Nanny Sarah Pt. 02

I turned on the water and stepped away to let it heat up, looking at my reflection in the mirror. Still the same old Connie, but the smile on her face was new. It looked good. Steam started rising from behind the curtain, and as I reached down to pull off my nightgown the door opened and a pink, auburn-haired blur dashed into my shower.

"Hey!"

A hand extended from inside the tub, its index finger repeatedly curling up, beckoning me inside. My mouth went dry, my heart instantly jumping into my throat. My nightgown went up over my head, almost in slow motion. Wearing nothing underneath, I stepped forward, taking the offered hand.

Sarah drew me in, the water and steam wrapping me in warmth. My lover's face wore a soft, beautiful smile and I let my eyes run over the length of her body. My God, she was beautiful. She pulled me close, and my lips found hers. We pressed together, the length of her legs sliding against mine, my hands running over her wet skin.

The sparse hair of her mound tickled against my thigh, and the swell of her hip pressed into my sex. The wetness there was from a completely different source, and I slid easily against her. Our breasts molded together, and Sarah's mouth moved to my neck.

I gasped as she suckled the tender flesh there. I'd never been kissed on the neck like this, and it was so exquisite I could barely stay standing. Sarah ran her hand over my side, running from my breast down to my hip. The capacity for rational thought was rapidly dribbling from my brain as we touched each other. Sarah bent slightly away, making room for her fingers to skim over my belly and dip down between my legs.

I clutched at her and moaned as her fingers ran a slow circle over and around my clit. She continued to massage me as her mouth moved up to my ear, nibbling for a moment before she began to whisper huskily.

"This is just a taste. Tomorrow, when I get home, after we put the munchkin to bed, we're going to do this right. I love you."

It was the most erotic moment of my life. Like a dream, but you didn't feel like this in dreams. Her words seemed to stream directly into my pussy, where her fingers soon reduced me to a shuddering, orgasmic mess. I don't know long I just shook against her, or how many times I repeated those three little words. After an extended, languid kiss, Sarah placed a bottle in my hands.

"Wash my hair?"

Her head was already soaked, so I poured a generous amount into my hand as she turned her back to me. She tilted her head back, water cascading down her chest and over her perfect breasts. I pulled her hair up, working the shampoo deep into it. Sarah sighed and leaned back against me. My left hand snaked around her middle, resting just under her soft breasts, while my right continued to massage her scalp.

When I was finished I let both my palms slide over her tummy then up to the perfect swells of her breasts.

"These are so beautiful."

She sighed as I caressed them, drawing in a sharp breath as I tweaked a hard nipple. "You can keep doing that." Her head lolled back onto my shoulder, and I took advantage by feasting on her exposed neck.

"It's time for your taste, I think."

Sarah shuddered. "Ok."

My right hand trailed slowly down her flat belly, as I imagined how beautiful it would look swelling with our child. Plenty of time for that, though, right now I had far more pressing matters, like making the precious creature in my arms tremble with bliss.

My hand glided down her body while I continued to hold her and suckle on her neck. My fingers trailed through her soft pubic hair and into her slit. Her opening was still tight and almost virginal. I teased and circled, but did not penetrate. The soft sounds of her pleasure, little gasps and moans, reverberated through me.

I drew my middle digit back up, finding that little nub which caused her to whimper and press down into my hand. She turned her head and kissed me as I began to work her clit. Little sighs and moans passed directly into my mouth. I pinched her nipple and she broke the kiss, her head falling opened-mouth back against my shoulder, her body rising and falling as I stroked her sex.

My fingers caressed her, traveling around, under, over, savoring the difference between the wetness of her skin from the shower and the silky coating of her sex, completely self-produced.

I continued to softly roll her nipple while my mouth when back to her neck. Her breath began to come in gasps and shudders, and I bore down on her nub. Soon she was crying out, jerking and spasming in my arms as she rode her orgasm.

The moment she recovered Sarah spun in my arms and kissed me. Hips, legs, tummies and breasts pressed together as our tongues caressed each other.

When we separated I put my forehead against hers. "Just a taste?"

"It gets better from here. I promise."

"I don't know how much better I can take. This was pretty amazing."

"Yeah it was." She laid her head on my shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you, too. And I love that I finally get to tell you."

"Mmm, you can say it as much as you want."

