My Journey Ch. 03 - Katherine

We were given instructions to look at the welcome packet for directions and the location of the orientation. As we were walking away from the PT field I noticed one other nurse that I went to the Office Basic Course with two years ago, Rhonda Miller.

I remember her fondly. She was an Army brat, her mother an Army Nurse and she was really skilled. She worked as a civilian nurse before joining the Army Nurse Corps. She joined for passion in taking care of young men and women. Not like me, mine was, at least initially, for a scholarship. I had seriously grown fond of treating our men and women as they deserved the very best.

Rhonda approached me when she recognized me. We took a few seconds to reconnect and talk about what we had been doing. She was stationed with a First Armored Cavalry Division at Fort Hood, TX.

An hour and a half later all thirty-five "students"' was seated in the Training Company auditorium at Walter Reed Hospital. We were welcomed by Col. Debbie Sandbury, Chief Nurse of the hospital at the time. There were twenty-five nurses for the critical care course and 10 nurses for the Nurse Anesthesia course, which began at the same time but lasted 18 months as it was both a graduate nursing degree program. Students completing this course would finish with a Master degree.

After the general "student program" orientation for the hospital, the nurse anesthetist students left to go do their thing. Col. Michael Bland, Chief Nurse Training Officer at Walter Reed went on to explain to us what the course was really going to be about in the specific functional areas which are clinical skills clinical assessments, teaching, supervision, and management in a variety of critical care settings.

And so it started. Day One we jumped right into nursing leadership and management of critical patients. No sooner was it 16:30 and the end of day one was upon us. We were given tasks and study materials for this week and an outline of the exam schedule.

I was both physically and mentally fatigued but Rhonda wanted to catch up for dinner so I agreed. We eat locally just down the street on Georgia Avenue, right across from Howard University. It had that big city flair but a college town feel to it. As we were catching up I looked at my watch and realized that it was past 6:30.

I explained to Rhonda that I needed to make a quick call. I excused myself to find a pay phone telling her I would be right back. Dropping a few quarters in the payphone I called Mary Beth and was ecstatic and excited when she answered the phone. We had a brief conversation and she understood that I was still off to dinner and I promised to call her at 8 PM.

We both told each other we loved each other and we would talk later. I hung up the phone and returned to finish dinner with Rhonda.

I did call Mary Beth back that night and we had a wonderful conversation. It was enjoyable and we reminisced about our weekend together. She told me that she put in for vacation at the end of August and that her supervisor had approved it. She was thinking long and hard about the question I posed to her about my career.

I politely asked that we could finish our call a little early tonight as I wanted to call my father. I told her how much I loved her and was looking forward to sometime over the July 4th weekend if I was able to get away.

"Kathie, please call me when you have spoken to him. Love you."

I knew what I wanted to talk to him about. I was aware it was going to be a difficult conversation for me to have. The greater difficulty would be his reaction.

I took a deep breath and a sip of water, and then dialed the phone.

"Hello?"

"Father, I need you please!" I paused waiting for a response. "You always taught me to be respectful and I am trying."

"You ignored my rules which we agreed to." His tone was sharp.

"I'm well aware I broke one of your rules by talking with Rich and I'm well aware how disappointed you are in me. However, I need you and I need your support. I am enrolled in this very difficult course and it is extremely important in my career as a nurse."

He still didn't respond. So I drove harder.

"Please understand the sorrow and stress I am carrying because of our disagreement. It weighs heavily on me. It is difficult to focus. I am in fear that you do not believe in me anymore. Father, I am praying and I'm begging you with all of the love in my heart. Can we work this out tonight?"

I heard him sigh, I wasn't going to relent. "I called your office trying to reach you."

I continued, "My brother who I trusted and confided in my entire life, does not speak to me. My own mother doesn't speak to me!" That statement hurt me the most.

"I miss my mother and father! Would you try to understand how this is also affecting me as well as affecting you?"

"Katherine, I continue to pray and I try to be a good Catholic hoping you will see the way." His response was very curt, almost forceful.

"Father, as do I but I have shared with you that I don't feel in my heart, mind or soul for a man what I feel for Mary Beth." I said exasperated.

