All Comments on 'Righting A Wrong'

I enjoyed reading your story. Thank you for sharing.

Enjoyed your story except for your end comments, I disagree with all of them good job I see to many no talent people making comments that deride others because they can't or won't do this them selves. thank you

and in answer to your question

The Bear is Catholic.

; P

I do not agree with your other comments that I am sure some negative people have made so you should not pay any attention to them. Just ask them how many stories have they written in the last few years. I am an old man and have read many stories and I like all of yours, I don't agree, of course, with everything you say but I do enjoy reading your stories, thank you for writing. I rarely comment in a negative way about a writer's work unless it is about willing cuckolds, stuff like that. Then I just don't read any more of their stuff.

Thoroughly enjoyable story. No - I don't think it was too long. The character and plot development needed the length. Yes - I agree that an editor/proofreader would have helped. I did like your written dialog but think closer attention to differentiating dialog due to education levels of characters would have helped. No - the number of characters did not detract from the story. Instead I think they helped tell a better story. No - the story did not jump around too much. You should use a device like a few asterisks (****) to differentiate a change in the story line. No - you do not suck and the story is not stupid. It demonstrated a very high level of creativity. You have no reason to be ashamed or embarrased by what you have written. I sincerely hope you take my comments for thje constructive criticisms intended and continue to practice your craft. Very good work.

This story is why I keep reading on this site. You can find some good stories,a few really good stories (golden) and very rarely a diamond story that makes you feel!! This story was truly a diamond story - rarest of rare reading experience. OK as JimBob44 stated there were a few edit points that could of been fixed but in NO way did that take away from the overall quality of the story and plot. As a father of a daughter with Down Syndrome I KNOW how special kids and adults can be. You portrayed Melissa perfectly and she added greatly to the story. My Grandfather said something similar about the future before he died like Melissa in the story, after he said 'Goodbye' which he never did. It was not as detailed as Melissa in the story but a comfort to me when my Grandfather died. I believe some people know when it is there time and can impart knowledge or wisdom as they go. As you can tell I liked that part of the story. This was my first time catching this story followed some links - similar stories (bread crumbs) and happy it lead me to it. I can't Thank You with more than 5 stars but you have them and my hope that you continue writing what you WANT for your pleasure. As long as you continue to post I WILL enjoy your writing effort / work. Thank you for sharing!!!

I didn't get lost in the idea that the story had very minimal sex init. Your story kept me in it from beginning to end.

Full 5 stars.

I disagree with most of your self assessment.

1. I really don't think this was "too long". I liked the stand alone story aspect. At 10-1/2 pages this was about right. Not too short and closes the main points of the story. Yeah, I'm a sap for an ending that isn't hate and bile. To me, this length was perfect for the story you wrote. Could have been shorter or longer and I likely would still have liked it with the style you wrote here.

2. "Editor". Um yes that would help so much. I really like your stories and an editor would help so much...

3. "Too many characters". Really this story didn't feel that way. You've gotten much better, and the focus on a few characters really help.

4. "Jumping", this story didn't have that feel for me I really think you've improved a great deal. This one had a little jumping, but to me, this was fine for this story.

5. I know criticism sucks but damn you write good stories. Those of us who enjoy the stories and comment are rare. I've written a few (different pen name) and the criticism can be brutal. But CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM helps improve your writing. Mind that seems to be the rarest of all forms of feedback.

So for this story I agree with only 1 of your self criticisms ;-).

I've read several of your stories and this is the best written, to me to date. Not the best story but best written. The story is one of top 5 favorites of yours so it passes there too. Please keep up the work. I enjoy your stories and it would be a shame to see nothing further.

really well done

That story would have been great even without the sex

Wonderful story, not perfect mind you but wonderful nonetheless. The author was too hard on himself. True, it could use an editor but mostly for grammatical errors. I would love for the use of getto speak to be limited to the negro characters only as well. Other than that I don't have any complaints. The plot is darn near perfect and the characters themselves are well developed. The story manages to hit almost every romance button and yet still manages to fit in such diverse topics as cheating spouses, a heavily biased legal system and the importance of youth sports, not to mention the trials of dealing with someone with mental disabilities.

I would absolutely love to see a sequel to this story that would expand on the lives of the characters picking up where this story ended.

The bees-knees, the Nuts! Mustard (hot)

The dogs ca-hoo-nus...

Sir,

I love your style of writing.

Whole heartedly. Thank you.

