Not A Joke

(All you hard-assed, no cuck shit guys - you're warned. Maybe some of you will read it anyway.)

*

Bill Monroe and his wife Rose were finishing desert one Wednesday evening. They were at the kitchen table, where they usually ate now that their twin sons were off at college - starting their sophomore year. It was just after Labor Day. A nice time of year in Virginia, usually. You could still swim outdoors, but the heat was breaking a bit.

Bill was feeling fine when Rose said, "I'm bored."

Bill looked at her. "Shall we go to a movie?" They hadn't been to a movie theater since COVID came. But now theaters were open, if not thriving.

She smiled a bit. "I didn't mean just right this minute. With our life." She smiled at her husband.

He knew that smile. She was joking around with him.

Bill smiled back. "Maybe we should.....find other people."

She looked at him with a certain sharpness. She said, "You're joking."

"Yep."

"I wasn't. That was going to be my idea. What I was going to propose. It's not a joke."

Bill looked again at her. That smile....but.... He said, "Maybe you should make yourself very clear, if you weren't joking."

Both of them were lawyers. Rose worked at her own firm, which largely did 'family law.' That meant divorces, by and large. Bill worked for a D. C. firm, where he did white collar crime. Before that he had done criminal defense of all sorts.

So, Rose and Bill were able to speak clearly, if they wanted to do that. Or, they could obfuscate, as Rose had been doing with her opening statement.

Rose said, "We've been exclusive for twenty-three years." They were both forty-four.

"And....now you don't want that?" Bill was starting to feel a little more than annoyed. His tone reflected that.

"I want to experiment."

"With sex?"

"Yes."

"Sex with other people." This was a statement, not any longer a question.

"Yes." Rose was not looking down. She did not seem unsure of herself. Her demeanor was like it was when she did meetings with other lawyers.

Bill was also not looking down. He stared into his wife's eyes. He nodded to note his understanding.

He said, "Your proposal is.....?"

She said, "I want to be able to see other men. Within our marriage. No divorce. No separation. Just some.....side action, if you will."

Bill said nothing. He still had his wife's eyes. The eye contact continued for what seemed like an hour, but was less than two minutes.

Then, he stood, and slowly walked out to the rear patio. Rose watched him. She expected him to stop by the pool. He did not. He walked right by the pool, by the pool house, and out the back gate. He wasn't hustling, or in any hurry. It was a stately pace.

Rose had expected....well, not that. Argument, maybe. Anger. She was miffed that he had not expressed any of that. He had shown no emotion at all. It had been like a business meeting. She had planned to take that approach and then soften up. But he had simply matched her stoicism. And walked away. It was unsettling, to say the least.

She had prepared for the conversation as she would do for a case in court. She had marshalled her arguments, tried to anticipate retorts and reactions. Yet he had flummoxed her. Shit! She absolutely did not want to end the marriage, although she knew that was a possibility. Now, it seemed to be more likely than not.

Bill was shaken to his core. He was, though, trained to hide such things, and he was very good at it. But, he knew that he couldn't keep that demeanor for very long. So, he walked out. And he kept on walking. He was wearing shorts and a T-shirt, with sneakers. He had his keys, and wallet. He found himself walking over the 14^th Street bridge, into D.C. An hour after he left, he was at his office building. He went in, and to his office. It was eight-twenty, just getting dark. Some people were still at work, but not too many. Lawyers. Not staff.

As he had walked, Bill had emptied his mind of structured thought. It was a technique that he had developed over the years, to allow 'stuff' to surface. Sort through it later. Now that he was in his office, it was time to sort. While walking, the 'stuff' that surfaced was mostly images of his life with Rose and the twins. There was other 'stuff,' though. Rose dancing with a younger guy at her office holiday party last year. A Fourth of July picnic that year where Rose was off somewhere for a time. Their beach vacation. Rose's bikini was smaller than ever before, and she looked great in it. She attracted attention from men. Bill had been proud.

But as he sat in his office, he found himself sobbing, silently. Gasping for air.

Bill was a six-footer, medium build. He had longish, sandy hair, brown eyes, and big thighs. He had been faithful to Rose for their entire marriage, although he had had chances to stray, quite often. He assumed, until that evening, that Rose had also been true. Now?