"Father, I'm begging for your forgiveness and I'm begging for your understanding. I am trying to find calmness in my heart, my soul and also in my mind. Selfishly, I must find my focus for these next very challenging months"

I heard a change in his breathing, I wept not so silently. "I am not asking for anything different except for us to go back to the way it used to be. I am well aware I cannot change the past but I can shape the future. I need my father, my mother and my brother to understand and love me."

He cleared his throat, almost as if he was crying also. His usually steadfast and stern voice seemed broken.

"Katherine, I never stopped loving you and frankly never will. You are a gift from God. I was disappointed because you broke our agreement and broke my rules. That's all this ever was, that's all it will ever be. My love for you never ends as you are my firstborn daughter."

I was in tears now, needing him and my mother.

"We will visit the first weekend you have time for us. I must go now and pray. Good night my dear baby girl."

As the phone disconnected, I dialed Mary Beth, crying on her shoulder but sharing with her the entire conversation.

***

The most difficult part about living in the VOQ for me was not having the ability to get the answering machine messages when I was away like I did back home. At home, I could come back and at least hear MB's voice on the answering machine with her leaving a message. We continued with our nightly phone calls at 6:15 as my classes and the course usually finished by 5:30.

There were a few nights that I would call Mary Beth and we spoke on the phone until late in the evening. On more than one occasion one of us would almost fall asleep while the other was talking.

As May ended and the middle of June was quickly upon us, I was learning so much and gaining more confidence in my skills as a nurse with critically ill patients. I was happy with my professional life. I was satisfied with my personal life but I needed to be honest with myself. I admitted to myself that I was suffering sexually.

In the last six weeks since my trip with Mary Beth, I hadn't found any satisfaction sexually. I was frustrated and frankly was celibate, even self-love was ignored. Mary Beth knew and felt the same; we promised our devotion and fidelity to each other.

Like the others, I had been held up in my room or the library reading, studying and trying to be the academic student I was previously. I had never really considered obtaining my graduate degree until now. I thought about it in a fleeting moment but then ignored it as this could potentially mean more time away from Mary Beth.

I was morally crushed as I tried to call Mary Beth on the Thursday night June 13th, only getting her voice mail. I think I fell asleep crying that night. I missed her so much and really needed to hear her voice.

It was very early Friday morning when the phone rang, rolling over I looked at the clock which read 5:15. I immediately thought the worst.

"Hello?"

"Katherine, I am sorry it is early but before I left for work, I thought I would tell you that your mother and I have decided to come to the Washington DC area this weekend. You invited us a few weeks ago. Are you still available?"

"Good morning father, yes! I would love to see you and my mother!"

"We have a hotel room reserved for tonight and Saturday night in Rockville at the Hilton. Are you familiar with that area?"

I was thrilled, "No but I will manage."

"Fine, I am leaving work early at 1:00. Why don't you meet us there when you are done with your work after you change and dress for dinner. We will go out somewhere nice and catch up."

His voice shook, "And Katherine, we love you." He hung up before I could also tell him I loved him.

I was so excited to have a chance to visit with them. I was a ball of energy not able to go back to sleep, I got up and decided to study until 5:35 when I had to leave for PT.

When I got back from PT I quickly tried to call Mary Beth. I got her answering machine and left a message just in case.

"MB, it's me. Listen, my call tonight will be late. My father and mother surprised me by traveling in for the weekend. I love you and promise to call you tonight."

The day seemed like the longest ever. I was excited and shared with Rhonda, two other classmates and the cadre team I would see my parents this weekend. Rhonda recommended I bring them on post to see the museum here as there was some nice significance of medical history here. We finally finished right at 4:30 and off to the VOQ I went.

I dressed nicely wearing a below the knee skirt, a blouse and flats. I didn't have time to do much with my hair because of traffic outbound and not wanting to keep them waiting.

I left the hospital and headed north following traffic for the short 23 miles drive. I stayed on as many side roads as I could base on recommendations and directions a cadre member gave me. I saw the hotel on the left and made my way over pulling into the parking lot.

