My Obsessive Crush

"How are you going to support yourself then?" Margot asked.

"She's staying with me, helping out." I threw in quickly, trying to ease the tension that seemed to be building.

"That's not fair." Margot sighed. "We cannot rely on your good nature dear. Not that we don't appreciate it, but it is simply not right."

"Mum, I'm not gonna sponge off Roz, forever. I get a benefit at the moment, and that helps a bit."

The table went quiet, an uncomfortable silence embracing us all.

"Andi, my love. Why not come home and live with us until you're feeling stronger?"

"Nah, I'm trying to fix the biggest mistake of my life Mum. I need to do that first. One step at a time Mum... This one is the most important."

"Mistake... Do you mean the drugs my love?"

"No, I fell in love, and then I destroyed that love, torched it. I caused so much pain and anger. I have to win that love back. That is my main focus at the moment." Her eyes focused on me, small tears dripping inconsolably down her cheeks.

"Mum, I love Roz, I think I always did but wasn't clever enough to recognise it. I did some stupid stuff, and I hurt her. I'm trying to rebuild that love."

Margot gasped, turned to look at me, then her husband, who looked like somebody had hit him with a hammer.

"I don't understand... You and Rosalyn, are in a relationship?" Her glare made me blush. It wasn't accusatory, it was born of confusion.

"We were Mum, and I think Roz, loved me, but I stupidly destroyed that love."

"Rosalyn, is all this true?"

"Yeah, Mr's Hampton. Everybody knows I'm a lesbian. I've tried to be honest about that. For a while Andi, and I were in a relationship, and I definitely loved her. I still do really, but it's complicated."

"Mum, there's more." Andi, mumbled. "I'm pregnant."

Her mother gasped, her hands covering her face in shock, horror, disbelief... "How... I mean if you are..."

"Mum, listen to me. I was a drug addict, I had no money. I lived with other addicts. When I was in the rehab facility, I tried to get drugs. I gave one of the male orderly's sex in a trade for drugs. The shit told me he could get me drugs, and I believed him. He lied to me, used me for sex and I got pregnant."

"Oh my god." Margo blustered in a horrified explosion of disgust. "You have to report him, he should be blasted well arrested."

"Karma took care of that Mum. I wasn't the only person he lied to. One of the other girls stabbed him. He survived, but he may never work again. Plus, she told the authorities why she did it. When they investigated it, they found a lot of stolen property at his place."

"Thank heavens for small mercies. Andi, you have to come home." Margot said firmly. "Come back so we can look after you properly. We can help you through the pregnancy."

"No Mum, I'm staying with, Roz."

"How in heavens will you be able to cope, Rosalyn? We certainly don't expect you to run around after, Andi. Heavens, you have a life to lead as well. Gosh having a baby is so expensive. There's doctors, medicine, baby clothes, furniture."

"Mr's Hampton... Andi, is part of my life, I do love her, and want to help. I don't know what the future holds, whether we can find the romance. But I will always be there for her."

"Are you saying you are living together, as in living together?" Margot asked.

"No, we are flatmates at the moment. I love Andi, she has been a huge part of my life. Our relationship isn't romantic at the moment. It's purely a platonic friendship, I love her like I would my closest family."

"But how can you afford to care for her?"

"Like I said, we're doing okay at the moment. I'll do what I have to, I'll go to her meetings, her doctors visits, I'll hold her hand when she delivers. I'm gonna do whatever it takes."

Andi interrupted my speech, and I thought I was doing so well. "Roz, I'm never going to be happy with friendship. I love you so much. I want you as my partner for ever. If that can't happen. Then I'll leave."

That caught me off guard. Not really sure what to say I mumbled softly. "Perhaps, guess we'll see. At the moment, we're friends."

The hard part of the conversation was over. Margot wandered out into the garden with Andi's hand in hers and I heard them talking about how far along she was, how her health was.

Her father disappeared to do work around the farm. He might not have said much after Andi's proclamation, but. I felt the searing burn of his anger. Clearly in his world I wore all the blame for making his daughter a drug addicted lesbian.

I gave my parents a call and arranged to go for a visit. It was every bit as bad as I thought it would be. Awkward, uncomfortable. We drank more tea, but it was as I was about to leave. Mum drew me into her arms and hugged me tight. "Rosalyn, my sweet little child. I do love you. I know I have struggled to understand your choices, and I won't lie by saying I understand any of it, but. I do love you and want the best for you."

