All Comments on 'Puppet Master'

Great Start, I hope we get more chapters soon.

Just couldn't get past the football thing. 7'1" football player, 128-119 score, in-zone. I tried going past that, but mistakes/confusion kept piling up. I gave it a 2, just because I hit the wrong star and couldn't change it. I normally like artifact stories, but...Sorry.

This is nothing but a jerkoff fantasy of a pimply virgin teenage boy. The writing and plot are horrible. Nothing can save this story I'm afraid. No really. I'm afraid. I'm afraid you'll keep writing.

Not as bad as some previous comments suggest. It is a little basic, and some of the scenes could require some more thought. Don't be discouraged that some people might not have cared for it. Consider it feedback to improve your craft. Review stories you have liked. Try to get on some forums, maybe see if there is anyone willing to pair up with you to help you develop your own personal writing style. Thank you for contributing.

That would be zero. When you actually have sex, with a real woman, feel free to write again. Until then, why don't you ram your head into a brick wall for awhile, see if you can knock some sense into yourself.

"It was the third quarter, we were winning, 128 - 119, and Richy decided that he didn't want me on the field anymore, so right when I got passed the ball....... BOOM!!! My body soared across the field, past the in-zone (I think I flew between the field goal posts) and then I slammed into the back windshield of a parked SUV."

Really? Really? Have you ever seen a football game before? Seen many where both teams have over 100 points? And a hit by someone can knock someone off the field into the parking lot? Pathetic.

Any good writer knows that a story without some basic research will fail! YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF FOOTBALL SUCKS....BUT NOT AS MUCH AS YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF WOMEN!!

Short, pithy, well written and to the point, unlike this sad excuse for a jerk off story. Perhaps our hapless author intended to make an ironic story because he calls the professor the "meanest" prof on the campus but what does our hero do after getting a ring to control people? He robs the pizza guy. Seriously? Some poor schlub who's trying to earn a living at a crap job, earning minimum wage and now this same guy has to pay for the pizza out of his own pocket?

If you want mean, take a look at your "hero". If you want retarded, look in the mirror.

personally, I thought this story wasn't too bad, maybe it could use some improvements but even some professional authors could use improvements

as for the previous comments,

do you people hear yourselves?

its a FICTIONAL story, you know what fictional means right?

its a FICTIONAL story about a magic ring that can control minds, and you people are angry that the author made up some things about football and about sex? that the author didn't research things to get facts right for a fictional story.

seriously, WTF? its fiction, NOT a true story lol

I wrote those stats in the football game to have fun, not to be realistic. As those before me have said, this is fantasy/fiction. Look at the facts, it's a story about a Mind Control ring with unlimited potential, yet it's commonly used just for sex... and the football stat is the criticism I get? Of course, a football game (let alone a high school football game at that) score wouldn't reach the hundreds. If I wanted it to be realistic, I'd have written the score in the 20-30 range.

On the guy himself, Richard Yourk, I wrote him to seem like a hulk-ish figure. "He was a monster at 7'1'' and 320 pounds of pure muscle, and the force that he tackled with could topple a skyscraper!" Fictitious, obviously. Does your imagination tell you he's got the power to send a man soaring? I hoped so, when I was writing it. Lighten up...

Plus, I find it flattering that the football score is the worst criticism some of you have offered. But I still accept constructive criticism.

Next time I write, I'll remember to aim for being as realistic as possible. Also, try reading my other stories, and tell me if those are more realistic for you. Every girlfriend I've had has been excited to read them, so maybe you will too...

A football score with both teams over 100 in 3rd quarter . A man over 7 foot and over 300 pounds in a Viper. I don't think so. Stopped after that