Roller Coaster Ride Ch. 15

I barely acknowledge her clumsy attempt to flirt, take the boys to the park on the edge of town away from people, and let them run and play on the equipment. On the way home, I grab a pizza and salad, and we spend the rest of the day together. Katy has been gone so often the boys assume she's off dancing or something, so it all goes smoothly. We all go to bed at eight. I'm so numb sleep comes easily, but so do the nightmares.

Tuesday, April 5 - Saturday, April 9

True to her word, Katy keeps her distance at school, I never see her at home, but she brings the boys home after school each day. Patrick is old enough to smell a rat in our lame excuse making, but Mark only wants his mommy.

I finally talk to her parents when I take the boys to stay with them before I go to the baseball game on Friday, but little is said; her dad says he's so sorry, but his daughter explained and they know I'm right; her mom just looks miserable. "We just want to keep seeing our grandkids, if you will let us," she requests. I assure them that's what I want too.

I'm still getting calls and texts from Britt, Bree, Angie, and Brooke, but I'm not answering them. Somehow, I hold the first three partially responsible, and I'm not sure whose side Brooke is on. Susan calls one night, and I do talk to her, but I still don't spill my guts like I need to.

Paula's video call on Wednesday is interesting, in that she wants to make her on-site visit with me soon. She says she is bringing her husband, and she wants us to all eat supper together, on them. I tell her that the visit is fine, but my wife and I are estranged, so that part won't happen. She, very sincerely, asks if I'll tell her why, and I tell her I'll give her the short version. Two and a half hours later, when we say goodbye, she has the whole story. "I'll see you Sunday," she says, since we decided that was the only day we both had available.

Having finally broken and talked about it, I return the calls from Bree, Britt, and Angie. They each tell me that Katy called them, told them what she had done, and that I had disappeared. All three are on my side, they assure me, and only wanted to offer their support. I thanked each, told them, no I don't know what I'm going to do, but it won't include my ex-wife.

I save Brooke for last; she's by far the most dangerous in that she's manipulative as hell and I'm easy prey for her. She's a little miffed at me for not returning her call, but giggles when I explain my reasoning. "So, you think I manipulate you? You're putty in my hands!"

That cheers me up even more. "You're a manipulative little shit, and you know it! I'm putty in your hands, and Katy is afraid of you. You make up for size with ferocity, so, yeah, I was afraid to call you. I wanted to wallow in my sorrow, and I knew you wouldn't let me!"

She laughs aloud, and admits, "You're right - I am a manipulative shit, but I love you and will do ANYTHING for you; and, no, I wouldn't have let you continue wallowing in self-pity. If you had called me I'd have made you completely forget about her, because I'd have come down right away and loved all your troubles away!"

"Just as I feared; a man can't even wallow in his own sorrow with you around! I made the right decision!" I tease.

She tells me she has a major exam tomorrow and she needs to stop flirting for now, but if I want to have phone sex later give her a call; she promises it will be good! I laugh, hang up, and go to bed feeling less traumatized.

No track meet this week; it's after district and before area, so I have Saturday off. Granny comes to get the kids at eight to take them to go see their cousins who live in the country. I take a ride over to Somerville Lake and fish off the bank for a few hours to kill some time and think. My anger is pretty much gone, replaced by a cold acceptance that this is my new life, sans Katy. I should start moving on, getting retribution, something, but I just can't work up the momentum.

Parking in back so I can use the outdoor kitchen to wash off the fish I caught and cleaned at the lake, I wash my hands, bag and refrigerate the fish, and walk in the back door. Someone is in the house, crying; no, sobbing. I walk quietly down the carpeted hall to the living room and peer around the corner. I see Katy holding our wedding photo in one hand, and our most recent family portrait in the other.

Tears trail down her face, and I've never seen a more miserable looking human being. She collapses on the sofa, holding the pictures, and turns her grief loose. She has no idea I'm at home, watching.

Her obvious, palpable, profound grief opens a pinpoint in my steely resolve and armor, and my heart aches. She sits crying for at least five minutes, head down, tears running down her cheeks onto her lap and the pictures. Suddenly she lays the photographs down on the couch, stands, walks to my picture on the bookcase, picks it up, and hugs it, still sobbing.

