My Obsessive Crush

Andi looked at me lost in everything. Her eyes were wet, she looked hopeful, expectant.

"I love you Andi, and I would love to spend the rest of my life with you."

I felt my mothers arms tighten around me. "Are you gonna be okay with that Mum?"

"Yes, very much so. Margot, and I have talked a lot lately, and we have both come to realise. All we want is for you to be happy, both of you."

"The baby?" I asked.

"Darling, you know how much your father and I wanted grandchildren. The circumstances around how this new life was conceived may not be a pleasant memory, but that does not have to define the life they will have."

"We want only good things for you both." Margot added. "My only fear is financial."

"Thanks Mr's Hampton, but we want to do this."

"Dear, I think we are past calling me Mr's Hampton. Margot, is fine. There will be no arguments either. We will be helping financially."

It was a nice visit. It seemed like forces were working in my favour for once. Having Mum at least on the surface accepting who I was felt like a huge win. A girl needs her Mum sometimes.

Andi and I were also closely aligned musically. Her journey had unlocked a veritable mountain of poetry and lyrics. None of them finished, but the beauty of her words was there. We sat for ages in bed, with pen and paper going over her works, finding phrases, and often knitting two or more different songs, or poems together to give a complete song, was such a bonding experience.

Plus, she had some wonderfully insightful suggestions about some of my unfinished projects.

During the days, when I didn't have students. Which with my popularity growing, was becoming increasingly harder to find. We got the guitar out, and worked on melody's and chord phrasings. She really needed a new keyboard, unfortunately, even combining our bank balances, it was obvious we couldn't afford it.

That is until I got a Sunday gig out in Newtown at the flying jug. Not it's real name, just a nick name because of it's colourful history. In it's hey day, it was apparently a very rough pub.

I hadn't been out to Newtown for quite a while, arriving early. Andi helped me set up, and we had some spare time to walk around the shops. We found a second hand shop, with lots of fabulous old bits and pieces in the window, stuck at the back of the big plate glass window display, was a Roland keytar synth. An A AX - edge, I had seen a lot of old eighty's video's of pop stars using the damn things. When I pointed it out to Andi, she said. "Wow, shit I always wanted to try one of those things. They're still very expensive though."

I pointed the price sticker on the shelf in front. It looked a bit beaten up, but complete. The price sticker said eighty dollars. When I pointed to the price sticker, Andi gasped. "No way. It should be eighteen hundred at least."

"Maybe it's buggered." I muttered, thinking, 'I hope not.' It would be a dream come true if it was.

Andi sighed, "If that's the real price, I could almost afford it."

"I can add some money if we have to." The shop wasn't open, being a Sunday. "We could come back in the morning and see if it actually goes?"

Andi smiled, nodding. "Are you sure?"

We arrived early Monday, the shop barely open. We rummaged through the stuff covering it. Sure enough, the price was eighty bucks. There were no leads, no power supply. When I asked the old wizened up Indian woman behind the counter. "Does it work?"

She shrugged off handedly.

"There's no way of knowing if it works without a power supply. Is there one with it?"

Again the shrug. In her very thick Indian accent, she replied. "I do not know, I am only helping out."

Feeling cheeky, and knowing it was a big risk, I asked. "Would you accept twenty bucks?"

"Thirty." She threw back quickly, and I agreed. As we headed for the door, she called out. "Wait, there is a bag to carry it."

I wandered back to the counter, and there was a proper gig bag, as I thanked her walking to the door, I realised there was other stuff inside the bag.

We waited until we were in the van before I said. "I think the power supply is in the bag."

She giggled anxiously, as she ripped open the zipper. Sure enough in the little pocket on the side, there was a power supply, some cables, and a strap.

"Holy shit." She gasped, it looks like everything's there."

Back at the house we carried in a couple of speakers from the van, and got everything plugged in.

She gave me a nervous glance before sighing. "Here goes nothing."

The room filled with powerful waves of pulsing synth. It sounded like it could have come off any one of many popular sound tracks from the eighty's.

Andi almost jumped for joy. "It works, it bloody works. Oh my god."

I laughed enjoying her hug. "Lucky, now if we could just find somebody who could play it."

She gave me a sour pout. "Watch it girl. Get your guitar, we could jam?"

I got my guitar, and she ran through some scales warming up her fingers. She selected a nice full synth sound. In true Roland style, it had over three hundred different individual voices. It sounded great. We started with some of 'My Obsessive Crush' earlier songs.

