Poly is Not a Party

Poly is Not a Party

I am trying my hand at a different genre altogether. I know it won't be hot or sexy, but it will be raw, honest, and open. Worth a shot...right? (insert shoulder shrug)

Based on my name, poly at the pen, it is not a surprise that I am polyamours or at least a version of it. Twenty years ago, I admitted to my husband that I questioned my sexuality. He was beyond supportive and suggested that I explore that side of myself. That sort of exploration did not happen for another five years; but when it did, it opened up a whole new world for the two of us. I eventually met a woman who I fell in love with, and we became a polyamours family before we even knew what that was. My husband and I have three children, and the woman became their second mom. It truly was amazing having one parent for each child, and we became an incredibly close family. However, I have a very public-type career, and I was not willing to be open and risk that. Our girlfriend could no longer be just the "friend." While my heart was broken, in the end I couldn't blame her. I continued to date women off and on, but it was never the same. A few years later my husband suggested that we have a threesome with a man, which sounded exciting to me.

We eventually met a much older gentleman who we both clicked with, and we began seeing him. He and I had similar careers, so we clicked instantly. As time progressed, we became incredibly close and fell in love. My husband, who sucks at communicating, slowly shut down and pulled away. What started out as three people having fun ended up with me having a boyfriend and a husband, and a husband who felt left out.

We lived this way for over five years, and I was incredibly happy because I did not know how sad my husband was feeling. However, he was slowly dying inside, and finally he snapped. We had to start going to therapy. In order to save my marriage, I ended it with my boyfriend. A decision that still haunts me three years later. My husband and I are incredibly close, and we healed, learned, and moved forward. We decided to make our poly journey more about him and me, hoping that we would one day find another couple who was like us.

So this is where I stop my incredibly brief and boring summary, and write into the unknown void to the unknown reader. Do people really understand what poly relationships are all about? I don't think so...at least not where I currently reside. So where am I going with this piece? I am not even sure considering I've done more deleting and backspacing than actual writing.

I am madly in love with my husband, and if you knew us, we would probably make you puke. I am that corny wife who posts on social media how wonderful her husband is, and all my profile pictures are of him and me. We hold hands, say I love you, and kiss to the point where our children yell at us. Does it make logical sense that I would want to date another human? While many couples bicker about dishes, laundry, or money, we have those disagreements plus additional conversations. I can't tell you how many times my husband has held me in his arms because someone hurt my heart. Poly is not all about swinging parties, fucking the next best thing, or wild nights. Not even close.

I guess that is where I am going with this...poly is not a party. We will meet an interesting couple, but then they flake out on us. No one has the common decency to say, "Hey we are not really interested, but we wish you all the best..." Nope. Just radio silence.

Or how about the couples out there who are cordial for five minutes before he busts out the question, "So can I fuck your wife?" Really? Come on man...who does that?

Then there are the ones who lie. Just lie. Why? There is no need for it.

Sex and sex only? Nope. Gonna have to pass.

How about the people who want to be chased...nope not going to work either. We would like a mutual friendship first...

Let me unload all of my baggage on the first day...sorry that is not appealing on any level.

How about the guy who is totally poly...but his wife can't know...but he's willing to date a couple...well he's straight...yep...we are back to, "So can I fuck your wife?"

Is dating in the regular world this difficult? I met my husband when I was nineteen and never left his side, so am I completely clueless how this works? There are 325 million people in America; you can't tell me that my husband and I are the only ones who would like to have an intimate friendship with a similar married couple. I feel we are like an endangered species desperately trying to find our tribe or herd.

My literotica stories are often about group sex because in my utopia multiple people can care for each other without the bullshit and drama. I mean true caring: friendship, honesty, mutual respect. I am beginning to wonder if that is where my dream couple lives...in the lines of a story.

So I leave this out there to you, my unknown reader...maybe you can relate to my struggles. Maybe you think I am full of shit and poly is nothing more than shagging with a new person. At any rate, I hope I left you with something...