Pretty Fly for a White Guy

"And maybe a vegetable?"

"Ew."

"Just try it." I rolled my eyes. "The zucchini and potato thing sounds like it's covered in cheese, maybe you can pretend."

"It sounds perfect." He smiled. "Sounds super unhealthy. Completely up my alley. Not yours though, do they do protein shakes here?" I kicked him gently.

"We're on a date." I said. "Nothing counts." He laughed. We ordered and I looked slyly at him. "So why do you always date dumb guys?" I asked. Archie choked on his drink and started laughing.

"I like the way they look." He said eventually. "YOU'RE cheating. Hot and smart? Not fair."

"You're hot and smart." I said. Archie chuckled.

"Smart- no. And hot? Well yeah, I mean I'm a twinky fantasy. Although my dick's too big." My turn to choke on my drink.

"Archie!" He shrugged, nonplussed.

"The guys I usually go for see it as a definitive drawback." He sighed. "Lucky I found you huh?" I almost died.

"Uh... well." I said. "Maybe it is kind of a drawback."

"No, you'll love it." Archie said confidently. I looked at my drink and tried not to react. I already loved it- but now that he'd mentioned it... he was bigger than my toy, that was for sure. Not that I wasn't game. Just um. Like who boasts about their dick in a restaurant? Not that he was BOASTING, but still. Archie took my hand and smiled at me.

"How's school?" He changed the subject to my relief. "I was kind of thinking I could enroll next tri. I think I have enough saved and I was kind of thinking along the same lines as you. Like English, I mean Māori as well- makes sense because I speak Te Reo and get like super passionate about it all. I have to pad out my degree though, what else do you take?" I smiled at him. I couldn't believe he actually cared. No one actually cared. Not even Dad, not really.

"Well... I take theatre papers." I admitted quietly. "Not, drama school, just the more essay based ones. There's some really good indigenous work you cover in first year- not Māori but a few Pacifica plays and stuff." Archie nodded.

"Any performance?" I bit my lip.

"I'm thinking about it." I admitted. "My degree could be restructured. I'm majoring in English Lit but it could be Performance.... I mean, it's not the same as Toi Whakaari..."

"Would you rather be there?" Archie asked. I looked at him and thought about it.

"I.... I decided not to be that guy. I did all that in High School and I think I really could have made it. But I had a really rough time at High School. I mean... I had friends at Wellington Girls and at High in Newtown..."

"Oh crazy... I went to High when we moved here in my last year. How did we miss each other?" I looked at him.

"You're a little younger eh?"

"22."

"23." I frowned at him. "Yeah we should have known each other."

"I did band stuff and wagged mostly." He laughed. "Maybe that's why."

"Band...." I thought of the bass in his room and slowly a memory of a little dude shredding at one of the concert nights for Wellington High School resurfaced. I was helping out my friends with a Cabaret inspired set piece, and they were on after us... a metal band with outrageous time signatures. I'd absolutely hated it at the time, even though I could appreciate the technicality. "We did meet." I said slowly. "I bumped into you and you said 'Woah, Liza Minnelli has been hitting the free buffet too hard.'" Archie winced.

"Oh Christ." He said. "Did I?"

"Yep, asshole." He hung his head.

"Ah. I kind of was in High School." He said. "It was a self defensive mechanism."

"I didn't eat for three days after that." I said absentmindedly. "Although my fast ended with a 3000+ calorie meal from KFC so I guess no damage done." Archie's shoulders slumped forward and I squeezed his hand. "All good." I said. "I'm hot now." Archie shook his head.

"You were hot then." He said. "I bet no one ever said it, because High School is shit like that, but if I'd met you properly..."

"Na, I really wasn't." I laughed. "You were right. I got my shit together."

"I would like you if you were fat." He said seriously. "I promise. Even if you get fat because I keep taking you out to restaurants that are way out of your calorie budget. I like you because you're nice. I like you because you make me laugh, and make me think. I like you because you're pretty, which isn't a weight thing, it's a good genetics thing. And I like you because you're confusing and like weird stuff and are good at geography and read books and watch musicals and none of that will go away, no matter what you look like. And I'm sorry that I contributed to a shitty time in your life." I blinked at him and looked away. It was too much. It was all I'd ever wanted to hear.

"I wear glasses." I said. "I'm blind as a fucking bat." Archie rolled his eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere." He said. "Unless you're like a TERF or a Nazi."

"Na."

"Then stop trying to turn me off." He smiled. "I'm in way too deep."

----

We almost argued about the bill but Archie narrowed his eyes and caught my hand.

"50/50." He said firmly.