We played together, when she started singing, it was like she found herself. She moved slowly with the throb of the music. I stood in front of her. Faces almost touching, we sang, and everything came tumbling back. She moved, her voice reaching for the heavens. We danced happily and played on and on. Only interrupted by the arrival of my first student.

It was a turning point for us. Andi asked as the week slid by. "Would you consider letting me play with you on Sunday?"

"Happily." I replied, "but we don't have a lot of time. I play quite a few covers."

"Babe, I wouldn't have to play every song with you. Just a few. It would make me feel like I'm doing something to help out, and I'd love to get a chance to get up before a crowd."

"Don't think like that. You already do plenty around here. You're doing most of the housework. Even though I told you to just relax."

Saturday, Andi walked out of our bedroom and announced. "Mum and Dad are coming on Sunday for a listen. She said they're gonna see if your parents wanna come as well."

"Shit, now I'm nervous. My folks have never once come to any of our shows. I remember seeing your folks at a couple of the early ones, but mine were so anti. They refused to support me in any way. I think their fears were all tied to what happened to my Uncle, Roly."

Andi nodded. "I get that. I never really said sorry for what happened to him. I know from some of the things you said that you were close."

"He taught me guitar, but he also helped guide me."

She nodded, chewing on her pursed bottom lip. "Things are different now. Your Mum's sweet as, super chilled."

"Yeah, nah. She might be like that on the surface, but inside I think she's still not happy. You know that old analogy. The duck gliding effortlessly across the calm lake. Beneath the water it's paddling like crazy. Well, that's my mum."

Sunday, we got set up early, and were having our supplied meal when the olds arrived. Hugs and kisses as required. We found a table, and our Dad's were headed for the bar. "Tell them you're with us, you'll get a discount." I called, Dad, giving me a scowl.

When they got back, Dad laughed. "They gave us a flaming discount. I nearly died, although blimey. The prices are pretty steep."

Andi and I had to start. As usual, I started with a few covers. Andi started hesitantly, nerves getting to her as well, but when I leaned in close, and we shared a mic. She gazed into my eyes and I not only felt her ease, but I heard it. Her voice raised, confidence oozing through her.

The loud applause at the end gave her ego a boost. Seeing our Dads standing side by side cheering gave me a strange boost as well. My Dad, clapping for me. Wow.

When we got into our songs, the familiar ones, the crowd, mostly here for food started to get into it as well. It takes a bit of courage to get up and dance at a Sunday lunch session, but a couple got up, and circled just in front of the stage. It felt good to affect people, so we chose a few of the slower ballady songs which allowed them to get cheek to cheek.

At the end of the first set, we wandered over to our folks table, and I couldn't believe it. "Gosh, you girls. Golly that was fabulous." Margot said gushingly.

"Stunning." my Dad added. "Rosalyn, you have improved. Roly, would be bloody proud. He'd have a smile a mile wide right now"

I jumped into his arms, enjoying his hug. "Thanks Dad, that means a lot."

"It's true Honey, he loved you so much."

"Yes, and it's nice to see you wearing actual clothes." Mum said.

We talked about the songs, and I think they were all surprised when we said they were ours.

The second set was going brilliantly, that is until I saw Blaire Poppy and Kat walk in. I'm not sure if they were expecting to see Andi singing with me, or not, but they looked uncomfortable. They stayed at the back by the bar, watching and listening.

I wondered if they would come up to talk to us, but then I saw Poppy point over to our folks table. They talked for a few minutes, finished their drinks and left.

Between songs, Andi whispered. "What was that all about?"

"Buggered if I know, but they didn't look happy."

Afterwards, our Dad's helped us carrying all the gear out to the van. Margot complained. "Andi love. You shouldn't be carrying this equipment in your condition."

My dad added his concerns, and we had to promise to get help in future. We stayed on for an evening meal, before they headed back to Featherstone. Dad had work the next day.

I was confused by the girls turning up at our gig. We hadn't heard from them in such a long time. I had cancelled all of 'My Obsessive Crush's' booked shows on Poppy's request. They seemed happy to let the band die.

All of the social media stuff was left with me. We still received plenty of requests to play. It seemed in many ways, us not playing had increased our mystery. I answered all the emails, and deposited all the money into our band account. Nobody had withdrawn any of it, so there was a tidy little sum gathering dust.

