Nanny Sarah Pt. 02

Rebecca introduced her husband Jonathan, who looked like he'd just stepped off the cover of GQ. They were friendly enough, though, and too soon I had to leave Sarah to sit down. I stayed in sight as the rest of the mourners filed past, and for the next hour I watched Sarah as she dealt stoically with all comers. She glanced at me frequently, hopefully taking strength from my presence.

Finally the line ended, the funeral director standing at the back, turning some well-wishers away. He announced over a wireless microphone that services would begin in twenty minutes' time.

As the last of the queue finished Sarah made her way over to me, the warmth in her eyes contrasting sharply with the cold stares I was getting from her mother.

"Hi." I gave Sarah a warm hug.

"Connie, will you sit with me during the service?"

"Of course." I tried to hide my surprise, but Sarah's steady eyes told me she was serious. "Are you sure? I don't want people to...."

"I don't care. I'm going to need a shoulder. I want it to be yours."

I just nodded, looking deep into her emerald green eyes. She'd made her decision, as she always did, and a great swell of love rose up in my heart. Sarah took my hand and lead me to the family section, where I sat between her and Jonathan. She never let go of my hand.

The service lasted just shy of an hour. The college choir provided the music, which was beautiful. There were several speakers, each extolling the virtues of the deceased. Matthew spoke at the end, admirably holding back his tears until he was finished.

"My father was never afraid of love. He knew when love needed to be tough, and when it needed to be soft. He was never shy with discipline, for to him it was a form of love. Just as God disciplines those he loves, so too did my father. But he also said the words, even to a rebellious teenage boy so angry with him he couldn't see straight. And so I take these lessons from a man who spent his life teaching. Take the time to get to know the people you love. It sounds obvious, but it isn't. Study them. Work out how they need to be loved. And do those things. Nothing will ever bring you closer. And also, never be afraid to tell those you love how you feel. No matter what other people say, and even if you think they already know. Dad, I love you, and I miss you, and I promise to take your lessons to heart. What better tribute is there?"

Sarah's hand slowly tightened in mine, and her tears were flowing again. As I handed her a tissue she leaned her head against my shoulder. Is it wrong to be happy at a funeral? I was pretty sure Ted would have been happy for me, so I gave myself a pass. Besides, I was only doing hat he'd asked.

As things concluded the funeral director stepped up and thanked everyone for coming. He called the family forward to say their goodbyes.

Sarah linked her arm in mine as I lead her forward to the casket. My heart broke for her as she spoke softly to her father for the last time, and I made my own silent promise to him to care for her for as long as she would let me.

Sarah leaned heavily on me as we walked out. A woman from the funeral home asked our names before handing over a magnetic purple funeral flag for the car. I made eye contact with Matthew, wordlessly letting him know I'd get Sarah to the gravesite. Linda brought me Sarah's coat from the rack, and we stepped out and made our way to my Escalade.

As I pulled into line I could see the casket being loaded, and we were off. We drove away, Sarah taking my hand.

"Thank you."

"Of course. Anything."

The procession consisted of about a dozen vehicles, far fewer than would have been necessary for everyone who had come. We still had a police escort, though, and the cemetery was not far away.

After arriving, we parked along the narrow lane near the grave, and I ran around to help Sarah out of her seat. Matthew and the other pallbearers were carrying the coffin over the wide matt walkway that had been laid over the snow, which lead to the canopy covering the site.

The crisp winter morning had given way to a dreary afternoon, and the wind bit through my old overcoat. Luckily the canopy had sides that could be dropped, and it was far more comfortable when that was done. The failing December light forced the service to be brief, and after a few words from the minister and a verse of 'Amazing Grace', Sarah's father was lowered to his final rest.

I've been to too many funerals. Three grandparents, two parents, even a friend from college. They didn't get any easier. My eyes began to burn with tears, and without thinking I slid my arm around Sarah's shoulders. That got a sidelong glance from Maggie, but Sarah just leaned into me and returned the gesture, and we held each other as the coffin descended.

It was a little after five and the sun was down when we arrived at the Peters' church, where a dinner had been prepared. I sat down with a plate of pasta and salad, across from Matthew and Linda and their children. Matthew was as charming and friendly as I'd imagined, bragging gently on his three kids and, especially, his wife, but without any air of pomposity, and he listened intently to my own stories about Heidi. Sarah and Rebecca were making rounds, going from table to table to thank people for coming.

