjoyed sex more with the guys I dated before I met him, I'd lie and tell him no, that your father was terrific in bed. He saw straight through me though; he knew I was lying and would say so." Mom states.