Rudra and Riya Ch. 10

"Yes, me too. I miss the children. How are they?"

"They're doing fine ma. Yukti and Vansh keep asking for you though. Specially Vansh when he's having one of his tantrums. You know how to tackle him."

"I really miss them. I...I hadn't planned on staying this long...but something came up," she paused again.

I waited patiently for a couple of seconds.

"What's up ma?"

She giggled at the other end and my heart literally fell.

"Ma, are you going to say something? I'm dying here." I tried to keep anxiety out of my voice.

"I'm pregnant Riya," she laughed again and I heard them kiss.

I couldn't stop laughing myself.

"What? How long?"

"Almost two months."

"I'm so happy ma, when are you coming back?...ma?" They were still busy smooching each other.

"Ma?"

"Yes," she giggled whispering something, then she was back on the phone. "What were you saying?"

"When are you coming back?"

"I just have to go for a few check ups and then I'll be...aa, home." She answered.

"Check ups? Why? Is everything okay?" I asked worriedly.

"Yes, I'm fine, don't worry."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, stop worrying. They're ...aa...just routine checkups."

I smiled. "I'm so happy ma, wait until Rudra hears about it?"

"No...I'd rather you didn't tell him...I will when I get back."

"Ma, I can't promise anything. You know I won't be able to keep this from him."

She laughed on the other end. "Okay try then...at least."

"I will ma, I can't wait for you to get back...I miss you so much."

"I miss you too. I'll be home as soon as I can, okay," she giggled. "Sid and I are going out for dinner and I need to get dressed." She began to giggle again.

"Okay, I'm so happy for you ma. Take care of yourself and come back soon."

"Sure baby, you take care. Bye"

I kept the secret for one day ...then another, but by the third day, I was about ready to throw up. It was one thing not saying anything and quite another to save your expressions from giving it away. And Rudra read my face like the back of his hand. He had been watching me curiously these past few days. He even asked me why I was beaming. So three days later I was about ready to call ma.

I was ready to give her call when the bell rang and I had to answer the door.

"Why, you're home early?" I beamed my happiness.

"I missed you." He took two steps then lifted me in his arms.

"That's nice," I chirped resting my head against his chest. "To what do I owe this pleasure."

"You'll know," he smirked

Then he was pinning me under him on the couch. He took my lips in a hard kiss.

"Now," he said a little breathlessly.

"What are you keeping from me?"

My heart catapulted to my mouth. Damnit I knew it.

"Nothing," I tried to keep a straight face.

"All right, if that's how we're going to play..." he began to kiss me again, fondling a breast with one hand.

I moaned.

He stopped after a few minutes. "Are we ready to spill the beans yet?"

I was already breathless. When he turned his charms on you, you were dead meat.

"I have nothing to tell, Rudra," I begged.

"Hmmm," he continued again. Fondling one breast and taking the nipple of the other in his mouth.

I moaned again. He sucked harder than usual and the effect was devastating.

"Rudra... please..." I begged thickly when I felt his thumb against my clit.

He bent down to take it in his mouth and my heart nearly gave out. It had been ages since he'd turned his charms on me like this.

"Okay, okay....Rudra...please...I...I... let me breathe please...I'll die." I had started to hyperventilate.

He came up to kiss me and I tasted myself on him. "Shhh," he said huskily. "Calm down baby, you're all right."

He lifted me to settle me on his chest. "Are you okay?"

I nodded still breathless from his assault.

"Ma's pregnant." I said in a small voice, accepting my defeat. I was no match for him.

His muscles tightened beneath me. He didn't say anything for a moment.

"When?"

She told me three days ago.

He was silent again and I did not understand his reaction. I thought he'd be ecstatic.

"Aren't you happy?" I asked confused.

He didn't answer.

"Rudra..."

"There's no way to tell whether it's his or mine."

******

But apparently there was a way you could tell. I hoped there wasn't, but there was. One and a half months later ma would undergo a test and we'd find out for sure who the father was. In the meantime she came home to stay with us. The impending tests were weighing heavily on all of us. We were happy about the pregnancy but didn't know how we were exactly going to feel about it in the next fifteen days. I constantly worried wondering what the results would mean for us.