Rose was also tallish, but with a slim figure, and a pretty face, set off by a mop of dark brown hair, often messy. She looked far younger than her actual age. Bill was sure that she, too, had had her chances. He thought that maybe some such chance had prompted her proposal that evening. He wondered if she had already acted. Because, as he sorted through his impressions, his analysis was that she had someone in mind when she made the proposal. He didn't believe that her lust was open ended. There was some guy, at least to activate that lust.

He also came to the following conclusions. One: Rose was dissatisfied, in some way, with her life with him - probably with the sex. Two: Rose would make efforts to change that, and would not be dissuaded by small changes. Three: It was highly likely that she would have sex with another man, or men. Four: It was unlikely that she had already done that.

So, he had to decide what he wanted, under these circumstances. It was quite clear to him that his ideal would be for it never to have happened. So what?

He assumed that she was proposing an open marriage. Both of them free to stray. If not, the marriage would end. And she would have known that. So....open marriage? He started thinking about what he would do, if that arrangement was made. There were two women that he would like to....dally with. One was younger, a single woman - Mary Clifford, a fellow volunteer at a food bank and shelter where he worked twice a month. He knew that she was interested in him, despite his marital status.

The other was another lawyer at his firm - divorced, about his age. Nora Stanton, who was a beauty. It had always been his impression that she would agree to a proposition from him. Especially if he told her that his marriage had opened up.

And....he knew that there were other women who would be open to him.

But there were many, many men who would gladly fuck Rose. Way more of those than of women for him.

He decided that he needed to gather some information, without asking Rose. He needed to know what she was really after, if it was a specific person - who?

While he was thinking this through, he got up to go to the men's room, down the hall. As he was passing George Bailey's office, he heard him say, "Rosie?" Bill stopped just out of sight. George said, "What did he say?" A pause. "Just walked out? How long ago?" Another pause. "So, you have no idea what...?" Pause. "I can check to see. I'll be right back."

Bill knew that George was about to look to see if Bill was in the office. He jogged back into his office and waited. Sure enough, George poked his head in.

He said, "Bill? Why are you here so late?"

George was younger, maybe thirty-four, unmarried, quite large, with a blond ponytail. He was a partner, but just new to that. Bill had not wanted him in the firm, but had been overruled about that. Bill thought that George's presence in the office was disruptive, because he had been sexually involved with two women on the staff.

Now, it seemed as if George had gotten Rose, or was about to do that.

Bill replied to George's inquiry with a bland, "Some business to do."

George nodded. He said, "Is anything wrong, Bill? You look....upset."

Bill knew that he did not look upset. George was a bad liar. Not so great for a lawyer. Bill said, "Not upset at all, George. But....you do look upset. Why?"

Bill had told the truth. George did look upset. And, in a flash, he knew why. Everyone at the firm knew that Bill kept a pistol locked in a drawer of his desk. He had done that for some time, since a client broke bad on him while they discussed his case. Bill thought that George was afraid.

Bill smiled at George, and moved his hand from the top of the desk to a spot by his thigh. George said, "I guess I've been working too hard." He backed away, turned and went down the hall to his own office. This time he closed the door. Bill, who had not opened the pistol safe drawer, did so now. He removed his 9 mm Glock and checked it. He stood, tucked the gun into the front of his shorts. His T-shirt covered it, but someone looking at him would be able to see that it was there. He walked around the office, and found that he and George were now the only people there.

He went to George's door. It was unlocked, and Bill stepped inside. George took one look at him, and said, "It's nothing, Bill. Nothing. Nothing's happened."

"Oh? Well, it seems to me that you're lying. You knew what she was going to say today."

"We talked. I mean, there is an attraction. But...."

"But what, George? When you say nothing, you just mean no intercourse. But what did happen? And don't lie, George. You're not good at it."

George was silent. Then he said, "We've had lunches. We met at a dance venue one evening. Just danced. Maybe some kisses."

"And now, you want to fuck her."

"I always wanted that. Most guys would. You wanna fuck Nora. Now's your chance."

"George, I'll only say this once. You cannot have anything else to do with Rose. Rosie...is not for you, ever. No lunches. No dancing. No calls, or texts. Understand?"

