All Comments on 'Neighbor Chronicles Redux Ch. 02'

So your gonna make the same mistake than Avid ? Make Bill a wimp who just think with his cock and nothing more ?

Don't switch categories mid-story.

First off, you write well. Either you have a good proofreader, or you're well-versed at putting together a story.

Unfortunately, that's where my compliments end. You purport to begin your fanfic at the point when the characters went off the rails (in your opinion). Putting aside that it's rather presumptuous to know better than the author of the story you're writing a fanfic of, you.... don't seem to understand what 'corruption' is, and how it is central to the entire story. Instead, you decide she should act dominant, which is entirely out of character (to take your parlance).

Secondly, the way you make Jack into this submissive, weak, groveling person also completely defeats the purpose of the original story. Why should the wife be at all interested in him when she already has that at home?

Unfortunately, for all your writing ability, you've taken a story about the corruption and downfall of a marriage and turned it into another bog-standard tale with zero spice. What a shame.

I found the chapter to be fun and entertaining and well developed with again the right amount of drama and sexual fun. Nice little twist at the end of the 5 Star chapter. Keep rocking on this group and let the good times roll. Cheers

Thanks for this. Really enjoyed the original series, so very happy to see it being taken in another direction. Keep up the fine work.

Comment about making the same mistake making Bill a wimp. Sorry to break it to you guys, but encouraging your spouse to seek pleasure with someone other than you makes you a wimp no matter what spin you try telling yourself. I hope this is a tale where Bill loses it all, or falls into the masochist cuck. Thank you for carrying on with the abandoned story.

The decent erotic writing doesn't save the bland story direction and you have butchered the characters.

Really bad job

I have to post a second comment. Envoyeur, you are missing a fundamental part of the story that people latched onto…Jack takes what he wants, and forces barriers to be broken. You are teetering on writing Jack as a passive modern beta that only moves forward with consent of the woman. You continue with that, I don’t see much success continuing the story.

I'm liking this new version of NC. I like that Amber and Bill are a strong couple who love each other a lot. Maybe there is too much interaction between Amber and Bill, I'm not saying that's bad but seeing very little of Jack with Amber compared to the original NC is strange, I suppose that in the new chapters Jack will be more present and participatory.

Jack doesn't seem like a submissive to me, he's just thinking better about her moves and I have hope that he will dominate Amber again and that she will give herself completely to Jack in her marital bed while Bill films them.

Regarding Bill, he doesn't seem faint-hearted or a weakling to me, it's because of his fantasy that he starts this whole story. He would be a weakling if they made him wear a chastity lock or feminize him or something. I don't see it that way and besides, Bill, if he wanted to with one hand, would destroy Jack.

I hope the coffee shop "solution" that Jack told Amber regarding condoms isn't that he got a vasectomy, that would be too cliché and too convenient for the story. A new alternative would be interesting.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter and you keep it up.

Mediocre and totally missing the point of the original series. Avid had his faults bud at least he knew kinda what he was doing(in regards to the pont of the og series)

I completely agree with fh321. Sorry dude. Your intentions were in the right place, but you've committed the same transgression that prompted your reimagining.

Absolutely awesome!

I loved the slow game of Jack playing along knowing that in time he would take control back from Amber. The interaction between Amber and Bill is absolutely awesome and I wished they'd been a lot more in the original series. Not forgetting Stacy and Amber talking more as besties would.

Keep up the good work It is absolutely amazing.

This is a significantly better written piece that actually reflect that the women (regardless of calling themselves subs) hold the key to this type of relationship. Showing the acceptance of drugging someone as a way to facilitate the lifestyle is both wrong and irresponsible.

Agree with fh321's comments. Sorry, this direction of the story seems less enjoyable BUT thank you very much for the story.

Well, change of premiss as well of character behaviour, it seems. Suddenly Amber is dominant and Jack more or less submissive. Dont think you will attract same amount of readers like this, but less can certainly also do it, since NC was a huge success. Hoveder, I will keep reading the next chapter to see what your up to with this :)