All Comments on 'Passionate Encounter Ch. 04'

Not everyone has what it takes to be a writer. I'm sure you have other talents.

for your effort

You're not one of them.

This was unreadable and sounded more like the drunken rambling of a hobo than the polished prose required for storytelling.

To the 2 commenters , I sincearly appologise for wasting your precious time. hope someday, I would be able to get 5 star from you guys. You have encouraged me to improve my writing skills. Thanks so much for the same.

well, grab one and soon.

the story is interesting but the misuse of loose and women for lose and woman at the beginning are off-putting. Check spelling, work with an editor. Listen tot he critique and get it correct.

Writing well takes time. Take time to work with a college professor and gain polish.

You know we love you, that's why we critique. If we didn't, you wouldn't get comments.

It will help you a LOT! This mess is virtually unreadable. Awful writing and bad story telling. And don't get excited - Bonnie gives everything a 5 just to draw attention to himself.

You really need to use speech in your story. Readers need to HEAR what your characters are saying, not just "Ed spoke with such-and-such a character. He was angry."

Tell us what Ed said to the character and this will help your characters come to life.

And you need to do some research. "Ed was a scholar, he was an alumni of London School Of Economics and a very well respected figure in corporate world."

(Incidentally, to be grammatically correct that should read: "THE London School..." and "in THE corporate world.")

As the London School of Economics was founded by leading members of the Fabian Society, so is widely regarded as being leftward leaning (to say the least) it would probably not count as its alumni many people who are well-respected figures in the corporate world, The University of Buckingham Buckingham Business School (for example) would have been a better fit, there.

Google will be your friend, here.

You need an editor to help you to bring your interesting ideas to life, If you do this, you could become an important contributor to Literotica,

The story and premise is very good, I love the creativity, so keep developing that. Like many other comments, I agree that you DO need an editor just to round off your imagination. Not all of us can command good written English, but creative imagination is a gift that should be encouraged. Listen to constructive advice and . . . KEEP GOING!