I looked in the mirror and checked my hair once more, deciding there was nothing I could do about it. I carefully stepped out of my Cj7 so as not to put on too much of a show as I was in a skirt. Purse in hand, I walked into the hotel.

I looked through the main lobby without seeing them. I then walked around the corner to the hotel bar. I highly doubted I would see them there but it was worth a shot. As I turned the corner I was shocked to see my father and mother both sitting there with a glass of wine.

I walked over to them, "Father, Mother! I am so excited to see you."

They both stood, I hugged each of them with smiles radiating from our faces. We sat, and my mother offered me a seat which I took next to her.

I couldn't help but smile saying, "Thank you for taking the time to drive down here. I am so happy to see you both and to spend time with you. I hope to be able to show you some of the sites and areas that I haven't had a chance to see myself."

"Tell me please." I continued, "How are Erin and Will? Liz and Mary?"

Mother just smiled and looked at my father nodding her head. My father spoke up.

"Your mother and I have somewhat of a surprise gift for you." He said reaching into his sport coat pocket pulling out what appeared to be a room key.

"12th floor, room 1203." He said and handed me the key. "Be down here in ninety minutes for dinner, young lady. Both of you, no questions asked."

I looked at him absolutely stunned. Mother leaned over and kissed my cheek saying, "Go on now, go!"

I stood and looked at them both; he took a sip of his wine and smiled. My feet couldn't move fast enough. I stepped into the elevator and pressed 12. That is when it hit me. Mary Beth wasn't home when I called early this morning. She must have gone to work early as well.

Tears filled my eyes as the elevator doors opened; I looked for and followed the small placards indicating the direction of room 1203. I was full on crying seconds later when I stopped and knocked, then slid the key in the lock. An electric click sounded and the door unlocked.

I twisted the handle, pushed the door open and walked in the room. As the door closed, she gasped and stepped out of the bathroom. My Mary Beth was standing there wearing a red cami and panties.

I cried, tears flowing down my face. "MB!" I wrapped my arms around her; my tears soaking her red cami.

I pushed back from her. "What are you.."

"Shh" she interrupted. Her fingers were already moving to the buttons of my blouse slowly unbuttoning it.

"We only have an hour and a half. Now kiss me."

***

As father requested, we were downstairs fully dressed for dinner within his ninety minutes' warning. The four of us sat enjoying a wonderful dinner catching up on my siblings and what was happening at home. He and my mother expressed how tired they were from the drive and let us know they were heading to bed.

"Meet for breakfast here at 8:00 then some sightseeing?" He queried. I stood and hugged them both.

Shortly after they went upstairs, we finished our wine and headed to her room. We spent the night together, just a loving couple, making love then falling asleep in each other's arms. As I was falling asleep in my fiancée's arms, I whispered to her that I needed clothes for tomorrow. She hushed me telling me we would handle that in the morning.

It was in the middle of the night when I was woken again. The roaming fingers, lips and the tongue of my lover being both silly and romantic. We were on time for breakfast, just tired not getting much sleep.

***

As is required for the course, we completed bi-weekly exams on the study materials. There wasn't a ranking system but during our individual meetings, with class instructors and cadre, we were informed if we had passed or failed the exam and what we needed to study for improvement.

On Thursday night the last week of June, I explained to Mary Beth that I couldn't speak long on the phone but I needed to study for this exam the next morning. We had just been together and I sensed there was some separation anxiety from both of us. She seemed upset but totally understood.

"Mary Beth, I promise I will make it up to you." I could hear some disappointment in her voice as we ended the call.

I picked up the phone and made another call to my father. I needed a favor. "Hello father, I am aware it is late but I need some help with something please."

"Yes dear?"

"Father, I am going to come home over the July 4th weekend to visit as we have an extra day off. Is there a chance we could host a picnic and cookout inviting Mary Beth and her family?"

"Katherine, my rules..." I cut him off.

"Will remain unbroken. Just a family and friends cookout? Please father."

He shared with me that he would consider it but would not want there to be any potential display of affection between Mary Beth and I which would absolutely break his rules.