Kind regards,

Peter

It was not too long. It did not have too many characters. It did not jump around. I have no idea if you suck, but your fetishes don't seem relevant to the story. Gave it a 5

Really enjoyed this story. The characters all seemed like real people,and their feelings were clearly evident.Also thought the plot developed nicely from one scene to the next.

The one small thing I would have liked was to have seen Ethel's new romance better developed.She had too important a role in the story to have her future glossed over in a couple of sentences.(Guess that's the romantic in me.) By the way,who names their daughter Ethel anymore?!

Anyway,thank you for an excellent story that I'm sure I'll think back on from time to time.

And yes, it was a great story. Thank you for sharing with us .

No, it was not too long.

Yes, an editor wouldn't be a bad idea.

No, there were not too many people to keep track of.

Possibly Streamlining might help

No you do not suck.

No this was no stupid shit.

Thank You For Your Story JimBob44

Our daughter has Down's Syndrome. We almost lost her to leukemia. I know how Russell felt when his sister died. I couldn't stop my tears. No it was not too long. I liked it a lot.

I liked it. It had a good story line a down home hero and a couple of downright assholes and bad guys and just enough sex to let you know that they were real people. !!!

I give it a 4 on the Budweiser Scale !!!

I thought it was an excellent story. Your character development was especially good: definite but painted on delicately. I gave it five stars and added you to my stable of favorite authors. That's as close as I can get to an MVP trophy.

Every serious author on this website assumes the role of a story teller, and in every culture I know of, story telling is a highly respected profession. The story teller is expected to tell the story his own way, and his listeners are expected to be polite when they talk to, or about, him. It is generally understood that anybody who doesn't like the story teller's style should just try another story teller. You can't please 'em all!

I suppose that in the year and a half since you posted this story, you have probably found an editor. If not, drop me a line and I'll see if I can help you out.

Email: duttonwalt@gmail.com

more so when road-blocks and ex=es do most of the tripping. TK U MLJ LV NV

Enjoyed every single minute I read this story, worth the time to read it. Need to find out where they keep the Russells in this world :)

"sensitive nipppples" are they like nipples only bigger? ;-) Just askin'

and wonderful characters told in an easy going way. VERY enjoyable. I laughed many times, and a few times "extra" at things like "nipppples," which I took to mean very large and sexy nipples. LOL 5*

A very enjoyable story. I could feel what this guy was going through with getting reamed in the divorce and not having any visitation with his daughter. This story was very emotional. From the outrageous (almost comic) wife and boyfriend, to the very sad (death of sister), from the angry (exes lawyer) to the beautiful (the 2 children and the dog). Thank you for a very well-done story. As usual with all good stories, I wish it was longer. Fine job.

JimBob44, despite your panning of your skills and talent, we will continue to read your stories and enjoy them as well.

Yes, this was somewhat longer than your usual stories, but every bit of it was needed and each character was well developed.

Using Mustapha as a means of crudely flushing away the less than pristine characters was sort of a low blow. We don't normally expect you to knock off your characters regardless of how awkward they may be.

I predict that the near future will see the taking of a DNA sample from every child born, and probably from the mother as well. It is/will be a nice tool to use in establishing the absence of every father's nightmare, the uncertainty (despite a father's faith in his wife) of paternity as it happened to in this story. Eventually, whether we like it or not, there will be a DNA sample on file for everyone in this country. Won't that be fun?

You made the beginning so real. Similar to my life but,without the exwife. I've read a lot of stories and your treatment of this Type of story was unique. I didn't like the way Daryl was handled at the ending. That was much to gentle, he needed to suffer a lot. if you can burn a ex-wife I wouldn't have a problem seeing bodily harm come to him. Other than that GREAT writing.

Absolutly beautifl story.

Going to favourites for sure.

Absolutely beautiful! You know how to tell a tale. Thank you for this one

Very good story. I did not find it too long and found it easy to follow most of the time. Some editing might have polished it a bit but, it woud not have improved my enjoyment of the tale. Well Done.

I may have to read more romance.

I enjoyed it and if you enjoyed writing it why analyze it like we would a professional novel. Good job.

I loved this story.

I liked the contrast of feelings from the beginning of the story, although I was surprised that Lisa was such a bitch, I did not think I could be such a bad woman. Penny proved to be a real woman and correct the mistake she made in the divorce of Russell and Lisa.

And of course, Darryl proved to be a cheat jackass, he was not entitled to Lucas's joint custody.

5 * for you.

I apologize for my English (yet), is not my native language.

Great story, excellent characterizations, moving drama and just plain good fun.

Thank You For The Journey.

