My Friend Katie

I have to do this.

I can't live without her.

"Does it have something to do with the nightmare?" Katie asks. She doesn't know what the dream actually is, I haven't shown her the notes, she only knows that it has happened 4 times now.

"Sort of," I start. "It's, uh, something I've known for a while, but the dreams bring it to light in the worst way every time."

Katie's worried face takes on a little confusion as well, but she stays silent.

Here goes nothing.

I lean back to grab my notebook from my nightstand. I unfold the back 4 pages and tear them out. I hand Katie the first 3, the ones that detail the nightmares I've had, but hold onto the last one for now -- this will be the hardest part.

I wait silently for her to read the notes. She covers her mouth with her free hand to stifle a gasp as she reads and then looks up at me with tears staining her pitiful expression.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

"The dreams have shown me, over and over, what I already know to be true." I hand her the final note. The one I wrote when I first came to the realization that the dreams showed me.

"I can't live without you, Katie," I recite the note as she reads it. Her tears, no longer content to simply build, are now falling as if each one pulls the next with it.

"The past nearly two months have been the happiest of my life, Katie -- and as good as the sex is, that isn't what I'm talking about," I take a moment to chuckle and wipe away my tears as Katie does the same, though it appears neither of us are low on tears as they continue to fall all the same. "I've been so happy because I've finally been able to show you how much I love you and for every single shred of love I give, you give me so much more in return. You were my biggest support when my parents died, you helped me get through being bullied in high school and you made me feel better when I struggled with trying to get my footing in college. When I nearly died, you were the only one to come see me and you never left my side for longer than it would take to get some food to bring back to my room. You've been my closest friend -- my only friend -- for as long as I can remember; at this point, you've probably had a bigger influence on my life than my own parents did. I don't know where I'd be -- who I'd be -- if you weren't there to help me through the struggles in my life. What I do know is this:" I point at the note in her hands. "I can't live without you."

Katie's sobbing suddenly increases. I grab her hands in mine and let the emotions flow, trying to keep my own in check long enough to get to the point of all this. When Katie is ready, I continue.

"Katie, I know this will seem sudden, but trust me when I tell you I have thought about it thoroughly. I know we never officially said we were dating; you never called me your boyfriend and I never called you my girlfriend, not out loud anyway. I know that our, uh, romantic involvement only started just under 2 months ago but we've known each other for longer and on a deeper level than most married couples twice our age. I love you so much and you've shown me that you that I'm not just a charity case, a pet project, to you; you've shown me that you love me for who I am. So..."

I'm scared...

But I can't live without her.

"Katie, will you marry me?"

I'm terrified.

I know she loves me, but does she think I'd be a good husband?

Did I spring this too early? Did I scare her-

My downward spiral of fear is silenced by Katie's lips pressing against mine. She pulls back and I hear her whisper the one word that could pull me out of my pit of fear.

"Yes."

I kiss her this time. Neither of us pay attention to the tears we are both shedding and smearing across each other's faces.

I feel Katie pull back and I wipe my teary eyes so I can look at her.

"Alex, these have been the happiest months of my life, too. I've never loved someone, nor felt loved by someone, as much as I do when I am with you. You say that I help you through high school and college, but you've helped me with every step since middle school. When I was having doubts about my academic ability, you helped me improve and showed me I had the strength to get through. When I was feeling self-conscious going through puberty and was being bullied for how I looked, you dealt with the bullies and made sure I knew that I was beautiful. When my parents passed away, you were there to comfort me." Katie's voice hitches and she takes a moment before she can talk again. "When our lives were in danger, you didn't hesitate to save me, knowing it could be the last thing you ever do. I would be lying if I said I haven't been hoping for this, though I wasn't expecting it until we at least officially started dating. I don't think I could live without you either. Yes, Alex, I want to marry you!"

She pulls me in for a kiss and I feel tears streaming from my eyes to join hers as they fall around our joined lips. As Katie holds my face in her hands, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest, like I can breathe for the first time since I woke up in that hospital.

I can't live without her.

I don't have to live without her.

She loves me, too.

She'll be with me forever.

My wife: Katie.