All Comments on 'Splashdown Ch. 06'

I made it to page two before I gave up. The story is just to strung out without going any further. New "drama" keeps getting inserted without moving the story further along. I've lost any interest in seeing how this plays out. It started out so strong but then just ended as a whimper. I find it hard to believe that real adults would act like this.

Oh my fucking god he needs to dump Peg. He told her she was going to cheat. She insisted she wasn't. She believed she wouldn't. And she cheated. Jesus dude just dump that space trash. Kathy deserves him. Make his wife an ex so she can feely get pump n' dumped by every captain kirk that comes along.

Long winded....but I am looking for the closure now. In all honesty though it's kind of much. It is clear that Peggy is wrong in the head and has been for some time before she was married to her husband. Truly has no concept of love. She keeps saying she loves him but still cannot show it. Surprising in a way. Lol.

Kathy seems to almost be as crazy as well, however I am pleased that out male protagonist at least has morals. He definitely keeps on with his Martyr complex though, a little too much to be honest. IMO I think he is becoming less and less of a sympathetic character because of it. I hope to see him show some backbone in the next chapters.

I really do not see how he can stay with Peggy at this point, I respect the reasons why he is though. Wait to hear her side. Though I am sure her total lack of self awareness alone is enough to break off all contact and get a divorce at this point, sheesh!

Entertaining and ready to see the end.

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

Well CL, I hate to say I told you so, but...this has turned out to be a tale about a loving and faithful husband who has been turned into an unwilling cuckold by his self-centred wife (who while apparently being a scientist-astronaut, appears to have no self-awareness or ability to reflect upon her behaviour). And probably pregnant to boot!!! This is a cheating wife story dressed up in the guise of something unique because of its space program context. In reality, your story appears to be heading to the same limited outcomes that many other cheating wife\unwilling cuck tales that saturate the Loving Wives sub-genre. You have again presented so many pages of dialog between the characters and have risked losing the interest of the majority of your readers. This is a sad outcome, considering the potential value your story had.

look at that, 6 chapters, nearly 30 pages, 90% of it not even filler, but the SAME filler tread over and over.

/

this story so far has had maybe four pages of actual plot progress

Going off the rails..

WELL!, I sure didn't foresee that one.

So she lasted right up until the touchdown, then hooked up with a different Russian than good old Sergei. Then banged him like a shithouse door in a force eight gale, and afterwards hated herself like crazy. Just as Gary predicted back in chapter one (or was it two?). This saga is sure to have more than a few twists and turns in it before we reach chapter eleven. Now we're gonna be hunting down a traitor within NASA, and when Gary finds him he's sure to be transformed into fresh road kill Pronto.

Getting interesting. Still too many words though.

Bazza

Please stop. It is so long winded and boring. You could lose half the chapters and then it would just be dull. Which be far better than what it is now.

Insipid.

2 stars

Another load of verbal diarrhoea and going no where except the ship pot!

This story is way too long

I get up every morning and rush to my computer so see if the latest chapter of this tale has been posted. It is like reading David Mamet write erotica. Slow and wordy and frustrating at times. Like this chapter, where I scrolled like a hyperactive sob to see what Peg was going to finally confess too. By now, I am conditioned to wait for it - wait for it-....

It gets more painful with every installment. This is the first individual chapter that I have actually rated... as 2☆. We knew at some point Gary and Kathy were going to get into bed together. But endless paragraphs of Kathy's 'I'm here for you...we need to be strong...I mean I'm happy to have sex with you...we have to be strong for Peggy...forget Peggy, she's a right silly cow...!' Back and forth! This has been yet another chapter of 'She/he loves me, she/he loves me not,...!' And Peggy, really? Her level of professionalism is sub-par for someone in the astronaut program. The last time we saw this behavior an astronaut drove through the night wearing 'Depends' with a Go Bag in the trunk of her car! Five grueling chapters to go.

