My Wife in Another Woman's Arms

I know it sounds like a shit job, and sometimes it was. It was educational though. I learned a valuable lesson. How to listen, even when it hurts because the person telling you their life story is so pissed, you can hardly understand a word they're saying.

Who knew listening could be so important. The job also introduced me to a lot of interesting people, some who lived on the fringe. That was my second lesson, acceptance.

Wally, one of the bouncers. A man so big he could double as a bulldozer. We became mates, working together in the wee hours of the morning. Strange things happen. He saved my arse on numerous occasions. People were scared of him. Looking at him, it was understandable. Shit, I was petrified of him.

Drunks got nasty when I told them I wasn't serving them any more. A couple even got physical. Wally, soon sorted them out.

The day I caught him bawling his eyes out in the loos shocked me. I shouted him a few drinks and he told me his boyfriend had dumped him. Yeah, you heard me. Boyfriend. Turns our Wally was as bent as a bit of twisted number eight wire. I gave him a shoulder to cry on, and we became best mates. Not in a biblical sense, more a pat each other on the back and laugh at the others stupid jokes sort of mates.

We got talking and he asked about my music, and what happened to the band. I explained how it all imploded at the end.

"So why did you give up?"

"Me..." I said quizzically. "What could I do?"

"Go it alone bro. I've heard yah. You're good enough. Start it slow, sort out a few Sunday sessions. You know the lunchtime crowd. There's probably more work for a good Sunday soloist than there is for bands. From a financial angle. You'd make more on your own."

"Nah, I couldn't do it."

"Bro, it's easy money. You come in, play for three hours in a couple of sets. They'll pay you four hundred, and throw in lunch and a drinks rider."

"You're kidding?"

"Nah, I'm telling you dude. It's a good gig."

He lit a fire under me, and the more we talked about it, the deeper my interest ran. He even gave me the contact numbers at the different pubs around town that provided live music on Sundays. I knew some of them from the band days.

It wasn't quite as simple as just turning up. I had to buy a small PA, some mics, stands and cords. The whole thing set me back two grand.

It also meant changing the arrangements. Playing solo is different, there's no keyboards to back you, no lead guitarist allowing you to sing. You have to do it all.

It took me a month to gather together enough songs to fill three hours. Thirty songs, it doesn't sound like much, but I tell you. It is plenty.

My first gig was at the Sprig and fern out in Mapua. When I arrived to set up, I was surprised at the size of the gathering crowd. I set up in the beer garden and started playing.

I tell you, it's a whole different vibe sitting up there with nobody to talk to. Nobody to help out. You have to carry the whole show. And you have to be a comic, tell jokes in between songs.

Mostly large groups of people, all there to eat and talk to their mates. The music is merely a back drop. They don't even care that you're there.

Then... There's the others, the music lovers. They sit in there tables close to the stage and they listen... I loved them, I could see it in their faces. They liked me.

That fed me, the fire growing slowly in my belly. I played harder, sung louder, dug up emotions and put it all out there to hang.

As I worked into my set, I was surprised how the noisy crowd has quietened, looking around. The conversations had died down, and people were listening. They were ordering drinks, and staying to listen to me.

It was such a blast. I loved it. People came up and talked to me after wards. Asked my name, did I have a web site, did I post on You Tube or insta? Did I have music for sale?

Of course that got me thinking. I was back at that crossroads again. I had a little money now, and it would be much cheaper to record a soloist than a whole band. Maybe, if I could find the right studio. It might be okay.

News gets around places the size of Nelson. I had that many gigs coming in. I had to turn some away. I charged more. I got choosy, picked the gigs and venues I preferred.

Sometimes, once you start something rolling, it gathers momentum. I started getting requests for gigs other than Sunday sessions. Gallery openings. Corporate functions. Weddings. The pub were pretty good. Allowed me flexible hours. In return I had to give them first call on my services. They started wanting the Sunday lunchtime gigs as well.

I guess at some point I had to bump into Sophie, again. She turned up to one of my gigs at the Sprig and fern, with a bunch of our old friends. It was unexpected, but really sweet to catch up with them all. I managed to sit with them whilst they all put in the food orders.

Sophie, came over and gave me a hug and kiss. "Hi Prentiss, it's nice to see you."

"And you. How have you been?"