Eventually they made their way over us, while Maggie stayed away, sitting with several older couples Matthew identified as his aunts and uncles.

After some conversation I found myself warming to Rebecca and Jonathan, who were far more down to earth than their cover model looks had led me to believe. Rebecca, especially, carried that practiced confidence you see in doctors and lawyers, but she spoke kindly and her eyes always softened when she looked at or spoke about her husband or baby.

Sarah and Jonathan stood up to go get plates, Sarah putting her hand on my shoulder. "Do you want anything?"

"No, thank you. Go get some dinner."

As they left Rebecca fixed me with that lawyer's gaze they must teach in law school. "It meant a lot to Sarah that you came."

"She means a lot to me, and Heidi. I couldn't imagine not being here."

Rebecca nodded. "Yeah, she talks about you all the time, you know. You seem more like best friends than employer/employee."

"I think of her as a friend first. We've gotten close."

"How close?"

"Becca!" Matthew leaned forward in his chair. "I'm sorry."

"No, It's okay. Not as close as you're implying. Why? Would that bother you?" Might as well see what I'm up against.

Rebecca glanced over to be sure Sarah wasn't back yet. "No, it wouldn't. I love my sister. We both do. She's the kindest, most giving, most selfless person I've ever known. But she's lonely, always on the outside of a family, looking in, be it ours, or the people she works for. A lot of that loneliness has been missing these last few months. She's happy, in a way I've not seen for a long time. But I don't want her to get hurt."

Jonathan appeared at her shoulder with a plate for his wife. Sarah came around the table and slid in beside me.

"What were you guys talking about?"

"You, funnily enough." Sarah's cheeks colored. God, she was adorable.

"What about me?"

"Your siblings were just telling me how amazing you are. I was agreeing with them."

Sarah reddened further. "Oh, stop it."

I leaned in and whispered in her ear. "Never."

***

When the dinner wrapped up I headed back to the hotel. It'd been a long day and I wanted to FaceTime with Heidi before I crashed.

I took off my make-up and threw on a t-shirt and jeans before lying down on the bed and calling Lauren. A minute later my precious baby's bright face filled the screen, excitedly telling me about her adventures at the zoo. I waved to Sylvia in the background to cries of 'Hi, Auntie Connie!'

I spoke briefly with Lauren, telling her a little about the day before tossing my phone on the bed stand and settling my head into the pillow.

I was just considering flipping on the tube when my phone rang. I figured it was Heidi calling to say good night, so I answered without looking.

"Hello?"

"Connie?" Sarah's voice was trembling, and I sat bolt upright.

"Sarah? What's wrong?"

"Are you at your hotel?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Can I come over, please?"

"Sure. Are you okay? Do you want me to come get you?" She was obviously fighting back tears.

"No, I ... I can make it." Sarah disconnected and I sent her a text with the hotel name and my room number. Less than fifteen minutes later there was a knock at my door. Sarah looked miserable. She was still wearing her black dress from the funeral, tear tracks staining her cheeks.

"Oh, honey." I pulled her to me, holding her as she cried. I led her over to the bed and sat her down before fishing some Kleenex out of my bag. "What happened?"

"Mom and I got into a fight."

"About what?"

Sarah stared down at her knees as I sat next to her. I put my arm around her and she took a breath. "About you."

"Me? What? Was she upset I came?"

"No, it was me. I ... God, this is stupid." She sniffled and put her head on my shoulder. "She yelled at me for making a scene, for embarrassing her with a woman like some kind of lesbian."

"I'm sorry, I just..."

"No! No, don't ever be sorry. I needed you today, and you were there. I couldn't have done it without you." She put her hand on mine and looked me in the eye, her voice a whisper. "It's what I was doing when I saw you in line, wishing you'd just appear. I was imagining you holding me, and then you were there. Thank you."

Her voice broke with emotion. I couldn't say anything, so I just pulled her to me.

"Can I stay here tonight?"

"Of course." I felt my pulse race. A quick mental survey of the small room told me she couldn't possibly mean anywhere but the one king size bed. "Did you bring anything?"

Sarah chuckled dryly. "No, I ran out of the house in this." She spread her arms indicating her dress. "I called you from the front seat of my car. I drove straight over."