****

Ma stood holding the test results in her hand while Sid stood by her. I already knew what it was, looking at them, but I still needed for them to confirm it.

"Ma, tell me please." I enquired anxiously.

"I've told Sid I'll marry him before I begin to show." Her face was full of concern. I wondered if she'd prolonged the wedding so Rudra and I could adjust to the idea. Rudra...just the thought made my insides turn cold. What would this do to him?

My head shook and tears filled my eyes. I couldn't believe this was happening. Even when I had my suspicions, somehow I was still positive that things would go our way.

Ma came to hold me. "You've got to be strong Riya, Do you understand that? You have to be strong for yourself and for him."

She was worried about us too. Specially for him, she loved him, then why was she doing this?

"Ma...you can't."

"Shhh, we'll talk about it later," she whispered. "I'll see Sid to the door, then we can talk about it."

But there was nothing to talk about. She had made Sid a promise and she'd have to stand by it. She said that she had left it to God and now she'd just have to accept his decision. All that was left now was for Rudra to find out and the nightmare would become a reality.

****

"You can't do this?" His voice shook.

"The decision is not in my hands anymore Rudra," she said softly. "I left it to God."

"You can't do this ma," he almost begged.

"This is in the best interest of everyone involved," she answered without emotion.

"I can't believe you'd stoop this low to get even with me," he said grief stricken.

"That's what you think I'm doing? Getting even with you?" Her eyes filled. "Why can't you see that it's for the best."

"Who's best interest? Your's you mean?"

"Is that what you think?"

"That's exactly what I think. If that's not what you wanted you'd have never felt the need to fuck him."

"If that's what you think, then I'll marry him this weekend. I don't have to stay here and put up with this." Ma shouted at him.

"Keep your voice down," he spat through clenched teeth. "You're scaring the children. As for your marriage, don't do us any favors by prolonging it a minute for our benefit. I want you out of my sight, the sooner the better." He turned around and began to climb the stairs.

Once he had left ma broke down. Why didn't he understand how much it was hurting her to do this? My eyes watered as I held ma in my arms.

A week later I was preparing for the wedding. Rudra refused to hear or see what stared him right in the face. Since he was being so obtuse ma felt there was no reason to prolong the inevitable. How could I explain to her, that this was just his way of expressing hurt? Between the two of them I felt my heart sinking. They had been my anchor all my life. Will they never get back together? Will ma leave for good and never come back? The questions kept repeating over and over in my head. At night even when Rudra and I slept in each other's arms we would never talk about what was happening to us as a family. He refused to participate or acknowledge that in three days ma was going to get married to Sid and leave us forever.

*****

Ma looked ravishing in an all gold silk saree. Her orange lipstick and bindi gave per features a radiant glow. When she lifted her arms to fix her veil the orange and gold chuda she wore shimmered on her dainty wrists. Her hour glass figure was meant for a saree, I noticed. I swallowed the river of tears I shed on the inside. She would leave us today, I would miss her and so would Rudra and the children.

A raised platform on the edge of the ocean was where the pandit would chant the mantras that would join Sid and Ma together for the rest of their lives and even though my heart ached I still wished them a happy married life. Ma deserved it, Sid deserved it. Even though Rudra refused to participate, I wanted to make up for his absence so I did everything under my power to make this moment a memorable one for ma. The vedi was decorated with trailing flowers and the air smelled of jasmine, as I helped ma up the steps to sit next to Sid who could not take his eyes off her. The leaping, dancing flames and the rhythmic chanting of mantras gave the moment an other worldly charm. I missed Rudra and my mind kept traveling to him every second.

Sid had wanted to keep the wedding a very private affair. Besides his sister's family, only his close friends and colleagues had been invited. Sid and his sister had drifted from their extended family after their father had died and their mother had abandoned them. Both parents had been the only children and after the death of the grandparents, there was really no one they could actually call their own. I could understand how they had inevitably radiated towards one another for stability and comfort.