Buried under a pile of stuff in the bands spam folder, I discovered we had received three requests to play at festivals. When I checked the CC, they'd been sent to Poppy's email as well.

The events were some of the biggest on the New Zealand calendar. One in Auckland, the 'Lane Way Festival', Another 'The Rhythm n Vines Festival' and last but not least the South Island version of the same in Queenstown. They were all being organised by the same promoter, and the money was substantial. The answer to why the girls were at our gig was right there.

That annoyed me, seeing them at the gig gave me hope that perhaps they wanted to talk. Now I knew it was just about the gigs, and of course the money.

I was mad as hell with the girls anyway. They complained when Andi disappeared. Now they were treating me the same way.

Okay, they were angry with Andi but they never even tried to contact me either. It was like, you're with her. We don't want nothing to do with you. I'd already made the decision I wasn't chasing them. If they didn't have the common decency to phone and ask how I was. Then fuck them.

When I showed Andi1 she was shocked, but also excited. I admit my own surprise when she asked.

"Do you think they'd be interested in hiring just us, like you and me?"

"Nah, can't see it babe. They were very specific in the wording."

"Yeah, but we could make them a counter offer. Like take less money."

"Yeah, maybe, but I think they're probably looking for the band. I mean, look at the other performers, they're all bands."

"Yeah, true. It was just a thought. It seems a shame to let it just slip through our fingers."

I checked the calendar. "You'd be like seven months along. Do yah think you'd be up for travelling and gigs at that stage?"

She shrugged. "Dunno, first time preggers babe. Maybe, it doesn't seem so bad at the moment."

It became the hot topic of conversation in our house. I did send off emails asking for more information. And the responses started to come back. They definitely were only interested in the band. They even fattened the offer to make it more appealing

"Maybe it's time we talked to them. See what they want to do? We owe them that much."

Andi didn't look that happy. "I'm not interested, not if that ugly cow thinks she's gonna be involved."

"Andi, don't be like that. It makes you look terrible. I know you and Kat, aren't gonna get along, but perhaps you could try to at least be pleasant. She is still my friend."

"I'm sorry Roz, but I don't know what to say. She pisses me off."

It was Poppy, who turned up at the house during her lunch break. I heard the knocking on the door, thinking it was one of my students arriving early. When I opened it, there was Poppy.

"Hey Roz, hows things babe?"

"All good, what brings you here?"

She waved a tray of jaffa muffins at me. "I do come bearing gifts. We thought it was time we got together. We wanted to see if we could salvage anything from 'My Obsessive Crush'."

I waved her in, and she stopped when she saw Andi. "Hey Andi, hows things?" Her tone had lost some of the musicality. A colder edge developing.

"I'm fine." Andi answered brusquely. "What about you?"

"Yeah, sweet, the jobs going well. Never thought I'd have a job, but it's sorta choice actual."

"Shop girl, I didn't see that coming." Andi replied, still with that slightly cutting edge.

"Girls gotta do what she's gotta do."

"Suppose."

"Do yah want tea, or coffee?" I asked.

"A cuppa would be sweet."

I walked into the kitchen to flick on the jug. I was getting the cups down, when Poppy walked in beside me. "Seems weird in here now. We had loadsa fun in the old days. I remember the fight the first day. Bloody Andi, stole the big bedroom."

"I didn't steal it." Andi called, as she walked into the tiny kitchen as well. "I just saw it first."

"Yeah, whatever." Poppy said with a snide sneer.

I made the tea, and we stood leaning against the bench. "Okay Poppy, what are you here for?"

"Like I said, Blaire, Kat, and me want to know what your thoughts were, for the band?"

"I dunno, I guess Andi, and I thought we might start again." I said between blowing cool air across my cup.

"Whatcha mean start again?"

"Well, there's still a lot of interest in the band. There are a number of invites and requests. It seems a shame to let it die. Andi, and I talked about advertising for some new members, and starting again."

"Oh, right. You know that band is ours as well. It's as much ours as yours." She replied.

"Like hell." Andi growled. "Poppy, I started the band, I came up with the name, I wrote all of the songs until Roz, joined. Shit, I even bought the PA."

"We paid you back for that Andi, you know we did."

"Yeah, I know, like what I meant was. If it wasn't for me. The band wouldn't have been born. So, no. It's not as much yours."