"Ok." Which was kind of a relief. After the cocktail and beer Archie had admitted he was kind of majorly into wine and ordered something expensive for us both to drink. I actually hated it on the first sip and Archie had frowned and took a sip with a discerning look.

"Oxidised." He said, which meant nothing to me, and he waved a waiter over and apologetically said that he hadn't noticed on the nose but it was really off on the palette, could we pretty please, he was so embarrassed, but could we please have a different bottle? And the waiter obviously thought Archie was full of it but I watched the manager taste it behind the bar and wrinkle her nose, and when the new bottle was deployed I found it was delicious. Archie grinned.

"Wayyyyy better." He said. "Do you like it?"

"Yeah, actually."

"Yeah. I'm into natural organic stuff, but I guess the risk is it does funky stuff in the bottle." He shrugged. "Beajolais style- sweet enough for me and sharp enough for you." He smiled.

We split the bill and I stayed true to my word and tipped extremely well. The waiter's eyes bugged out as he saw the receipt. Tipping is only a sometimes thing in New Zealand and a 50% tip is so close to unheard of I hoped I'd made his day. Archie coyly suggested we walk back to his, Mt Vic so not far, and in spite of everything I took his hand as we walked.

"Wait!" He suddenly paused and I stopped in my tracks. "Ugh, whole flat will be home." He said. "I'll tell them to bugger off."

"It's ok." I said. He raised an eyebrow.

"Felix." He said firmly. "It's Wellington. You arrive home with me and by tomorrow your Mum's calling you asking why you never told her you were dating a boy." I sighed awkwardly.

"Uh. Dad knows." I said. "And this isn't like a hang out with the flatties for hours on end thing is it?" Archie grinned and put his phone away.

"Eh. True." He said. "Well. If you're cool."

"Are they?" I asked, thinking of my own flat and the rotating cast of guys who were there. Archie laughed.

"Um, yeah. We're all our own brand of queer, although Will's straight... they're chill." I thought about his flat. Huh. I mean, honestly- ours was cleaner. I guess I assumed gay guys lived in... real nice flats with heaps of plants.

"Oh, well maybe Will and I will get on then." I joked. Archie sighed deeply and didn't say anything. We walked in awkward silence for a minute before I managed to interpret his sudden iciness. "Arch- I didn't mean it like that." I said. "I'm sorry. I just hang out with straight guys."

"Yeah, it's fine." He said unconvincingly.

"Look! I get it!" I squeezed his hand. "Look, I'm just like... baby stepping my way out of a very carefully curated closet, ok? Obviously I don't think all gay men are like a... pink stereotype. I mean, you're not! I didn't mean it like that." Archie glanced at me, and he must have seen that I was utterly sincere, and truly just an idiot, not a total jerk, and he smiled.

"No one in my flat is a stereotype." He said. "I'm making you meet them, just so you can stare down that barrel."

"Great." I said. I meant it, too.

He pulled me into the living room and I was faced with three people. A girl in a flowing dress with long hair, and two very scruffy bearded guys playing Skyrim. Archie headed towards the pantry and pulled out some wine, pouring it for us as he introduced me.

"Tena koutou." He said. "Guys, this is Felix, that guy I mentioned. Fee this is Gabby, Will, and Zephyr." I politely made my hellos and perched awkwardly at the kitchen table. Gabby smiled at me, but the others barely glanced in my direction. "Wow, dudes, stop it with the welcome, he'll be scared off." Archie rolled his eyes. Gabby elbowed one of the guys- I hadn't worked out who was who- in the arm and turned towards me with a real smile.

"Felix!" She grinned. "Archie mentioned you. Good dinner?" We made small talk about dinner as Will and Zephyr argued about the game and eventually turned towards us. Where Gabby was welcoming, those two were anything but. I could see them eyeing me up and passing judgement. I glanced at Archie who grinned and rolled his eyes slightly. 'Don't worry' He mouthed at me. I wasn't! But they did clearly hate me. Kind of unfair when I'd barely opened my mouth.

"Supreme." One of them nudged the other one's shoulder. "Archie said you do training and development. Isn't that the job you went for Will?" Will scowled at me.

"Well instead I get minimum wage to make coffee for government wankers so who's the real winner." He said. I looked pleadingly at Archie to save me, but he was distracted by a cat which had wandered in and was cooing at it. Will suddenly laughed. "'I'm kidding." He said. "I work for Mojo, so I probably can't wrangle in any training with you but let me know if a job pops up- I hate the coffee we make."

"Me too." I winced. "Although I'd rather be at Peoples actually, not that Supreme isn't good but..."