My gaze drifted to Rasa, Sid's sister who sat behind her brother smiling. She looked a lot like him, big almond eyes, dark hair and a full mouth. She was a typical Bengali beauty. Inadvertently my gaze travelled to their son, who was every bit his father's image. But since Sid looked so much like his elder sister, I didn't think anyone ever suspected that the child was his. Rasa's husband was a tall lean man with deep brooding eyes, but his face belied his inherently cool nature. He laughed easily. He made jokes, that kept the atmosphere light hearted and happy. Ma giggled abashedly at some of his bawdy jokes. If I had any doubts that she was doing this entirely for me, they were vanquished every time she looked at Sid and I saw sparks fly palpably between the two. She was in love with him. It still surprised me. I knew she loved Rudra too, but I still had trouble wrapping my brain around how she could be in love with two men, simultaneously. I thought of Rudra and whether I would ever fall for another man and instantly like always I felt bile rise in my throat. I found the thought, thoroughly revolting. But then I had never had another man in my life, except Rudra. Ma had already had father in her life before him. I wondered if her feelings towards father had anything to do with how she felt about Rudra. Father had been taken out of her life so suddenly and harshly that maybe this had been her way of dealing with his loss.

"Riya?"

I was brought out of my riviera. "Yes, I'm sorry," I smiled hiding my turbulent thoughts behind it.

"Who's going to perform the kanyadanam?" Ajeeth enquired.

I was startled for a moment. I looked at ma. Her eyes mirrored the sadness that I felt in my heart. But I didn't want her to carry this image for the rest of her life.

I smiled profusely. "I wouldn't let anyone have the privilege while I'm alive."

I took my place beside her and placing a kiss on her cheek began the ritual.

Sid filled ma's parting with sindoor to match her chuda and we clapped to celebrate the big moment. Ma was now Mrs. Neela Sid Malhotra and she looked radiant. Ajeeth oblivious to the intricacies of our complicated relationships, joked that Sid should soon have ma with a baby and thus confirm his virility and family's progeny. It was ironical since his own wife had carried Sid's son in her womb for nine months. He knew about it, but only that Rasa's pregnancy was a result of an IVF and that Sid had been the donor.

No one knew ma was already pregnant with his baby. If the pandit ever knew of this, he would never marry them in her condition. In Indian religion a pregnant woman could never be married, for it would imply marrying the fetus to the father. I hoped now that she was carrying a son and not a daughter or it would invariably imply that both mother and daughter were being married to the Sid.

The small reception was taking place at the house and I missed Rudra so much that I decided to bring him down even if I had to drag him.

"Rudra," I almost yelled. "How long are you going to sulk? She'll be gone out of our lives within an hour. Is this how you want her to remember us?"

"Is that what you think I'm doing?" He swallowed and turned around holding baby Neel in his arms.

Overcome with sudden realization of how painful this was for him, I strode to him and embraced both of them in my arms.

"No, I don't," I whispered. "I can't imagine what you're going through," I choked on tears, "just the thought of you not being part of my life makes my existence useless. I know what losing ma is doing to you. I'm sorry. I did this. I'm the reason and its...," I shook my head unable to speak anymore.

We swayed against each other holding and comforting one another.

I walked down alone and ma looked expectantly at me. I looked away, I couldn't see the disappointment in her eyes.

Thanks to Ajeeth the atmosphere was kept light and besides us three no one else could perceive the undercurrents.

"I love you ma, we'll miss you." I said between sobs when it was time for her to leave.

She nodded patting my hand too emotional to say anything. Sid hugged her.

"I'll go say bye to Neel," she said.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly.

Ma nodded close to tears.

It was almost twenty minutes later that she walked down. Her face expressed more than sadness. She almost seemed in physical pain. My heart went out to her. Maybe things did not go down well between her and Rudra.

Sid and ma had already left for their honey moon the night before. The last of the guests left around midnight, while I invited Rasa and her family to stay another night. It was nice to have them, or the house would've felt empty and lonely. When Rudra finally descended for dinner, Ajeeth made sure it wasn't an awkward moment. He introduced himself quickly and began to chat with Rudra. Soon both of them moved to the balcony where they shared a glass of Scotch over chit chat.

"He's very attached to her....and a bit old fashioned?"

I wondered whether that was a statement or a question.

I nodded keeping my gaze on my plate. I wondered how much she knew about us, how much she knew of our history.

"Well, I'm sure soon he'll feel better when he sees how happy Sid keeps her. I know he's my brother. But I...I know him to be a very considerate and caring man."