This story is ridiculous, totally unbelievable. All the main characters are behaving like immature teenagers, the opposite of what would do a professional doing his/her job. A weak sexual space experiment plot, wrapped around a simple cheating/cuck story involving weak whining characters. What a waste.

Oh, NOW he figures out that he was deliberately being fucked with. Sorry, but that was telegraphed pretty clearly during the discussion after she got the shot. Chekov's gun on the mantle and all that. The only question is.

- Russians

- NASA

- Russians AND NASA.

My vote is #3.

Dude needs to go through them like Sherman through Georgia.

Why would anyone choose to reconcile with Peg at this point? Only someone with a savior complex would even consider it.

Prior comment is "right on." Story did start out strong and has evolved into a wandering by addition of weak pieces that have nothing to add to the original theme. I the intend of the author is develop their image as a writer of strength..well, author, you have failed totally!

If I was him , I wouldnt trust Kathy. She has full access to the programme, has the ability to ochestrate the whole thing to get close to Gary.

Knowing how tediously long it takes CL to state a fact, I read the last page first. Then, if I'm interested, I work backwards one page at a time through the diatribe to tease out the skeleton of the chapter. His story framework is interesting enough, but the diatribe is to mundane to wade through.

This story is like a spiral. It goes around and around about the same issues endlessly, with no resolution in sight. Gary’s virtuosity, challenges the one of the Knights of the round table of Camelot, and even there Lancelot cheated with Genevieve. Is there an end to this story in the horizon?

This entire story could have been condensed to 6-10 pages and it would have been vastly superior if it had been.

Long-winded is not the appropriate term as this left that in the rearview mirror on chapter 2.

It's such a shame as you can clearly write well.

Wordy, wordy, wordy! Does this guy know the meaning of precis? Its what anyone reading his waffle must do to get through it!

You really need an editor!

3

CL, just another thought.....why exactly did you decide to call your tale "Splashdown"? The two lovebirds actually made a ground landing didn't they?

Struggling to read this story, somehow or other she escaped from her “quarantine” and apparently reappeared in the hands of NASA. Still no contact with husband despite being, presumably, in the US.

Too much time in meaningless conversation without moving the story on. Getting very boring now.

I figured out a strategy, read one sentence from most paragraphs. And it bearable. Good story underneath.

Kathy needs to lose her profession for what she is doing.

And why couldn't the wife give head a few times a day before the space flight? A dry cunt doesn't mean other holes aren't available.

Story becoming more tedious with every chapter.

Skimming the story is really the only way to read it at this point. So much unnecessary dialogue and circular logic. Just want it to be over at this point.

I once wrote a comment on a great story that including some wonderful dialog between and among the main characters. I take that back - this one has killed my desire for dialog!

Bizarre, melodramatic storyline filled with 1-dimensional characters all of which can be gleaned from skimming. So repetitious. Continue to skim through with fading hope for substance.

4 pages to finally find peggy fucked the Russian and Gary won't fuck Kathy. Wow. All this tension for this result.

It's a tough read but unfortunately I have to know how it ends. And if he doesn't kill the Russian, the story will have been a complete waste. He shouldn't fuck Kathy but he should not take Peg back either. She seems to love the victim role.

Man is this moving slowly, I only hope the focus truly stays with his wife.... enough of Kathy please?

Peggy: "the pain I inflicted on him was accidental"

That's a LIE to assuage her guilt. She CHOOSE her path every step of the way. Her fault was that she NEVER worked WITH Gary to choose wisely, to minimize the damage. Her fault was that at every turn where she should have considered Gary, she decided not to. Now she wants to label it a "mistake". Instead, it is character revealing and NOT good.

All these words, so many words.. But none to describe Peggy's escape, finding the US agents and finding her way to an embassy or consulate? It's not like this is some TV show where the cost of building a few more sets to tell this part of the story would be prohibitive? At least the little sideline would have been a change from the endless, circular dialog that otherwise takes up needless pages.

Are you sure this story couldn't be told in half as many words. NASA officials skating so far. We dont know where our astronaut is or why since returning!

