My Father's Son

"At the time, I couldn't understand why that worried him, why he was so concerned about how much I did or didn't enjoy sex with him, and whether I enjoyed it more with guys I knew before him. I was in love with your father, we were just married, and I'd just given birth to you, and yet he was still more worried about how much I was enjoying sex than anything else." Mom continues.

"He kept bringing it up again and again. He was even more adamant that after having giving birth, that there was no way I'd be satisfied with him any longer because of his size. I told him repeatedly that I was happy, that I enjoyed being with him and that he was just being insecure about his size. But he argued that I shouldn't stay with him if he couldn't satisfy me. That I should find someone else who could please me more. I kept telling him that I'd never leave him regardless of how our sex life was going, that he'd have to walk out on me first." Mom adds before taking a deep breath. I can see that this is hard for her to tell me.

"Shortly after that is when he first talked to me about sleeping with Charlie. He knew I liked Charlie, he was your father's best friend, his groomsman at our wedding. We also knew that Charlie had more than a bit of a reputation with the ladies, that women would seek him out just to have sex with him. Your dad had already spoken with Charlie before he brought it up with me. I was mortified to be honest, when I found out that he'd asked Charlie to have sex with me. I thought that your father wanted to leave me. That he didn't love me anymore."

I got up and poured us both a glass of water, handing her a glass before sitting back down.

"He swore to me that he didn't want to leave me, and that he loved me more than anything. But he was adamant that if our marriage was going to work, then I'd need to be able to enjoy sex as much as he did, or we'd end up having a loveless marriage like his parents did. Did you know that? Your grandparents slept in different rooms most of their adult lives. Your dad said they were more like friends and housemates than they were husband and wife. He never saw any affection between them, not ever." Mom tells me as she takes a drink of water.

"Is that part of the reason you think that dad wanted this then? That he was afraid of ending up like his own parents?"

"Yes, that was a big part of it. The other was that he was also a perfectionist. Everything had to be just right, nothing could ever be left unfinished or what he felt wasn't good enough. To him, our sex life was like that. Unfinished, and that he wasn't good enough for me. His solution was to have Charlie finish what he couldn't. I pushed back of course, there was no way I was going to have sex with our best friend just to satisfy your father's insecurities. But there was no talking him out of it. He was persistent and eventually persuaded me to try being with Charlie just once, to see if I actually enjoyed it or not. I should never have agreed, but your father eventually wore me down." Mom answers.

"So, I'm assuming that you enjoyed it then, and you agreed to keep seeing Uncle Charlie after that."

"Well, I tried to tell your father that it was just okay, that Charlie was no better in bed than he was. But he knew I was lying. He'd heard us from the living room, and as much as I didn't want to enjoy it, I really couldn't help it. The women all chased after Charlie for a reason."

"Yeah, I remember hearing you two at it when I was a kid."

My mom closes her eyes for a moment, I'm sure this is one conversation with me she thought she'd never be having.

"Your father was certain it was the answer to our problem, to his problem. Charlie was single and had no intentions of ever getting married again after what Ray's mom put him through. So, he figured that if I kept sleeping with Charlie, that I'd be happy, Charlie would be happy, and that made your father happy. The only part that didn't make your dad happy was having you there, he didn't know how to handle that. He didn't know what to say to you, or what you'd think of him. The last thing he ever wanted was for you to be disappointed in him."

"So, that Christmas, did you have any idea he was going to do what he did?" I ask her.

"No, he was devastated at first that people found out about us, that's when he resigned from his job and was talking about moving. I tried my best to calm him down, to tell him that only we mattered, not what anyone else thought. That I loved him, that you loved him, that we'd always be here for him no matter what. That we'd get through it and that it'd be less of an issue as time goes on."

"So, what happened, what made him change his mind, to end it?"

"I can't answer that, but within a few days he seemed way calmer about it all, and he stopped looking for places for us to move to. He stopped talking about it with me, I just thought he was coming to terms with it. I should have known better, in hindsight, all the signs were there. I'm now sure he'd already decided to take his own life, that's why he was so much calmer. He was just busy tidying everything up, making everything perfect before he did it. He made sure his will was updated, he updated our bank account and the house to all be in my name only. Same with the car registration and other items. Right until the end he was more worried about looking after me than looking after himself. I'll never forgive him for that." Mom states as she once again begins to softly cry.