"I will, promise."

We took our time washing each other, but somehow refrained from any more 'tastes'. When we finally climbed out it was well after nine. Luckily the cheap hotel hair dryer under the sink worked well enough, as god knows I hadn't brought one.

We packed up and had a quick cold breakfast in the lobby. Sarah looked odd in her black dress, but no one said anything. She was too nervous to notice anyway, I think. Best she could do was pick at a bowl of cereal.

I let her dither around for a few minutes before speaking up. "Alright, let's get this over with."

After I went to check out, Sarah texted me her parent's address. It wasn't far, of course, given how quickly she'd made it to the hotel last night. I pulled into the driveway next to Sarah, which already boasted a minivan and black sedan.

Sarah climbed out of her Kia and waited for me. I took her hand as we went up the shoveled walk. When we reached the front Sarah rang the bell, which I thought was odd, but I didn't say anything.

Rebecca opened the door. "Oh my God!" She rushed out and hugged her sister. "Are you okay? What happened? We were worried sick."

"I know, I'm sorry." Sarah disengaged and took my hand again. "Can I come in? I need to talk to everyone."

I saw Rebecca's eyes flick down to our handclasp. "I see that." She cocked her head towards the door. We came inside and entered the living room, beautifully furnished in a comfortable rustic style, with a large stone fireplace crackling away at the far end. Maggie was in an armchair, holding little Dara, while the others were scattered around the house.

"Auntie Sarah!" Little six-year-old Mindy was the first to notice, and soon all three of Matthew and Linda's children came rushing for a hug. Their parents came in from the kitchen, and soon the whole Peters clan was gathered around the room. The little ones were staring at me, the stranger in their midst. Maggie had given me only a brief glance, and was busily pretending I wasn't there.

Sarah stayed standing, and spoke in a loud voice. "I need to talk to everyone. I think dad would've wanted me to. Mom, you need to listen."

Her mother gave a great, put upon sigh, and looked up. "Say what you have to say, Sarah."

Sarah looked at the kids, and then at Linda, who smiled warmly. "Go ahead, they can handle it."

Sarah nodded and took a deep breath. "You've all met Connie. And, as you all saw yesterday, she is much more than a friend to me. And now that we've all had a chance to calm down, I want to finish that conversation from last night."

Sarah pulled me gently over to the couch and we sat down. Jonah, Matthew's youngest at three years old, climbed up on his aunt's lap. Sarah gave him a hug and continued.

"No, mom, I'm not interested in men. I never have been, and I never will be. I am gay, a lesbian, whatever label you want to put on it, and I have been hiding that from you all for a very long time." Sarah's voice cracked as she finished, her eyes shining with tears. I put my arm around her.

Sarah wiped her eyes. "And I'm tired of it. She deserves better. I deserve better, and I won't do it anymore."

"But Sarah, what about your family?" Maggie looked around. "This selfishness will hurt your brother and sister!"

"Mother!" Matthew stepped up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. "This isn't going to hurt us. One of the ladies in my office is a lesbian. No one cares, or if they do they keep it to themselves."

Maggie looked to Rebecca for support, but she just shook her head. "Mom, one of our junior partners is gay, and at least two of our paralegals. It's not a big deal. Besides, this isn't a surprise to me or Matthew. And it wouldn't have been a surprise to dad, either."

Matthew smiled. "Storming man, never could get anything past him."

"Yeah." I blushed as everyone looked at me. "Some of the things he said to me, looking back, I think he could tell how we felt about each other. Even if we hadn't admitted it yet." Maggie looked daggers at me, and I returned her gaze with as little vitriol as I could manage.

"How, why did you do this to my daughter?"

"Mom!" Both Rebecca and Matthew spoke at once.

Sarah's voice stayed firm and calm. "She didn't do anything. I've known I was different since I was thirteen, maybe sooner. When I was in high school I knew I wanted a family, but when all my friends were discovering boys, I was discovering them instead. They'd talk about their crushes, how cute Martin Sullivan was, or their dreams about Mr. Arbaugh. I knew what they meant, of course, because I was having those feelings, too, but they were for Miss Steiner, or Molly Hoffman, my senior buddy when I was a freshman. My friends would talk about kissing boys, I dreamed of kissing Molly, or maybe just holding her hand.