The key thing for me is that rather than “show” you “tell.” The action happens off stage and people talk about it and its meaning. A lot. A real lot. As such, it is repetitive. And analytical. And I can understand that as life can be like this. Especially in one’s twenties or thirties making sense of causation in relationships that succeed and fail. Dramatic even. But doing this “in real time” is not a lot of fun to watch and read as characters practice their compulsion to repeat over and over.

I also dislike the way that the Russians would be holding Peg. No American officials at the landing? Spirited away? Really? Russians needing US funding so badly they would pull a stunt like this to jeopardize it? This also makes zero sense given where we are in world history right now, so the feeling of alternative history/parallel universe vibes is a bit distracting for me. I will continue reading out of curiosity but just because I am interested in what you are planning, plot wise and conversation wise. Will Iron Will stop Black Hole Implosion? Will Beatrice lead The Way? Will the Irredeemable be Redeemed? Analytical questions to be sure… but I have no emotional investment in these characters.

The story left out the important details of Peg's escape, if she actually escaped. Is Kathy telling the truth about Peg's escape? If so, why has Peg not called her husband? There is way too much dialog and very little story information.

Hell Gary, it means a pay raise when she goes into the private sector with her experience now.

Is that because it proves she will do anything to complete her job, even sleeping with the enemy?

It appears your story is losing credibility with each successive chapter. At least this chapter 6 brings the story back to a common sense theme. I see where this is going now and I have to tell you I have lost some of my enthusiasm for the story. I am not sure whether you can bring this story's popularity back but it is apparent what the theme is going to be going forward. You say you want to improve as a writer but you continue to leave important issues out and allow mundane trivial themes flourish. It is fool hearty to think you can just leave the topic of how Peggy escapes from the clutches of Russians out, while you make so much about whether or not Kathy sleeps with Gary. Okay I know you will build on this but really your penchant for repetition is becoming very irritating. You ended each chapter with a bit of a question mark as to what will happen in the next chapter, but even that is getting old now. Try proof reading your own text and see if you can eliminate some of the unnecessary repeating dialogue or conjecture. You write well but you are turning this story, which began with a decent theme into a torture to read.

Whether she was tricked or not doesn't matter. She treated her husband like shit for so long and then easily for whatever reason has sex with another man. He doesn't need to do Kathey but hell, take her up on the offer anyway. Just get the divorce paper work started and also talk to the media. They would have a field day with this data torpor.

The story started out interesting. It had a good concept. Poor, repetitious dialog detracted from an otherwise good story. Now the plot itself seems to be drifting. The previous chapter seemed to take the comments to heart but this one seems even more verbose that the earlier ones. Please get a good editor.

rehashing the same details over and over and over and over....

" I just didn't want to. I hadn't wanted any of this: I still didn't want any of it...." let me guess he didn't want any of it and none of the endless diatribe before convinced us of that so you just had to tell us again. He that doth protest too much? Maybe he's in denial and actually does. Anyway, he's got a martyr complex at for sure and it's annoying. Get an editor. All four of these pages only had a half page of story.

Chopped, I'm still a fan, thank you for this latest chapter. Hmm, from the tone of today, it sounds like Greg and Peggy are going to reconcile. I'm not sure they can, and I'm definitely not sure why Greg would even want to try.

I echo some of the sentiments, like you left out details of Peggy's escape. Just as important, you left out details of Peggy's fall to Alexi at the cottage, or her sentiments (even confusion) leading up to the extended quarantine. Sure, we get Peggy's version of what happened, full of rationalizations from Peggy and Kathy. But we already know that Peggy's pretty self-serving in her explanations.

I wasn't a fan of Peggy's rehash of what she did leading up to the launch. More rationalization. And far more importantly, she left out any mention of how poorly she treated Greg DURING the flight. Why did she ignore him? I'm still not buying her explanation of the moments after the space walk. I would love for you to give us a description of what really happened as I can't believe her.

