Spider 01

Spider 01

You may hear conflicting stories as to why some people call me Spider, but my story is the truth, of course. And I mean that this time. Way, way back in the day, the kids started calling me Spider at the local Rec Center because I could scurry up the Rock Wall like I had eight legs and the nickname stuck with me. That is the absolute truth of the matter.

Years later, Bernie caught her boyfriend fagging on me at a graduation party and she used her deserved popularity and the power of her social media to call me out as that creepy "Spider" who was throwing himself at her boyfriend behind the large shade party tent. Well, just because someone says something doesn't make it true, but there are those who still think that if it's on the internet, then it must be true. And photo's all altered all the time, so never mind about the attachments.

Ooh, wait, protect yourself and never open an attachment, yeah, that's it.

Anyways, it was Teddy who would walk me behind the tents and the garages and the sheds at all five graduation parties a few years back, so he was the faggot creep, not me. But did Bernie say that in her revenge posts? Ah, no. Did Bernie happen to post that my buns were more desirable than hers and attach a photo of that? Ah, no. Also, some attachments are OK to open

So, hi, they call me Spider and a few people have treated me like their secret girlfriend in the past, so they are gay and not me.

Now, with all that he said, she said stuff in the past, let's move forward.

First, it's not that I'm spoiled or anything, but certain members of my family who didn't want to deal with all of this, rented me an apartment almost two years ago and that's about all I have to say about that. It's a touchy subject within families and I can understand the mental conflicts.

So, I live in a really nice apartment above the Middleton River and my building has four units in it. Two on each side of the walkway with two units in the front (mine) and two units in back. It's a nice set up and things are mostly quiet. And the other tenants seem to be forgiving or at least accepting of me if they happen to catch me taking out the trash in PJ's that I shouldn't be wearing.

But here's the other thing and I still don't quite understand why I did it or why I still continue to do it. For some reason, I introduced myself to the three neighbors as "Spider" when I had a chance to wipe the slate clean and chose another name. I mean, I had no intentions of losing my defense of gender neutrality, but I had a chance to identify with a better fem name and I didn't take it.

So, hi, I'm known as Spider and apparently, I'm comfortable with that because I keep introducing myself as such.

Alright, continuing to move forward and skipping over the two apartments towards the rear of the building, let's get to the nerds who lives across the hallway from me. They are nice enough guys and they are proud super nerds. I wouldn't tag them with labels like people like to tag me with, but I would say that Josh is the head super nerd and Kevin is his supporter.

Josh could stand to lose a little weight, but if man boobs are a thing, then long live man boobs, right? Kevin probably falls into a normal body size for a 22 years old guy and may or may not have alluring boy nipples, but enough about that.

Now, just to get it out of the way and there's nothing wrong with it, I'm pretty sure there is some funny business going on in their apartment that involve science picture books and separate bedrooms after dark, but that's none of my business. Also, I asked Kevin about such activity once and he went all shy and quiet on me.

But they are nice people and they enjoy having two other nerds over once or twice a week to play video games and read science books, which again, is fine.

But a motley crew of nerds they are. Shaggy hair, space related logo T-shirts, ah, eye glasses of course, (seriously) fanny packs for their controllers and Velcro athletic shoes.

Well, here's the good and bad of happy nerds. First, they simply don't have a mean bone in their bodies. Nerds be nice. Secondly, they think Velcro athletic shoes are cool. Ah, yeah, when you're 75. Thirdly, it's funny as hell to witness their feeble attempts to speak with me when I pop over as my fem Spider. It's seriously funny when four smarter than smart guys, who use words that I never heard of, can't put 16 words together when I drop in and drop off Cheeseburgers. And finally, because nerds be nice, it's totally safe to pop over for a visit once in a while. I mean, it's not safe for them because they stop breathing for a few minutes, but everything always ends well.

LOL, you are all free to tag the above with the good or the bad based on your own beliefs. I vote for all good points.

But this is where I tag them with being very forward after a year or so of being shy and by that, I mean nerds be too nice to make any moves, so I needed to know more about that. I mean, Teddy liked to place his faggot hands on me all the time and I wasn't even dressing back then, so what the hell, right?

