All Comments on 'Mystique Ch. 03'

That was interesting. This is a very well written story so well done for that. The husband is obviously a little mixed up, hell I would be too if I had just found out what my so-called wife was doing. Anyway I hope that revenge is in order. Dave sounds like a man who needs some nasty things done to him. I hope the wife and husband get revenge. Would I stay with the wife? No I don't think so. Yes blackmail was invoved but the fact she kept on doing what she did and didn't hint at anything being wrong is something I could not forgive. Anyway good story and I look forward to your next chapter, if possible don't let it be quite so long this time.

Seriously. You create a scene in part 1. Then you barely advance it in part 2. Then you completely change things in part 3 by involving the ridiculous character of Ian and then having this supposedly fractured person change personality literally from one line to the next. If you want to write seriously, then you have to be more consistent and not be in thrall to some idea of a plot line that involves the SAS or the like getting vengeance and all that rubbish. If you want to write that book, then do it but this is a mix of both and neither. (BTW, if Ian is such a dangerous fucking fellow, then why the fuck didn't his beloved step-daughter go to him?) You started with character and now you've made them mechanical bits acting out your fantasy plot.

Just starting to read your story. Just wanted to offer encouragement to keep writing and this is a nice start. So lets see where your going to take us readers. Besides its fiction right. Anyway keep up the good work.

Big thug/goon Ian cares so for Sue he bullies and beats on John to get him to just talk to Sue; but seems able to completely ignore the fact that Sue just got a beating from this David thug for just leaving the shoot location early where she's being blackmailed for sex. MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL THAT IAN SHOWS NO EMOTION AND HAS BEGUN NO ACTION AT ALL HIMSELF WITH RESPECT TO GANGSTER DAVID AND APPARENTLY HASN'T EVEN THOUGH ABOUT IT. IAN: "John talk to Sue or I'll break your arm; David beat and blackmailed Sue? OH, OK. Now what?" Completely illogical.

This one was very painful. One interesting aspect is that Ian showed John exactly how Sue must have been feeling everyday.... Still besides what she did being virtually impossible to forget, there are trust issues that will be difficult to deal since she lied to him in many different ways from beginning to end. Finally there was the sexual withdrawal from him plus the old saw that any woman who has done sixteen different guy in all three holes will ever be satisfied again. John should help break her loose, but after that it should be goodbye....

where is the trust and respect from her side. John didn't know any of this so his trust issues are huge. Ian is a father he wants to protect his daughter. Even if Ian and John pull off some John Wayne moves and destroy the bad guys, all the other issues still remain. She lied, cheated, fucked everything with pants and in every hole she had. She denied John much and didn't trust him to understand. Ian is a fool if he thinks love will repair this rip. John should help Ian defeat the bad guys and then start a new life. Yes he will pine for the lost love of Sue but so what the scars will impact him for the next 100 Plus years. Even her death couldn't hurt any more.

And now my comment about this new system. It sucks, why did they have to change it.

not a bad story at all. IMHO I think that John should help destroy David, as seems to be Ian's plan. Then he should divorce Sue, using the DVD evidence as proof of adultry and to take her for all she's got. The lies and cheating while letting herself be turned into a whore are bad enough, but the fact that the slut basically cut him off while being a porn star and slut for all comers would make this betrayal to much to take.

If you are going to post chapters months apart, ignore punctuation, write such awkward prose, and follow such a silly plot, why bother to continue?

the husband needs to grow some balls. he is easily bullied by his supposed to be friend into doing things he would rather not do. well, at least, i wont be reading the next chapter. reading this chapter is a waste of time.

what the hell did you do with this story. I know it's yours but you just can't ignore your own characters, can you? his wife the bitch is lying since first day. she never quit the contact with her pimp all through marriage (who knows how many times she had fun then). the next thing she does out of false ambition, so to say, to be a lot better than her dumb unknowing husband is lending money from her pimp. and then of course and with fun I might say if you read your own first two chapters, fucks everything with a dick. and now she is playing poor baby girl who needs help. so stonage old Ian friend of the mother of the bitch, who has to be at least more than twice as old, but still a lot stronger forced poor wimpy to his house, where claire the mother of the lying cheating bitch thinks it's all his fault and he has to help and of course idiot husband thinks that too. have you gotten all mad ? I'm rather getting a bullet, than helping her or taking anything dumb like that + lying and cheating, back. Hey and even in your country there would be some policeforces. but as it looks like you rather have her fucking and filming for the rest of her live and he in the end is happy having her at all and writing the plots what she fucks, who she fucks and how many.