"Yeah, but you're not better than Tait are ya? Peoples is such a fucking popularity contest." I found myself actually enjoying the conversation, because the thing when you work in coffee, is you know way too much about coffee and no one on earth actually finds that an interesting subject. Will caught me up on all the goss in the scene that I didn't know about and I was settling in comfortably when there was a knock on the door and Will sat up.

"'Oh that's right." He sighed. "Playdate with Russ. Fuck, hold up." He went to get the door and welcomed in a built blonde guy who nodded at me awkwardly. I cleared my throat.

"Hi." I introduced myself. "'Felix. And you're Will's...."

"Mentor, ex co-worker, big brother from another mother." Will finished for me before I made an ass of myself. "We're doing planning for that rally on campus for gender neutral bathrooms- you'll come right?" I blinked. "Archie will fill you in on the details." He said.

"Oh. Ok." I looked at Archie who grinned at me.

"That's gonna be such a cute second date." He said. "Anyway, we'll leave you to it. Night guys."

"OoooHHHoooo." Will and Zephyr, and even Gabby- who I thought was on my team!- wolf whistled as we headed up to his bedroom with the wine. Archie smiled at me and poured us more wine as we settled on his bed.

"Uh... red wine in a bed..." Archie laughed.

"Black sheets hide so many sins." He said. "See? Gay and not stereotypes." I rolled my eyes.

"I know!" I sighed. "Actually, are any of them gay though?" Archie giggled.

"Gabby's super gay." He said. "Zephyr is probably bi, but he's dating a girl and I told you Will's straight and Russel is engaged to a girl, and he doesn't count anyway, he's a million years old."

"Who is he?" I wrinkled my nose. Why the hell was an old engaged dude hanging out in a grubby student flat? Archie sipped his wine.

"Russel runs a trans ally thing with his real brother. I guess Will was figuring himself out and Russel kind of took him under his wing a while back. He's just like... I dunno. Like a support guy. I know it seems weird but he's been really amazing for Will. I don't think Will would have like... managed it to be honest." I frowned.

'Wait that guy is a chick?" Archie groaned and thumped me really hard.

"That guy is a GUY." He said. "God, you are such an idiot." I blushed.

"Sorry." I mumbled. "I've never... woah, crazy what science can do though eh? I literally had no idea." Archie half laughed and half groaned again.

"T and top surgery and yeah, you tend to pass." He said. "Don't say anything Fee." I bit my lip.

"No. Ugh, I'm sorry, no I totally won't." I winced. "I'm sorry." I said again lamely. Archie shook his head and inched closer towards me.

"I had an amazing night." He said. "Bar you being a fucking moron, but I already knew you were." I smiled at him.

"I had an amazing night too." I said. Archie took my glass from my hand and deposited it on the bedside table. He turned to me with a grin and before I knew what was happening, I was in his arms, and he was holding my head back and making out with me. I melted in his arms, letting all the delightful gut churning, dick raising feelings overwhelm me and I leant into his kiss with reckless abandon, seeking out every fucking tastebud, and every inch of skin... I wrestled with his shirt until he started laughing and pulled away, discarding it, and then helping me discard mine, and we were both naked in no time at all and his hands were all over me again....

He rolled me back onto my hands and knees and god knows how, but his hands were on my dick, and my ass, and his dick was hard between my thighs and I was panting as we moved against each other- he was giving me everything I wanted, and his tongue was darting over my neck, and in my ear....

"Oh Felix." He moaned. "Uh baby... I really, really want to fuck you." He inhaled as he felt me tense up below him, and he paused in his assault and gently held me close. "Oh, not ready." He whispered as he squeezed me. "No, that's ok. Sorry." I moaned.

"It's not.... That I'm not ready..." I blushed. "But I'm... not... we just ate dinner and... and I wasn't expecting... and... you know things might go wrong and..." Archie kissed my neck and ran his hands over my torso.

"Dinner is only about here." He mumbled, pressing into the bottom of my chest. I chuckled.

"Yeah but breakfast might be..."

"Hmmm." I could hear the disappointment in his voice, even if he was trying not to show it. "We could turn the lights off." He suggested. "Put a towel down... and when we're done you can close your eyes while I clean us up and anything... anything that might have gone wrong well... you don't have to know about it." I was still braced tensely and he sighed, running his hand over my back, trying to relax me. "Or not, baby." He kissed my neck. "Not if you're uncomfortable."

I glanced at him over my shoulder. Uncomfortable, yes, but I'd never be relaxed, no matter how ready I was. And I was... kind of ready. I'd been kind of ready since I'd first seen him naked. He stroked my hair and smiled at me.