So, I popped over with Cheeseburgers on an evening when I knew the other two nerds wouldn't be around. Unfortunately, Kevin wasn't home, which left Josh and I alone to talk. Also, our apartments face the parking lot, so I watched Kevin pull out of the parking lot to go the store because I texted him to go to the store for me for wrapping paper.

Which gave Josh and I a few minutes of privacy.

"Josh, do you like it when I bring you guy's Cheeseburgers dressed like this?"

"Yes. Especially Kevin, but you didn't hear that from me."

"Josh, do you and the nerd crew do funny things after the video games are over and when Kevin takes his walk along the river, you know, to stretch his legs?"

"No comment and don't play coy with me Spider. We all know that you walk with him."

Oops, I forgot that our front door peep holes work both ways, as do our front windows.

"Shut it, Josh, this conversation is between you and I and Kevin Poo has nothing to do with it. Now, stare at my fishnet stockings and be truthful with me."

"Oh, I'll shut it, but I already posted that there are fishnets in the apartment, so go on because I already got my nerd street cred."

"Josh, cards face down on the table, have you ever wanted the other guys to practice using your man boobies?"

"Ah, NO!"

"Josh, cards flipped over on the table, do the other guys ever cop cheap feels? Honesty, please."

"OMG, all the time! It's like I'm their personal practice doll. I mean, no, we're nerds, not gay."

"Josh, four Aces face up on the table, have there been times when you and the other nerds found yourselves lost in a moment and maybe your shirt came off and maybe you laid back in the center of couch and then maybe one or two of the other nerds lost control and latched their lips on your lovely man boobs and then your breast milk squirted from your southern region? I mean, I'm not judging, but I can see Mark on one tit and Carl on the other tit and your head is bobbing back and forth and then there is a lot of moaning and groaning. Also, is there video of that? OMG, Josh!"

PLOP, SMACK.

Oops again, making a mental note now to learn some CPR for those moments when you're in your neighbor's apartment and he faints from dirty talk. Truthful dirty talk, I might add. And by CPR training, I mean I made that emergency call to Kevin to get his butt home and to be quick about.

And then I talked my way through the small amount of training that I add hoping that Kevin would bust the door quickly. So, I ran through the CPR checklist in my head and checked each box.

"OK, calm down Spider, you can do this. First, loosen all tight clothing. Zipper down, check! Second, shock his body back to life. SMACK, one Oscar Award, check! And lastly, perform mouth to mouth, oops, no check, I can't find the air filler stem and his zipper is all the way down. Damn it, Kevin, hurry up!"

Well, I didn't mean for Kevin to enter all gangster style. I mean, yeah, it's your apartment dude, but give me a little notice, will you? I was just trying to breath life back into him, for Pete's sake.

"OMG, Spider, what happened? And why are you giving Josh mouth to mouth down there?"

"OMG Kevin, we need some smelling salts or an old basketball shoe and by the way, I failed my CPR class, so never mind about that. Besides, I could fish out, I mean find the fill stem anyways."

"Damn, did you give him an Oscar Award?"

"I did, but he liked it, so he's still pretending to be passed out."

"Well, how did this happen? Was he downing soda's again?"

"No Kevin, he was telling me about the things that happen after you go to bed and then he asked me help him pick out a Peek A Boo bra and he passed out when I said that I already bought him one for his birthday. It's sexy red with black lace trim and his man nipples are going to be irresistible to Mark and Carl and you better not be home when he wears it for them. OMG Kevin, get down here and check him out to make sure he's alright and by the way, watch his fly, it's still down, not that I know anything about that."

"Oh, he's alright. Also, I bought the striped wrapping paper that you sent me out to get a few minutes ago for his birthday present. Also, I like stripes."

"Damn it, Kevin, stop peeking at my striped undies and help me get him up and into his bedroom."

Oh, I mentioned that Josh could stand to lose a little weight, right? Oh, I had a new respect for those guys who help injured football players off of the field.

"And now what, Spider?"