I struggle with Peggy, being so intelligent and capable, being hoodwinked and flustered by some doctors in NASA, but clearly that is part of the story. I also struggle with her saying there was no coercion regarding her extended quarantine, and yet she's desperate to escape. Honestly, maybe there are minor holes in your story, or maybe these are devices in your story to show how she isn't being truthful.

So, if Peggy's dad wasn't all bluster, that cottage is going to burn soon, so is Alexi. And where is Greg's organization. Surely it's time for them to do something.

Damn, now I need to wait a day or two to find out what's going to happen next.

10 bucks she’s pregnant.

Also can you speed it up or at least incorporate more of the chapters into each posting.

We’re only halfway there and it’s becoming quite tedious.

Chopped Liver has always been a great and respected writer. But there is so much verbage between the important stuff. Regardless, When trying to make a decision, "Actions always speak louder than words!" So, while wife Peggy says she loves her hubby but 1) act like a bitch 2) cuts off all sex with Hubby 3) lies about how long she is going into space 4) Makes unilateral decisions without Hubby's input on her birth control 5) fucks a Russian cosmonaut upon return to earth 6) held hands on video conference in space with parents and hubby BUT THEN SAYS SHE LOVES HER HUSBAND. LOL I'd say "prove it" cuz she has been acting like she didn't for 10 months.

BTW ChoppedLiver, your Verbage is excessive, I guess that is your style. But it really excessive pardner. Thanks for the Story tho, I can't wait for the next chapter. Please

Plot gap in the back end of this chapter was profound. Peg did NOT tell Kathy she had permission to fuck her husband. She made an off handed comment that if she “thought “ her doing so would get her husband back, she’d be okay with it. Far cry from blanket permission, so Kathy lying to Gary is the only possibility but your narrative and her character would never do that. Agree with others, I have started to skim your story now looking for relevant parts that progress the overall story arc. 3*

There is the skeleton of a really good story here that is smothered in redundant overdescription.

Nice to have a chapter where we hear from Peg directly and have her actually express thoughts and words coherently. Unfortunate that the majority of what she tells Kathy are mostly things we've already heard Gary express at least twice in previous chapters. There's just so much repetition in what is actually an interesting story that is being drowned out by having the same ideas repeated over and over.

One thing that makes zero sense to me is Peg being allowed to land in a Russian spacecraft somewhere inside Russia with no US representatives anywhere in sight. Between NASA, the State Department and the various letter agencies it's very difficult to believe they would all become so blase and astronauts launching from and landing in Russian territory that they would completely trust the fate of one of our astronauts to the Russians without a single American on site to verify things are done properly.

Weird priorities! We-The-Readers find out that the cliffhanger from Ch5 was averted. Pity movie theaters no longer have Saturday Superman serials (30-45 minutes of action … 3-5 minutes to thwart the imminent danger from last week, then 20-30 minutes of heavy action, then 3-5 minutes to present the next ‘inescapable’ trap!) 10-25 cents plus popcorn & Milk Duds.

Then, once WTR know that Sweetie1 is back on terra firma, albeit despoiled by a Ruskie Bear (big surprise … set-up earliest by omniscient Hubby, then refreshed after the space-walk) the author mentions she is safe from the Bear’s plundering and in Gringo hands. So, WTR can be treated to hours of Sweetie2 and Hubby telling each other how much they want to ravish each other, which WTR know will never happen … at least, without Sweetie1’s input … or sharing! ATANA (all talk and no action!)

4* And WTR do not (yet) find out if Bear is circumcised or not!

2* Russian astronaut's view of your wimpy MC husband is кук, the Russian work for cuck. I noticed some of your readers admit to skimming your bloviated story. Less words say more!

Good Lord Man

Get on with the story

This story is dragging so slowly. A more interesting story would have been if the Soyuz went off course and landed in a jungle somewhere. Then Gary and his team would have had to go into hostile territory to rescue them. This...meh.