"Ok, let's see what we have." I hopped off the bed and opened my travel bag, pulling out my nightgown and the old, comfy t-shirt I'd planned on driving home in tomorrow. I held the latter out to Sarah. "Will this do?"

"It's perfect, thanks."

I tossed it too her. "My toiletry bag is by the sink, help yourself. There's an unopened complimentary toothbrush in the drawer there."

Sarah disappeared into the bathroom, and I quickly peeled off my shirt and bra before throwing on my nightgown. Once covered, I finished undressing and packed away my dirty clothes before sliding under the covers.

A few minutes later the bathroom door opened and Sarah emerged, holding her folded dress under her breasts. She had to reach up to hang it in the closet, which caused my gray T-shirt to rise up, revealing her perfectly shaped behind snuggly confined in a pair of black boy-short undies. Her perfect legs were equally mesmerizing and completely bare, so I had to force myself to look away, grabbing the TV remote and pressing power. While Sarah finished hanging her dress I located TBS, which was showing an episode of 'The Big Bang Theory'.

Sarah walked over, pulling back the covers and climbing into bed. I spent about one second cursing the size of the bed before she began to scoot over. In moments she was right next to me, linking her arms in mine and laying her head on my shoulder.

"This is a good one."

I nodded my agreement, although the only thing I could think about was the fact that her breast was leaning against my arm.

Despite how much she may have liked the show, Sarah was asleep in inside fifteen minutes. I turned off the TV and the light, and began to slip down from my sitting position, and Sarah sleepily mirrored my movements. She was lying next to me, facing away. I kept a respectful distance, but she reached behind her, searching for me. I put my hand in hers and she pulled it around her. "Hold me."

My hand went to her lower shoulder, forearm nestling between her soft breasts. The other arm slid under her head, supporting her. My body pressed against hers, reveling in the lingering, familiar, fruity scent of her shampoo. Her bare feet caressed against mine, pulling one of my legs between hers. Then she was asleep again, and I thought I'd never be able to say the same. Five minutes later I was dead to the world.

***

I woke up alone. A glance at the digital clock told me it was four twenty-three AM. Had it been a dream? I ran my hand over the other side of the bed. Warm, but empty. A million thoughts immediately trampled through my sleep-addled mind, all variations on Sarah realizing this was a huge mistake and hating me forever. I was just about to bury my head in my pillow for a good scream when I heard movement from the bathroom. A second later the toilet flushed and the sink ran for a moment.

I quietly resumed my sleeping posture, one eye cracked to watch her. My heart was thumping. Was she coming back to bed, or was she leaving? And why did my whole life feel like it hinged on the answer?

Sarah made no move toward the door. Instead she padded quickly back and slid in under the covers. I closed my eyes tight, but I could feel her watching me. An intense moment passed, me holding my breath, and then she settled next to me. Sarah lifted my hand and spooned against me, just like we'd first fallen asleep. She pulled my arm gently around her, her thumb turning gentle circles over the back of my hand. My skin was humming everywhere she touched. And then, oh, so softly, I felt her lips press against the inside of my wrist.

She kissed me for just a moment before resting her check on my hand. A tear rolled down my face. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed her, this beautiful creature wrapped in my arms. I inhaled the scent of her, leaned forward, and pressed my lips to the back of her head.

I felt her stiffen, and a cold wash of panic rushed through me. But then she slowly pulled my hand back to her mouth and kissed me again, this time on my palm. I could feel her shaking. Oh my god, she was as nervous as I was. Why? I was hers completely. But she didn't know that.

I pulled her lovely auburn hair away from her ear, gently kissing the exposed skin. A sigh escaped her lips as I did, and she began to turn. Her head first, looking back at me with a mix of fear, wonder, and desperate, unreasoning hope.

I leaned forward as the rest of her body came around, pulling her tight to me as I kissed her again, this time softly on the forehead. I moved away, and we gazed into each other's eyes. I saw the pleading there, the disbelief that this was happening, each of us begging the other for this to be real. Any doubt as to how she felt fled in that moment. Inevitably I drew close and pressed my lips to hers.

I've felt the world stop moving four times in my life. The first was when the nurse first laid Heidi in my arms, and I finally got to look into my daughter's face. The second, you, my dear reader, were there for, the day I met Sarah. This was the third. The fourth was still coming.