"All right, missing you."

"I'm sure Ember, keeps you warm."

She shrugged. "Yes, but she's not you. I told you babe. I love you. I always have. I would change everything to be your wife again."

"What about Ember, you just gonna throw her under the bus?"

"She knows. I was honest with her from the start. If I ever had to choose. I would choose you."

"Pity you didn't say that to her before you fucked her."

She rolled her eyes back, and shook her head. "And there it is, you had to make a shitty nasty comment and spoil it..."

Looking across at the bar manager, he gestured for me to start. "Sorry, work calls."

She sniggered. "It's a heck of a job Prentiss. You better be good."

"I'll let you decide. I'd appreciate an honest review."

It was a typical Sunday crowd. Boisterous, lots of talking, loud and indifferent. It took a bit to get them to buy in, to listen.

The table full of my old mates were perhaps the worst. Because they knew me, they took great pleasure in heckling me.

I took it as a challenge. Slowly they stopped making rude jokes about my hair, and they sat up and took note.

During my break, they dragged me back to their table. The flattery was thick.

"Prentiss, I can't believe how wonderful you sound. I love your lyrics. Very clever." Sophie gushed.

The compliments flowed thick and fast. It was nice to know I could impress my friends.

It turned out to be a long gig. So many people stayed, that the publican asked me to stay on. They included another meal, and a hundred bucks.

I found a quiet table to eat my dinner at. When Sophie walked over, and asked if she could sit. I could hardly say no.

We talked about the band, and why it broke up. She asked about the tour.

"Did you meet any nice girls?"

"Yeah, A few. You know, cold nights, alcohol."

"What about now, are you dating?"

"Nobody special. There are a couple of girls that come into the pub. We've been out a few times. What about you, how come Ember's, not here?"

"She didn't want to come. She knows how much her presence incites you. She wanted to come and listen but figured it might get ugly."

"Nah, I'm over it Sophie. What happened happened. We can't change it. Unfortunately, we weren't meant to be. Sad but true."

"I disagree Prentiss. I know I made a mistake, but to end our marriage because of it was unfair."

"How can you say that. You knew how I felt about cheating. I told you about my parents. You knew bloody well what was going to happen."

"I knew you'd be angry, but I hoped you might be at least a little forgiving. I prayed that you would talk to me, and listen with an open heart. We're good together Prentiss."

"I always thought so. It was the lying that I can't get past. You lied to me every day."

"No, it wasn't like that. We only had sex three times."

"But you saw her every day. You told me so yourself. You had lunch dates, went to her house. You might not have had sex, but there was an emotional element. In some ways, that's more hurtful than the sex."

"I know, god don't you think I have beaten myself up over how I handled it."

"It's in the past Sophie. You and Ember, obviously have something good going on. You've been together nearly eight months now. Something must be working."

"Yes, she's amazing, and I love her very much." She sighed.

"There you go. There's no room for me in there."

"Prentiss, there is. All it would take is an open mind."

"What does that mean?"

"Earlier, you said was I going to throw Ember, under the bus. I said I would, and that is true, but what I would really love is for you and I to become one again, and all I would ask is that I saw Ember, occasionally."

"No, god no. That would kill me Sophie. Knowing that you weren't satisfied with our relationship. That I wasn't enough for you. That isn't fair to even ask it of me, especially with that skanky slut."

"Prentiss, if you opened your heart to Ember, met her properly and talked to her. Saw how wonderful she is. You might feel differently."

"Sophie, you're not listening. I don't care how nice she is. Knowing that she gives you something I can't. That you need her to live with me. That would kill me."

"Why?"

"Think about it like this. How would you feel if I had to love another woman, because she gave me something you couldn't. She filled a need for me. Life would be awful for me without her love and affection. How would you feel seeing me walk out the door to go to her?"

I saw her wince, her features drawn and tense.

"IT would hurt wouldn't it?"

"Yes, but what if we all lived together."

"What, why would I want to live like that?"

"Because you love me, because you might actually learn to love Ember as well."

"I thought you said she was a lesbian?"

"She is. I did ask her whether she would be interested in a threesome, but she said no."

"There you go. End of argument."

"No, Prentiss. You talk about dying. It kills me being without you. I need you."

"But I'm not enough. You told me you tried but couldn't do it."

