All Comments on 'Mystery Girl'

The story seemed a bit aimless and awkward. You could probably improve that with some editorial help. I like the premise and would expect the story to develop nicely with more practice. Keep on writing!

could help you a lot. I think you have a story to tell, so find that editor and write. :)

The story doesn't really go anywhere, and the writing is pretty sloppy.

Lots of misspellings, lots of incorrect word usage -- examples include "pass" for "past," "Defiantly" for "Definitely," and "here" for "hear" -- and very poor punctuation. I mean, even if we relax some of the rules, this is rough.

A good editor would help, not only with the technical aspects, but also with focusing the story.