All Comments on 'Solatium Ch. 01'

First, this is SciFi Fantasy not Romance and, if this is an opening chapter it should be marked "Ch. 1".

Secondly, if this is a fantasy made up by you, and you are using existing names for creatures in your fantasy, you need to be expressively clear where those creatures differ in any way from publicly accepted meanings. So, when you describe a gargoyle residing within November that can apparently see objects that the host isn’t looking at, you need to create a brand new definition for readers to take on board so they can adjust their perception of this redefined creature. After all, a gargoyle is a deliberately ugly-faced medieval building/plumbing necessity in wet climates which exists in every old town with a Victorian Gothic or pre-Reformation church or cathedral. In your story, the creature appears to be a roaming spirit which currently dwells within the host of your MC November and able to suppress the host's nature (and, ergo, unnatural) desires, yet extrasensory enough to perceive what the host is not actually looking at and physical enough to stumble in a crowd, yet unnoticeable not to attract insults from the possessive werewolf. Also, November's gargoyle is an unnamed generic and not even granted the status of a capital initial letter; does this mean that gargoyles are commonplace and most students have them? A gargoyle which is powerful enough to prevent November from "touching anyone", presumably meaning any touching remotely sexually, while allowing some blonde werewolf to hold his arm and, no doubt, drool down his arm. And when the gargoyle "turns his ass away" from the said BW, does this mean the gargoyle turns his ugly head towards her, making sure she doesn’t get her claws into his chosen host? Or is gargoyle just a pet?

November is in Mystic school because of an "incident" witnessed by the Head Master, but we have no idea what that was or even a hint of what kind of potential mystic he is and presumably the reason why he is at the school. He's clearly not a gargoyle or a blond werewolf, nor does he appear to be a vampire like the treasurer. He has clearly been living among humans, albeit uncomfortably of late, until "the incident" but what is he? What has he in common with the presumably humanoid Altair and President, the vampire, werewolf and now the fae trio?

If they are all learning to be mystics, ie in tune with their surroundings at a psychic level and able to foretell fortunes, even the future, I just wonder what they are teaching these kids if they didn’t see the vampire beating beforehand.

It seems November is an unconscious source of amusement to the "swim guys", yet he has been gazing off into the distance thinking about something that might be important to the character's development. What was he thinking about or is this just a "Condor" moment we can ignore?

Definitely should have been in fantasy, where this brief and sadly lacking intro to some sort of romantic non-human relationship has a better chance of a more enthusiastic reception.

I really liked this and hope for a chapter 2 :)