"No. I won't accept that. She and I....have something. You have to get over it. Fuck Nora."

"I have a lot of responses at my disposal, George. So many. And they'd hurt....you."

George shrank away, and his eyes glanced again at Bill's waist. But he said, "We have security cameras, Bill. You would never get away with it."

"Maybe I don't care." He pulled out the gun. It was down by his right thigh.

George about shit his pants. He was all the way back on the wall. He said, "You win. I agree not to see her."

Bill thought him despicable, and was very tempted to end him right there. But he'd have to do time, and Rose would fuck some other guy.

Bill laughed at George. He said, "I won't kill you now, George. But, if I were to go to the other partners and complain that you were after my wife, they'd cut you out fast. In fact, that might happen anyway."

"I said okay. I won't have any further contact."

Bill nodded. He said, "If you're lying, George, and I find out about it, some day you'll be walking along and.......BOOM. Gone. This gun will still be locked in my drawer, too. Do you understand?"

"Yes. You're an asshole. And vicious, too."

"Now, that's a sensible approach." Bill walked away, back to his office. He put away his gun, and left the building. It was nine-thirty pm. He hailed a cab, which took him home.

Bill went inside to see what Rose was up to. He also wanted to get some things, if he decided to leave. His car, for one. It was only a Civic, but he needed transport, and he liked it.

He got home just before ten pm. He heard the vacuum running. Rose was cleaning the living room floor. It was what she did when she was nervous. It seemed to soothe her.

Bill clapped his hands loudly to get her attention. He waved her into the kitchen. The vacuum stopped and she followed him to the same table where, hours before she had started this.

They sat, and Bill said, "You can't have George. He won't be answering your calls. Have you lost your mind? He's a partner in my firm. And he's a jerk, too - Rooosie...."

Rose turned white, then red. It was interesting to watch her face. She said, "What did you do to him, Bill?"

"Not nearly as much as you did with him, Roooosie."

"Fuck you, Bill."

"I could get him tossed from the firm, for what you and he did."

"We hardly did anything!"

"Enough, though. What were the specifics of your proposal going to be?"

She glared at him. "I could have other men. You could have other women, if that's what you wanted. We'd be...discrete."

"You went out dancing with him, Rose. Not discrete."

"It was not at a place where we'd be known."

"But Rose, you must have known that as soon as I found out who you were fucking, I'd get him tossed. One thing to have a boy toy like your personal trainer. But it's altogether another to do some guy from my work."

"One thing I was going to say was that we wouldn't discuss our other lovers."

"So dumb. He would've bragged at work. And, I definitely would have divorced you."

She sighed. "Well, can I have a boy toy, then?"

"I'll consider it. But, I want to say that it's highly likely that it would end our long relationship. No matter that I would be fucking around, too."

"Why couldn't we just....I don't know....ignore some few evenings out. For both of us. And keep on with the marriage?"

"Are you really so dissatisfied with us as we are?"

"Yes. I'm sorry. But, yes."

"I thought we were doing okay. We have sex. More now than when the boys were around. Is it no good?"

"It's okay. It used to be great. But I need something else."

"Rose, you know me. Do you believe that I'd just have casual sex. Think it through. If I went with other women, what do you think would happen?"

She was silent for some time. She started wringing her hands. She said, "That bitch Nora."

Bill shrugged. "What would happen, Rose?"

"You'd end up with her, or the other one from the food bank. She's younger and she wants you bad."

"You wouldn't have ended up with George, though. He's big and you wanted a few thrill fucks. We're different that way. Kind of the opposite of the sexual stereotypes. You've been warned, Rose."

She got up and went upstairs. Bill heard the shower. He went to the pool house and showered there. He wrapped a towel around his waist, and went back to the house, upstairs, and into their bedroom. Rose was in bed, under the sheet. Bill dropped his towel and got in. Rose was naked, and a little damp. Bill pulled her close, face to face. He was erect. She still could do that to him, after all this time, and all the time. He'd miss her, he thought to himself as he started licking her breasts. He heard her moan. She said, "Eat me."

He moved down on her and licked her to an orgasm. Something he always did for her. Then he moved slowly up her body, licking here and there. She spread for him, and he entered her missionary. She came again, right away. And once more when he emptied himself into her.

