Pretty Fly for a White Guy

"Yep." I said. "I can imagine." I paused as I went to join my mates. "Bring him next time." I said. "I have an honorary PhD in people who think they're straight. I'll let you know." He laughed.

"Well. Thanks." He sighed. And I left him to whatever turmoil he was facing.

------

Archie grinned at me as I stepped into his room after a long shower.

"Better." He said. I rolled my eyes and threw myself on the bed next to him. Boring argument. Archie was weirdly SUPER not into me in stage get up. He wanted a guy, he said, and it was awesome to see me on stage and he loves me and blah blah blah but he really didn't seem to get off with the barest hint of femininity at all. Which was a real shame because I'd actually love to get HIM in fishnets. Something to work up to for my birthday maybe. I smiled to myself as I thought about that and rolled over to stare at him. He raised his eyebrows. "Didn't you say like two seconds ago you were exhausted and just wanted to cuddle?" I shrugged.

"Yeahhhh...." I bit my lip. "But then you got naked." Archie laughed.

"You're really easy to distract." He ran his fingers through my hair. "So..." He caressed my cheek and I leant into his touch. I moaned softly and let myself slip to the foot of the bed, falling gently to my knees and blinking up at him. Archie smiled and shuffled to meet me there, his legs spread wide, brushing against my frame. I wrapped my arms around his thighs and slowly rubbed my face against him, gently kissing his inner thighs, stroking his legs and savouring his scent. He still smelled like strawberries, but he also smelled like... man. Like my man. I loved the way he smelled. And I loved the way he tasted when I teased him like this. I'd gotten really good at this over the last year or so. I was even better than him now. I reckoned. I ran my tongue over his balls and enjoyed him shivering against me, moaning in anticipation. I like to wind him up, like really wind him up, so I always played with his balls first- taking them in my mouth and moaning around him as my fingers curled over his thighs and his hips. I felt him reach for my head and gently ran my tongue up the underside of his dick, which never failed to make him go limbless. The rough grasp that I was anticipating turned into a slow gentle caress of my hair and I knelt up a bit, sticking my ass out in case he wanted the view. I wrapped my tongue around him softly, licking and sucking and kissing every inch of his cock, trying to see if he would beg me. He sometimes did. Usually it was me whining please but sometimes I could play him just right... I glanced up at him as I started to bob up and down in his cock, moaning at his hardness between my lips. His eyes were glazed over and his mouth was half open, moaning softly. I smiled to myself and went further and harder- I was born to be a cock sucker, I was an absolute natural and even though I couldn't deep throat him with ease I could still do it, and I wanted to see his eyes roll back- which they did- and his soft mouth curl up... and his lips go slack as he...

"Please..." He whined. I didn't even know what he was begging for but I love it when he melts for me. I closed my eyes and continued to worship him, using my hands and my tongue and my lips in every combination I knew until I felt him pull away. He pulled me onto the bed and we moaned as we kissed each other sloppily, our tongues rubbing over overly inch of each other.

"Me tonight." He whispered. "Please Fee."

"You what tonight?" I joked. He only asked if he wanted to switch. I didn't mind switching, I kind of liked the way I could make his thighs shake and his face go all pink and desperate... but I could have guessed from the get go I was more into taking than giving. Or, as Archie would put it because he was an asshole, I was a total bottom slut.

Archie sat back and smiled at me as my hands drifted to his ass.

"You on top?" I rolled over so he could mount me. Even when I fuck him, he's really fucking me. That's just the way we like it. But Archie rolled me over again and wriggled underneath me. He clasped my hands and looked at me seriously.

"Just for once..." He asked quietly. "Can you just... take charge? Just let me be soft." My heart melted as I looked at him. He was so soft. So soft and gentle, so loving... so perfect. But my mouth twitched because he's said that before and I know he can't let me have control for very long.

"Ok, baby." I kissed him tenderly and let him melt into me.

