Not Your Typical Mother Ch. 02

"Thanks mom," she thanked.

As difficult as it had been to accept, watching the nicotine ease her daughter into a more favorable mood had made smoking an ally of sorts. She kind of envied her daughter in that she had a tool to deal with her anxiety and constant unease instead of just sitting with it like Danielle had for the last 7 months.

"What's it do for you?" she asked, her curiosity piqued.

At first Emily did not know what her mother was asking, but when Danielle looked at her cigarette and then back at her she understood her meaning.

"Um, calms me down, makes my stomach stop twisting, slows my heartbeat. It just feels... good," she answered, punctuating her thoughts with another drag.

After a couple of minutes of silence and thought, a small smile appeared on Emily's face as she returned her gaze to her mother.

"Have you ever tried it?" she asked.

This time it was Danielle's turn to look confused, but when she motioned towards the smoldering cigarette between her fingers, she made the connection.

"Smoking? Oh no, never. I hated it ever since I was little, and after dad died...," she trailed off.

Danielle didn't have the best relationship with her father, who was a hardworking, hard drinking gruff kind of man. But she still loved him as any daughter would, and when he passed from lung cancer after a lifetime of smoking cowboy killers it was a devastating emotional blow. Somehow, she had always hoped they'd develop the kind of father-daughter relationship she'd wanted when they were both older, but when he was diagnosed that was off the table. It was a regret that would probably never fade.

"Oh, right, that makes sense," Emily replied, feeling kind of foolish.

Danielle sensed her daughter's reaction and jumped at the chance to comfort her.

"But I get it, people do it for a reason. I do want you to quit because I want you to live a long, healthy life. But if you can lean on something like a cigarette right now to get you through a hard time then I'm not going to judge you for it honey," she comforted.

Emily didn't seem particularly convinced by her words and simply nodded while looking out the window.

"What were you going to ask me? If I wanted to try it? Are you trying to peer pressure me?" Danielle joked, trying to get a rise out of her somber teen.

"Maybe," she replied, a bit of playfulness returning to her tone.

Danielle laughed which prompted Emily to join her, and it seemed the tension in the car once again faded. As their laughing concluded and the silence returned Emily turned back to her mother.

"So, do you?"

Danielle looked at her daughter and knew that for some reason she needed this, perhaps to believe that Danielle truly meant all she had said about not judging her. She looked at the dwindling butt between her daughter's fingers and gave in.

"Fine, but I'm probably going to throw up so be prepared," she half-joked.

While trying to keep her eyes on the highway she accepted the cork cigarette from her daughter's fingers and studied it a moment before bringing it up to her lips. She applied the tiniest amount of suction before removing it and blowing out a tiny puff of uninhaled smoke.

"There," she said triumphantly.

"No, no, no, you have to inhale," Emily chastised.

"Okay, and how do I do that?" Danielle replied dumbfounded.

"After you bring the smoke into your mouth, you open your mouth and breathe in, like this," she instructed, before taking the cigarette back and taking a drag.

Danielle watched as she removed the filter from her lips and then opened her mouth wide to show a fog of white smoke swirling between her teeth. She then made an exaggerated display of breathing in, and all the smoke disappeared down the back of her throat. After that, Emily pursed her lips and exhaled a stream of smoke that cascaded just past Danielle's face.

"Why do I need to do that? Can't I just say I tried it after what I did?" she queried.

"No, because that's like chewing a mouthful of food and spitting it out. You don't understand what it is until you actually inhale, and that's the part that calms you down," she explained.

Danielle sighed and accepted the now nearly spent cigarette back from Emily. She carefully brought it back up to her lips and did exactly as her daughter had instructed, taking a much longer pull. This time she removed the filter from between her lips and opened her mouth, much the same as she had just seen and then breathed in. The coughing fit that erupted was legendary. Emily had to grab the wheel of the car when Danielle nearly jerked them off the road.

"Jesus! What are you trying to do to me?!" Danielle sputtered.

But Emily was too busy laughing her ass off to answer. Danielle flicked the cigarette out of her window and took a deep breath, trying to get her bearings.

"You get used to it, but that almost always happens the first time," Emily replied.

"Well, you could have warned me," she shot back.

"If I did that you would have been too scared to try it," Emily reasoned.

Danielle laughed, finally able to take a full breath in and out without coughing.

"That was awful," she concluded.

"You're a baby," Emily teased.

Danielle laughed again and nodded.

"I guess so," she agreed.

But somewhere in the back of her mind she was proud of herself for overcoming her fear and cutting loose with her daughter. She didn't know why or when, but she figured she might try that again some time.