All Comments on 'Overwhelmed--The Return Pt. 07'
by sharonpalmetto
- 9 Comments
OneMoreStoryPleaseover 1 year agoI was extremely disappointed when I saw this continuation, as it makes a gigantic jump and completely skips progress in the quite interesting developing and unusual relationship between Nana and our heroine, though dialogue and events, for example. Since the story is called "Overwhelmed" but by who? Nana, it would have been many chapters before the subject of Nana's take over and reaction and implications from her new slave was abandoned (not to mention the girl has a boyfriend who happens to be related to Nana?). So the result was that this story went into the direction of a quickie sex action story, similar to some Gagged Kitty stories , for example. This is is one reason I suggest not writing in the first person. This allows more depth as you have to point out what the other characters are also thinking. Keep writing.
sharonpalmetto@sharonpalmetto