We kissed passionately and gently, our hands roving softly over each other's bodies- and see, I was totally right- his hands were already pulling me closer and directing me where he wanted. But I like to give him what he wants, so I ran my hand over his chest and let myself fall between his legs again, pressing my face between his legs and inhaling him again. Ugh. I could honestly stay there forever. He rolled over and grinned at me over his shoulder as he drew his legs up and knelt in front of me. I caught his eye and paused, just for a second, to admire him. He might have filled out a fraction- I dragged him to the gym with me often enough- but he was still short and slim and utterly delightfully perfect. He had most of his back tattooed now, which had taken several painful sessions where I held his hand as he closed his eyes and winced. His scars now blended into his sleeves of kawakwa and taniwha. Every tattoo he had was a myth he would teach me- stories of Maui and Tane and of Rona and the moon, entwined with his own stories. He was a walking work of art. His hair was longer and wilder, and I reached for it, stroking his head and kissing his neck. He closed his eyes and rocked against me with a sigh. Mmmm. Maybe he could be soft after all.

I ran my fingers through that hair and traced his tattoos as I pushed his chest firmly against the bed, letting his legs naturally splay so I could continue to work him up. He pressed his head to the pillow and moaned as I returned to playing with his ass. I wouldn't boast about my skills eating ass in quite the same way as my cock sucking skills- less practice- but I wasn't as lost as I had been the first time I'd knelt behind him and tried. And Archie might be kind of a like, major top nine times out of ten but he did he love having his ass worshipped. And I TOTALLY get it.

I parted his cheeks and moaned as I saw him like this. There is something about having a guy spread in front of you, begging for it with his body. It sent a wave of pleasure through my body and made my dick rock hard. I pressed my tongue to his hole and he sighed in pleasure, opening up wider and pressing his chest to the duvet.

"Oh Fee..." He moaned. I held him still, and ate his ass in the same way he would for me, gently and lovingly and watching for signs of delight so I could replicate them. His cock was straining and it wasn't long before he was almost trembling as I worked him up. He drove me crazy when he was like this. I wanted him to be mine, all mine. I wanted to watch him turn from coherent into a drooling mess, the way I usually was. I just wanted him. "Mmmmm." He moaned as I paused, to rub my cock between his beautiful ass. I loved teasing him like that- a double edged sword though, because I could see myself dripping as I watched my dick slide in between his cheeks, feeling how soft they were. He moaned and reached out for the bedside table... trying to find the lube which he usually forgot to put away. I leant up and grabbed it for him.

"Condoms?" I asked, before I could get carried away, which wouldn't take long if I listened to my cock for half a second.

"We don't need them." He sighed. I paused and frowned. I guess... I guess we didn't. I'd never been tested, but that probably doesn't matter.

"Have you..."

"Yeah, I got tested." He mumbled. "I'm clean so we can... if you want, I mean."

"Uh, yeah." Like I'd ever wanted something this bad in my entire life.

I dribbled the lube over his ass cheeks, and over my dick. It tingled slightly because the dumbass really did go and buy strawberry lube. He likes it because it meant he could last longer, because halfway through fucking me he'd switch to his mouth, and back again, and he almost always made me cum first now he knew how to do it. I wondered if I could make him cum the way I did. He didn't even need to touch my dick now, although I liked it when he did- I liked it when he played with it and rubbed it against his, or wrapped his mouth around it or....

"Shit, Fee!" Archie moaned as I realised my cock was doing the thinking now and I'd plunged into him unkindly, barely warming him up. "Oh that's so good." He moaned. "Ugh, pause though... I'm..." he moaned and I closed my eyes, feeling his ass twitch around me. It has to be one of the best things in the world, feeling someone so reduced to their base instincts that they accept you like that, and lie, moaning, as their ass just twitches and begs for you. I paused so I could feel every second of it- and oh my god- that was even better without a condom. He was so tight, and warm, and so hot to the touch. I stroked his back and he moaned, propping himself up. The movement was incredible and without asking I started to move, thrusting into him gently, and shallow, hitting the spot I knew so well with every stroke. "Ohhhh, Feeelix...." He moaned. Usually this is when he switches back. He'd get all demanding and force me to stay still while he rode me, seeking his own high and firmly telling me to stop moving and take it. But this time he let me set the pace. I was never as rough as him, I don't know how to be, but I could still grab his hips, and stroke his back, and make him shiver as I went slow, enjoying every inch of his ass begging for me. I ran my hand up his spine and tangled it in the mess of curls at the back, moaning as I jerked his head back and he let out a soft grunt. It sent a lightening bolt to my dick and I held him there, his head jerked back, and started to fuck him harder, thinking less about his ass and more about my dick and how good it felt. I pounded him ruthlessly, making him grunt soft little moans as my balls slapped his thighs. He was trying valiantly to give it back, but he couldn't match my rhythm and I could feel him weakening underneath me, going soft and sweet and subbed out. I slowed down again and he shook below me. His legs were giving out so I pressed him to the bed, and fucked him prone. He moaned and I could feel his hips rising and falling weakly as he sought pleasure from the sheets below him. I grinned as his breathing hitched.