He needs to help his wife get out of this and then divorce her. he loves her but she lied to him and betrayed him and had sex with everyone but him. They can part as friends but I would never build a life with her. Don't seek revenge on her. Just have him divorce her, walk away, and find someone else. No matter how much he says he loves her those images will always haunt their marriage and will result in bad problems down the road. And Ian is an idiot.

lately seem to be creating impossible situations in which wives consiously and willfully cheat - regardless of the reason, blackmail or otherwise. What they do is impossibly awful - meaning full of stagnant shit. And the authors will write about for 2-3 chapters making it worse and worse. And then miracuoulsy find and a stupid husband who will accept the dumbest excuse and take her back. That is what this feels like. And his "friend" Ian should have not threatened him and hurt him. What kind of friend forces this kind of siituation with bullying and pain. I rarely accuse writers no matter how much I disagree: but you are wimping, wimping, wimpin out. Please let me wrong.

The writing is not bad but the entire story is so farfetched that it is unbelievable. Brain-dead husband joins with brain-dead wife and sell their house so they can each set up their own business in which they have no experience,Dumb husband writes outline of book and old friend of wife tells him he has publisher who offers husband $5000 if he signs contract which he does without readin it naturally. Now he finds out wife is porn queen either voluntarily or by blackmail and thinks she is starring in movie he wrote while plot is not at all what he wrote. Then turns out her old friend is thug pimp . Wow what a fantastic story.

the Ct. Yankee

She lied for him all the time.Yes, he should get revenge on her pimp, and divorce her sorry ass.She was fucking sixteen guys and he was getting none!Even a forgiven person it will think too much...

I feel a wimp out in progress. John needs to leave, disappear, runaway! Ian & friend sound perfectly capable of popping a cap on David. If Sue hadn't wanted to do porn, she could have approached her bad assed step father, and her wimpy assed husband for help long before making a couple of movies. I dunno about British law, but a shylock/loanshark confronted with; "You'll get your $$ sooner or later, and we will talk to the police/court about the blackmail aspects of your business proposal, and loan terms." Would in all probability decide in favor of discretion.

This is total SHIT--CRAP--DOG SHIT--CAT SHIT--BIRD SHIT--WIMP --CUCKY--The bitch is a whore, A walking STD--HIV--Step-pop is a lame jerk---Leave the bitch--catch her pimp and cut his cock off.

of course... u go ahead with this totally believable plot. I just won't come back reading.

Let's see: <P>

Wife has been lying to him since day one.<P>

Wife has previously engaged and now is again engaged in types of sex she will not have with husband.<P>

Wife bad mouths husband on web cast.<P>

Wife introduces him to a criminal who basically steals his book.<P>

Wife goes off on husband when he gives her a negligee for Christmas after she has been unfaithful with multiple men.<P>

Wife has a commercially available video of her having sex with multiple men and on their marriage bed.<P>

No, I do not see any problems with a reconciliation. Just kidding. But still you have roped me in. Despite the plot holes I will keep reading to the end.<P>

Thanks for sharing.

My first impression is that the wife had always been a whore and was dying to find an excuse to get back to it. However, it is up to the husband to determine whether his wife has the required IQ (i.e. < 50) to have done all that out of pure stupidity, and while at it decide whether he is willing to deal with the implications of having a wife with that class of intelligence or lack thereof.

Payback for David is definitely called for, but I am not sure about Sue at all. Seems as if her whole married life has been a lie, and to deceive him the way she has is pretty much a marriage killer. Waiting for the conclusion, I hope you can pull it off.

what a load of complete whoreshit. The problem with force is you have to continue it or you lose. Dump the bitch and her crazy family. Run, screaming and quickly.

Stop writing NOW. This a worthless piece of shit story period. I'd kill both of them very sloooowly and very painfully. How about writing that into the next chapter wimp....IF YOU HAvE THE BALLS which I'm betting you don't!!!!!!!!!

Think I am going to continue reading and see how you bring this crap to an end. The Brits I know would not put up with public humiliation for a second.

CRAP

Yuck to all 3 chapters. Plot was poor , grammar shocking, spelling poor in parts, please don't write anymore you're giving the profession of being an author a bad name.

Now to these tales, why 3 chapters, if you'd used any of the good editor's available they might have helped you improve & condense them to a single chapter. It looks like there's at least 1 more chapter to come but I'm going to pass, not going to waste anymore time reading rubbish. 2 **

are you going to write anymore of these ? its an interesting storyline

i would kill fucking ian for god damn kidnapping me and send him to to fuck jesus up the ass

We can feel happy for the author, obviously she got mental help assistance since the story stops here.

Just getting good when it died. Damn, I hate when this happens.

great read. Someone please pick this up! FTDS is no longer writing

so far so good where is the rest

Where is the ending?