Nora - Embracing an Erotic Life Ch. 13

"James, I have anticipated your question for weeks and I know I need to answer you as honestly and forthrightly as possible. In fact, I thought about this all during my flight home from Denver last week. We do need to talk and there is much to talk about. I hope I don't shock you with what I am about to say. Maybe none of it will surprise you.

"James, you are the only man I love, the one I know loves me, a husband who supports me beyond all reasonable expectation, the man I want to be married to, the man I will always need most.

"We both realize we are in a kind transition stage in our relationship, mainly sexually but maybe in some other ways we don't fully understand. I don't know if our experiences of the past year have set us firmly on a particular path but for me they have changed how I think about sex, what I need sexually, and my willingness to act to satisfy my needs. My week end with Andrew three years ago helped me recognize I had been hiding needs and desires from both of us. But you know that. You asked me about my present feelings and I will just speak to the present.

"James, good and frequent sex has become much more important to me, in fact essential. I have tasted sex I might have regarded as forbidden and now find I often am starved for it, driven to find it and to take it when I find it. That has become, compelling, overpowering. I hunger for the intense high I get from hot, unrestrained sex.

"I want sex with you, James, and always will--but I also want sex with others. I need other men, and probably sometimes a woman. I am unable now to settle for fantasies and role playing. I want sex more often and I want it, not all the time but often, to be new and different--to be surprising in some way. I want to be carried away by the sex I am having. I want to feel free to be wanton and lustful, daring and debauched and dissolute. I crave the power of those feelings when they come over me. When they do, James, I want to be free to give in to whomever and whatever is available.

"I want sexual partners who can please me with their physical strength and beauty and with their imagination and enthusiasm. I want to suck their cocks and fuck their cocks and to give them what they want in exchange for their gifts to me. I want to give them intense pleasures beyond what anyone has given them before so they will give my mind and body what I need when I ask for it.

"I will be a hot wife if you will let me, James. If you can accept it. Will you be my husband and partner, and at times my enabler and my watcher, on my erotic journey? Can I hold on to you while I satisfy my sexual needs. Is it fair for me even to try to keep your love, to keep you as my husband, given the strong desires driving my behavior?"

I had no response to her questions that night or in the next few days. I had asked her to share her sexual feelings with me and she had done so far beyond my expectations. What should I say to her? What could I say to her? Two weeks later I was ready to respond and I did so one evening after dinner.

"Nora, I concluded, during the days and nights after you had sex with Andrew several times during his visit, I would not be enough for you sexually. Based on your reaction to sex with him, your lust for him, I assumed sooner or later you would want a man or men more attractive and passionate and imaginative and strong, and maybe larger, than I am--and you would need more sexual variety than any one man could offer. After my support for your experiences with Adrian and a variety others over the past year, you surely appreciate I have understood and largely accepted your need to be with other men, and probably women.

"Nora, I will be with you in your erotic journey as much and as long as I can. However, please know that sometimes the freedom you feel you need for your satisfaction may be too much. I may not be able always and forever to bear watching or listening or imagining what you are doing. Sometimes there may be too much humiliation when you ignore me, or when I can tell you would prefer for me not to be there, or when I can't handle what you are making happen or allowing to happen.

"To make my point very directly, Nora, I can't guarantee my love, or my respect, will survive under all circumstances. You must accept that possibility and admit to me, now or very soon, you understand this and accept the risk. Nora, this is all I want to say to you now in response to your clear and candid remarks.

This is the end for now of the Nora's Journey chapters. More will follow if the fourteen episodes in this series so far have been well received.