All Comments on 'Natalie Ch. 03'

looking forward to the next chapter

Good work, but curious about Vincent. Get the impression he did something and was cursed with being kept from being able to be in his other lupine forms.

On the right track? Can't wait to read more.

Thank you.

If you want people to read your work, you must edit it first for simple spelling and grammatical mistakes. You switch backwards and forwards between past and present tense without any thought to the damage you are doing to your story. If you can't find someone to correct your work for you, leave it several days after writing it and read it aloud to yourself slowly. The errors should show themselves to you and hopefully you'll be able to correct them. I've yet to hear of someone feeling themselves into a fit of laughter rather than falling. Please get some help.

It's very stiff and disjointed. No personality traits are revealed or even described.

It reads very wooden. Maybe your editor can help.

perfect im so excited to read the next chapter.

Like the promise of the plot but like others have said it is very stiff no personality. Try to improve that.

Found it to be a great read but needs better grammar. Cant wait to read the next chapter! Is there going to be another? Has been a while.......

Uh ha, I know what happens, the dream, he can not shift because he killed a witch and she cursed him, so he must find his mate to break the curse, but he is confused because her friends scent is on her to since they are so close and he thinks it her when really its her frien ronnie., right or I guess I find out when I read more.

I know you've posted a few more chapters so I don't know if you've learned from your mistakes yet but here is some advice. At the beginning of this chapter and throughout it, you had dialogue lines without any tags to identify the speaker. Tags such as she said, he sighed. Tags lines can be used to show emotion and action (ex: he said while swinging his crossed leg to and fro). While you can post dialogue lines without having a tag behind it every single time (because anything can overused) it should be done sparingly. Having lines and lines of dialogue posted without the reader clearly being able to tell who is speaking and without any action from the person saying the line, is just a bunch of talking heads in the room.