All Comments on 'Officer and a Slut Ch. 05'
by Taragon
- 35 Comments
Anonymousabout 5 years agoPREAMBLE: In the movies rom-coms need very little reasoning for a characters motivation. Because the visuals provided by the on screen visuals and the base emotional needs of love and humor that we all have and share, fill in all the blanks and help us easily suspend our disbelief not matter how silly the premise. However a superhero movie needs so much more, the motivation behind those heroes...the “why” they do what they do must carry you, you must feel for the hero, you want it to be explosive...and when it’s not...it fails and fails hard. But when it’s done right, and Marvel does it well, you can have an audience of millions with their disbelief already suspended waiting for years for those fictional heroes to kick a fictional badguy’s ass to the tune of billions of dollars.
When someone reads a story like yours, to get involved in it and buy into it, they must suspend disbelief. The wilder the scenes you drag your characters through, the stronger your foundation supporting the “why” your characters agree to do what they do, needs to be. And unlike a movie you don’t (yet) have the explosive special effects to support your story. You only have your words and the emotions they invoke in your readers.
Onboard the ship you stretched the levels of plausibility regarding why your heroine would do what she did, but it was reasonable. It was a known safe small place where she was willing to do the things she did. The rules were “what happens on the boat, stay on the boat”.
This chapter was beyond that scope by a wide range. Plausibility is gone. There was no reason or motivation for why she did what she did in this chapter once she left the cruise ship. First and foremost she was shown that what happens on the boat will forever haunt her, subjugate her, be used against her, anywhere anytime, by the man or the maid or who knows who will be next...because from the boys with the cameras to anyone with cameras in the general public that day, and in the sex shop...all have more video/photographic content to damn her with.
People, in the real world, suffering from what your heroine just suffered in the sex shop would have simply grabbed the phone from the guy, smashed it under her heel, bought a gun and returned to the ship to end it all. Or at least that’s as believable as what you wrote into the last four of these five pages.
Scene 1: maid with camera...fine whatever. Adding yet another blackmailer however will mean nothing since boys have her photos, people in the street have her photos, guys in the sex shop have her video, the guy o n the bike and people she passes will. There is now simply too much for it ever to be controllable and she knows it. Sure she doesn’t yet know about the maid. But how much more can pile on to the mountain of debt she is already under...none as we learned in scene 5.
Scene 2: mini boat ride...no emotion simply acceptance. Nothing for a reader to attach to, no reason for the reader to empathize with the heroine.
I’ll skip the boys humiliating her...really boys?
Scene 3: shoes...again no emotion, no motivation, just doing it because she has too...why? The old reasons are losing their weight and she just does it because...no reason just because. Heroine need to fight back or be made to submit. This is just neither.
Scene 4: sex shop...why? It was flat. There were words that tried to describe her mindset but it wasn’t engaging to me, the reader. It was acquiescence and acceptance of her fate. No fight. No challenge. No anything representing care, desire, concern, hate, love, want, .... It was completely devoid of non-con value and therefore completely unneeded. Why wasn’t the fact that what goes on on the ship no longer will stay on the ship simply be the lesson she learns? Why does it have to keep piling on needlessly. Just knowing that everything she did that was intended to stop things from leaving the ship...didn’t help...he lied, he will never stop, she is doomed without exception. She knows now she has and is nothing anymore to anyone. There in no honor among thieves.
Scene 5: guy with motorcycle...seemed simply written to prove she has nothing left in her, left to live for, left so stand for, she no longer even believes In herself, she has no concern about how things happen or why...this was a freebie she simply gave away and she didn’t have too, she just capitulated. This was simply piling on. And now we know she’s lost herself completely. She no longer no cares about herself or others, about possible penalties, or social disease. No concerns about discovery, or pain, or fear, or loss, or...anything...the disbelief is gone. There is no heroine, no protagonist even.
The strong woman you started with has been erased. An uncaring shell remains. And clearly the ride of her continued decent, not to mention the cruise, has just started. And there is a seemingly endless supply characters yet to join in her continued wasting away, if this chapter is anything to judge the next ones by. Her enlightened sense of doom and knowing her pics and videos are no longer held by one man. That he and any of the others can and will openly use them against her anywhere, anytime, anyway they want ... has locked in her demise and destroyed her sense of self. Shame.