Morgan DeWolfe

Couldn't stop reading it and constantly looked forward to what was coming next. It felt real and kept me riveted. Good job!

a potential catastrophe that was missed. Four bodies were shot and burned. Three adults and one child. Russel saved his daughter from being child two and body five found in the burned out house. The fire and 4 deaths were a message from the dealer to his flunkies. A second child would have been big message.

Work with me on this. My Da was seriously Scottish, and I grew to understand and have a bit of an "ear" for dialects and accents because of that. I'm a great fan of people who unashamedly use and speak the way they grew up to speak what ever language they use. Actual quote from him, by the by "I am completely and quite capable of eludidating in and enunciating the King's English when the situation so requires. Fortunately for me and the rest of the world most of the time I can just talk redneck and spit tobacco on the ground to punctuate stuff."

I miss him, by the by. Did not play baseball, but taught ME to throw a wicked screwball and be a fair to middling second baseman along the way. He found out what I wanted to do and studied it beyond belief. This is what Da's DO, people. Hell, English is not even my first language and I can admire the way you write!

Ignore the louts who write negative commentary; they simply have never been in the land of the endless swamp and do. Not. GET it. It's a joke, people. Real life as spoken by real people, even in a bit of fantasy. Jest sayin' (sorry, West Texas idiom there for a second).

I look for anything you write with glee and anticipation, by the way. Don't quit on account of the anonymous "I wish I could, but I don't; so I'm going to criticize it to death" types.

Brendan

I have read it a few times and yes it is too long, but then again no it isn't. Every time I read it I am disappointed it ended. I love this story. Thank you author.

Johnny

I agree with a previous reader that you have a tendency to ramble, but I liked the humor and the interaction between the other characters in the story.

The scene with the 5-pound bag of flour was hilarious!

Why did the States Attorney release the muslim guy?? Some kind of informant or was a deal cut??

I'm not gonna nitpick it apart. Just about any story has mistakes, wrongly worded story lines, that sort of thing, but most don't detract from the overall story. And that's the case here. Simply put, it's a great story.

Really liked it.

But this shit had more names than Game of fucking Thrones, holy hell. Had a bit of a struggle from time to time.

I Never get tired of reading this story and no it’s not to long. Thank you for letting us read it,

why'd you make me read the whole thing. 5 stars

Really enjoyed the story all the way from beginning to end. Thanks for sharing. As for the author's ending comments, always appreciate a man's frank appraisal of himself and his work -- even if he is totally incorrect.

...rewarding Daryl at end story was fun entertainment

I really liked your story - I'm a sucker for a happy ending. You had me in tears when Melissa talked about her angel parents. I guess I'm supposed to make some remarks about your grammar etc, but ... no. In the end, I liked your story, and that trumps everything else. :)

I had to give it 5 stars. I loved the humor there were a few gripes I guess. Nothing really to detract from the story though. I generally skim read stories this long and rarely read them more than once. But I've read this one a few times now. The death of Melissa was pretty sad despite being predicted. I did like the way that there was some kind of reassurance from Melissa too. I rarely read romance stories, wait that's not true I do enjoy romance stories I guess. My male friends tell me its the estrogen but as I tell them male or female we both have estrogen and testosterone. Although in different amounts depending on our gender lol.

Mustapha Ahknahari came out of nowhere. But seemed to have some leverage and just as quickly disappeared. It would have been nice to know a little more about him though. To be honest two of your stories I particularly like are this and Ice Heart. Thanks again for a great read.

Not the first time I have read this, won't be the last

Love your stories

Your grammar and spelling may not always be correct, but so what. Your stories are written in a way that forces me to continue reading. You catch my interest. Anyone who criticizes your stories are lower IQ peons. Keep up the good work!

I love your stories, I can visualize the area and the people. some times i have to backtrack to identify a character but thats ok as i like the filling in of the situation and characters. One problem i am having is I still can't find degarde on my maps.

Thanks for writing and looking foward to your next.

It kinda bothered me that the story had an entire family murdered and their house burned down, and it was just never mentioned again. That entire storyline disappears; as far as I can tell Russell doesn't even know his ex-wife is dead. Police never come around asking questions, the cop characters disappear, etc.

Unless I missed a line or two clearing that up, I'm a bit of a sloppy reader.

Otherwise really enjoyed it, but kept wondering what happened to that storyline and was waiting for it to pick up again.