Instantly my eyes went to hers. Was she trying to tell me something?

She looked away and smiled at her son. But did not add anything to the conversation. We finished dinner discussing the day and how beautiful ma looked. I was a little surprised that she wasn't jealous about her brother having another woman in his life.

"She makes him so happy. For the past three months I've been hearing him talk about her incessantly. He was mooning over her like a love-struck teenager." She laughed." I'm glad she finally said yes."

"Really?" I joined in. "I mean I knew he loved her, but not like he was totally crazy for her. He's very hard to read."

She nodded, then smiled wistfully. "Not if you've known him all his life. His eyes speak more than he wants them to. He said she was her soulmate."

I looked down. Maybe now I could stop worrying about at least one of them. She was in good hands. Maybe once Rudra saw that, he would start seeing things in a different light.

As days began to pass, Rudra began to focus more and more on work. He came home so tired and worn out from the day's work that talking to him became increasingly difficult. I could never muster the guts to ask him how things had gone between ma and him on the last day. Ma was still on her honey moon in Tahiti and I didn't want to disturb her with my questions there. Rudra clamped up every time I started to talk about her. He stayed pre-occupied. Each day when he thought I wasn't watching he spent time holding Neel in his arms softly speaking to him and laying kisses all over his face. He knew he had limited time left with him, until ma came back from her honeymoon.

****

"Rudra?" I rose my voice so he would come out of his riviera. "What are you thinking?" I said softly placing a kiss on his cheek.

"Nothing," he answered tiredly and scrambled out of bed.

"I asked you something?"

"What?"

"Can I invite ma and Sid over for dinner? It's been a month since they came back."

"...and took away my son..."

"Rudra...she took him because he's the only part of you she can keep with her, you can't be angry with her for that forever." I tried to argue her case.

"I'm not angry with her, I just don't want to have anything to do with her anymore."

"That's not true. I know you miss her too."

"I don't, as for you ...I won't stop you from inviting her, but don't expect me to be part of it."

I could've argued that if he didn't miss her, why was it that he inevitably made his way to her room in the middle of the night. Why was it that he sat there feeling the satin bedsheet? I could also argue why it was that the other day he felt the need to tie my wrists to the bed head before fucking me harder than he ever had, if it wasn't to recreate the time he had spent with ma. He missed her more than he ever had. But I didn't say any of that because I didn't want to upset him. Instead, I placed my faith in the fact that time healed the worst of wounds.

But when another month passed by and his stance on ma remained unchanged, my hopes began to dash to the ground. He was increasingly becoming quiet and pre-occupied. He'd lost interest in sex. For days he wouldn't touch me, then one day he would fuck me until I almost passed out. I tried to talk to him, to bring him some comfort but all my efforts failed. I felt overwhelmed.

It was almost evening and I was cooking when the bell rang. For a moment I was startled, then I considered that he might have returned early. In elation I almost floated to the door, then was taken by surprise to see Ma and Sid at the door.

"Ma," I exclaimed in disbelief. "This is such a pleasant surprise, I couldn't have asked for more."

We hugged each other. Then I took baby Neel in my arms.

"Hello Sid, it's so good to see you. Please come in." I invited them both.

"How was your honeymoon?" I smiled mischievously at ma.

Ma giggled hiding her face against Sid. I had noticed her belly when she walked in. At only four and a half months pregnant she had started to show a lot.

I touched her belly. "How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Never been better!" She smiled at Sid and they exchanged a loving kiss. "Perks of being a doctor's wife. He has a cure for everything."

"I'm at your service, madam!" He gave her a theatrical bow.

Ma kissed him again. "I wish you could stay." She implored.

"Stay, why....Are you leaving already?" I asked surprised.

"Yes,...I ...I have something important to take care of. And since Neela has been missing you two so much I thought i'd leave her here for the weekend, if that's okay with you that is?"

"Absolutely, but I wish you'd stay at least till dinner."

"Perhaps next time, I really ought to leave now." He looked at ma then.

"You're okay with this, aren't you?"

Ma nodded smiling shyly.

He nodded in return, placed a kiss on her lips then he got up to leave.

"At least have some tea or coffee." I asked unable to make sense of his hasty exit.

"No, perhaps next time. Thank you Riya. I owe you one."