I walk over to where my mom is sitting and give her a hug to comfort her.

I wish we could've had this conversation nearly two years ago, but I never gave her the chance. While I understand a lot better now about my parents' relationship with Uncle Charlie, and that my blaming her and Uncle Charlie for my father's death was misplaced, I still never want to end up in the same place as my father did. I'll still never accept Melissa cheating on me, like Marianne and Josie did before her.

I spent the next hour with my mom catching up on everything that has happened over the last two years until Melissa got home. Melissa was ecstatic that I'd made up with my mom as well. That she could now be a part of helping her to plan for our wedding. Later that night when I went to bed, I finally felt better about life for the first time in two years. Even being with Melissa and then proposing to her, something was always missing. I was missing my parents. While I could never get my dad back, at least now I have my mom back in my life.

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On Friday, I sat down to eat my lunch with Gary at our regular table.

"Hey, did you want me to check in with you again tonight after bowling? Let you know what's happening?" Gary asks me.

"Um, I guess so. I'll need to find out where they're planning on going first."

"Don't bother, I already know. Scott's been banging Jess all week the lucky bastard. We've already got plans to meet out tonight with her friends."

"Okay, that makes it easier. Although, if you're with Scott and Jess, doesn't that mean you'll be sitting with Tracey and Melissa as well?"

"Yeah probably, but I'm going to try to get lucky with Tracey, just for old times' sake. She's always been great in bed, that's for sure. It's just a pity that she likes to share her bed with everyone." Gary replies with a bit of laughter.

"But you'll take one for the team is what I'm hearing?" I reply while chuckling.

"I'm a team player Tommy, you know that. Besides, if you want me to find out how Melissa really feels, this might be your best shot."

"Yeah, but how am I going to introduce you to Melissa later? She might get suspicious that I was checking in on her."

"Nah, I'm Tracey's ex and Scott's buddy. Even if we do meet again later, it's all good. It wouldn't cross her mind that I was watching her for you the whole time. And I'm going to try to get into Tracey's pants again anyway, so it'll be fine."

"Yeah, you're right. If you do talk with her, just don't get too personal with the questions. If they talk about guys she's seeing, then it's all good. I'd prefer you didn't bring up anything about me and her unless you have to, okay?"

"Got it, boss. Do you want me to do the same as last time? You know, text updates?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Call me if she's doing anything bad with another guy, though."

"Sure thing."

As I arrive home from bowling, I ask myself why I didn't bother to ask Melissa to stop having her Friday night's out with her friends. I mean, I'd give up my bowling night if she asked me to. But there is a difference, I'm doing an activity with people I work with, and there's little chance of getting 'lucky' with a girl there.

Her Friday nights are going out to night clubs, with two single women whose every intention is to get 'lucky' with random guys. That's the main reason people go to these clubs, to pick up someone to have sex with. Isn't she tempting fate by doing this every Friday? Or maybe that's exactly why she's there, because she wants to get 'lucky' just like Tracey and Jess.

Well, if Melissa is cheating on me, it won't matter because we'll be done. However, if I find out that her kissing that guy was just a single lapse of judgement, then I'll ask her to not go out to clubs with Tracey and Jess anymore. That I don't like the idea of her being hit on by guys all night long. But first I need to find out the truth, not what Melissa wants me to hear, but the actual truth.

I've just taken my dinner out of the microwave when my phone chimes for the first time tonight.

'We're all here, having a drink together. Tracey seems happy to see me, so fingers crossed. Melissa is the odd one out. Will keep you posted.'

That's fine, I think to myself as I begin to eat my dinner. Hopefully tonight will be as uneventful for Melissa as last week was. By the time I'm washing my plate after eating, my phone chimes once more.

'Guy from the other week is here again. He's sitting with us, next to Melissa. They seem friendly.'

