All Comments on 'My Mom and Our Visitor Pt. 02'

I think too much was left to the imagination of the reader. The MC is listening to everything but i think we are missing a lot from what was supposed to be the best part, her first time with him. By the time more the MC will actually see something ( and we too ) she will probably be already a slut...You should have made it possible for him to see something, even from the window or the keyhole...like i said it was left too much to reader imagination

what a wimp

The story line is very interesting. I'm conflicted the use of a narrator who is reporting on the sounds is interesting But I would love a sequel were the female point of view is repeated and the blow by blow is more detailed, All in all its an awesome story

I'm glad you chose to submit this story after all. I agree with the first comment that you have too much imagination to the listener. Tim Smith used to write stories like this where the husband was forced to listen to his wife through a wall, over a telephone, or via a website, and the sounds were so well-described, I was constantly hard. I would strongly encourage you to read his works and work on creating a chapter 3 so that we can follow what happens to the poor mom in the clutches of this demon. The keyhole idea is a nice thought, and there was a hot story where a husband had to watch his wife's degradation through that tiny hole. It might be hot if you did that. I would like to see if the mom gets fisted/sodomized/dped/dragged out and pimped out for a night/ etc. You could even have the son dragged into the room and tied to a chair or even forced to service his mother as well. There are lots of possibilities you might try! Good luck!