She turns to the crucifix on the wall to her right and falls to her knees. Still hugging my photo, she turns her head to figure of Jesus on the cross and begins, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I'm a sinful woman, a harlot, an adulterer; I have broken your commandments, I have betrayed my precious husband, I have betrayed the marriage vows I made before you, our families and friends, and the world, and I've done it repeatedly! Thirty-one times with men and 10 times with women.

"I'm a weak and sin filled woman who isn't worthy of forgiveness, but I beseech you to forgive me. I implore you to mend the heart of my beloved husband, whom I have hurt so badly. I know this is far more than I deserve, but I know that you alone can heal me, Father in Heaven. I know that you alone can make me whole again, can guide me away from adulterous acts, and can help my husband learn to stop hating me. Therefore, in Jesus name I pray; only say the word and I shall be healed."

She made the sign of the cross, but remained on her knees, weeping.

I walked silently to a spot right behind her, stood over her, and spoke "I don't know whether the Lord will answer all your prayers, but he did soften my heart. Please stand and face me." She started when I began speaking, but remained hunkered down and tense, as if a whip were about to cut into her. I lean down, put my hands on her upper arms, and raise her up. "Katy, stand and face me," I command

She reluctantly turns, still hugging my picture, but keeps her face to the ground. I raise her chin, look into her swollen, red eyes, and tell her "You came to me and asked me to let you explain, and I refused. If you still want to tell me, I'll listen."

Staring at me with pain in her eyes and on her face, she haltingly begins "I don't really have a reasonable explanation. You saw what I did; I couldn't help myself. I knew when we danced the first time how badly he wanted me. He's young and naïve, so I decided it would be harmless fun to seduce him.

"I honestly didn't mean to have ever sex with him; I just loved manipulating him, so I gave him my number and made some vague promise about considering his proposal of going on a date.

"I felt guilty when I got home, but by practice day my arrogance had returned. We texted, he kept begging me to meet with him, and I told him we could talk after practice, but not to show up until I sent an OK.

"He was like a Cocker Spaniel puppy, all cuteness and bedroom eyes, and he kept begging for just one kiss. I wouldn't, so he told me he ate pussy better than a girl, and if I'd kiss him he would prove it. I laughed at him, but he kept begging until I agreed to kiss him.

"He was a good kisser, and we started making out. You know how easy it is to get me turned on, and I did. Then he started pulling my uniform off and telling me he was going to prove his pussy licking was the best. I swore to myself that I wouldn't let him fuck me, but what would it hurt if he licked me a little bit?'

"I know," she said to the look on my face, "I'm an idiot and more than likely my shrink is right - I'm some kind of sex addict. But right then it seemed no more harmful than kissing me, a married woman.

"It turned out he was pretty good - good enough to get me off in ten minutes or less - but not all that good. You, for instance, are far better, and he certainly doesn't want to be compared to Brooke, as girls go.

"So... as soon as I came down from the climax, guilt washed over me. I got up, stepped outside his truck, got dressed and told him that we had no deal about me fucking him or getting him off any other way - all I agreed to was to see if he was a champion pussy eater. He smirked and asked how it was; I was honest. I told him he wasn't bad, but he was a long ways from 'being better than a girl'.

"I got dressed, ran to my car, jumped in, cried half the way home, and then calmed myself in case you were awake. I was nervous and guilty feeling, even though I didn't fuck him, but I was doing all right until you asked if one of my young boyfriends was there, like you knew.

"I couldn't answer without crying, so I tried to get mad, as if you were being suspicious and mean. I slammed the door, cried in the shower, scrubbed his saliva out of me, and prepared for whatever you would say when I came outside.

"When I noticed you weren't in the bedroom, I looked around for you and heard my phone ding. When I opened the photos, I knew I had messed up beyond repair, and that you were done with me.

"Then, and only then, did it hit me how unbelievably stupid I was, how astoundingly stupid I have been, to cheat on you! Every moment since then has been torture, and I'm ready to sit down with you and come clean on every single thing I've done that violated our marriage vows. I know that won't change anything, but I maybe I'll feel less guilty. Or at least Dr. Charles says I will."