Fuck, I was hoping this wouldn't happen. Well, I guess it's as good a way to find out as any. I turn on the TV, but it's hard to stay focused on the show. Part of me wants to get dressed and head to their club and ask Melissa what the fuck she's doing sitting and chatting with this guy.

But that wouldn't stop her from doing it in the future, would it? No, I need to know without her thinking I'll find out. It's the only way to truly know if she'll cheat on me or not. My phone chimes again.

'Just got back from dancing, couldn't be sure but I thought I saw them kissing or at least talking very close to each other. It's hard to tell from where we were. Will keep you updated.'

If last week's texts were better than I expected, this week's are worse. I have to start contemplating what I'm going to do if she does cheat on me tonight. What if she leaves with this guy later? Can I really just sit back here and pretend nothing's wrong? Waiting for her to get home after she fucks someone else?

Shortly after my phone once again chimes with a new message.

'Melissa is dancing with him, not too close tho. Tracey said that Melissa needs to get fucked badly. Sorry Tommy. I will ask Tracey for more info.'

I just rub my face with my hands after reading that text. Melissa must have told her friends that she's sexually frustrated with me, that I'm no good in bed. Thanks Melissa. I didn't have to wait long for Gary to send me another update.

'I asked Tracey and Jess if Melissa is married to the guy she's with, she's wearing a wedding ring.'

'They said no, but that her fiancé is cool with her coming here to meet guys.'

'I asked them why Melissa is still getting married then. They said she loves you; she just needs something more. That you can't give her that. Sorry.'

Fuck you Melissa and you wanting to have something 'more' with someone else. I'm not going to be played for a fool, not anymore. So, what am I going to do? Do I leave? Fuck that, why should I leave? She's the one cheating. She can pack her fucking bags and go once she gets home.

I'm sitting on my couch fuming, angry at what Melissa is doing this very minute. It takes about fifteen long minutes before Gary texts me again.

'Think I'm getting lucky with Tracey tonight. Scott and Jess just left to go home and fuck. Melissa is still here with her guy, but I haven't seen her kiss him yet for sure. So far just talking and dancing.'

Still sounds like it's only a matter of time so I make myself a bourbon to try and calm myself a little. Right now, I feel so fucking helpless, unable to stop the train wreck coming my way. Another thirty minutes pass, it's almost midnight now when Gary sends me another text.

'I'm leaving with Tracey, going back to her place. Melissa is still here talking with the other guy. His name is Martin. Don't know if anything will happen between them but my feeling is it won't.'

I text back 'Thanks Gary.'

I don't know how to feel about his last text, it might be good, it might not be. But now I won't know what happens, if she leaves with him, or if they're making out in the club. She's normally home in just over an hour, will she come home early, or will she spend the rest of her time with him?

I finish off my bourbon and decide to have another. Now it's the waiting game. But what am I going to say when she gets home? That I know she's spent the night talking and dancing with a guy named Martin? Which proves what? Her friends seem to think she needs to get laid, but so far, I don't actually know if she's ever followed through with it. Fuck all this.

I was hoping she'd be home in a taxi shortly after Gary and Tracey left, but she wasn't. Did she go home with this Martin guy? It's now 12:30 and still no Melissa. At 12:45 I hear a taxi out the front and I have no idea if anything happened or not. I walk off into our bedroom before Melissa gets in the front door. While she's showering, I do my best to fall asleep, hoping to put all of this off until I'm less angry.

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On Saturday morning I head over to Ray's place so we can go shoot some hoops at the court across the road from his apartment complex. I still haven't spoken to Melissa this morning about what did or didn't happen last night. I feel like I'm an airplane stuck in a landing pattern waiting to land. I just want it over with, one way or the other. This whole not knowing is fucking with me, big time.

As Ray and I walk over the road, he apologizes for telling his dad about our conversation last week.

"Hey, I know my dad spoke to your mom about what we talked about last week. I was just trying to find out from my dad's side, but as usual he didn't want to talk about it. He said it's a conversation you and your mom need to have, that he'll make sure Aunt Jenny goes and talks with you. I'm sorry Tommy, I didn't mean to put my foot in it for you."