LOL, "sparse time", "wedding tackle", not American vernacular. Keep going! Author should definitely open this up for alternate ending, sequels, etc.

Incredibly talented author but for me, while I have enjoyed this tale, it’s just too wordy for me. Exceptionally well done and will look forward to reading the ending. 5*

I still love ChoppedLiver's ability to turn a phrase and the highly-stylized dialogue (including internal dialog) they employ, but sadly this chapter dragged a bit for me.

I worry that there's very little drama left here. How can Gary possibly accept Peg back at this point? Cheating on him AFTER she's safely back on Earth and (presumably) days away from returning to him is a bridge too far, unless he truly doesn't give a shit about himself. There's no mission that takes priority at that point, so no reason to forgive her betrayal.

I know it's being set up for a chemical imbalance, perhaps deliberately caused by some traitor within NASA. But to accept that excuse you have to accept the whole "woman unable to avoid cheating for X months unless chemically neutered" premise. That premise is unfair to both Gary (who is alleged to have the same libido and yet doesn't fuck around) and to Peg, as it robs her of her agency, her humanity, and renders her just a "bitch in heat."

To those who feel this is wordy, I apologize but understand their comment that miss the outstanding effort. The words are a necessity to achieve a denouement that is appropriate. Really an outstanding story that fully justifies the effort you put into the story.

Outstanding five star effort. Please ignore the anons who look for something that is far below. This effort is exceptional. A truly exceptional five star story. Please keep up the effort. Thanks.

this is far worse than a Day Time Soap... Glad I missed most of it.

The concern that he finally expressed, that Peg had been targeted and her medications had been or would be tampered with was the first thing that occurred to me at the very beginning of the story. Someone pushed her into a terrible decision taking advantage of her overwhelming desire to be part of a space mission. And somehow she held out and managed to make it through the mission with her virtue intact. So they invented the ludicrous quarantine, had Alexi slip her ecstasy or its equivalent and she lost it. Drug enabled sexual assault aka rape. Also wondered if one or more of the cosmonauts had been trained by their intelligence service in seduction a "Romeo" to use the Russian term for this type of operative.

Gary has no idea how much of a thorn he is to his adversaries. He is so humble that it may not ever occur to him that they would devote significant resources to screw up his marriage and kill his contribution to US intelligence efforts.

In my imagination, that is where I envisioned the story going and upon discovery of the scheme, ran through several chapters in my head of painful, bloody and ultimately deadly retribution for the turned NASA personnel, the cosmonaut or cosmonauts involved in her seduction and huge chunks of whatever intelligence agency was involved. Possible involving nuclear weapons, Saddletramp style. First Gary cracks the doctor who pushed instant decision and follows the threads.

Finally, when all the secrets were wrung out it turned out that Peg had been given Devils Breath to make her compliant in agreeing to take the desire killing high dosage contraceptive drug, the high dosage was designed to fail after a month and when she failed to fall, they drugged her in the "quarantine" facility with a date rape cocktail.

Peg can come back to him since her fall was engineered and her penance means he gets to keep Kathy also. Her competitive nature won't allow Kathy to be a better wife so she never behaves like an entitled psycho princess again. Over the top? You bet.

I did not understand why he did not carry out his threatened vendetta from the start. Yes, it was too late to stop, but I would want to know whose life (lives) I needed to wreck. And it would have possibly allowed him to stop the fake quarantine in the quaint Honeymoon cottage they set her up in.

For people who want to have every detail discussed, your story is a real paradise. For my part, I only need to discuss the important things in life and that's why this chapter is just boring for me. As I found out, I've read this story in the past!

And there it is. She cheated on him and given the opportunity he couldn't fuck another woman. Beyond pathetic. Just think , only 5 more chapters of this garbage!

My God the verbiage just goes on and on, is there an end to this bloody story. Truly l will never read another of your stories again, there is just too much shit to wade through. I wouldn’t subject my worst enemy to this king of torture.