Yeah that happens in JimBob's stories sometimes. People will die and they will never again be mentioned. Or you have to read another story of his to find out what happened. Like Leah Farmer the insurance agent Russell was talking to is the mother of the main character in "Oddball". Cris Dumas is another main character (not sure which story, "Ice Heart" maybe) and Penny's boss gets mentioned a lot. Yeah it was weird those deaths didn't really get mentioned ever again considered they got executed and a child was involved.

Other than that, amazing story. Got tired of reading these 2 pagers I've been reading lately. Well crafted story and I loved the dog Cookie. Loved the hate Russell was throwing Penny's way at the beginning and how it went away at the end and turned into love.

Good flow. Likeable and realistic protagonists. Antagonists all love to hate. Complete package. Thank you!

Nothing but stereotypes. And, God help me, I loved it. Guess that there's a reason stereotypes exist, right? (And archetypes, too). 5 stars. Thanks for writing. JPR

P.S. Honest, good lawyers are like argyle unicorns: people can write about them but I'll not hold my breath 'til I see one.

I like your writing. Keep ‘em coming.

A story of imperfect people who care for family and others. I liked the fact the girl wasn't perfect but made and effort to correct a mistake.

At first, I was miffed that Darryl just moved on to continue his happy life. Then I realized that he continued getting everything that he wished for... and that he would likely choke on it later in life! All of the other bad guys (and girls) got shot and burned so the ending is tidy. 5 stars, as usual. Thanks for writing. JPR

Of all the stories I have read of yours, this is by far the best one. Keep on writing.

At least my second read, and I still love it! I'm certainly glad you write stories for yourself, and drag us along for the ride. Five Stars! Thank you for it.

I have so much enjoyed your writing. I think I've read everything you've posted except the stuff in the gay/trans categories, and I think you have a gift for telling stories.

I do not think it is too long, this Is the third or fourth time I have read it and I will probably come back again. I read all of your stories on a regular basis.

“...Penny's mother, loved Russell, adored Katy and tolerated Cookie, until Lucas let his Grandma know that Cookie had nearly ripped Darryl's arm off.

'Oh, you're a good girl, yes you are,' Chloe praised the ungainly beast.”

I’ve just recently discovered your stories, and I really enjoy them. I’m a Yankee from New England, so I enjoy the “local color,” too.

Thank you for writing and thank you for sharing!

Very beliveable story. Only down side was 9 year old being murdered, even though that is also realistic, unfortunately.

Very good ! The plot and witt hooked me immediately. Thank you

You write very well. Yes, your stories ramble, and you could use an editor, but you tell stories that keep people's attention, and make them come back for more. I would much rather read one of your long, rambling tales than some of the more grammatically correct, but incredibly boring stories with flat characters that sometimes pop up here.

I do have one question, though. Has no-one in the south heard of condoms? Accidental pregnancy has featured in every single one of your stories that I've read so far.

Thank you for writing

But Muslims do NOT wear turbans! Men from India do. Idiots harassed Indians after 911. BIG MISTAKE!!! Otherwise a great story, I have read it many times...

Just a different style.

tur·ban

/ˈtərbən/

noun

1. a man's headdress, consisting of a long length of cotton or silk wound around a cap or the head, worn especially by Muslims and Sikhs.

One of my favorite stories of yours to read, I’ve probably read it like 5 times keep up the good work!

Just a observation. You seeeem too forget your mane charictures name. Slap hapy papy #9. LOVE!

And this one is a classic.

Long but good story. loved it

I seem to like all your stuff. Great story!!!!!!! Don't know which I like better this one or Nothing to Offer a close second would be 2nd Choice.. Please keep up the good work,,,,,

...just gets glossed over? Surely there'd be a paragraph or two about it! Holy crap.

Story as a stand alone was great. Sure it was on the lengthy side but I’ve read stories on here that are pushing 20 or more pages. I would and will however suggest a sequel. Sure this story stands alone just fine but I am greedy and want to read more about these characters lives together. You could easily work in Ethel and her finding happiness too. You already hinted at Russell’s best friend possibly being the one to bring it to her. Anyways, thanks for the great read!

You said: Yes, it was to long.

Actually it was just right. The one comment about druggies dying. A little more info might of helped the story, or it might not. If you had, you would have done it right.

You said: Yes, I need an editor.

I’ve read hundreds of stories on Literotica. If you had an editor they would have had almost nothing to do. A few selling errors, as I recall. But, grammatically I thinks sound. I’d have to reread to be sure. My mother was an English teacher. Both grammar and spelling pounded into me.

You said: There were to many people and it jumped around to much.

I totally disagree. I liked the way you jumped around. The to many people comment could only be valid if someone wasn’t paying attention.

