My Father's Son

Ray silently nods back to me in response.

"So, what did your dad say?"

"Well, I'm not sure you want to hear it. His take on this is a bit different to yours and mine."

"Don't tell me, he thinks I should stay with Melissa and that the three of us should have the same type of relationship that our parents had with him?"

"No, not quite. He's worried about you Tommy. He's worried you might end up alone, not finding anyone to love and being angry at the world. He said his biggest regret was not finding someone to love after my mom treated him the way she did. That while he's enjoyed being with your mom, he should never have gotten used to being alone like that. That worries him about me too." Ray responds to me.

"And what's the alternative for me? Stay with a woman that I can't satisfy unless she fucks other guys? No thanks. I'd rather take my chances with being alone."

"My dad said that your parents loved each other deeply right until the end, but that they might have either gotten divorced when you were just a kid, or that both of them would've ended up unhappy, not being in love like they were, if he didn't agree to join them. That he always wished he could've found someone to have had the type of loving relationship they had." Ray responds, then shrugs at me as I look over at him.

"Hey, that's what my dad said." He adds.

"And look where that got my father. He was so ashamed of what they were doing just to keep his marriage together, that he ended it all when other people found out about the three of them. I've always promised myself I wasn't going to be like him, and I won't. Not now, not ever."

"Yeah, that's pretty much what I told my old man. That's why he's worried. He said you're too much like your father, you're too proud. That you'll end up lonely because of it."

"Maybe, maybe not. Right now, being alone seems like the better option." I reply.

Ray nods back at me as we again sit silently for a bit.

"Are you going to see Melissa again?" I ask Ray, breaking the silence.

"I don't know, probably not. After she saw you out in the living room, I could barely get a coherent sentence out of her after that. She wouldn't stop crying and cursing at herself. The last thing on her mind was thinking about me."

"But what happens in a week or two, if she calls you?" I follow up.

"I do like her Tommy, probably more than I should. But I'm just worried that I'd probably feel worse than I do already if I ever see her again. Also, how's that going to work with me still being best friends with you? Us spending time together if I'm with Melissa, nah fuck that. So, I very much doubt I'll want to see her anymore." Ray replies.

I nod back to Ray, before offering him a beer.

On Monday, I spoke with Gary during lunch. He'd found out from Tracey that the guy that Melissa went home with on Friday night was my best friend, so I explained to him that I asked Ray to see if she would cheat on me.

I also asked Gary to keep this part to himself, I didn't want Melissa to ever know that I had set her up even if there was no chance of us ever getting back together. I also didn't want her to think badly of Ray either, or to affect what might happen between them in the future.

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It's been almost three months now since the weekend that Melissa slept with Ray, and I haven't spoken with her since she moved out.

Ray and Melissa haven't been together again since either, she hasn't called him since that night. It hasn't crossed my mind yet to even begin thinking about meeting someone new myself, which is why the news Gary gave me at lunchtime on Monday came as a bit of a shock to me.

"Hey Tommy, Scott told me over the weekend that Melissa showed up on Friday night with Jess and Tracey for the first time since you guys broke up." Gary informs me.

"What? Weren't you out with them too?" I ask in response.

"Nah. Me and Tracey have decided to go our own way, again."

"More like she got bored with you and wants to fuck someone new." I reply with a chuckle.

"Yeah, pretty much." Gary responds, chuckling himself.

"So, did Scott say anything else? Hold on, I'm not sure I really want to know."

"Well, that's the thing. She was there with that Martin guy apparently. Jess told Scott that they're a couple now. Sorry Tommy."

"Hey, do me a favor. In future, don't tell me anything about Melissa. She can live her own life; I don't need to know."

"Deal."

It was perhaps another three months later again when I finally bumped into Melissa while shopping at a grocery store. The first thing I noticed was a new shiny ring on her wedding ring finger. We didn't say much apart from doing the usual 'hello' and 'how are you doing'. When I looked down at her ring, she said sorry to me. That she's just got engaged to be married to Martin. I told her not to apologize, that I hope she's happy.

But me hoping that she's happy with him was me flat out lying. I've been missing her more than I care to admit. That she's already found someone else to be in love with and to get married to is hard to take. But also, that she's now engaged to the same guy she was meeting out at clubs when we were still together, that's the big kick in the guts.

She may have slept with Ray, but her now getting married to this Martin guy only six months later seems to me to be the real betrayal. Did she really love me at all?

Since seeing Melissa again I've started to try and go out more, to meet someone new but my heart hasn't been into it. Everywhere I go in Lincoln, it reminds me of my time with Melissa. I have to do something to break out of this funk I'm in.

So, I've decided to move to somewhere new, to start all over again. I thought about moving to Omaha, to be close enough to still see my mom and Ray when I can. But in the end, I've decided what's the point. If I'm going to start anew, I need to do it properly.

I've started applying for government jobs in Florida and Texas. In my mind they were as far away from Nebraska as I can go without moving to crappy places like Chicago, New York, California or Seattle. When I landed a job working for the Florida state government in Tallahassee, I began my move.

I'm really looking forward to it, to meet new people, a new job, and a new place to live. Maybe I'll find someone special there for me as well. I've promised both my mom and Ray that I'll keep in touch all the time through phone calls and social media, that they'd hardly know I've left. And I'll be back for every Christmas anyway.

So, goodbye Nebraska, goodbye to my old life, and hello to everything new.

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Ray's entries:

It's been six years since Thomas left Nebraska and moved to Florida, the weekly updates between him and me and his mom soon became monthly, then to only on birthdays and Christmas, to nothing at all.

Now it's been almost three years since his mom and I have even spoken with him. He's changed his phone number and not provided us with the new one, and he hasn't updated his social media accounts in those three years either.

I even traveled to Tallahassee two years ago to see if I could find Thomas, speaking with a few of his previous co-workers there. What I found out was that for a while at least, Thomas seemed happy. He liked his job and got on well with people, and he was living with his new girlfriend named Joanne as well.

However, that didn't last and according to his workmates, Thomas had broken up with her and he didn't seem to take it very well. He then quit his job with the state government before leaving Tallahassee all together, and that no-one there knows where he's gone or heard from him since.

That was about the same time that Auntie Jenn and I last had any contact with him, I have no idea where he is or what he's doing now.

Auntie Jenn has even tried hiring someone to track him down after the police turned her down because he's not actually missing, just 'estranged' as they put it. But the guy she hired turned up very little, just that Tommy was living in Georgia for a short time after first leaving Florida, but couldn't find anything further on him.

Then that fateful day arrived when the Lincoln police officers showed up to Jennifer Egan's house, to deliver the bad news.

Her son, Thomas Egan, aged thirty-one years old, was found dead in his south Boston apartment. He had taken his own life; they dutifully informed her.

She's been a broken woman since that day, even though my dad Charlie and I have done our best to try and comfort her.

It's been hard to accept for me as well, losing Thomas, my best friend that I grew up with, my brother.

But in the end, Thomas did end up being what he was most afraid of, he did indeed become his father's son.

The End.