Private Lessons Ch. 08

"Are you saying it's my fault?"

"No! No matter how much it sounds like that, I don't mean that. I set the fire. I put all the emotional kindling into you and I lit the flame. I thought I could be uninhibited with you. Free to bask in the heat of my lust. But though I was the one bathing in the fires of passion, Lacey was the one who got burned." At that point in time, they both noticed that the Professor's hand had landed pretty high up on Shani's tight and her thumb was toying with the hem of her shorts.

She snatched her hand away, clutching it close to her chest. "Even now I can't stop! I'm sorry Shani. It's... been a while since I've had some release. This, this lust. It burns stronger than anything. Anything besides Lacey's. It clouds my judgment. It tells me to do things I shouldn't do. Things that I know will hurt Lacey."

"What is it telling you to do now?"

The Professor hesitated. "It's telling me to pin you down and fuck you right here in the grass." The imagery made Shani a little aroused. Shani glanced downard, seeing the large tent in the Professor's sweatpants. She slowly removed her hand from the professor's knee. Now was not the time for that.

"And what do you want? Do you want to do that?"

"That's the worst part Shani. Yes. A part of me wants to listen to it. To take you right here. But I can't. I won't hurt Lacey anymore." Shani looked back down at the erection. She said she was pent up. She probably hasn't done anything since we stopped that night. Maybe I can make her feel better.

"If you want... I could do something. Get you off real quick so you can think clearer."

Shani saw the tent throb and bounce at the idea, but the Professor rejected her advance. "No. You can't. That would only make it worse. And then I wouldn't be able to stop myself."

"Why don't you just put the feelings you put into me back into Lacey?"

"Because I've grown used to feeling them after suppressing them for so long. Some part of me refuses to go back to that." Another pause. "I'm so sorry for putting you in this position Shani. This was supposed to be a way out for Lacey and I. A way to return to having fun with no strings attached. Instead, all I did was rearrange the strings into one big knot and dragged you into it." She stood from the bench. Her eyes were still hungry staring at Shani's body. "I... I should get going before I do something I will regret."

Shani stood too. "Why don't you tell Lacey any of this? It sounds like you two still feel the same way about each other. She thinks you don't like her anymore but that simply isn't true. I'm sure if you just told her about everything she'd understand."

"I've tried. But she ignores my calls and texts. And she's right to. I don't deserve her. I didn't deserve her when I had her, and I definitely don't deserve her now." She looked on the verge of tears again.

Shani took a step forward. "That's not true. It doesn't matter if you think you deserve her or not. She thought you deserved her just fine. And I'm certain she still does." Shani placed a hand on her shoulder. The Professor flinched and jumped away, recoiling as if Shani's hand had burned her. Shani saw a flash of the same animosity she experienced when she was pinned against the wall barely contained behind her eyes. "Oh, right. Sorry." The tent seemed to have somehow gotten bigger.

Her voice came out strained with the physical effort to control herself. "Take good care of her, Shani." And then she walked out into the night.

Shani stood there for a minute. So was this my fault or not? She added the emotional turmoil of everything she had just heard to the pile, lumping it with her own feelings and Lacey's.

Shani's room

Shani returned to her room as quietly as she could. Not quiet enough as when she entered she heard a half asleep yawn. "Where were you?"

"I was... in the bathroom."

"Come here." Shani did as she was told, climbing into bed. She felt Lacey Lazily snuggle up to her.

"Good night, Lacey."

Still half asleep, Lacey replied. "Good night, Headmistress."

Am I just a substitute for both of them? Was I ever anything more?

Cafeteria, 11th day

Shani sat next to Lacey, eating her lunch while her thoughts ate at her. Last night was the first night in a while where Lacey hadn't cried herself to sleep. But Shani sure did. I don't think I can keep doing this.

Shani gathered her courage and asked the question. "Hey Lacey?"

Lacey stopped with her fork halfway to her mouth. "Yeah?"

"Who do you think about when we have sex?" Lacey's fork clattered when she dropped it.

"..."

"It's not me is it?"

"No.'' Of course it wasn't.

"It's Professor Mubarak isn't it?"

"Yes." She had already known. But the confirmation still hurt.

"OK."