I suspect this constant repeating is going to go on and on and end up in an appalling RAAC.

God help us all from authors like you, you don’t write a story you slaughter a story.

Score thus far for this pile of you know what is 1/5. Unless you can pull a rabbit out of your hat and save this tale it will end up on the rubbish tip.

Decided I'm going to just wait for the last chapter and read it. Making War and Peace out of a cheating wife story. Did like Waratah , read about 1 sentace per paragraph.

Page 3 was like 70% dry, repetitive dialog. I'm reading despite the writing, because it's an interesting storyline, but please find yourself an editor.

This is like a demander story except instead of crashing into the abyss it is slooooooowwwwwwlly dragging all of us there. Personally I've had enough. This chapter is all I can stomach. So Adios Motherfuckers.

For planning and then writing a story on this site, an author is always worthy of praise and respect whether the actual content is to a readers personal liking, as of course this is fiction. There will always be scathing comments given the diversity of story types here and readers can be quite emphatic when a fictional characters actions are not to their personal preference! However, with regards to genuine feedback, hopefully an author can gain some insight. In this case, whilst appreciating the authors wish to explore and develop the characters, it does appear to be losing out with regard to pacing. Though an editor is usually helpful for this, at the very least, I would suggest once this story has concluded that the author use for his next submission a well established technique of having finished writing a story, put it aside for a period of time, then read it again. Proof reading a piece like this usually allows an author to tighten up the piece considerably and often makes for a much better paced piece of writing. I look forward with interest to the conclusion of this story.

Jesus H Christ get to a point, not the point, I’ve given up on that, just any point. 4 pages of the same thought over and over and over again.

There’s a good story buried in all of this but it’s buried under an avalanche of words. Words that do nothing to advance that story, at all. It’s pretty brutal. An editor is needed.

Jesus H Christ get to a point, not the point, I’ve given up on that, just any point. 4 pages of the same thought over and over and over again.

There’s a good story buried in all of this but it’s buried under an avalanche of words. Words that do nothing to advance that story, at all. It’s pretty brutal. An editor is needed.

God damn give it a rest. Repeating the same fucking things over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again!!! STOP!!!!!

As someone else commented in another chapter you have managed to create a wife worst than the one in "February Sucks". Hopefully Peggy pays the price in this one.

I used the same strategy as Waratah - reading one sentence from each paragraph. The episodes are incredibly wordy and repeating the story doesn't make it any better. But the topic is incomparably more interesting than "honey we need to talk" or an unknown car in the driveway, so I'm waiting for the next episode knowing that there are to be 5 more....

Agree with others. The recap of how she screwed him over has been repeated far too often. Leave that behind, and write a final chapter to close it out.

As predicted, if there are 5 more chapters to this simp manifesto I'll do you all a favor and finish it it now. Wife cheated (as we knew it would happened) conspires with friend to give permission to fuck him as payback (and to shrive her supposed guilt) Fake alpha/reality simp husband looks for every possibility to excuse her betrayal. And after a few guilty fucks he takes her back the they live happily ever after...

P.S.

Peggy has not been portrayed as a sympathetic character in any chapter.

She's basically just revolting and it seems to me, you are trying to write her as otherwise?

Gary is only slightly less revolting and not sympathetic either.

Kathy resonates a bit though. So far, she's the only one I care about anyway.

God damn, reading this is tedious.

Underneath the constant, underneath the constant, underneath the constant, underneath the constant repetition, there might be a halfway decent story there, but Choppedliver seems to be unable to formulate one without constantly repeating shit that was covered several times in each previous chapter again, and again, and again.

Worse still is the bullshit release schedule.

Gosh, when will this series end?

Skipping so much paragraph makes me dizzy.

What the heck is this Kathy doing at Gary's place at any time??!

The sexual tension was so unnecessary and irrational.

If I were Gary -- that is IF, I would bar this Kathy from entering my house.

Blue balls and all my worries about a lone wife on a space station with three men.

Kathy's presence only compounded Gary's problems not helping.

