All Comments on 'My Pretty Fucked Up Story Ch. 01'

It was almost half way through the story before it was made clear the central character was a female.

I think you are much too young to be here.

this is the oddest form of writing ive ever seen for a story. it reads more like a script with the notation for speaking,

This has to be the worst thing I've ever read. I mean, I've read graduate level business textbooks and this has those beat. Before you write something else, read a LOT of stories to find your proper tone, cadence, and mechanics. Let's try to make your next story less like an eighth grade health class and more like a artistic pornographic scene.