Lacey turned her body fully towards Shani. "Shani, I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. That's why you came to me isn't it? To be her replacement." Shani's eyes began to water. "And besides. It's my fault you two are fighting in the first place. If I hadn't joined, you two would be fine. You two clearly love each other and im just some dumb slut who got in the way."

"Shani please. It's not like that. I just have a type and-"

Tears were now streaming down Shani's cheeks but she kept her composure for the most part. And now she's excusing it. "And that type is 'close enough' to Professor Mubarak, right?"

Lacey was out of excuses. There was no escape from the situation. She was caught red handed. "Shani. Listen to me please."

"What?"

"I like you Shani. I really do. I like you a lot. It's just."

"You like her more."

"Only slightly! I just wish there was a way I could have you both. But everytime I see you two together it hurts. She does things to you that she never even tried with me. She treats you differently. Special. And you are special. Both of you are. But it's just-" Lacey stopped rambling. "I like you Shani. I really do. How can I make it up to you? I'll do anything."

Shani wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "Anything?"

"Yes. I am so sorry."

"Then come with me after practice today."

"OK. Anywhere."

After lunch finished up, as they walked to their next class. Shani sent a text to Professor Mubarak.

Amirah's classroom, evening

Amirah sat at her desk awkwardly. It felt weird being in her classroom after not being on the campus all day. She wasn't sure how she should dress, so she went with her usual uniform, getting properly prepared and dressed up for the first time in days. I hope my eyes aren't too red. She received the text during her afternoon crying to sleep. And then she cried tears of joy the rest of the day. I get to see her again.

Professor Amirah's classroom.

As per her promise, Lacey agreed to follow Shani after gym practice. Shani led her around the long way through the building, coming towards the classroom from the opposite direction than they usually did. Lacey didn't notice as she was apologizing the entire time. When outside of the classroom Shani stopped, taking a deep breath.

Lacey realized where they were at. "Why are w-"

"Go inside."

Lacey paused, understanding the situation. "What's-What's in there?" You mean 'who?'

"You know what's in there. Go inside, please." Her voice was steady but it held just enough pleading in it to get her point across. "You said you would do anything."

She watched as Lacey considered her words. Then Lacey opened the door and stepped into the classroom.

Before Shani could enter herself, the doorway was filled with another body. She recognized Professor Mubarak, for some reason in her usual uniform, hugging Lacey.

"I'm so sorry, Ameli." Lacey didn't return the hug, instead prying herself free and taking several steps to separate them. Professor Mubarak looked confused and hurt.

Lacey said, "I'm only here because Shani asked me to be. Don't get the wrong idea."

Professor Mubarak looked at Shani with confusion. "You said she agreed to meet me. I can't do this if she doesn't want to be here."

Shani leveled her emotions, putting an authority in her voice that shocked the Professor. "Yes you can because she wants to be here. She's here because she promised me anything. Now both of you sit down." Both women looked surprised, but they followed her directions. They chose to sit in chairs around five feet from each other. Shani grabbed a chair and parked herself in front of the door, crossing her legs and arms.

She noticed the professor staring at her legs. She hadn't changed from her volleyball uniform. Lacey noticed too, and scoffed.

The Professor started. "How are you doing Lacey?"

Lacey sat in much the same position as Shani, glaring at the Professor. "Fine."

"How are your classes going?"

"Fine."

"I'm sorry."

"You should be." Lacey turned to Shani. "What is the point of this?"

"For you two to make up. Or break up. Or something. Anything other than this." Lacey was about to interject but Shani continued, losing her composure. "I can't keep doing this. I can't be with someone who all they see in me is someone else." She turned to the Professor "And I can't be friends or sex buddies or whatever whatever we are with someone who uses me to deflect their emotions. Both of you love each other and use me to circumvent that. I can't take it anymore." Shani was in tears now. "Please. Just talk to each other. I don't want to be the reason the two of you break up, but I also can't be the middleman for whatever this is! Blame me or blame each other. I don't care what happens as long as something happens. I can't do this anymore. I can't be either of you no matter how much you want me to be. And I can't be in a relationship where another person uses me as a surrogate. I'm my own person!" Shani began wiping her tears on her arms. Her voice was quiet between the sobs. "I know I'm just a whore or a slut or whatever. But even then... I'm still me."