"I wondered what was wrong with me, and I was so scared. I wasn't going to have a family if I kept going that way, and that killed me. I tried to like boys, tried to date. And I hated it.

"There was another girl at school, and she got outed, and the other kids, including my friends, tortured her. So I hid. In college it was better. I had a serious girlfriend. It was wonderful, but I still had to hide. I couldn't bring her home, or talk about her, tell you how happy I was. I had to be miserable because I was happy. Do you know how sick that is? What it does to you? And then I had to hide again, because if you're a nanny, even a rumor you're gay and you'd be out on the street, never work again.

"But now, I'm happy again. Happier than I've ever been. And I refuse to hide it, not this time. I've found someone special, and she loves me. And she...and we have a beautiful little girl, whom I adore. And I won't give them up. Not for anything. I'll fight for them, because you fight for your family. You taught me that.

"Please don't make me choose, mom. Because I'll choose her, even if it breaks my heart." Tears were rolling down her face. In fact I don't think there was a dry eye in the room. I pulled out a few tissues and dabbed at Sarah's eyes, and she put her arms around me.

"You'd pick this over your own mother."

"Yes. Because she's not making me choose."

Maggie stood up and handed her youngest grandchild to Jonathan without looking at anyone.

Rebecca slid in next to Sarah, who let me go to embrace her sister. I stood up shakily, and found myself quickly enveloped in a hug from Matthew. "Thank you for making Sarah happy. Welcome to the family."

"Thank you." I let him go, and Linda hugged me next.

"We'll expect you at Christmas, now, and we want to meet Heidi, too."

Matthew joined his sisters on the couch for a group hug, followed by his children, with multiple versions of "We love you, Auntie Sarah." I could see the peace on her face as her family surrounded her.

My phone told me it was nearing noon, and I needed to get going. I politely declined Matthew's invitation to stay for lunch.

Sarah pulled away from her family. "I'll walk you out." She took my hand and walked me to the door. As I turned I noticed a shelf with pictures. There were two large eight by ten photos, one with Rebecca and Jonathan and the other featuring Matthew and Linda. Grandkids filled in the spaces, except for one photo of a young Sarah in a cap and gown stashed over to the side.

"Yes, the bragging shelf. It's where mom takes her guests to boast about her kids. College graduations, weddings. Apparently graduating from high school was my last significant accomplishment, so, little photo."

I shook my head and kept walking, Sarah followed me out onto the front patio. As soon as the door closed I pulled her to me and kissed her soundly, embracing her when it ended. This was right, kissing her, holding her, loving her, knowing she loved me. It was as if my entire thirty-one years to this point had been some strange shadow life, and only now it had become real.

"I love you."

Sarah smiled up at me. "I love you, too. Thank you for everything. I'll call you tomorrow when I'm on my way home."

"You're going to be okay?"

Sarah glanced back inside. "Yeah, I will. I'll see you tomorrow."

I climbed into my Escalade and after a quick text to Lauren I was on the road. It was an interesting four and a half hours, alone with my thoughts and insecurities. What can I say? Now that it was real it was scary. But every time those doubts crept in I would think about what Sarah had just done. My practical, always together girl had laid her heart on the line, and she'd done it for us, and what we could be. And my heart swelled with love each time it replayed in my mind.

That had taken real strength. What was I worried about? I wasn't going to lose any family. My brother wasn't going to care. At work we had several out and proud homosexuals of both genders, and my boss had always made it clear that any sort of harassment or discrimination would not be tolerated. Maybe the loss of a friend? A cross-eyed glare from an old man at the grocery store?

The more I thought on it, I realized I wasn't scared of anything exterior. I was scared of me. What if I wasn't good enough for her? What if she risked everything for me, and I screwed it up?

I remembered many conversations with myself when I was pregnant. What if I dropped my daughter on her head? What if I caused her be so messed up she couldn't function? What if, what if, what if?

Finally one day my dad had wormed out what was bothering me. He told me he'd felt the same way before I'd been born. "Just do your best. Accept you'll make mistakes and learn from them. And be committed to being better every day."

By the time I got back to town I was feeling better, and I was really looking forward to Sarah being home. I got to Lauren's a little after four, and was immediately attacked by two little girls and a Scottish terrier. Heidi cleaved herself to my hip, arms wrapped around my neck, and I gave Lauren a one-arm hug.

