PUNKS Ch. 35: Ace in the Hole

Mrs. C. served coffee and tended to dinner while the other three sat at the kitchen table. After a few minutes of small talk, Tina asked Mom to sit and join them.

Tina stared at her parents for a few seconds and then wasted no time getting the news off her chest. "Troy believes Joe and I planned my visit to LA during his trial and had the divorce papers served in court to hurt him. That is not true. Joe didn't know I was leaving Troy until I showed up on his doorstep."

"I didn't even know she was staying with me," Joe added. "I had to clean my bathroom. You know how she is about strange toilets."

Tina rolled her eyes. "Troy hired private investigators to snoop. Now he knows Joe and I had an affair back in 1991. He's threatening to expose us in the media. I wanted you to hear it from us, not the tabloids."

"Nineteen ninety-one?" Mrs. C. asked rhetorically. "You weren't even married for two years."

"I know Mom."

"But your marriage was fine back then. His legal problems hadn't yet..."

"I know Mom," Tina cut her off. "I'm not here to discuss why, or how it happened. It just happened. I know you're shocked and disappointed in me. I understand that. I just wanted to tell you myself so it's not a bomb going off when the papers print it."

"You don't have to explain anything to me," Mr. C. placed his hand on Tina's. "I'm guessing this happened the first time he came to New York with his new band. I remember how excited you were to be seeing him. I'm not surprised at all."

"Yes, Daddy. That's when it started. Then we saw each other two more times in '92. That's when I ended it."

"She couldn't handle the guilt," Joe added.

"I can only imagine," Mrs. C. said, clutching pearls. "That must have been a terrible burden."

"Oh please, Mary," Mr. C. smirked. "Let it go. Our daughter married an idiot. She was going to figure that out eventually." He gestured to Joe. "This is her man. She's gonna be fine."

"But what about the vows you..."

"Mom. Believe me, that's where the guilt came from. I hated myself."

"You should have divorced Troy first," Mom said.

"And have you freak out?" Tina snapped. "Every time someone we know gets divorced you go on and on about how they didn't try hard enough, they were weak, and they didn't take their vows seriously. I didn't want to disappoint you."

"I was disappointed you married the jerk in the first place." Mr. C laughed. He looked at Joe. "My daughter married an idiot. I knew it long before the wedding."

After a few minutes of Mrs. C's anxious hand wringing and Mr. C's dismissive comments in support of his daughter, the matter was put to rest by Joe bringing up a big day in the future.

"We wanted to tell you this so we can get on with our lives. After her divorce is final, we'll start planning our future," Joe paused for effect. "...starting with a wedding."

That's all it took to get Mom over the fact her daughter was an adulterer. She owned a florist shop for thirty years. Mary loved weddings. The conversation went that way until Joe played another card.

"And we're not wasting time. We've lost too much already, and your daughter isn't getting younger. We're starting a family right after the wedding."

"Oh, my God." Mary covered her mouth. "I thought that day would never come."

Joe smiled. "It's coming Grandma."

"Now hang on." Tina put a hand up. "I'd like to wait a year between the divorce and the wedding. So don't start buying baby clothes. Not yet."

"Why wait?" Mr. C. asked.

"The same reason she didn't divorce Troy years ago," Joe said, "appearances."

Mr C. shook his head. "You should have left him the day the FBI searched your home." He glanced at Joe. "My daughter married an idiot."

That was Joe's favorite part of the visit. Throughout the day, during dinner, dessert, and talking with Jack and Joe afterward, Mr. C. said, "My daughter married an idiot." at least seven times.

Each time he said it, Joe smirked at Tina, and then her Dad. Tina hated it. Joe and John had always gotten along well. Joe knew Dad would be supportive, Tina was daddy's girl. Mom was the one he worried about. That's why Joe played his wedding and baby cards, to disarm his future mother-in-law.

For years, Joe never fully understood why Tina wouldn't leave her husband. It was clear Tina was still in love with Joe, but not enough to get a divorce. Tina cited her Catholic faith and commitment to her wedding vows. She supported Troy through his legal mess. T used a stand-by-your-man defense when Joe challenged her for staying with the wrong man, a husband wrecking her reputation with his criminal indictments.

Joe finally saw the light. It was her fear of disappointing her parents, specifically Mary Costello, that made Tina remain in an unhappy marriage while the man she truly loved waited. This revelation didn't change anything, but it explained a few things that had flummoxed Joe for years.

After Jack and April had left, Joe and Mr. C. sat alone while his wife and daughter discussed a future wedding. Joe had something on his mind he couldn't shake and he wanted Mr. C's take on it. He got up and closed the French doors that separated the den from the rest of the house.

When he sat back down, he looked at Mr. C. "I have something to tell you, but first you must promise to never tell anyone, especially Tina."

"Is what you're about to tell me going to hurt my daughter?"

"No, she knows about it, but she won't be pleased that I told you."

"Okay." Mr C. nodded, "You have my word. I'll never speak of it."

When Joe finished telling his future father-in-law what was troubling him, Mr. C. said, "My daughter married an idiot."

Joe nodded. "I know a guy in Providence who knows a guy who can help with this."

Mr. C. laughed. "Let me guess, Italians? We always know a guy."

"Yes. They have friends on both sides of the law." Joe paused. "Do you think I should do it?"

Mr. C. nodded. "Yes. I do."

"Okay," Joe put his hand out. "We can never tell Tina of this."