"Well, until we know that he will completely come around, we should wait in your dimly lit bedroom for q while, you know, for his safety."

"Cool, so like a next step situation, Spider?"

"Duh, you're the smart one, so figure it out. Just give me a minute alone with Josh to make sure he's just faking it. Go ahead, dim the lights, Kevin."

Hah, that's how you get rid of a guy for a minute. It's also how you get a moment alone to you know, make sure that the guy who passed out from true sexy talk is truly faking it.

"Feeling better, Josh? I'm here for you."

"Tell me a bedtime story, Spider."

"Once upon a time, there was a closet faggot warrior named Josh who enjoyed it when his crossing dressing neighbor helped him realize his dream of tea bagging his buddies at the end of the evening, just as long as said closet faggot warrior keeps his roomie Kevin out of it. Also, once upon a time, the closet faggot warrior will keep tonight a secret and we all live happily ever after. The end."

"Oh, does the fairy still bring Cheeseburgers around? The wounded warrior needs his Cheeseburgers like only the sissy fairly can deliver them."

"Does the fairy get a copy of the video of that tea bagging? The fairy just might be jealous. Also, the fair maiden fairy has a fantasy thing for the wounded warrior and will always feed him, you know, once upon a time and all."

"Ooh, tell me the story again and mix in how the fairy brought me back to life with her CPR knowledge."

"Ugh, once upon a time, Josh the Warrior had fallen from a truly horrific dirty sex talk battle and the fairy had a weak moment and tried to blow life back into Josh the Warrior, but it was a weak moment and the fairy still has her eyes set on the village blacksmith. A weak moment I say again. So, once upon a time, it is a one-time thing."

"Ahh, and the fair maiden of a fairy wants to get pounded by the village Blacksmith? How does the story end, Spider? Does the fairy remove her fishnets and wrap them around the wounds of the battle fallen warrior because her CPR attempts were interrupted? Also, the fair maiden fairy will be discrete about how hard it was to find the fallen warriors valve stem, right?"

Damn, and I was going to plaster that all over Chang! Also, damn, the SOB got lucky because my fishnets were just stockings and not pantyhose style.

"Once upon a time, the fallen warrior became fully erected when the fairy wrapped her sexy fishnet stockings around the fallen warrior's sword and held it firmly like this until the return of blood flow fully enlarged the fallen warriors pink, smooth and large sword. End of story????"

"Good night, Spider. You tell the best stories. Hand me the tissues please."

Oh, look, Josh was the first person I kissed on the forehead. I mean, he could have waited for me to get out of his bedroom or maybe I could have left his bedroom sooner, but damn it, Josh has boobs and I totally fricking jealous! I wear a bra sometimes, but it's a sports bra and there's nothing in it and here is my shaggy haired nerd neighbor dreaming about tea bagging Mark and Carl and with the equipment to do just that. WTF, right?

Anyways, I entered Kevin's bedroom and found him almost a sleep.

"I thought maybe you went home, Spider. Also, are you missing some clothes?"

"Never mind that, Kevin. Josh was still groggy, so I read him a bedtime story and then I spilled Tea on my stockings, so, ah, I removed them and threw them out of his bedroom window."

Well, look at me doing things I had never done before. Things like dropping my Denim shorts and throwing his covers back like I had done that before, not to mention how I crawled right up next to him like I was his live in roomie.

"OMG, spider, you are warm! But listen, in full nerd disclosure, unless you brought a science book with you, I'm not sure what to do next."

"Well, once upon a time, there was a fair maiden fairy who felt compelled to be mostly naked with the village Blacksmith, even if the village Blacksmith was new on the job. So, either the fairy can flip the pages of your science book or the fair maiden fairy can check the temperature of your fire pit. What might the village Blacksmith be comfortable with this evening?"

"Oh, if my movie memory serves me correctly, the village Blacksmith always starts out pounding iron and then shoves said formed iron into the barrel of water."

Huh? What? Wait a minute! Did shy little Kevin the nerd say that he wants to stroke off and finish in my mouth?