I had to leave. The bar manager waved, and it was time to get back up on stage and finish off. It's hard to be rocky as a soloist, but I did my best. Played some classic old covers and got the crowd on their feet.

As I was packing up, Sophie, came and watched. "Prentiss, would you like to get together, go somewhere for a meal. Talk, perhaps even go home with me tonight?"

"No thanks, I don't believe in cheating."

"Prentiss, we are still married, and I told Ember, I was inviting you."

"Oh yeah, and where's she going to be?"

"She's going to stay with a friend."

"Nah, We have to move forward Sophie. We can't do that if we keep living in the past."

The next Sunday, I played at the Customhouse pub down by the wharf. I was getting set up when Sophie, arrived with Ember, in tow this time. She wasted no time in dragging Ember, by the hand over to me. "Hi, Prentiss." She said brightly. "Hello, Prentiss." Ember added hesitantly.

"Hey, what brings you down here?"

"We've come to be entertained. I told Ember, how good you were and she wanted to see for herself."

"Oh well, I hope I don't let you down."

"I'm sure you'll do us proud."

I was busily running cables, and setting up the stage. They stood by and watched for a while, but realised I was ignoring them.

"We were wondering if you would like to sit with us when you have your break?" Sophie, asked.

"No, not really. Sophie, I told you last time. We need to move on, let go?"

"I simply wanted you to get a chance to meet Ember, properly. I still want us to be friends."

"No, I don't see the sense in being dishonest." Turning to Ember, I said. "I don't like you Ember. I don't like people like you. You're a selfish narcissistic person. You knew Sophie was married, and you still pursued her. You were happy to break up a marriage, just so you could get your jollies off. In fact, I think you took pleasure in taking a man's wife. I bet it gave you a warm feeling knowing you were breaking us up."

Ember, glared angrily at me, her words firing off like a machine gun. "I've listened to enough of your shit. I didn't set out to break anybody up. I met Sophie, and I liked her. I don't believe in marriage, or monogamy. I wasn't trying to do anything except have some fun with a very sexy woman. You're the selfish insecure one. You're so worried about your masculinity. Hah, what a joke. You can't stand the thought that I could give Sophie something you can't."

I laughed sneeringly. "Don't forget bitch. That's a two way street. You can't give her everything she wants either. At some point she's going to want some cock. Think about that you skanky fucking slut. Yeah, at some stage she's going to cheat on you as well."

"Fuck you arsehole." She growled angrily.

"Who's stalking who slut. You don't like it, then fuck off, because I'm trying to work."

She glared angrily at Sophie, and said. "I'm leaving. If you want to stay with this Neanderthal, then you'll have to find your own way home." She leaned in and kissed Sophie, then walked away briskly.

Sophie, stared at me, "What the hell happened to being over it, and you didn't care? Good god Prentiss, I asked her to come along because I thought she was going to be safe. You nasty shit." She turned quickly, tears dribbling sown her cheeks, then ran after her.

It was my first time playing there, and it took a while for the crowd to warm to me. I let my anger drive my songs. There was more emotion than usual and the audience seemed to enjoy it. At home, I couldn't get Sophie, out of my mind. She inflamed all my emotions. It pissed me off that she could still bring that out in me.

It dawned on me, the reason I felt the way I did was love. I still loved, and wanted her. That brought the conversation I had with Dale back to the forefront of all my thinking. Could I live with her knowing she would want, no need to be with a woman at some stage?

The only thing I knew for sure was. It couldn't be Ember. I think I actually hated her. It took an hour of Yoga to get my body and mind centred.

I focused on trying to find a studio to record in. They were either too expensive, or I didn't get the right vibe from them. With no experience, I knew the studio had to work with me, not for me, or not in control of me. I needed solid advice, some guidance, but an open ear that listened to what I wanted.

The first guy, who actually invited me to record something seemed like he would be a good fit. He had an amazing studio, awesome gear. When I sat down to play, he listened for a bit. Then came in with all these suggestions. He more or less told me I was wasting my time. If I wanted to make it, I had to listen to the market, listen to the radio. Twist my music to fit the market.

That was the end of our relationship...

*****

"Gin, with a lemon twist please." I looked up from behind the bar, to see Ember, staring at me.

"What are you doing here." I spat out.