My response is, "Katy, the fact that you confessed and asked for forgiveness, having no idea I was anywhere around, matters to me. It doesn't change everything, by any means, but it changes some things. If we can learn to be honest, that would be an important step, I think. So, do I go first, or do you?"

"I do. Some of this you know or suspect, I'm sure, but some you may not. The guys you named; yes, I had sex with all of them, one-way or the other. There are more: at the initiation, TJ and Freddy both ate me, and I sucked Darrell's cock. It was that, or he was going to fuck me, and I couldn't let that happen.

"They did not force me; what happened, happened with my acquiescence, even approval; I was so horny I might have fucked them all if I'd had time. That much kissing and making out is more than my body can reject.

"You know about Mike and Sam, but I feel like you need to know about the other three, and you need to know that being used by those two assholes was very humiliating, but I still got weirdly turned on by being used like that. I don't know why, and that is an area I'm exploring with Dr. Charles.

"You had Bud and Frank on your list, but I've never told you the part I remember. I really don't remember everything, and what I remember is kind of fuzzy. I fact, I remember the sensations I felt more clearly than what was said or what they did.

"Tim, I swear I wasn't drinking much, and I felt fine; and then I was suddenly very drunk. I do remember that Bud and Big Frank told me they would take me home after the party at Bud and Susan's, when I stayed and you went to fix the bike and trike. I climbed in back, but Bud climbed in beside me. We were driving away when Bud said there were fees for rides, and the first fee was a kiss for him. I laughed and gave him a peck, but he grabbed me and kept kissing me.

"He's so big and strong that I couldn't stop him. I felt the truck turn off the paved road onto a rough dirt road, and then stop. Frank got in back with us, and he told me the second payment was kissing him; he turned my head and kissed me roughly, sticking his tongue in my mouth. My red dress was riding up my legs as they pulled me from one to the other. Bud put his hand on my thigh while I was kissing Frank. When I kissed Bud again Frank put his hand on my other leg and they were both roughly squeezing and rubbing my inner thighs, and soon their hands were near my pussy. I grabbed their wrists to stop them, but they removed my hands, put them on their dicks, and held them there. I fought them for a while, but I was helpless to stop them.

Being mauled by two guys I couldn't control, being their helpless captive, and knowing they were going to use me for their pleasure without my consent... I was so turned on my pussy flooded.

The one not kissing me pulled the straps off my shoulders and started kissing my exposed tits, while the other rubbed my pussy through my panties. Then he put his hand down the top of my panties and rubbed my clit.

I was drunk, my head was spinning, and I knew I couldn't stop them when they both started tugging on panties; but honestly, I didn't want them to stop. Then Frank started fingering me and I knew it was about to happen.

I fought them then; I kept twisting and trying to pull away, biting and clawing them. Bud grabbed me by the neck, pushed my chin up so my eyes were looking at his, and squeezed hard. He told me they were going to take my dress off and fuck me whether I was alive or not! I gave up and quit fighting.

Bud made me kneel on the seat facing Frank, who pulled my head down onto his cock while Bud started licking my pussy and ass. Frank grabbed a handful of my hair, and started pulling my mouth up and down on his big cock, which was gagging me.

Bud was rooting in my pussy like a hog; it was something I'd never experienced before. It didn't feel all that good, but his enthusiasm and neediness turned me on more. I had surrendered to Frank, licking and sucking like a wild woman, and he stopped forcing my head down so far I choked.

Bud stopped devouring me; he raised up, knelt behind me, and unceremoniously buried his entire cock in me. Luckily, I was very wet and he wasn't that big, so it didn't hurt.

When both had cum, they told me they were keeping my panties as a trophy."

"Did you cum?" I ask. "Yes, several times. I hated it, but, somehow, being powerless with two strong men using me sexually excites me. I know that's sick, but it does. That's another thing I work with Dr. Charles on.

They dropped me off, I bathed quickly, you came home, and you know the rest. Is that why you just had to fuck me; to see if I had already been fucked?" she asks in return.

"Yes, but you left out the reason your asshole was so sore; did you get back doored too?"

"Frank couldn't cum from the blowjob, so after Bud got through he pulled me onto his lap, facing away, and fucked me for a while. Then he raised my hips and resettled me with my butthole on his thick cock. I fought him as best I could, but he held me easily and fucked me until he came in my butthole. I kind of forgot that part because it hurt so bad I think I tried to forget it."

