All Comments on 'Neighbors Ch. 04'

You want comments?? Stick this in Loving Wives category and you'll be overloaded with comments.

I hope this serves as constructive criticism. Of course, it is my opinion, but it is meant to be objective about the writing.

First, I think even though erotic stories feature "sexy erotica", they are still stories. Having said that, a story needs plot and character development. A plot gives the story a direction (in the classic sense: act 1: intro/inciting incident, act 2: development, and act 3: cadence/conclusion). The character arcs propel the story forward and keep the reader involved.

Within this context, I see two fundamental problems with the series: (a) the plot is difficult to identify (I am unable to say what it is after reading it) and (b) the characters are flat (I cannot identify arc).

Apart from the plot/character problems, there is a "readability" problem based upon the dialog. For me, there is a lot of "filler" dialog that doesn't go anywhere. In stories, the dialog is not like real life. Not at all. Instead, the dialog is used as a mechanism to "show not tell". It is meant to make the story go faster. Every line of dialog in a story must serve a purpose; i.e. it can be silly, but it is because you want the character to appear silly, or sexy, or whatever. I always run read out loud my dialog. If it doesn't contain clues, or character development (by the way they talk to other characters), then I eliminate it.

There are some redeeming scenes in your story, particularly the sexy scenes. However, these are buried in the senseless banal conversations that don't go anywhere. Also, while the writing shows promise, without the plot and character arc, readers will always have a hard time getting to the end.

Hope this is the feedback you were looking for. Here on Lit, meaningful comments can be few and far between. When they do occur, they are quite sparse. But on the positive side, it can help to become a better writer (if that is the intention).

I hope you have nore of this coming.

Hope there is more

It has been a year since this was posted. I hope to see more soon.

Thank you