"It's fine, Ray. And your dad was right. Mom came over and we talked, she explained everything. I should've talked with her about it ages ago, but I'm glad I have now, anyway."

"So, you're speaking with your mom again?"

"Yeah, it feels good. It really does."

"So? What did she say? Was I right about why they got my dad involved?"

"Yeah, you were right."

"Which one though? I bet it was because your old man loved her, wanted her to be happy."

"Yep, I don't think he ever thought she'd leave him, he just wanted her to be happy as well. Your dad makes my mom very happy, apparently."

Ray nods back at me before passing me the basketball.

"Okay, but if you think that means I'm going to go easy on your ass, you got another thing coming." Ray states with a smile as we begin playing.

After an hour or so, we sit down for a drink, my body is aching.

"Tommy, what's happening with you and Melissa, anything since last week or are you both all good now too?"

"I really don't know how to answer that one. I don't know for sure if she's cheating on me or not, although her friends think she will." I reply to Ray.

"What, are you talking with her friends now?"

"Nah, a friend of mine has been going out and knows one of Melissa's friends, he's watched them for me over the last few weeks and has been letting me know what happens. So far, nothing really. But her friends said she needs to get laid, and she's spent two of those Friday nights out with the same guy. She may have gone home with him once or twice, or perhaps not at all. I just don't know."

"Fuck, sorry Tommy. You need to get this shit sorted, though. It'll fuck with your head otherwise. One way or the other, you need to know what she's thinking. Can't you just talk with her?"

"And say what? Hey honey, have you been fucking other guys when you go out with your friends?"

"Maybe you ask her not to go out to clubs anymore. I get that chicks love to dance, but her going out with her friends is just asking for it. Why don't you go with her, or you both find somewhere else to go together?"

"She loves dancing and she'd know that if I started going too, it'd only be because I didn't trust her. Besides, she needs to spend time with her friends as well. I have my bowling nights and hoops with you, I'd like it better though if she wasn't getting hit on by random guys. I will ask her to stop though, if I find out she isn't going to cheat on me."

"So, now what? Are you going to just keep getting your friend to update you until one day she does something wrong? How long will that take? Your relationship will probably be over before you find out if you can't trust her already, if you're paranoid every time she goes out. You need to deal with this soon, Tommy."

"Yeah, I do. I'm finding it hard to even look her in the eyes at the moment. I left this morning without speaking to her, trying my best to avoid saying anything to her at all for fear that I'll just start yelling. I can't keep doing this."

Ray nods back to me in agreement.

"Well, I do have one idea, but I don't think you're going to like it." I respond.

"What's this got to do with me?" Ray replies.

"Well, I know that Melissa likes you. And by that, I mean that I've seen her checking you out plenty of times. If ever I've seen her thirsting over anyone, it's always been you."

"Hold on, that shit aint my fault. I can't help being a handsome mutha fucka." Ray replies to me with a smile.

"Yeah, but maybe you can find out if Melissa really does want to cheat on me or not."

"What? Are you fucking serious? You want me to hit on your girl to see if she'll fuck me? Have you lost your fucking mind?" Ray replies incredulously.

"No, well, maybe. But it is the one way of knowing for sure. And at least I can trust you to tell me what happens or doesn't happen."

"Nah, you're crazy. I really like Melissa too, not because I want to bang her, but as your girlfriend. I was shocked when you told me that you think she might be cheating on you, I just didn't think she'd be the type of girl to do that. Besides, I'm your best friend and a good friend of hers as well. Melissa would never be stupid enough to agree to fuck me, she'd have to know that I'd tell you."

"I thought you always bragged that you could talk the panties off any woman you wanted. Or was that all just talk? I'm sure you could tell Melissa that it'd just be between the two of you. Make up some crap about how much you've always fancied her, that you'd like to try it with her at least once before she gets married to me."

"Yeah, I guess I could, don't know if she'd believe me though. What if she says no and then tells you I've been trying to fuck her? How am I going to be your best man after that?"

"Let me worry about that. If she remains faithful to me, I'll be happy to figure something out. If she doesn't, then it really doesn't matter, there won't be a wedding."