"Back to hands and knees." He slapped my ass and I laughed.

"Um. That might be ok." I said quietly, ignoring his instructions. He groaned and closed his eyes as a pained look crossed his face.

"No, no... I was pressuring you. I'm sorry- I want it when you want it." He said. "Don't rush it for me, ok?"

"I'm... I do really want it." My eyes fell on his straining hard cock. "Like really."

"Truly?" Archie sat back and narrowed his eyes. "Pinky swear?" He held out his hands and I rolled my eyes as I reached up to promise.

"Pinky swear." I said. "Strong yes to lights out and towel down though."

"Ok." He grinned. "Wait there."

He returned a second and a half later and the lights were all off all of a sudden. He touched me gently and I sought him out in the dim light from the streetlamps outside.

"Try something...." He suggested. "Let me lie down..." So I let him lie down and went to lie next to him and he giggled. "No, no..." He chuckled. "Top and tail, lie on me... and..." I sat up, bewildered, and tried to do what he was asking, feeling really strange with my head dangling off the end of the bed and his head all the way up on the pillows. He laughed again. "Fee." He said gently. "Shuffle up. And when you think you might comfortably be able to take my dick in your...." OH. I blushed as I worked out what he wanted and rearranged myself until I was half kneeling over his dick. I bit my lip as I played with it with my hands and he moaned softly.

"I don't know how." I whispered. Archie stroked my back.

"It does take a degree, usually." He joked. "But basically you wrap your mouth around that- no teeth, baby, and you suck, and you move your head up and down until you can't breathe anymore...." I moaned and bent over, trying my best. No teeth- ok, I could kind of, wrap my lips around them.... And I needed more saliva so I licked every inch of it before I tried again, and I sort of drooled on him as I worked my mouth up and down his shaft, and one hand sort of naturally drifted to play with his balls and he moaned. "Feeeeee...." He sighed. "Oh that feels incredible...." So I went harder, I sucked, and slobbered, and he was gently humping into my mouth and even as I was absolutely losing it over how good it felt to make him feel good.... His hands parted my cheeks, which must have been super accessible the way I was crouched over him, and I felt... his tongue... oh my god. I squirmed and he held me firm, not letting me wriggle away, embarrassed like I wanted to. He gripped my waist tight and moved his hands back to my ass, which he was holding open... which should have been so wrong, but it was so right.... And I could feel him tease me, play with me, lick me and suck me and I tried to return the favour but he was turning me into liquid and I couldn't. I moaned and stopped trying, just letting him take total control as he ate my ass like it was even better than the expensive meal we'd just shared. He sighed as I pooled in his arms and gently started to roll me over. I was on my hands and knees in seconds, more than ready for more of the magic which he'd been doing.... And he continued,and because he WAS magic, his hands and his tongue were all brushing up against me and inside of me,.. getting me ready for him.....

"Please, please I'm ready Arch, please..." I heard myself wail. He moaned, and he stroked my dick and my chest and my whole body with his hands, somehow... and I heard him rustling, putting a towel down, and I felt the cold sharp feeling of lube... and then I felt his dick. It had to be. It was so big. And it was desperately trying to penetrate me, but I was way too tight. Archie moaned and toyed with me again, with his fingers and his mouth.

"Fee, relax and push out." He murmured. I was terrified if I pushed OUT I would shit all over both of us but I tried my best to relax and let him have me. I could feel his dick at my entrance... which was looser than it had ever been. I breathed deeply and relaxed into him, letting his arm curl around my waist and hold me as we slowly, slowly sank into each other.

He was too much, he was way too much. I could feel my insides splitting in half and I could feel my ass confused at the intrusion.... But oh my good, he felt so good. I felt so owned. I felt so, totally, undeniably his. He started to rock back and forth and I realised I was taking him.

"Yeah, good boy, Fee." Archie said, I don't know if he knew those were the magic words- but it made me hard again where the pain and heat and slight terror had made me soft... and I wanted more, and I could feel my ass twitching around him, begging for him to fill me up, to use me, to have me.

And god knows how long it took.... But he was fucking me, and I was his, and I had fallen apart. I tried my best to stay on my knees for him and give it back, but he was in total control and didn't seem to care how much I was thrusting in return. He held my waist and stroked my back and grunted softly as he started to thrust his hips back and forth, hitting a magic spot within me that I always knew felt good... but it felt so much better with his touch, and his dirty words and the way his hand would drift to my cock... which was way too much. I was feeling things I'd never felt, and I never wanted him to stop, I wanted him to...