Her tears trickled, and I felt a little tap inside my eyes creak open, and the corners moisten. "I love you too Mum. I'll try to get home more often."

"I would love that." She replied, "I promise to try harder and be more accepting." Almost as an afterthought, something she was hoping not to hear. She asked. "Have you found somebody?"

What was I going to say? Perhaps Andi's, policy of truthfulness was the right approach. "Maybe. I dunno for sure Mum, but I'm hopeful."

"Is it a woman?"

"Yeah, and you know her."

"I do?" I watched the confusion swirl around her. "Oh goodness, is it, Andi?"

"Yeah Mum, we are living together at the moment, but only as friends."

"I should not have been surprised. You followed that girl around like a lost puppy."

"We are only friends, she's around at her parents at the moment."

"Do they know?" She gasped.

"Yeah, there's more to it. She's pregnant, and just got out of drug rehab."

"Good lord. Are you sure you want to be involved with her. Please tell me you are not doing drugs?"

"No Mum, I'm not into drugs."

"Who is the baby's father?"

"He was an orderly in the rehab place."

"How on earth is she going to raise a baby on her own?"

"She's not gonna be alone, Mum. I will be with her."

"But you said you were just friends. I don't understand."

"We are friends, we were partners, but things got twisted. We may get back to that. I just dunno."

"My word Rosalyn. You never fail to surprise me. I am glad that you are helping, Andi. It sounds like she will need all the help she can get. We will pray for her, and you."

"Thanks Mum, and call me aye. Don't wait for me. I'd love to talk to you more often."

"We could come and visit?" She said, an air of hope hanging by a tattered thread.

"I'd love that. I don't have spare beds, but It'd be awesome to see you. Most Sundays at the moment I have lunch time gigs. I would love if you could come along and watch?"

She drew me back into her embrace. "That sounds lovely dear. We will do that. Perhaps you and Andi, could come for dinner tonight?"

"Nah, not tonight Mum." I said with a laugh. "Andi'll, never get a pass out from her Mum."

"Then what say we all go out for lunch tomorrow, I would like to catch up with Margot, and Eric, anyway."

"Sounds great, I'll ask when I get back."

That night, things became awkward again. It wasn't until after dinner, and it was bed time. Margot said. "Rosalyn, I have made a bed for you in the guest room."

"Nah, it's okay Mum. She can stay in my room." Andi said firmly, not even giving me a chance to speak.

"But there's only one bed." Margot said confused and uncomfortable.

"Mum, we share a bed now, every night. We sleep together okay."

"But you said you were just friends." Margot's face was possibly redder than mine.

"We are only friends Mum, but it's nice to have somebody too hold onto on cold nights."

Margot shook her head in complete muddled confusion. "I will never understand." She sighed.

Andi's bed wasn't a large bed, but it was comfortable. We had to snuggle together, not that we weren't going to do that anyway. She was right about what she'd said to her Mum. It was wonderful to have a warm body next to you at night. Somebody to hold, to cuddle.

We nestled down under the blankets, and she giggled. "Do you know how many times Poppy, and I slept in this bed, just like this. Oh my god, I wonder if she thought about me, the way I thought about her?"

I laughed trying to keep it quiet. I imagined her mother with a glass against the wall listening for sounds of amorous activity. "Yeah, you and Poppy, aye. I take it you fantasised about her?"

"I did, and I didn't. I wanted to kiss her, to find out what it felt like."

"You never actually tried to kiss her?"

"Nah, she was always going on about some boy, and really. I was just as bad. I'd kissed hundreds of boys by then."

I felt her wriggling against me, I rolled onto my side to face her, our noses touching. I felt her breath on my face, then her hand. It slid slowly and delicately up over my neck resting on my cheek, her thumb moving slowly, caressing, ever so gently.

Her breasts crushed against mine, the heat of her body burning through the cotton separating us. I felt her heart beat, mine was deafening.

When her lips slid deliciously over miner. I didn't fight it, I opened my mouth enjoying the luscious texture of her lips. The creamy soft delicate touch. It wasn't a searing passion laden kiss searching for lust. It was a kind gentle caress, a welcome home.

I tingled, as her tongue coiled around mine.

My arms circled her waist as I drew her closer. I wriggled enjoying the warmth.