Bill rolled off. Rose was breathing hard. They were falling asleep, when she said, "That was great. Thanks. It doesn't change things, though."

"I know. It's sad, Rose."

"It doesn't have to be sad."

"We'll see. I have some decisions to make. Please don't sneak around on me."

"Okay."

Eventually they slept.

Thursday, Rose went to work as usual. Bill called his AA and said he'd be late. He had no office appointments. He looked up the divorce laws in the state. He concluded that, if they split, there would be no alimony, and one would buy out the other on the house. Probably he'd buy her out. Not a big deal, financially. But, his boys would likely suffer some. And the grandparents were all alive and well. None of those four would like it - a split. But, none of the family would understand an open marriage either, and it seemed to him that they'd all find out, eventually. Worse, they had to live apart - no sex with each other - for six months.

He composed an email to the four parents, and stashed it in the draft file, for later use. The boys would have to be told in a telephone call. He'd decide when, but sooner rather than later. If Rose was going to fuck up the marriage, she needed to have the entire experience.

Then he sat and pondered whether he could stay with Rose, if both of them were fucking others. He knew that other couples did that. He opened his browser and researched it. What he concluded, after two and a half hours, was that the whole open marriage thing was bullshit. And polyamory as well. All of that was only his due diligence. At the start, and at the end, he knew that he couldn't do it. Maybe if he and she were younger and hadn't been exclusive for so long, something could have been worked out. Or if they had been very close to a certain group of people, or another couple, multiple sexual relationships could be developed without fatal discord. But....maybe not, either. All of that - imagining situations where it might work - only served to convince him that his marriage was over.

He opened his word processor and laboriously wrote up a separation agreement, contemplating divorce. He printed it out, read it over and signed it. He made a copy for himself, and one for Rose. He left hers on the kitchen table. Then he made a PDF of the agreement, to be sworn and filed the next day.

He called the firm's process server and arranged for Rose to be served at work on Friday.

After that, Bill was washed out. But he went to the pool house and looked around. There was a futon couch, and he opened it into a bed. It was a double. He needed sheets, a clothes rack, a chest of drawers. All of that would fit. He went to Walmart and bought what he needed. He also bought a lock set for the sliding door to the pool house. He hauled his haul back and set up there. It already had a microwave, a small fridge, and a two-burner stove top.

It was five o'clock. Rose would be home from work soon. He went upstairs and put on his running outfit. He left out the back. He ran for an hour, intervals.

When he got back, Rose's car was in the drive. She was at the kitchen table, and she had the petition in front of her. She had been crying. She looked up and said, "Can't you at least try?"

"I thought long and hard. And....I will not be able to stay married to you if you fuck other men. Even one. Even once. I tried to imagine what it would be like. It would be very dangerous. So....no."

"George wouldn't take my calls. But I have other plans for Friday."

"So be it, Rose. I'm so very sorry that we aren't going the distance."

She leapt up and started up the stairs. But then she turned and flew at him, with the apparent intent to do real harm. He dodged and wrapped her up. He lifted her off the ground and just held her. She struggled, huffing and puffing. Then she went limp.

He whispered, "Is it safe to let you go?"

She was crying. "I don't want you to let me go, Bill."

Bill carried her upstairs, dropped her onto their bed - what was still their bed at this point. They stared at each other.

He said, "I don't understand. Rose, you're breaking my heart."

She was still weepy, just not so much. Bill watched her calm down. She looked so sexy. He began to get aroused, and she saw that.

She said, "Well, you brought me up here. Now what?" She was looking at the tent in his shorts.

Bill was in no mood for playing. He took off his t-shirt, shoes, socks, shorts....and stood naked there, allowing her to watch.

Then he simply pointed at his hard cock. He said, "Suck."

Rose was already hot from being carried up the stairs and tossed onto the bed. She had a passing thought that she should be very angry at being treated like a fuck toy. But she knew herself, and what she was truly like. Fuck toy was a role she had wanted for years. She quickly dropped down from the bed, and crawled to Bill. She took his erect cock into her mouth and sucked it all the way down. She moaned as she did that. It tasted salty from his run. She licked and sucked, sucked and licked. She licked his salty balls.