All Comments on 'One Night, Forever'

Okay, guessing English is not your first language. Still, you managed to compose a compelling erotic story, I liked it.

1. I had trouble with the premise

2. You told the story nicely

3. You would benefit from a better editor.

Very nice!

Dear Rainyday493, thank you for your comment, and you are right, my english is bad. just to confirm, although the school curriculum in our country stipulates English as the main foreign language that must be studied from #4 grade to #12 grade, only a few of all high school graduates are proficient in English, especially in writing, and the fact that grammatical patterns our nation is different from English, more of us find it easier to use Dutch or Japanese due to the historical background of our nation which was once a colony of the Dutch and Japanese.

A good story, obviously English is not your first language, so while the readability of the story would have been greatly improved by having an English speaking editor, it might well have lost some, or even much, of its charm.

Well done for a delightful, romantic tale.

Unexpected but very enjoyable!

5

Lovely story, and not so far fetched! I enjoyed reading it.

My experience suggests that esl speakers and writers tend to use their primary language’s sentence structure when using English. It’s as if you wrote the story in your original language and translated it word for word. I have noticed this from Germans and French speakers as well. I enjoy the variety and find it a bit exotic.

I know that English is you second or third language but before you submit writings you should have an English proficient person edit your work. Because it was unreadable I could not get past the airport coffee house. Good luck in the future writing something at least readable.