Both her arms circled my neck in a crushing hug, mashing our mouths together.

Heaven, I was in heaven again, the feel of her body, our kiss, our mingled breath. So full of hope, perhaps a hint of desperation. I needed love as much as her.

It was so wonderful, not just the physical presence, it was the emotional connection we shared. So much of our lives were interconnected, little vines growing through and around us. I'd seen trees with vines growing around them so tight they became one. That's how I felt. Every part of our life had been interconnected. Little tendrils growing and twisting together, binding us. I liked that trees grew strength from those bonds.

It was love, it ran deeper than friendship. The only thing holding me back was our history, and the agony of her actions. Could we ever move past that?

The lunch with both our families was nice. The questions were unendingly relentless of course, mothers being mothers wanted to be involved in Andi's pregnancy. My mother surprised me, it was like it was me that was having the baby. As she prattled on, I realised she was trying to be as she said, accepting. She was already thinking of Andi as my partner.

"We have your cot still stored in the shed." Mum said. "It's still in wonderful condition."

"Yes, and we have your old play pen." Margot added. "There's blankets, and I will crochet a brand new one."

"What about a pram?" Mum asked.

"We could buy one together." Margot threw in. "You and I could pick one up."

Mum smiled, and nodded in acceptance. "I would adore that. We could go for lunch, or morning tea somewhere. Get some baby clothes and things."

"Do you know if it's going to be a boy or girl?" Margot asked.

"Not yet Mum, I don't know if I want to find out."

Seeing her holding Andi's hands, stroking her arms comfortingly as Andi followed her path of honesty. Mum was shocked, good Christian women don't really want to hear about drugs, and women trading sexual favours. To her infinite credit. She never once spoke down to her, she clearly saved the condemnation for me.

The drive back to wellington was not so nice. The day had closed over, the blue sky's replaced by an overcast blustery day. The wind whistled in our faces the whole way. Huge dark clouds shrouded the city as we got closer. Andi, seemed deep in her own space, hardly speaking. Her battles were internal as well, and I guessed that this would be a mixture of, depression, hormone fluctuations, withdrawal and coming to grips with her personal situation.

All I could do was offer support. I turned off the motorway and Andi finally found her voice.

"Last night, the kiss."

"Yeah." I mumbled glancing across at her.

"Did you feel anything, or am I reading into it something only I felt?"

"Nah, I felt it. I do love you Andi, you must realise. I have always had an undeniable attraction to you. I was obsessed, for such a long time. Then we were together, and my whole world blew up. I'm struggling to push past the feelings of resentment and anger. You crushed me."

"I know, but last night, the kiss... It felt so right."

"Yeah, no arguments. I care for you, we have an emotional connection that stretches past anything I have shared with anybody, except for maybe, Kat."

"Forget that dragon." She hissed. "She was never right for you, even I could see that."

"Andi, tell me truthfully. That first night, did you seduce me just to get back at, Kat? Were you just trying to break us up?"

She looked horrified. "How could you say that. No, I do hate her, but I would never do that to you."

"Then why that night, after all our time together?"

"I dunno Roz, if I'm truthful which is what I'm trying to be. I always had an attraction to you. I pushed it down, tried to get past it, but that night. We had so much fun, we were drunk, then the weed and the E. It empowered me, gave me the push I needed."

"You were doing other drugs then as well... Right?"

"Yeah, mostly coke, meth. There were always guys carrying at our gigs. I thought I had it all under control, but after that first time. You pushed me away, rejected me. I felt like I'd fucked up everything, and I let things get on top of me. It went from once or twice a week to every night. I was losing it, and that gave me no comfort."

"I felt like you did it out of spite or something. I can't explain it. I thought I was in love with, Kat, then my world spun and I was with you."

"Roz, it was me, I stuffed up. I should have said all this then. Maybe you would have understood. Afterwards, I felt so guilty. I never liked Kat, I thought she used you."

"How?"

"I dunno, I can't explain it. All I can say is. If she really loved you. She would never have let you go. She woulda tried to forgive you. She should have come after me, not you."

"Nah, she knew, I told her about my crush on you. She never believed that I was over you, not entirely anyway. I was totally unaware that you even liked me. Sometimes you were so hateful towards me, mocking, tormenting me."