I agreed. I told him I loved him and went back to studying.

The entire classroom was buzzing Thursday morning July 3rd. Our lead instructor hinted yesterday that there was "more than a reasonable chance" that we would be dismissed for the July 4th weekend today at lunchtime.

Students were being called out during this session for their one on one conversation with the cadre for updates and reports. It was just before lunch as we were all discussing the management of and the scheduling of nurse to patient ratio when my instructor called me into the office for my bi-weekly review.

I always panic with these meetings, call itself doubt. However this time it was slightly worse, I was the last student called in for the meeting.

As I entered I was offered a seat as we exchanged pleasantries. There was a soft knock on the door then it opened. Our instructor stood, seeing this, I did as well not knowing what was going on. Much to my shocking surprise, Col. Michael Bland walked into the office.

We greeted him and he told us both to have a seat. He sat in the chair closest to the door and spoke.

"Lieutenant Dougherty I am not certain if you are aware of this but I look over how the nurses are doing in each class, not just the ICU but all nursing classes here at Walter Reed." He paused fiddling with his glasses. "Call it a check up on the instructors or on the staff that sends us amazing nurses, like you, who come here and learn."

He paused and looked at me this time. "As you are aware, we do not have a list or a class ranking. I will share that I have one, though it might be informal, but I have one. I must share with you that your performance is catching a whole lot of attention, in a very good way." He nodded at the instructor.

"Lieutenant Dougherty, if there were a ranking, you would be at the top." My instructor said. "In fact it has been several years since we have never had a student achieve the scores that you have."

"A perfect score I might add." Col Bland noted. He then cleared his throat.

"This is just the beginning of the conversation but I would like you to start thinking about your early PCS to Walter Reed. Here the flagship per se of Army Medicine." He fiddled with his glasses again, "You would be closer to your family Katherine."

With that he stood as I did and our instructor. "Think about it Katherine and have a nice long weekend."

With that he turned and walked out the door. I was dumbfounded, stunned. I said, "Sir?"

He smiled, "Lieutenant Dougherty, let's go join your classmates and be dismissed for the long weekend. We will discuss it when you return Tuesday."

***

I had checked the weather forecast ahead of time and took the ragtop off of my Jeep Cj7. There is just something wonderful about putting on my SnapBack and driving down the highway with the radio blasting.

Over the years I have had her, I received several compliments and a few too many "suggestive comments" which I ignored, about her and her Ice Blue paint. I just wish I she was purple, but that wasn't an option.

It was a rather easy drive home, just hectic because of the traffic leaving and coming in the National Capital Region for the holiday weekend. Lots of stop and go traffic, the accordion effect. By the time I got onto I-270 then onto I-70 we were free-flowing at 65 miles an hour. Crossing into Pennsylvania I decided to stop at Breezewood. I realized I could use gas, coffee and a bathroom break.

I took care of that and then looked at my watch, decided to call Mary Beth leaving her a message. "Baby, it's about 3:45. I have two hours remaining, traffic depending but I am coming to your place. Love you!"

I hung up, took a sip of coffee, put my sunglasses back on and hit the road with a desire like no other to get Mary Beth in my arms and my lips on hers.

Traffic on the PA Turnpike wasn't bad but I started to slow due to the volume as I exited and turned onto the Parkway East heading into the city. Once I hit the Squirrel Hill Tunnel it was nothing but red lights and brakes, ugh! Once through the tunnel we started moving quicker, then I saw the Oakland Exit sign; 1 Mile.

My anxiety started and my excitement increased as I knew within moments I would be turning down Maryland Avenue knocking on the door and being in the arms of Mary Beth very soon.

Arriving at her apartment, I parked the Jeep and made my way to the main door. Almost immediately as I pressed her buzzer, the door buzzed letting me in. With my overnight bag, purse and backpack in tow, I made my way down the hall. I turned the corner and saw Mary Beth standing in the hallway jumping for joy. She was literally jumping up and down.

The smile on her face was more than I could handle. I dropped my bags at her door, grabbed her, hugged her, picked her up from her feet, and kissed her right in the hallway.