"Um, once upon a time, the fairy spent too much time picking magic mushrooms in the forest and might be having a hard time understanding what the village Blacksmith wants. Ah, will the village Blacksmith be satisfied if the fairy rolls over and wiggles her striped undies at the village Blacksmith?"

Oh, so there weren't any misunderstandings or he said "hey, it's my first sex ever, so I'll take it" or whatever village Blacksmith's say. Also, the village Blacksmith has a nice hammer, but it didn't take to many hammer strokes to break it.

"OMFG, Spider, that was amazing and so much better than ruining a picture of the moon Titan. I mean, I ruined your undies, right?"

"LOL, yes, yes you did ruin my new striped undies that I wore special for you."

"Cool, is there more to the fairy tale story?"

"Um, once upon a time, is it safe to say that you got what you wanted and you're going to sleep now? I mean, I'm all soaked and stuff, right?"

"Oh, Spider, you tell the best bedtime stories. Will you make it across the hall to your apartment alright? Also, can I buy some condoms? Are condoms a section of the story because I never bought any condoms before. I should pick up some condoms, right?"

"We'll see, Kevin, but no promises. This was fun, but you need to think about things. The fairy may be a fair maiden, but the fairy never leaves the forest without her magic wand, so think about that. If I drop my fairy costume for you, well, you're the smart one, so you figure it out. Good night, Kevin."

OMG, look at me giving two kisses to the forehead in one night, LOL, to roommates. I mean, don't look at me as I pull my Denim shorts up and over my sticky wet undies, but look at that lip print I planted on the snoring Kevin's forehead. Cute, right?

Also, shoot, I must have fallen asleep in class when they taught about what to do when your undies are totally drenched and your Denim shorts are fairly new. Ugh, laundry day tomorrow! And seeing how it was going to be laundry day, well, I thought I might check in with Josh to see if my fishnets survived his fallen warrior hand battles.

"Josh, are you awake?"

"Oops, I wasn't doing anything."

"Relax Josh, I'm not to call you out."

"So, another story? I'm all about your bedtime stories now."

"Josh, new cards on the table, can I remove my shorts and join you in your bed?"

"Whoa, that's my kind of hand."

"Josh, my cards on the table this time, does it bother you that I have a fairy's magic wand and that's not once upon a time, it's every time."

"Ah, Mark and Carl hump me like crazy with their nerd boners when they suckle on my man boobs, so no. I mean, the way you wear your fem clothing keeps it well hidden and as long as we're under the covers I don't care."

"Josh, there are new cards on the table, do you want to have me as a secret, even though I'm pretty close to be Kevin's secret?"

"So, a secret, secret and a secret from the roomie?"

"Josh, sorry, all of the cards have been removed from table because that was stupid of me."

"Hold up, Spider, let's not fold just yet. Finish your thoughts."

"Josh, three Kings face up on the table, sometimes I think about what it would feel like to be helpless under your body weight and that's not a comment about your weight. That's s fantasy statement."

"So, like we find one of those weak moment things, like when your hair is the other way? Can I be a little sweaty and stuff?"

"Josh, two red Jacks face up on the table, are you seriously jacking off while we talking dirty?"

Oops, I guess that was an invitation or maybe I just reached under the covers and took over. I mean, why I couldn't find it before was beyond me.

"Josh, two pairs on the table, have Mark and Carl ever lost even more control after they suck on your man titties and suck you down here?"

"No Spider, we have a line. And once upon a time, it's about time that you finished what you started in the living room. Be my first, Spider. Tell me another fairy story."

So, that's what an invitation sounds like, huh? Well, his first, my first, my undies were soaked anyways and once I finally had him my hands, well, I still couldn't understand why I couldn't find it earlier when he was faking to be passed out on the living room floor, unless it was tucked all the way up in there and stuff because he does have a bit of an overhanging belly.

Anyways, once upon a time, there was a fair maiden fairy who liked the village Blacksmith, but couldn't shake the images of the slightly overweight village Nerd pushing her deep into the mattress as his man boobs shook like crazy. And if a few villagers were peeking through the crack in the door, well, let the villagers rejoice, I guess.

End Spider 01