She sniggered coldly. "I just told you, gin, with a lemon twist."

I looked around the bar. There were only a few other customers. It was still early for the lunch crowd. There was no way out, I was the only barman on duty.

Wally, who was working security wandered over. "You okay Prentiss?"

Ember, looked up at him. "Hey Wally. You work here?"

"Yeah, I'm in charge of security." Turning to me, he asked again. "You Okay?"

"Yeah mate, all good."

As he walked away, I asked Ember. "How do you know Wally?"

"He and I used to be on the local gay rights committee. He your bouncer?"

"He's my mate actually. We're friends."

"Wow, look at you. A gay friend. I live and learn."

I slid her drink over the counter, and she handed over the money. "What do you want Ember?"

She looked up, from swirling her straw around her glass. "I want to talk, figured this might work because you won't be able to yell at me."

I chuckled. "Clever." I moved down to serve a new customer, then returned to where she stood at the bar. "Okay, talk, but be quick."

"You don't like me, I get that. I took something from you, and you hold that against me. No biggie, I get it. You and I are different. You believe all that shit about monogamy and one partner for life shit. I don't."

"Ember, I don't care what you believe. You're entitled to your opinion. What you' re not allowed to do is impose your opinions on the rest of us."

"What the fuck dude. I never forced anybody." She was offended easily, I noted with warmth.

"Yes you did, by fucking my wife. You forced your shitty ideals on me. I believe in fidelity. She was my wife, my partner. You knew she was married, but took her anyway."

"Dude, you're fucked up. She wasn't happy. Do you understand. Listen to what I am saying. She wasn't happy. She's bisexual. There's a part of her that needs more. She just didn't have the courage to tell you."

"So you say. That's your opinion."

"No, she told me. We knew each other and talked for a long time before anything sexual occurred. She told me she loved you deeply, but the urges and needs she felt were growing stronger within her."

"Yeah, I get that. Maybe not entirely, but I'm trying."

"Good, that means you're listening. You know she's not happy living with me either. That's because there's something missing from her life."

"Yeah, she's bi, she needs cock as well."

She laughed loudly, threw down her gin, and said. "Another please."

I started making her drink and she continued. "You're a dick, Prentiss. She doesn't need cock. As you so crudely inferred. I can give her all the cock she needs, whenever she wants it. What she is missing is you. She can live without a male. She's more lesbian than bi. Her only problem is you... She loves you completely."

I pushed her drink over the counter, when she went to pay for it, I waved her money away. "On me."

She smirked, saying "Thanks."

"Okay, I believe in some twisted way, she does love me. Even more weird, is that I still love her. I probably always will. I've met a few women since she and I split. None measure up. It always feels like there's something missing."

"Yeah, as much as it pains me to say it. I can see how much you love her, and I admire that commitment. That's where our worlds collide. I don't believe in monogamy. I think that we humans are designed to procreate, or spread our life force. I love Sophie, as well. It doesn't stop me from wanting sex with others."

"I don't think she'd like that?"

"No, she's more like you. She hates it when I don't come home. She's not as rigid as you but she doesn't like it. She needs you in her life. You are her life partner, her soul mate for want of a better word. I'm nothing more than a little loving sexual interlude."

"Yeah, that's the problem. Actually you are the problem. If I let her back into my life. I would have to live forever with your shadow hanging over us."

"Not me babe. I'll be gone soon. I'm going travelling. But you're right about the shadow. It's not me, but it will be somebody."

"Yeah."

She pushed her empty glass back at me. "Another please."

"Okay, Prentiss. Here's the deal the way I see it. You love her, she loves you. Of this there is no argument. Correct?"

"Yeah, I think that's a true statement."

"Good, finally, we agree on something. Look dude, it obviously kills you being away from her. Wouldn't your life be better with her in it than out of it?"

"If it wasn't for you. Then the answer would be simple. Yes."

"See, that's the problem right there." She said, her voice a little slurred. "You don't know, because you never tried it. You think her being with me occasionally would wreck your life, but you don't know cos yah never tried."

"I did, she was having her affair with you for months before I found out."

"Oh yeah." She pushed her empty glass back at me. "Hit me again dude." She was getting pissed, her words running together. "I forgot about that. Tell me dude. How was your life while our affair was going down" She used those stupid air quotes defining the word affair.