She heard movement. When she looked up both of them were standing in front of her, Lacey extending her handkerchief and the Professor offering her a box of tissues. Sht took both from them. "Thank you."

They both sat down, equally uncomfortable and guilty for pushing Shani this far. Lacey started this time.

"How... how are you doing?"

"I'm doing go-... I'm not good. I miss you."

Lacey thought hard for a second before sighing and admitting, "... I miss you too." the Professor's eyes widened and a spark of hope. Hope that got shot down when Lacey continued. "But that doesn't mean I forgive you. Why? Why did you ignore me?"

"Lacey, I think about you every waking second. And when I sleep I dream about you."

Lacey pointed at Shani while raising her voice."Then why her!? Why did you invite her to your office every single day!? Why not me!?"

"Lacey, I promise you that even when I was with her, ninety five percent of my feelings were for you."

"You fucked her in your office to think of me? Why not just get me!?"

"Because... Because..."

"Because what?"

"Because I had a stupid plan." There was a moment of silence.

"What plan?"

"I... I saw how you acted around Shani and I saw a spark. I wanted you to like her more. So I kept inviting her into my office."

Lacey looked confused. "You wanted me to like her more, so you fucked her in your office?"

"We never fuck- no, that's beside the point. I wanted to make you jealous."

Lacey's voice spat venom. "Mission accomplished. Good job."

"Not like that! I thought... I thought that if I kept doing that it would make you jealous of me. And then you would do more things with Shani and eventually grow to like her more."

"You thought that if you fucked Shani in your office, the jealousy would cause me to like Shani more? You tried to manipulate me."

"No! I never wanted to manipulate you. Just give you a push in the right direction."

"What do you mean in the right direction?"

"Towards Shani and away from... me."

Shani noticed a change in Lacey. Something clicked in her head and the only sign was a small twitch of the eyebrow. Lacey completely ignored that last statement. "Well I'm sorry I didn't meet your expectations of jealousy."

"It's my fault. I should have never tried to trick you in the first place." The conversation died down again Shani didn't know if any progress had actually been made. Lacey still looked mad and the Professor was near groveling in her chair.

"OK, what about outside of the office?"

That surprised the Professor. "What?"

"Whenever we are in here, the three of us. You treat us differently. Unequally."

"What do you mean?"

"You tease Shani, which I don't particularly mind, and you fuck her differently. You fuck her so hard. And you treat me so - so soft." Lacey spat out the word with contempt. "And you spend way more time with her than you do with me. Was that also 'all for me?'"

"Lacey I- Ameli. I know how this sounds but, yes."

Lacey blew up again. "How!? How is ignoring me and my needs supposed to be for me?"

Now the Professor was the one confused. "Your needs? Ameli, I admit that I may have spent more time with Shani than you but I never ignored your needs. When you came to my office, and even when in here, I made sure to pleasure you until you were satisfied."

"But I wasn't satisfied! You can ask Shani!"

Professor Mubarak turned towards Shani. "Is this true?"

Shani had to tell the truth if she hoped to get anywhere. "Well, I think so. She would go at least another round or two when we got back to the dorm."

Professor Mubarak turned back to Lacey, mortified. "Ameli, I am so sorry! What was I doing wrong?"

Lacey scoffed. "Of course you don't know. Think about how you treated Shani versus how you treated me. Then think about how you used to treat me. You should know how I like it by now."

Shani watched a look of recognition flash over Professor Mubarak's face on the last line. "Ameli there is a very good reas-"

"What reason is there to leave me unsatisfied? Isn't that what all these 'lessons' were for? To 'learn how to satisfy a partner?' You used to take me with passion. With fervor. With love. And now all you do is gently get me off. " Lacey's anger gave way to sadness. "Where did all the love go? Do you not like me that much anymore?"

"Lacey, I love you. I love you so much. Too much."

"Please, not this again."

"But it's true! Much like how I hear you impose your... feelings for me on Shani. I'm afraid I've been doing the same."

That seemed to only hurt Lacey more. "So you put all the love you had for me and gave it to her? How's that supposed to make me feel any better!?"

"Not love. I never removed any love. Just the passion. The... the lust."

