by ChaffII
Would have been better if the narrator had expressed how he felt about watching his future wife get bred and how he feels about it now. Mostly this story read as simple reportage: I snuck around the kitchen while Vanessa and Kyle groped and kissed. They did this and that. There were a lot of orgasms. This is telling, not showing. Too many qualifying asides. Not enough dialogue. I never felt an "in the moment" moment. Not very erotic!