I remember my kiss with Lauren, my fingers and toes tingling, along with other sensations which I didn't understand at the time. I'd been unknowingly seeking that feeling ever since.

That had been like getting a static shock from a woolen sweater. This was like getting struck by lightning.

Every nerve in my body lit up like a firecracker, and I literally saw explosions of color behind my closed eyes. Clichéd, I know, but sometimes clichés can be wonderful. Sarah's mouth was soft and warm. I applied gentle suction to her bottom lip, earning a small moan. Her hand ran up over my back, while her other twined through my hair.

I licked Sarah's lower lip. Her mouth opened and our tongues met, caressing and teasing and wonderful.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, just holding each other, kissing gently and enjoying the realization of a dream. Finally we disengaged, and I just stared into those incredible green eyes, watching a beatific smile spread on her face.

"Hi."

"Hello." I ran a finger gently over her cheek. "I've wanted to do that for a long time."

"I was getting tired of waiting." Sarah leaned in and kissed me again. "A girl can only send so many signals."

I hadn't been expecting that. "I'm sorry, I didn't..." I stammered for a second, and Sarah brought her hand up, running her fingers through my hair. She pulled me close, and I found my voice again. "I didn't know what was happening. I never thought of myself...."

"As a lesbian?" I nodded, embarrassed that I'd stumbled over the word. "And now?"

"I've never been as attracted to anyone as I am to you, ever." Her expression didn't change, but the light in her eyes dimmed slightly. I kissed her shoulder and tried to gather my thoughts. I had to do better. "But that's just a part of it. Sarah, being near you is unbelievable. I want so much. I imagine going to sleep with you every night, and waking up with you in my arms every morning. Coming home to you each day. I want to raise my daughter with you." I swallowed hard. "I'm in love with you, Sarah. I am in love with a beautiful, intelligent, strong woman. If that makes me a lesbian I'm fine with that."

Sarah's eyes were shining now, and she pulled me back in for another kiss. No hesitancy, no fear, just total enjoyment of the intimacy of the moment. I let my hand run over her body, feeling the smooth contours of her leg and hip, the warmth of her under my old T-shirt.

When we separated Sarah finally spoke. "I love you too, Connie. For a long time."

"Really?"

"Of course. You mean I didn't snuggle up with you enough every night? I was trying to."

I shook my head and kissed her again. Oh, God, that felt amazing. "So what do we do now? I mean, we already live together. Do I start taking you out on dates? What do we tell Heidi? How do I act around you?" I was starting to panic just a little, but Sarah giggled and put her hand on my cheek, and I felt all the anxiety settle down.

"Mmm, dates would be nice. We'll figure it out. Just act natural. If you want to touch me or kiss me, just do it. And when she asks questions we answer them honestly."

I grinned and shook my head. "How do you always know what to do with her?"

"Honesty's always best with kids. I wish it were that easy with adults."

"What are you going to tell your family?"

"Truth, finally. I've been hiding since I was fifteen, and I'm sick of it. This is too important. You are too important."

"Do you want me to come with?"

Sarah snuggled in close, her voice dropping to a whisper. "Will you?"

"Of course, sweetheart."

I felt her shiver against me. "Mmm, say that again."

I gave a little smile. "Of course I'll come."

"No, not that. The last bit."

"Sweetheart?"

"Yeah."

I chuckled inside, and kissed her gently on the forehead. "Sweetheart." I could sense her relax as I said it, and it made me feel wonderful. "Honey." A kiss on the temple. "Darling." One on her cheek. I moved my lips just above hers. "My love." Sarah whimpered softly at the word, and I pressed my lips to hers, pouring everything I was feeling into it. Beyond all probability, somehow I'd found my precious one, and I was never going to give her up.

Eventually, sunlight began streaming through the window, which in December in Michigan, means the morning was rapidly moving on. Neither of us wanted our first time together to be a rushed tumble in a hotel, which meant we needed to get up.

I let Sarah go, hesitantly sliding to the edge of the bed. Sarah gave a moan of disappointment and reached out and took my hand. I gave it a squeeze and stood. "Sweetie, we have to get going." Sarah grunted and rolled over, pulling the covers over her head. "Okay, sleepyhead, I'm going to go get a shower."