All Comments on 'Room with a Secret Ch. 09'

You take a completely absurd premise and turn it into a perfectly readable, believable tale. I enjoy the writing so much, and the story telling, that I forget that it is impossible. . . . . Isn't It ?

Hallo Dr. Max,

I've been a fan of your writing since "Time Stops in the Mediterranean Day", and your creative ability never ceases to impress – this most recent story is certainly one of my favorites. It’s incredibly hot how Mr. Crowfoot leaves his seed inside his ‘guests’ when he sends them back out to go about their day (or even better, keeps them around for lunch), and I found the simile of Miss Redmond ‘confiscating’ Jim’s penis in chapter five especially clever and amusing. With an admittedly selfish interest in doing anything I can to ensure more installments for myself to read, then, I thought I might humbly offer some ideas of my own for more routes this story could take. Creative though you are, one mind can only produce so much, so surely the aid of a second won’t hurt.

I like that the mind control device in this story is not absolute – it has clearly defined limitations and thus there is still enough of a challenge to make it fun. The most significant of these limitations is geographical; that is, targets must be lured inside to a certain area for it to take effect. But working within this limitation, one can imagine many different types of women who might be vulnerable to being lured inside: a traveling saleswoman, a Jehovah’s Witness, a hippie anti-war activist for period flavour (given that it takes place in the 1970’s), Girl Scouts selling cookies, girls whose car has broken down and are seeking shelter from the rain, or a neighboring housewife who pops over for a cup of salt. Maybe one of them – or one of the characters we’re already familiar with – confides under the influence of the room that she’s been trying for a baby with her husband, so far unsuccessfully, which would give Jim an opportunity to both help her out and check something off his bucket list.

Would it be cruel to order Annette to imagine that Jim is her fiancé Matthew? In addition, of course, to your lovely idea for them to have their way with her whilst she sleeps.

I wonder whether the influence of the room would be able to make a lesbian consent to things she might otherwise not have…

As for ideas for more overarching narratives, perhaps Mr. Crowfoot has some niece or other relative from out of town who might pay him a visit. If it is his niece, perhaps she intends to attend college nearby and is looking for a cheaper place to stay than the on-campus dorms. Or maybe her parents needed someone to look after her while they go on some romantic getaway. Alternatively, Jim could have relatives of his own who visit – a brother perhaps, along with his beautiful wife. It’s even possible that the perpetually single Jim might finally manage to acquire a girlfriend with his newfound confidence, whom he could share with his elderly friend unbeknownst to her in the study. We’ve yet to see any double penetration, after all. On the topic of unexplored sex acts, one girl eating the male deposit from another’s love passage might be hot as well.

I think that more can be done within the rules of the room which has not yet occurred to our protagonists. Although the effects of the study do not seem to persist outside of it, perhaps there is some other way that Jim could use its powers to enable sexual encounters in ‘the real world’, so to speak. For instance, he could have a woman in the study drink more than she normally would, thus making her more pliable once they’ve left, or perhaps stimulate her under her dress but not to the point of orgasm, such that she finds herself incredibly aroused and suggestible upon exiting it. If Jim wishes to be a bit more subtle, he could use the truth-compelling power of the study to find out in what situations Jenny for example might be willing to have sex with a random guy, and then put himself in that situation (speaking of Jenny, are we ever going to find out what her relationship status is? whether she has a boyfriend, husband or neither?). He could change the girls into bathing suits in the study and then once they've left tell them that they had planned to sun themselves in the private backyard. Or maybe she or Sophie might let some other information slip in that room that opens up an outside opportunity, like a plan to blindfold and tie herself up for her husband, or medication she's recently been prescribed that makes her sleep like the dead. Feel free to use all of these suggestions – or none if none pique your interest – as long as we get to see more of Jim Costin and Archibald Crowfoot!

Now for some pedantic continuity errors, which don’t bother me personally but I thought you might want to be aware of. In chapter eight, the policewoman’s boyfriend turns into a husband, and in chapter five it is said that Jim has never before spanked a girl or been inside one without a condom, even though he had already done both with Sophie. There are also sometimes identical paragraphs which appear in multiple places, where it seems you preferred it elsewhere but forgot to delete the original. I can try to find the specific instances again for you if you like. I tell you these things not to nitpick, but just in case you have an interest in correcting them.

Perhaps we should tell Jim and Mr. Crowfoot to keep the study locked when they aren’t using it from now on. That incident with Charlie and Sophie was very dangerous – and still could be, if Charlie ever brings up their first anal experience and Sophie suspiciously has no recollection of it whatsoever. Jim ought to do something about that, lest the series end prematurely!

Thanks for all that feedback. Marvellous. Do PM me so I can reply.

Max

A great story if a little slow in developing. Will there be more soon? At points your writing indicates that the old man has sinister intentions towards Jim, at others it seemed like if he died, Jim might inherit the house.