The way to avoid that is more character development. Let’s be honest this is not a novel. So much more work on character development could have created disruption in the flow of the story.

I know your comments were facetious but this was my way of saying I thought the story was great. Keep it up.

I used to have a Lit. sign in but now I can’t find it. So I’ll be anonymous!

I must disagree with you about your story being too long. The story was just long enough to wrap up all the threads.

Totally loved the story well written and so kept me hooked from start to finish pleasure to read it and will be looking at your other stories thanks for. 11 great pages 6*. Of 5

This was my second read of this story. It’s a little long and it has some typos (my favorite: sensitive nipppples), but it was a good, enjoyable read. The part about Lisa’s death being glossed over and Katy’s reaction being completely ignored was the story element that might ought to have been expanded to flesh out and improve the story. As it was, it was fun, it had its quirks, and it had a happy ending. Thanks for writing it and sharing it with readers.

5*

having Lisa the ex-wife screaming as she is being turned into a human smore lol. Too bad Carrie wasn't there to share in it.

Seriously, I love the banter between the main character and the others, especially the new wife lol. Makes for a very entertaining story.

Thank you for writing and posting this story

When I read stories I don’t seek pick fault irrespective what may be improved as I find it detracts from my enjoyment

I instead focus on how I felt at the end of the story irrespective of the story length

I found your story well worth the time I spent reading it in fact I enjoyed reading it immensely

Well done & thankyou

This was funnier than I expected, with great dialogue and a good premise, but it bothers me how quickly and easily you glossed over the birth mother's being burned alive next to her boyfriend and his kid. I mean... Shit. Other than that, it was a good time!

But it's still a 5 star story. I loved this story, it's so good! Thank you so much Author.

Johnny

No, it is not too long.

An editor might be able to fix some of the distractions, but it was not unreadable.

Yes, it had a big cast, and I am fortunate to have met each one of them.

Yes, it was lively and exciting.

If you suck as well as you write, what is your phone number?

Your story is great stuff!

You have helped me to have a good day.

Not really sure though, if I liked your story as much as your disclaimers at the end. I’ll probably have to read the rest of your stories to decide. Thanks for sharing.

This one's on my short list of rereads for a dose of feel good. Thanks once again.

One of the great things about JB44’s stories are the little subplots that run through them. In this one, the relationship and quips between Russell and Josh stand out. Great story.

And in terms of recurring characters, Donald Pellichet has got to be the most endearing in the JB44 universe.

Damn fun read. I started enjoying it more after the ex and her buds got burned in the house. Pure coincidence that it was about the same time I finished my second Gin and tonic. (Plymouth Gin, Fever tree tonic.) Felt bad that LJ the kid got killed though.

Love the story but the style you've used drives me crazy *insert gif of man going crazy*. Still great read, fun, and five stars!

You touched a lot of professional aspect with care and seemingly a good knowledge base. The foreshadowing came true and the treatment of "challenged" individuals in the story was heart warming. Thanks for allowing everything to work out the way it should (happy endings).

Author,

don't sell yourself short.

I thought this was a great Story.

The jumping around in time and storylines were a very interesting writing style. I personally liked it.

(Though I'd keep working on that. Sometimes I had to read a part twice to notice "oh you changed perspective, time/storyline" Either work through wording or spacing and formatting of the text, to distinguish where one ends and another starts.)

Kept me interested and engaged in the story.

Other than one or two confusing moments. (nothing of Lisa's death to Katy or how the little girl reacted or anything. and mentioning of the Gangster killing them..scary...unnecessary information? to go so deep into detail who and how they got killed)

Liked it very much bookmarked and 5 Stars.

Russell is an asshole. Could not get past page 2

Great story.

Russell was not an asshole. Darryl was the asshole! Also Wolfgang1955 is an asshole since he says that he didn’t read past the second page BUT Wolfgang1955 stated in his bio that this story was a favorite. If he didn’t read the entire story how can he make that statement.

This was one of the best stories on literotica.

Actually it was a joy to read. Thanks for the entertainment n ur hard work.

Gave 5 but story definitely wasn’t your best work was maybe a 3.

Hey, nobody's perfect, it was very good story and how people can complain about free stories I just don't understand. The story brought tears when his sister died.......

No one can understand a loss like that until they have a loss themselves.

Cherish the ones you love and care for as you never know what tomorrow may bring.

That was a most satisfactory story.

It rang all the bells and showed us how the moral high ground is effected in trying and grubby circumstances.

As for the complainers, we'll happily refund their purchase price.

I guess that Josh kid knew what he was talking about.