All Comments on 'Rayne's POV Ch. 01'

I am picturing the star of the BloodRayne videogame in this tale, hope I'm close in my approximation of the lead character. The first telling was better, as it was less wordy. There was too MUCH extra detail in this version. It seemed like U were TRYING 2 make it in2 a different story, honestly! 2 much effort makes 4 BAD porno, M8. Let it flow like a satisfied lady, Nerfy! Get it? Still pretty good stuff, tho. I diggit!