I guess the other astronauts or at least the one who fucked his wife will suffer a brutal disappearance at the hands of his contacts . Hope the marriage is over for his sake even if he helps her he needs to move on . She was sexually dominated by a Russian top astronaut that knew he was fucking a cia guys wife.

I can't, I tried but I can't. To much unnecessary dialog

OK, it is getting trying now. It took 4 pages to let us know what we already know, the Peggy had an affair. That could have been covered,very well in half a page. This story is turning onto drudgery. Please wrapp it up.

Please, I'm begging you with all sincerity... take a look at the rest of your story and pinpoint any mention of the libido-killing injection and the coldness and whatnot, and cut it right the hell out. We get it. We've read about many, many, many damn times by now. Seriously, without rehashing the same stuff over and over, this story would be a third as long.

You have taken what could have been a very good story and ruined it by trying to stretch it out Learn that less is more

This just keeps getting dumber.

.

So Pegs is a prisoner of the Russians…but can engage in email exchanges with Kathy? Why not NASA? Or the State Dept? The entire plot device of Pegs winding up in Russia has been incredibly stupid in plot design.

.

And again….the slut can’t keep her legs closed? Despite professing everlasting love for Gary, and in the context of all the angst about how she treated him?

.

And can Kathy get more high school with her pursuit of Gary? And why isn’t Gary just fucking the shit out of her after getting confirmation that Pegs fucked the Russian?

.

Sorry…but this tale is just devolving as it goes along. Just too illogical. Too many huge plot holes. Too wordy.

.

2 **

Get an editor so half of this pulp filler can be cut out and have a sensible story at the end of it. I've skimmed most of it because it's just too fucking painful to read all of it.

Do you get off by regurgitating the same stuff over and over again? Like we've read the same dialogue about the same shit so often.

It's obvious you don't give a fuck about feedback as you haven't taken any of it to heart. And it looks like everyone else is in the same boat as me.

We know you aren't going to listen, so why bother. Do you even notice your comments went from mostly positive with some good feedback to complaining about your writing style?

Shame on me for coming back and trying to read through this absolute slog of a mess when I said I was done.

Really, Kathy trained psychologist, trying to wreak an unstable marriage? She should lose her job and license. Let alone Gary is finding Peggy did what he thought she would do. All of a sudden it’s a conspiracy? Also Peggy escapes to get to the consulate. Told to get away and then she is saved? Where is the story in that . Too much dialogue and no content…..

I don't understand why you Americans are so pissed off that the Russians got some free, easy American pussy. Obviously she's nothing but another good old American slut wife that can't control her urges nor keep her legs closed. Who can blame the Russians for keeping her an extra couple of days to pass that pussy around to the Russians on the ground also?? LMFAO!!!

Ok. No way they would have let a analysis wife go with Russian men.

Sound like this was a setup.

Really for this to happen in real life would mean profound Intel failures.

And return is very regimented. To take her away to a house screams date rape drugs.

Also geese enough Kathy.

She is not acting professional at all.

It was well established in the last chapter that Kathy loved Gary and he knew it. You wasted an entire chapter rehashing that. With virtually NOTHING about her being “kidknapped” by the Russians. You are stacking plot fails upon plot fails concerning the logistics of NASA not being present upon her return and Peggy not raising holy hell immediately upon landing without support from her agency. And then a bullshit cozy cottage quarantine? I thought astronauts were supposed to be smart? This story now sucks.

This chapter has reverted back to the first two. The progress made here could have been told by 1-1.5 pages. Had to hear Peg whine about all the long repeated paragraphs through chapters 1-3. Enough already. Review of this chapter: Kathy got in contact with Peg and arranged an escape (yet they still talked about issues instead of actually escaping for some time) and then Kathy gave Gary and update and they discussed intimacy (which we had already heard in Kathy's mind previously, now the same stuff discussed out loud). There was no real action here and the entire chapter really just less than one day in time. It's funny, this is a erotic literature site (for the most part) and most of the discussion revolves around the emotions around the situation but other than a few hints and one suggestion about the cosmonaut's private parts, not one notion of the act, how many times, what Peg and the cosmonaut talked about, their experience, his explanation of the quarantine, trips away, etc.