"Okay, so we have: Randy, Jerome, Mike, Sam, Bud, Big Frank (Clyde), Billy, Steve, Gary, George, Barry, Charlie, Brad, Johnny, Rocky, Tommy, Andrew, Elliot, Cam, Cal, Malcom, Terry, Clay, Todd; add TJ, Freddy, and Darrell. That's still only 27.You said 31; who are the other four men?" I inquire, changing the subject.

"It wasn't just Charlie and Brad that night. They had four other guys with them from Nashville recording studios, they said. After we sang our duets with Rocky and Johnny, they dangled recording contracts for Brittney and me, and told me I could make millions in music videos alone.

"After everyone left the practice, however, they called me into a big room, said they wanted to talk to me, gave me a strong drink called a Black Russian, and told me to drink up. I was really excited; I drank the drink quickly, and we chatted for a while about the rehearsal and the all the work we'd done since Sattler to get ready. I began to feel lightheaded, and sensitive to any sensation: light, sound, smell, and, especially, touch, but everything seemed very upbeat, and they gave me another drink.

"One of the recording guys, Jeff, asked about the occupations of other dancers, they looked at each other, and then Brad abruptly told me the dancers were good, but not good enough to open for ZZ Top. He told me that without the added excitement of the dancers, the band wasn't either, so it looked like the whole thing was going to fall through.

"I argued that the dancers would get better with each week of practice, and that the band was already excellent. They told me they couldn't take that big a chance because the music scene is unforgiving and it could cost them their careers. I tried to convince them we would work hard, and we would be ready when the time came.

"They disagreed; I became crazy emotional and begged them to give us a chance because we had worked so hard and had such high hopes. They said the band had tried before and failed, and so had Brittney, so this would end any chance. I might be able to practice enough to get a shot, but not the others.

"I cried some more, they gave me another drink, and told me there might be a way, if I was willing to go above and beyond for the dancers and band. I told them I would, thinking they meant more practice. Brad said 'Then show us how sexily you can dance. We know you're married, and we need to believe you can and will pay the price of stardom.'

"I was feeling very light headed, and it was hard to think, so when Charlie turned on some music, I started dancing to a rock song, trying to make it sexy like a music video. They liked that, but said I should dance in my panties and bra so they could see what I had to offer the audience.

"Looking back, I should have known better, but I was drunk and emotional and it seemed reasonable then. I took off my shorts and tee shirt, and danced again; telling myself the sports bra and boy shorts weren't much different than when we wore our skimpy costumes on stage.

"A slow song came on, and Brad told the others that I'm a great slow dancer too; he took me in his arms and started dancing with me. He was squeezing my butt over my panties at first, and then he pulled my panty down and squeezed me, showing my ass to the other five men. I pulled his hands up, told him no, I'm a married woman; you wanted to watch me dance, and that is all I agreed to.

"He laughed and turned me loose, told Charlie to let me rock some more, and then told me if I really wanted the gig I'd get rid of that ugly bra so they could get a better view of the body they would be promoting in the videos. I told them I needed to go to the restroom, and Charlie and the guy they called Big John went with me. When I came out they were waiting by the door, and we walked back.

"When I walked back in Brad ordered me to remove my ugly bra. I complied without arguing, and then I danced again. When the song ended they gave me another drink and he asked the others how they thought 'our little teacher did on the classwork and the daily test'. They told him I was a gifted student that they were certain I would ace the final exam, told me to take another drink, and stood around me in a tight circle looking down at my tits and body and talking about each part.

"I was zonked by this time, and dancing with only my boy shorts on had me pretty excited, so when they told me that part 1 of the final was giving each one of them a lap dance I didn't hesitate; It seemed harmless enough, and 'in for a penny, in for a pound', I thought."

"Where were they sitting?" I asked, to get a feel for what was happening.

"They were scattered around the little room" she explained; "Three were sitting on the couch, and the other three were sitting on stools around the little table. I started with the three on the couch, reminded them no hands, and wiggled around on all three laps during a single song. I felt their hard cocks, but I didn't grind on them, or anything."