Mr. C. shook Joe's hand.

-- Final Offer --

They waited in a back booth at Davidoffs. Tina asked Joe to let her do the taking. He agreed. Joe was only there to assure her safety. When Troy arrived he was unhappy Joe was present.

"I said one on one," Troy said before sitting down.

Tina shrugged, "And I didn't say if I agreed to that or not."

Troy sat down and got to the point. "Remember when you said my information about your affair isn't as big as I think it is?"

"I do, because it's not."

"It's the same for those bank accounts. Those have nothing to do with the case against me. Those are tax shelters. Remember when they audited us and found my Bahamian account? That was one of four."

Tina furrowed her brow, "Then why isn't that account listed with these accounts?"

"Because I closed it after I paid those fines and got square with the IRS."

Tina produced a piece of paper and slid it to Troy. "That's your handwriting from more than three years ago," she pointed, "There's the date."

Troy's face went blank as he realized the information she had was more than bank names.

"This is one of several pages I have. That date is long before the audit. The Bahamas account was open but it's not listed here." She waited for Troy to look up. "Try again?"

Joe could see the anger in Troy's eyes. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Tina sat stone faced, staring at her estranged husband waiting for his next explanation. She broke the silence.

"Joe and I had dinner with my parents this weekend. We told them about our affair, the truth of what happened. You can expose us if you'd like. I don't care who knows. Only my family matters, and they're happy I'm done with you."

Tina took a sip of her soft drink and continued. "If these are just tax havens I need to be clear of them. We're married, Troy. This money should have been included in our joint filings. You cheated on my taxes, far more than the IRS already knows. I'd like to be free of future government entanglements. It's probably best to make these accounts public to limit my liability. I'm sick of being caught up in your corruption."

Troy stared at Tina, eye to eye. Her gaze was ice cold. Joe stared at Troy, amused by his discomfort and impressed by Tina's control of the situation. She was good.

"What is it you want?" Troy finally asked.

"My divorce, free and clear. I keep my business, and my apartment, and we split the cash and investments we have down the middle. You keep your place and your cars. Do the math, Troy. I did. You're getting a 62-38 split. That's a good deal for you."

"And that doesn't include this stashed cash," Joe added.

"I want nothing to do with that dirty money," Tina said.

Troy leaned back, "How do I know you won't make this public after the divorce?"

"You don't," Tina said abruptly. "You'll just have to trust me. Give me the divorce and thirty-eight percent of declared assets and these never see the light of day."

"That money is not what you think it is?" Troy repeated, "It's not dirty."

"It doesn't matter what I think, Troy." Tina leaned in. "It matters what the Feds think."

Joe looked at Tina, "Maybe not dirty just he means he laundered it."

"Oh yeah," Tina made a duh face, "There's one page showing where the money is stashed with account numbers and dates. The other pages have hieroglyphics of initials and abbreviations, dollar figures, dates, and transaction numbers. It's a goldmine, Troy."

Tina sipped her drink and let Troy think about that. He was quiet, so she continued.

"Those initials match Alan Roth, Steve Lombardi, and Alex Klien. Those guys took plea deals and have served time. Alan just got out after ten months. They're free and clear but they didn't face conspiracy charges. Those transactions blow up your defense and prove a conspiracy. Your poker buddies are furious that you've taken your case to trial. They remain in jeopardy. How do you think they'll feel if they get dragged in for questioning on new charges?"

Tina waited for a reply. There was none. Troy was seething.

"Ya know," Tina said. "I was having a hard time with your scribbling. I didn't know what some of the abbreviations were, but Joe figured it out last week."

"Ticker symbols." Joe said, "I'm no Wall Street guy but I suspect you figured out a way to launder money through the markets." Joe shrugged, "But that's just a guess."

"It's a good guess," Tina smiled. "My favorite part of your note keeping are the dates. This started long before we were married. I can wash my hands of your crimes."

Tina excused herself to use the ladies' room leaving the men alone. Joe said nothing because he had nothing to say to him. Troy shifted uncomfortably, not looking at Joe. Finally, he had something to say.

"So you and Jasmine are done?"

"Yes."

"What happened?"

"Do you really want to know?"

Troy nodded.

"After our dinner with you, Jasmine realized that Tina was still in love with me and felt it was just a matter of time before she left you. Jas didn't want to be around for that."

Troy laughed, "That's bullshit."

"It's not. She felt that way before she met T. That night only confirmed it for her, and she left me."

"Is that when you started planning this crap?"

"That was all Tina. I had no clue what she was up to... until she showed up in LA."

"I think you've been fooling around with my wife all along and you planned this shitshow with her.'

"Okay," Joe nodded. "Let's say that's true, just for this talk. I hear your friends made a big deal about T kissing me on stage. She said you were humiliated. Now everyone knows she's with me. When you expose our affair and your Wall Street bros think your wife has been sucking my dick for five years, and you had no clue... how will that work for ya?"

Troy stared at Joe. He had no words. Tina returned and said it was time to go. As Joe stood, he pulled Tina close and smiled at Troy. Tina kissed him on the cheek, "Thanks for being here for me. You're my rock."

She turned to her estranged husband, "The ball's in your court. Let me know what you wanna do."

Walking down Fifth Avenue, Joe told Tina what he said to Troy about his friends. First, she laughed, and then she stopped and looked up at her man, "Why didn't I think of that? There's no way he's putting our affair in the news. I didn't have to tell my parents anything!"