"You close?" I whispered in his ear. He turned his face to look at me and gave me a wide eyed desperate look.

"Mmm-hmmm." He mumbled. I smiled and pinned him down, going fast and shallow, so the top of my straining cock was rubbing against his prostate and his face fell into the pillows. Oh fuck, I was sooo close also. Too close. But I bit my tongue and tried to focus on him... on his flushed cheeks and his shaking body and that only worked for half a second- but it was just long enough that he suddenly doubled up with a cry of pleasure. "Oh my goooood." He moaned, his limbs twitching as his orgasm rushed over him, and I sped up to finish, because by now I had no thoughts, only unloading is his beautiful ass. I moaned as I came, feeling all weak as my own orgasm pumped into him... giving him what he craved. I swear I'd never came that hard, but I said that every time I came with Archie. He just made me soft and horny and so filled with love. I closed my eyes as our moans slowly stopped and slipped out, his tiny grunt of disappointment making me smile. I pulled him into my arms- usually it was the other way round but I held him tight, and let him bury his head in my chest, and stroked his arms as we breathed slowly.

And the magic vanished as my hands drifted over a raised cut on his forearm. I opened my eyes, and looked for the spot as I caressed him, my face falling into familiar lines of worry. Mmm. I looked at the cut. A deep one. Still kind of raw. Oh. Archie.

"That's new." I said quietly, my fingers once again dancing over it. Archie stiffened up in my arms and blinked up at me. I could practically see his eyes scanning the room, trying to distract me with a new subject. But he caught my eyes and I looked at him and he looked at me and he swallowed.

"Sorry." He said. I squeezed him.

"Don't say sorry. Just don't do it." He laughed and I sat up to pull him closer. He could avoid the subject for as long as he wanted to, but I wouldn't let it go easily.

I didn't notice at first. I was too absorbed with all the new feelings, the new sensations, the way he held me, the way he looked naked... I was too busy finding my feet and arguing with myself about labels and where we stood with each other. And Archie is ALWAYS covered in scrapes and bruises. He comes off his skateboard, and he nicks himself cutting prep at work. He always had weird scars which I assumed were just part of his haphazard way of living. But I looked at him weirdly one day when I noticed his knuckles were bleeding. He would never come off a skateboard THAT badly. And he knew enough not to fall with his knuckles to the ground. So I asked him about it, more because I was confused as to what he'd done than anything else.

Very truthful people suck at lying. That's what I learnt when he told me a story about coming off his board and crashing into a wall. He made too much eye contact and told me details I hadn't asked, as if the story would make more sense the more inane tiny details he put into it. But I loved him, and he didn't want to talk about it, and I couldn't really imagine he had the time for it to be a weird sex thing with someone else- although the thought crossed my mind, so I dropped it.

But it happened again, which was weird. And in between the first time and the second time I'd noticed other things. Cuts on his thighs. Big purple bruises on the inside of his arm. It was impossible to know what was just Archie and what was... well. Archie. It was new and scary and I didn't know how to ask him. But it was on my mind. I couldn't relax with him the way I used to. He was hiding something awful from me and it drove a wedge between us. I turned down sex because I didn't want to see him naked and have to worry about him. I didn't know what to say over dinner. And he was terrified I was drifting away, so he dropped food off to me at work on his breaks and tried to cajole me into going to movies with him- and it was all so much worse because he was trying so hard. And the little look on his face- the look he gave me whenever I said I was busy... I didn't...

"Where did you go?" I glanced up and blinked at my laptop. Therapy over zoom was weird. I'd never liked it. I told my guy straight off the bat I found zoom weird and awkward and didn't know if I could communicate properly... but therapy over zoom was still better than no therapy at all. Therapy got my head together. It kept me moving forward. I rested my head in my hands and pursed my lips.