"Have you ever seen those memes about young boys throwing rocks at girls they like?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well that was me, I didn't understand any of it. I was trying to convince myself I wasn't queer. I was popular, had a bunch of friends. I didn't want to give that up."

"Kat told me, she said right from our first date you had a thing for me. I didn't believe her."

"You should have, you know what. I saw it in her eyes, I knew that she was into me, and that's what hurt. I always thought she dated you out of spite. To piss me off, to take you from me."

"Jesus Andi, get over yourself. I hope Kat, dated me because she at least liked me."

"She liked you, Roz... I knew that as well. That was another twist of fate I disliked. Losing you hurt. That night, when we first slept together, made love. It was like I finally built up the courage to take back something I thought I'd lost. I wanted to prove to you, that I loved you."

"I had no right to sleep with you, Andi. The next day I was so angry with myself. I cheated, trashed, Kat, and my love. What sort of person was I?"

"Somebody who knew deep down inside it was right. Roz, I know this all sounds like gobbledygook, but I know you, shit you're the most ethical person I know. You wouldn't have done it if your love for her was real."

I turned the ignition off as I pulled into our driveway. She almost leapt into my arms. "Could we try again, I'm not asking you to forgive me, but maybe if we started again, let me prove to you this is real, it is me uncovered, exposed."

The kiss, oh god, her lips crushed against mine, our arms wrapped around each other. Electricity sparkled a ball of white energy engulfed us. Even with my eyes so tightly shut there was no hiding from it.

Panting breathlessly, with the van rocking in the wicked southerly. We stared at each other.

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yeah, lets start again."

That night, with the howling southerly buffeting the house, we made love with a renewed energy, an honesty. The hunger overwhelmed us both. It had been a long time for me, and the arousal flooded me. The aroma so strong I could taste it. As of course so could Andi, with her mouth avariciously making love to my cooing puss. Later, our gloriously lubricious pussies melded as one.

The night vanished, we made love, slept, made love. Her energy levels soared with mine. I swum in the deliciousness of tasting myself on her lips when we kissed. My fingers gooey and sticky with her desire.

We slept late, and with the others off at work. We showered together.

Later, after my students left, Andi walked in with a smile. "I got an email to go in for a gyno check up."

I sniggered cruelly. "That hardly seems like something to be happy about."

"It's not that. Mum phoned after I got the email, when I told her she said. Her and Your Mum were coming down, so they could go with us."

"Mum, is coming?"

"Yeah, they're staying overnight. We better do some house work huh?"

"You do realise, we could scrub this place top to bottom and it'd never be clean enough for Mum."

"Oh... Then I better get started." She said laughingly.

The visit was wonderful. I think both our parents were surprised by the house, and the doctors visit went well. Everything was progressing as expected, the baby's growth was good, and was doing well.

I could see the distaste on my mothers face as we showed them around the house. It was clean, maybe cleaner than it had ever been in it's life. Mum however wasn't impressed.

"How much do you pay for this?" She asked.

"Five hundred a week, but we have two other flatmates who stay here as well. They pay two hundred each, so Andi and I only have to come up with a hundred bucks."

"I know you said you didn't want financial help girls, but I can't do it." Margo handed over a small wad of cash to Andi. "This is for both of you. Good lord, you drive around in that beaten up old van. You clearly need help. We have spoken and we will be depositing money in your account every week."

Andi jumped into her mothers arms and the love... The bond it was so strong. "Thanks Mum." Andi sobbed.

I think they both blushed when Andi turned and hugged me, her mouth closing over mine in a tender kiss.

"Just friends?" Mum snarkily commented later. "Could you please be honest with me. Are you two in a relationship or not?"

I held Andi's hand and we all walked into the dining room together. Andi and Margot looked up, and I said with very little confidence. "Mum, Mr's Hampton. I think you both need to know. Andi, and I are more than room mates. After the visit home. We talked a lot and have decided to try and make a go of it. We're trying to rebuild our relationship. Andi, is my girlfriend. At least I hope she is."

Andi walked over and swept me into her arms. "God, I hope I'm more than a girlfriend. I'll live with partner, I'd prefer Fiancee."

That bit shocked me. "Fi..."

"Yeah, I love you Roz, babe. I never want to be without you. My life was so empty."

Arms, god, where did they all come from. We were embraced by both our Mums, there were wet cheeked kisses, tears, but most importantly. There was love. An all embracing feeling of joyous emotion.