Nora - Embracing an Erotic Life Ch. 07

I was very nervous with him watching as I moved gently in my wife. I wanted not to appear to compete with him but to express my confidence in my relationship with my wife by the controlled way I made love to her. In reality my mind was in turmoil, wondering what this night would mean to us--now and after this night had passed. I put my hands on her shoulders as I began and then moved them to her hips as I moved in her slowly and smoothly, her pussy already very wet from what we had done for her. I reached around to rub her clit again to make certain she would orgasm again and she did but quietly. She thanked me.

After I withdrew she remained in the same position, ready for him. When he came into her it was very slowly wanting her to feel every bit of his length and girth. I heard her begin to groan, sounds of her pleasure, mewing each time he moved his cock into her and then, and I could see it on her face, regret each time he pulled back out. After several unhurried strokes, teasing her, perhaps wanting her to beg, she moaned and said, "Oh yes, I want this. Andrew, thank you. James, thank you for this too."

He began to feed his cock in and out, more vigorously. "Yes, like that, just like that! Don't stop doing that, Andrew. Even harder!"

This was the first time I had seen my lovely, sexy, wife being penetrated by another man. I moved around behind the couch where I could look directly into her eyes and take hold of her hands. She looked at me just as directly, sweat forming on her face reflecting both intense pleasure and her appetite for more of what was producing it, almost sobbing for more. I could feel her pushing back, trying to take more of him and deeper with each stroke, letting me know she was fucking him just as certainly as he was fucking her.

I leaned over and kissed her again. She smiled at me. "It's very good for me, James. You are good for me too. I see the love in your eyes, even as I am giving myself to him. But I am yours, completely!"

She mouthed the words, "I love you, James." In that moment I hardly could feel confident in what she said about being entirely mine again. She was fooling herself, not intentionally, but nevertheless I was sure she was. Denial. Wishful thinking at best. I watched them for a few minutes more, leaned in to kiss her again. It was hard to watch what my friend and wife were doing for one another--and hard not to watch. l turned and walked away from them. I went upstairs--and much later I finally did fall asleep.

Sunday

I awakened only when I felt her lay down beside me. The clock read three o'clock.

"How was your time together this time, Nora?"

"James, I came several more times, in different positions. He was better for me this time, more assertive, more energy. I responded to that with more enthusiasm and I took more pleasure from it. You could see that beginning when you left. You could have watched, you know. I'm sorry you didn't. I thought you would want more of seeing me fucked, of my being so hot and greedy for it. After he has gone home I will tell you about it if you want me to, sometime but not now. I need to sleep. See you in the morning, sweetheart."

I awakened at eight; Nora was fast asleep. I went downstairs and into the kitchen for coffee. Andrew was standing with a cup in his hand. He would not look me in the eye. "James, I should go," he said. "Thanks for the weekend. Good luck to you and Nora."

I told Andrew if he wanted to return, next time he should come with someone else, a wife. I made clear he would be unwelcome if he came alone. He nodded and left.

After ten months of silence we received a wedding announcement. Andrew was marrying a local woman he has known since high school. We did not go to the wedding and have not seen him again. Maybe sometime in the future we will.

For Nora and me that week-end had presented unanticipated and hard to resist temptations, previously unacknowledged desires and vulnerabilities, and a sense discussions and decisions still to come could change our sexual relationship and potentially our marriage.

For several months we spoke no further about our feelings and our concerns about what happened during Andrew's visit. And then we both seemed to need to talk about it and its implications. I started the conversation one Friday night as we shared drinks in front of the fire.

"Nora, don't you feel we need to talk now about what happened when Andrew was here and what it means to each of us? I feel we are leaving things unspoken, maybe things neither of us has acknowledged, even to ourselves?"

"You are probably right, James. I realize I have avoided this conversation and have tried not to think about the implications to the extent I understand them. I know we need to talk and I will try my best to share what has been going through my mind."

"Here is the core of what I think, Nora. I believe your actions while Andrew was here were not exclusively about your attraction to him during his visit or with his neediness at a difficult time. I have come to feel your behavior also indicates you had been repressing, I don't know for how long, a need for sex with a man, or men, beyond the sex we have with one another. I doubt very much your time with Andrew has satisfied your needs and, unless we can agree, now or later, on how to address these needs, they might drive us apart. They might tempt you to secretly seek satisfaction elsewhere for needs I can't entirely meet on my own."

"James, I want to be honest about but also not to overstate or oversimplify what I feel. There may be truth in what you have said, and wisdom as well. However, I don't feel an urgency about dealing with this, perhaps not as much as you do. Yes, sex with Andrew, unexpected but very pleasurable, does suggest a hunger for something more. And I do feel sexual desire sometimes when I am around an especially attractive man who seems especially attracted to me. I have felt sexually stimulated a few times when I am with a man who let me know his feelings by how he looked at me or what he said to me. Occasionally I have been tempted to respond in such situation, but it has not gone beyond temptation. How would it make you feel, James, if I added--not yet!"

"Not surprised, Nora. I am pleased you acknowledge you have felt temptation during such flirtations--and reassured you have not succumbed. I hope it will be 'not yet' for a good while and you will tell me when you no longer want to resist. I will do a lot to keep us together. If you need more than I have to give you I hope it will be about needing sex and not about needing love or respect--and if it happens I hope you will let me be there. Watching you with Andrew taught me I can handle being there, even if the excitement is mixed with the pain of jealously. "

We left it at that. No plans. No agreement to talk further. No hard commitments not to act. This was all we shared that night and all we said about potential changes in our sexual relationship for many months. What happened later between Nora and me and Nora and another man is another story in her sexual development, another opportunity for her, with my support, to embrace a more erotic life.