Having a heroine submit and ride that downward wave of decent, who can also find unexpected joy in her surrender, is a beautiful and often enlightening thing. But this ship and its crew have gone off course. The heroine died today. I’ll miss her it was fun.
Anonymousabout 5 years agoI was just thinking of this story and then the new chapter popped up keep up the good work
Anonymousabout 5 years agothis is one of the best story in the web
thank you for writing it
i m looking forward to the next part
Anonymousabout 5 years agoI loved this new chapter! Very well written, especially the part with the public humiliation in the shop is brilliant. Very curious about the 2nd part of this story. Presenting her in this slutty attire against her will... and then she realizes that she gets aroused of that humiliation makes this story a joy to read.
Some suggestions (hope to read) for the next parts:
+ consequences of the pictures takes from the boys
+ "walk of shame" through livorno/ship with the stained cum
+ go further with clothings. Add some stockings to her new 4-inch high heels and skirt
Anonymousabout 5 years agoPLEASE write more soon!! as soon as you can that is, don't push yourself or anything, im just so excited! i cant wait to see what he does to her with all that stuff....
durabriteabout 5 years agoDefinitely worth the wait - can’t wait to read about the humiliating bike ride back to the ship and what new levels of degradation Tanos has in mind!!!
Anonymousabout 5 years agoExcellent story about a prude blackmailed into releasing her deepest sexual desires. Tanos can be my Master any day. Cannot wait for the next instalment.
Linzi x
Anonymousalmost 5 years agoEnjoyed this story line. Please continue. Hope some of the options are used to build more into the story, like the interaction from the maid that cleaned her room and made pictures or the barlady from Peru from chapter 3. Thanks for your time and posting this story.
Anonymousalmost 5 years agohey man i really enjoyed your story, please write the next chapter. THanks in advance
Anonymousabout 4 years agoSomeone seriously *hates* Natasha.
The problem with the story is that there are too many incredible details. One example of such incredible details regards the failure of Natasha to simply wash her thong in the lavatory in her cabin (yeah, I saved my comments for the end).
The story began upon a ridiculous premise, and trended downhill from there -- but most of the erotic bits showed potential. Unfortunately, there's no way to salvage the story.
Perhaps in the future, work from an outline, and question how reasonable are the respective setups and scenes.
Anonymousabout 4 years agoHope you are not dissuaded by the boneheads that lost sight of the fact that your fantasy characters do not live in the real world, let alone are not superheroes. If Natasha were a superheroine she already have be done seven ways to Sunday by the crew and be pimped out to the passengers.
I really enjoy what your doing with the story and how you have kept it fresh. As a poster on a previous chapter pointed out it's good you not repeating the same monotonous sex scenes over and over. A lot of great premises get bogged down with that. Dare I say you have proved to be a master of freshness so far.
Hope you return to this and in these unprecedented times feel compelled to also hope your well and safe. Thanks for what you've written.
Anonymousalmost 4 years agoThis is excellent; hope you get the chance to finish the story arc with a concluding chapter.
Anonymousalmost 4 years agoThank you for the story hoping we get to see the next chapter
Anonymousover 3 years agoIt is an original and funny story. I hope you continue with more adventures of Natasha
Anonymousover 3 years agoNice series albeit with some irksome moments. The correct term is 'thong' not 'pair of thongs' - that would be two items. It is waist not waste and I had to research the hitherto unknown to me 'hickie'. In the UK we say lovebite.
Anonymousover 3 years agoIn my opinion the story is more morbid when surrounded by co-workers, especially her subordinates
Anonymousover 2 years agoPlease, you have to continue this story. It's brilliant. So many things could happen in Natasha's future. Specially non consent sex with her co-workers, for example with the cleaning girl. Tanos has good connections to all of the people in board. He could pimp her out (secretly of course).
Anonymousalmost 2 years agoreally great story. It should be only the beginning of a big adventure. Nice location on a ship with a lot of possiblities for Tanus especialy after the shopping tour. you dressed her nicely with non-Platform heels ... Please give a new chapter.
Anonymousover 1 year agoReally enjoying this story, hoping for everything to go wrong for Natasha, so many avenues to continue her debasement.
Anonymous4 months agoI wonder what hubby would say if he saw her dressed that way! And her cabinets locked!!