This chapter has reverted back to the first two. The progress made here could have been told by 1-1.5 pages. Had to hear Peg whine about all the long repeated paragraphs through chapters 1-3. Enough already. Review of this chapter: Kathy got in contact with Peg and arranged an escape (yet they still talked about issues instead of actually escaping for some time) and then Kathy gave Gary and update and they discussed intimacy (which we had already heard in Kathy's mind previously, now the same stuff discussed out loud). There was no real action here and the entire chapter really just less than one day in time. It's funny, this is a erotic literature site (for the most part) and most of the discussion revolves around the emotions around the situation but other than a few hints and one suggestion about the cosmonaut's private parts, not one notion of the act, how many times, what Peg and the cosmonaut talked about, their experience, his explanation of the quarantine, trips away, etc.

Way TOO MANY Words. The dialog is dragging out. Repeating the same emotion/feeling over and over again doesn't give the reader additional insights and doesn't move the story to a conclusion.

Just as Harriyin VA said... peggy would ask and scheme Kathy to fuck Gary to make "both sides" cheated. That would make it easier to develop the forced reconciliation at all costs ending

Emotional vomit, teenage angst writ large with glaring plot holes, some that have already been mentioned. How can you write 4 pages and leave out compelling narrative?

Most of Kathy's trying to justify what Peggy did is beyond laughable but what really grated my ass was again the incredible amount of verbal diarrhea in this chapter.

First off let me say I could never write anything this good. Maybe someday I’ll try, and everyone will get their chance to savage me. I purposely did not read anyone’s comments on their take of this chapter of the saga because I did not want any influence on my take of the saga. There is such a thing as talking something to death, and that is the case of this chapter. Several times I had to put this down, and come back to it later because it was a tedious retelling of what we’ve been told before. It was as if we were watching a super slow motion replay of a replay of the events and analysis leading up to and including a train wreck. It does seem quite improbable that Gary after the demand of the decision and same day injection that Gary did not see the possibility of duplicity from within, and explore that. That is so against his character. I almost feel like I’m watching a Hallmark movie. Boy meets girl, boy and girl fall hopelessly in love, problem arises, and finally resolution and boy and girl kiss and re-affirm their love for each other in the last 30 seconds of the show as we fade out. Obviously this is a simplistic take on this story, but it does seem pretty close to what we see happening. If I was smart I would wait until all the final chapters are added and then binge read it, but I doubt that will happen. Regardless of what I’ve said I am back to 5 stars because I cannot force myself to walk away from the story no matter how tedious this chapter was. The hook has been fully set, and I cannot break line or leader!

I use to enjoy dialog in stories. I felt like it help pull a reader into a story but you've not only killed that you've nuked it completely with this insane story.

Wait- she was rescued. Wasn't she? I mean, Peggy was in Russian hands, on a Russian base, with soldiers all around..... then she's in American hands getting tests and shots and pills. Did I miss 2 whole pages of the rescue and how it happened? Were the inner struggles of the conscience of both Kathy and Gary SO FREAKING INTERESTING that their never ending dialogue took up the whole chapter?? All leading questions, as the answer is obvious. I liked Chapter 5, this one could have been a paragraph attached to it.

50,000 words to repeat the exact same stuff ad nauseam…. but ZERO to address the miraculous escape from the Russian quarantine farm to a US Consulate???

My thoughts are that chopped liver would write 8 paragraphs to decide if a glass of water is cold or hot. Make a point, then move the story along. Stop dragging out the story!

No Americans at landing site to protect their investments ? Not! You protect your assets when you have so much invested. If the Russians need funding you don't piss off your benafactors by kidnapping their representatives. This was chapter somewhat unrealistic.