"And how are you doing?"

"Good." I couldn't help but blush.

Lauren's eyes narrowed. "How good?"

I chuckled. "Really, really good."

"Okay, you're staying for dinner, and we're going to talk."

I gratefully accepted her invitation. If I'd gone home then it would have been fast food for sure. Also, I could smell the crock-pot of what turned out to be white chicken chili bubbling away in the kitchen.

After dinner Rick took the girls in the other room and fired up 'Elf'. Joseph was swinging in his rocker, happy as a clam, and Lauren and I were finishing up the dishes.

"So, what happened?"

"Umm, stuff." I grinned wickedly. "Good stuff."

Lauren gave me a good stare and stamped her foot. "Constance Walker you spill right now, or you can find yourself a new best friend."

Blushing crimson, I gave her a brief version of what had brought Sarah after I'd said 'Good Night' to Heidi yesterday.

"So, I woke up at like four a.m. and she was in the bathroom, so I pretended to be asleep when she came back to bed. She pulled my arm around her and kissed me on the wrist."

Lauren's eyes went wide. "So I kissed her on the back of the head, then she rolled over and, well...."

"Well what?!"

"I kissed her. I totally lost my head. Or maybe I found it. I don't know."

"And?" I could see her trying not to stamp her foot again.

"It was amazing. I told her how I felt. She asked what had taken me so long." My cheeks were literally aching from smiling. Lauren squealed and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Sweetie, I'm so happy for you." She kissed my cheek and let me go. "So what happens now?"

I shrugged. "She comes home tomorrow, and we try to figure out our new normal. I mean, we already live together and we have a routine. The only thing that'll change is what room she sleeps in."

Lauren cocked her head at the naivety of my remark. "You said her mother didn't like you. How's that going to go?"

"Oh, God, I forgot." I gave a quick recounting of what had happened at her mother's house. "The things she said, Lauren, I didn't believe anyone could say them about me. I was so happy. I want this so badly. I want to be an 'us', like you and Rick. But you said it before. I've never been in a long-term relationship, not with anyone. How do I not screw this up? I can't screw this up."

"Oh, sweetheart." Lauren pulled me into a hug. "You'll do fine. Better than fine." She looked me in the eye and wiped away the tear running down my cheek. "You have an incredible capacity to love, Connie. And there's no secret, no trick to it. It's just love, and commitment, and hard work. But if you're willing to do the work, it can be wonderful."

***

I'd taken Monday off as well, just in case. Heidi and I had a quick breakfast before I took her to school, which I completely screwed up. Apparently dropping a four-year-old off at preschool requires more training than landing a fighter jet on an aircraft carrier. I was in totally the wrong lane and I had monitors and other parents yelling at me. Even my own daughter scolded me. "No, mommy, you're 'posed to go the other way."

I had to shake it off, though. I had something else to accomplish before I had to go back and get her at noon. My little dalliance with Sarah in the shower had reminded me forcibly that since Heidi had come along I'd completely neglected a certain area of personal hygiene. And if tonight was going to be everything I was hoping it would be, I wanted to get it taken care of, before my undressing began to resemble an episode of Wild Kingdom, if you get my drift.

There was a spa nearby with a shop attached, and I headed there. I needed guidance, and some part of me cringed at the thought of buying bikini-waxing supplies.

The salesgirl behind the counter was young, pretty, and way too perky for a Monday morning. She smiled brightly as I entered. "Welcome! Is there anything I can help you find?"

"Um, yeah, I, uh...." I felt my cheeks burning as I stared at her. "I need to, um...." Good God, Constance, you're a grown woman. Pull it together.

The sales girl, whose tag said her name was Dani, cocked her head at me. "Sweetie, whatever it is I've heard it before."

I took a deep breath. "I need to do a bikini wax." Whew.

I waited for Dani to laugh at me, but she stayed absolutely professional, just nodding her head. "We can help with that." She looked at me seriously. "Now, is this the first time you've done this?"

My cheeks were burning red as I managed a smile, "How could you tell?"

"Just a hunch. Now I'm going to ask you a few questions, okay?"

I nodded, steeling myself to answer truthfully. And I did. Twenty minutes later I left with a jar of wax, applicators, a wax warmer, aloe for after, and a men's beard trimmer. I also had a pamphlet with step-by-step instructions as to what to do.