"Lust? You don't find me attractive anymore?" Lacey was on the verge of tears.

"No! I do find you attractive. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, Lacey."

"Then how come when you're with Shani, all you do is give her compliments about her looks?"

"That was just to tease her. To get her embarrassed. I won't lie, I do enjoy that part of her. But I enjoy your company that much more."

"Then why do you spend more time with her!? Why do you fuck her longer? Fuck her harder? Why do you treat me so softly and then turn around and give the same 'lust' you once had for me to her?"

Amirah blurted out her answer. "Because she's bigger! Because she's taller and stronger and durable. And you, Ameli, are simply smaller than her."

The tears started coming. "That doesn't make sense. You can't tell me I'm the most beautiful woman you've ever seen and then just say you like her body more than mine!"

"I never said I liked her more. Only that she is bigger. You are perfect the way you are."

"What does her or my size have to do with any of this if not for looks?"

"Because I don't want to hurt you, Lacey."

"Well it's too late for that!"

"I meant physically. Though I never meant to hurt you emotionally as well."

"What do you mean hurt me physically?"

"You are right Lacey. I've been... ignoring your needs. And I've been taking those needs out on Shani. Every day we are together my love for you grows stronger. Everyday I yearn for you more. For your smile, your smell, your body. I want to take you and everything you have to offer. But I can't do that. I can never do that. You are too small, too weak, too-"

"Fragile?"

"Precious. I've been using Shani as a replacement for you because I don't want to break you."

"Break me?"

"I love being rough just as much as you like me being rough. But as time went on, I wanted more. To be rougher. But you are so precious and small. I would never forgive myself if I ever hurt you to meet my own needs."

"So you went to Shani?"

"Yes. When I'm with you I have to be so careful. Careful not to say or do anything that we will both regret. But when I'm with her, I have none of those concerns. I'm free to be as rough as I want. And I'll admit I got a bit carried away. After repressing it for so long, it grew addictive to use Shani as an outlet. So, again and a million times over, I'm sorry Lacey. Sorry for ignoring you and your needs. And Shani, I'm sorry for using you as a stand in for Lacey. You are right. You are your own person and it wasn't right for me to impose my feelings for Lacey onto you."

Lacey surprised them both by standing up and walking over to the Professor while looking at Shani. "No. That was my fault. I said it myself. I brought you in with the express purpose for her to split her feelings between us. So if anything it's my fault. And I'm sorry for using you as a clone for her, Shani. It wasn't right of me."

Shani still could not tell what the verdict was. The hostility had left the room but a strange air of ambiguity still shrouded the two of them. Something was still left unsaid. 'Thank you both. But you still haven't come to a conclusion."

Professor Mubarak looked up at Lacey as she stood in front of her. "I'll leave it up to you. I've hurt you too many times now to ask for forgiveness."

Lacey looked down at her for a long second. Then she sighed and grabbed the Professor's hand, looking into her eyes. "You know I love you just as much as you love me. I can't live without you." Then she turned back to Shani. "Just like how I can't live without you."

Shani's heart fluttered. She had fully expected to be eliminated from the equation when they made up.

Professor Mubarak spoke up again. "But Lacey, I told you before. No matter how much we want it, I can't be with you. You deserve so much more than me. That's why I tried to push you towards Shani."

Shani watched as Lacey gripped her hand harder. "Why do you keep saying that? We love each other so it's fine right? I decide what I deserve. And if anything, we deserve each other for putting Shani through all of that. We don't deserve her."

"You are right about the Shani point, but Ameli-"

"Do you love me?"

"With all my heart."

"Then do you truly mean it when you say we can't be together?" Stears started going down her face.

Professor Mubarak reached up her other hand and cupped Lacey's cheek, using her thumb to wipe away tears. She had tears of her own streaming down. "With all my heart."

Lacey looked at her for a long moment. And then, she sighed. To Shani it seemed as if Lacey deflated. She was defeated and finally relented. "OK. Fine."

"Does that mean?"

"Yes. But on one condition."

"Anything, Ameli."

"You have to treat Shani and I the same."

Professor Mubarak hesitated. "Ameli, I just told you-"

"I'm not as fragile as you think I am. I can take it. And if I can't. I'll tell you. Promise me."