"I was uh.... Thinking about Archie." I said. Chris nodded at me, but he didn't say anything. I'm not sure I like that. I'm paying a lot for this- well. Dad is paying a lot of this- so to sit there and not get advice or anything, just to sit there in silence and wait for Chris to ask me what I'm thinking about always seems like a major waste of money. "How do you ask someone if they're like... uh. Hurting themselves?" I asked. "He used to, I mean he told me he used to but I think he still does. And I don't know why, and I don't know how to stop him and he won't talk to me."

"You've asked him about it?"

"Not really." I admitted. Chris looked at me and made a noise as he wrote something down. I itched to see what he was writing. I hate not knowing how much he has written down there and not knowing why. He's very... methodical.

"Well he definitely won't talk to you about it if you don't talk about it." He said with a twinkle in his eye. He's like a jolly Santa Claus sometimes. I grunted.

"Well how are you meant to have that conversation?"

"Is Archie still seeing a therapist?"

"Yeah? I think so?"

"That's good." He wrote something else down. "It's not an easy conversation." He said. "But a lot of life isn't easy. But pretending the hard things aren't there creates another level of hard. You're sitting with the phantom unease of something that won't go away, and you're sitting with the phantom outcome. Can I ask what outcome you're worried about?" I tried not to roll my eyes.

"Um. I'm worried he'll lie." I swallowed. "Or that it gets worse. That I can't fix it."

"It's not on you to fix it." Chris said. "But you know that."

"I guess."

"What do you think you should do?" I snorted. When I first started this I would have pointedly told him that he was the qualified therapist, and wasn't it kind of his job to tell me what to do? But apparently that's not actually how therapy works. So I sighed.

"Yeah, I guess I should talk to him. Properly." I winced.

Which is why I was here. Pushing a subject neither of us wanted to push.

"Bad at the moment or just generally bad?" I asked Archie. "You talk to your therapist about it?"

"No." Archie sighed and sat up. He wrapped his arms around his legs and glared at me. "Are we having this conversation?"

"I'd like to." I sat up and looked at him. "I don't think I can just... ignore it."

"Ok." He pushed his hair off his face. "Yes. It's new. I was struggling with my law assignment..."

"The one you just got an A on?" I snorted.

"It's not..." He sighed. "I was struggling to focus, I had nothing done and I put myself in the library with everything blocked on my phone and I still couldn't get a single word down. I was so... angry and stressed and it happens all the time and something about cutting myself..." I winced. I guess we talk around the word 'cutting'. Euphemisms are easier to manage. "It... takes all of that mental... stuff and just means I can focus on the pain. And then my head calms down. And then I can finish papers, or get to work, or see you. I dunno. It feels good, Fee." He bit his lip. "And it's not doing any long term damage or anything. I can't really wreck my arms, I did that already. I guess I don't see the harm in it." I stared at my hands. I was so under qualified for this.

"You're fucked in the head." I grunted. I glanced up at Archie as the words left my mouth, my eyes widening. Of all the stupid things to say... but he just widened his eyes back and choked back a laugh.

"I could have told you that." He grinned. "I'm majorly fucked in the head."

"You don't see the harm in it, but I do." I said. "It hurts ME. I mean how would you feel if that was my solution to everything that ever went wrong?"

"But things don't go wrong for you!" Archie protested. "Gah, you're so SORTED. You don't have to go through...."

"What if, when I started having feelings for you, instead of telling you, I just cut my arm?" Archie's face fell.

"That's different."

"What if, when I fucked that assignment two weeks ago and scraped a C because I begged my lecturer, I had to hurt myself before I talked to him?" Archie looked at me with his whole face falling. His brow dropped downwards and his mouth opened.

"You... you didn't right?"

"No, I didn't." I raised my eyebrow. "But how would that feel?"

"Why wouldn't you talk to me first?"

"Hello?!" I threw my hands up. "Meet the point I'm trying to make!"

"That's different! That's... you..." He twisted his mouth and I could see the gears in his brain working overtime to try to explain the hypocrisy.

"Archie." I sighed. "I love you. This is really bad. And even if you don't think it's that bad, what if you really fuck up. What if you cut really deep and you can't manage it? What if you burst a blood vessel when you beat yourself up? And... what if... you know... it's not that far from... like really going too far. What the hell am I going to do without you?! What kind of life am I meant to live if you..." I couldn't stop my eyes from watering, and Archie grabbed my hands to drop me from gesticulating wildly.