"I didn't come here to fight, Andi. I came to talk, to see if there was some way we could save it." Poppy sighed.

I decided to intervene. I didn't want Andi, to get to excited. "Poppy, I'm not sure we could do it. Are you and Blaire, prepared to work with us?"

"Yeah, course we are, but don't forget, Kat."

"That skanks not gonna be involved." Andi shouted. "No way, no how. We'd work with you and Blaire, but not that cow."

"Fuck you, Andi. You fuck off and leave us owing a shitload of rent. You ghost us, and expect to walk back in. Yah mighta won Roz, over, but me and Blaire, remember how nasty you were. Jesus, you fucked over, Roz. I can't believe she let yah back into her heart."

"Stop it, both of you." I barked. "We were mates, I still wanna be mates. There's no need for the fighting. It sounds like we aren't gonna be able to work together. So maybe the best thing is to fold the band. Split the money and call it quits?"

The silence descended like a cold icy mountain mist. We each sipped our tea.

"What have you got against Kat, Andi. What did she ever do to you?"

"She took, Roz. Then she treated her like shit. She was never right for Roz, shit you said so yourself Poppy."

"Yeah, that's true." Poppy sighed. "We all thought, like it wouldn't last, but she didn't steal, Roz. If anything it was the other way round."

"No, I remember the first time we met. She knew, I could tell." Andi whispered.

"She knew what?" Poppy replied confused and frustrated with Andi's replies.

"How I felt about Roz, I know I never said anything, but I always had my own thing for, Roz. When, Kat, saw me the first time, I saw it in her eyes, she was gonna take, Roz."

"Kat, had the hots for Roz, she admitted that. But for fucks sake. She didn't know you had some secret crush going on. Jeez girl, none of us knew that. You might not believe it, but the world doesn't revolve around you."

"Nah, you might not have seen it, but I did. That look she gave me. She was challenging me."

"Shit girl, yah got everything messed up. Kat, ain't like that. She is totally confused about why yah had a go at her. She and Roz, settled their differences." She stared at me looking for support. "Didn't yah?"

I shook my head. "No, not really, Poppy. I let things slide, but I still never understood her actions. I know what happened was my fault. But I didn't lie to her. I told her what happened. It was her idea for me to try and make a go of it with, Andi. She practically pushed me into her arms, but said once I had Andi, out of my system, we could see about making it work."

"Roz, you're bloody naive sometimes. We all knew about your crush on Andi. Kat, told me, and she was honest. She said, she could tell, she knew you weren't over, Andi. Even after she treated you like shit. You took her back. You were never over, Andi. Be honest."

"Whatever, I don't wanna fight. It's all water under the bridge now. All I want is to see if we could still be friends."

Poppy smiled, she always managed to make me feel better when she did. "We'll always be friends Roz, always."

"Doesn't feel like it Pappy. I haven't had one single message or call from you since the night at the pub. So, no. It doesn't feel like we are friends."

She cringed under my accusations. Closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath, she said. "Yeah, you're right. I didn't know what to do. We didn't know if Andi, was still here. I felt like shit, but I didn't know what to say. I'm sorry. You're right. I've been a shitty friend."

Nodding slowly, I acknowledged her apology. "You have to know that Andi, and I. We're a couple. We've made promises. We're gonna get married."

"What... Nah, no way?" I could see the absolute shock on her face. Even with her hands together, she couldn't hide the disbelief.

"Yeah... way bitch." Andi snapped. We are engaged."

"Fuck." Poppy gasped. "Congratulations, I guess. I'm really happy for you both." She leaned towards me, and gave me a kiss. Then she leaned over to Andi, and kissed her as well.

It was Andi. who said from nowhere. "Have you ever thought about all those sleep overs we used to have?"

Poppy laughed, and it was a belly laugh. "Actually, Kat, n me were talking about it the other night. When I told her, she giggled, and asked me if I ever thought haughty things."

"Did you?" Andi replied, unable to wipe the smirk off her face.

"Yeah I did. What about you?"

Andi sniggered. "Lotsa times. I wanted to kiss you so bad."

"Dirty bitch." Poppy said, but then giggled. "Me too. I was just to chicken."

"Life is weird huh?" Andi sighed melancholy dripping from every syllable.

"Yeah, look at us now. A couple of fucking lezzies. Jesus, and you're marrying one."