Strawberry Cowboy

"Don't you start. This is all your doing, isn't it?" Raphael turned to glare at Daniel. "I thought we had come to an understanding."

"He didn't mean to say anything. It was an accident." Laurel said, finally looking up at Raphael to defend her husband.

"Laurel's right. How we found out is beside the point. Lyle, are you alright? Really?" Lyle's mom asked, clearly concerned.

"I'm fine." Lyle said, feeling the lie stick in his throat.

Now, everyone was staring at Lyle and he felt the weight of what had happened crushing down on him and wringing out emotions he had thought he'd locked away. Lyle swallowed and stared at the ceiling while he tried to force away the tears that were forming. The attention was suffocating. He felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Lyle, don't lie. We have seen the dark circles under your eyes. Daniel told me about the bruises." Laurel said, deeply concerned.

Lyle felt his face flush as he tried desperately not to break down. All his secrets were unraveling and he didn't know if he was strong enough to withstand it. He wanted to say it was all consensual; to lie and reassure his family that he wasn't in danger. Raphael protectively wrapped his arms around Lyle. Lyle's throat felt dry as he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to breathe through the rising panic.

"You don't know what you've seen." Raphael said cryptically to a crowd of horrified faces.

"I know that Lyle didn't want whatever you've been doing." Daniel shot back.

"That's not true." Raphael said quickly, feeling defensive.

"Then how about Lyle tells us and puts our worries to rest, hm? I don't think he can." Daniel said sharply.

Laurel looked up at Lyle and saw the way he was desperately holding back tears. Despite coming to feel affection for Raphael, Lyle couldn't deny that he was forced into the relationship. The memories of panic came back with a force that knocked the breath out of his lungs. He shook free of Raphael's arms and wiped away the tears that had begun to fall in rivulets down his face. Lyle then walked past his parents to the kitchen where he sat down on the floor, back to the cabinets, and curled up to cry. He couldn't do anything else. Laurel stood and glared at Daniel and Raphael. She then headed into the kitchen and poured Lyle a glass of water. Kneeling across from him, she offered him the glass.

"Lyle, I know you don't believe I can understand what you're going through. It might feel like you're alone in all this and have no choice, but you do have a choice and you are not alone. Just tell me. What happened?" Laurel spoke softly while the others nervously paced the living room.

Lyle held back sobs as he breathed through the rush of emotions. He didn't know what to say or where to start. Looking at Laurel, he just shook his head then took a gulp of water. "It's not... Well, I don't know."

"It's okay, take your time." She said gently, sitting down across from him and taking his trembling hand in her own.

Lyle took another gulp of water before looking toward the doorway to make sure he and Laurel were alone. He knew they might be overheard, but didn't care anymore. He needed to let it out. "I didn't want it at first. He was forceful and I didn't have a choice. I couldn't stop it and then it just began to feel right. It's like there is something in me that only he has been able to reach and touch. I can't explain it. It's like this is what I deserve. Does that make sense?"

Laurel nodded and squeezed Lyle's hand. He sighed shakily then continued. "Laurel, there are parts of me that I can't and won't share with y'all. It is best for all of us. Raphael just so happens to be able to reach those parts of me. Is it wrong? Maybe but, Laurel, it can feel so right. What should I do?"

"What do you want to do?" Laurel asked.

"I want to be able to make my own decisions. That's all." Lyle said sadly.

"Then I think you need some time to think." Laurel said, letting go of Lyle's hand with one last squeeze. "We will give you time."

Laurel stood and walked back into the living room. She scanned the room and gave the others a harsh look. "I think we shared our concerns here. We should go. All of us."

Raphael crossed his arms. "Where am I supposed to stay?"

"There is a pull-out bed in the den. It's small and lumpy, but it will be fine for a night. Go pack up, we are still leaving in the morning." Laurel said sternly. She then began to shoo the family out of the carriage house despite multiple arguments. Lyle heard the door finally close and took a deep breath. He knew he couldn't keep this up forever. Something had to give.

**

In the morning, when fog still clung to the ground and dew settled on the grass, Laurel, Raphael, and Daniel pulled their luggage onto the gravel drive. Lyle stood at the door to the carriage house. His eyes were swollen from crying and he had a terrible headache from lack of sleep. Still, he had something important to do today. Steeling his nerves, Lyle stepped out into the damp grass.

Laurel looked up and smiled when she saw Lyle coming towards them. She spoke to Daniel briefly before walking over to meet Lyle. She gave him a hug then smiled at him. "We are about to leave, so now is the time."

"Right." Lyle said, nodding. He then walked up to Raphael who was standing off to the side of the black SUV.

"Hey." Raphael said awkwardly.

"Hey." Lyle said. He bit his lip then looked over toward the main house.

"Before you say anything, let me say something." Raphael said, leaning in close to Lyle and dropping his voice. "I'm not giving up, but I want you to take some time for yourself. You have my number."

"Raph." Lyle looked up to the man who he had grown to know as a lover. "I might not call."

Raphael's smile was sad as he looked at Lyle. "I know. If you don't, I will."

Lyle chuckled and gave Raphael a hug. "I don't know what to say, so just; until next time."

"Until next time." Raphael leaned down and kissed Lyle's hair.

Lyle then pulled away and watched as his parents came down the drive to say goodbye as well. He took a deep breath and looked around at everyone. "I know you've been worrying about me, but I am going to be fine. I think it's time that I moved out. For good. I have a friend in the city who needs a roommate. I'll begin moving next weekend. Thanks for worrying about me."

He then turned and began to walk back toward the carriage house. Raphael wanted to call out to him, but remained silent. Laurel reassured their parents that it would all be fine before she hugged her parents goodbye. Meanwhile, Lyle listened to the goodbyes as he left his family behind.

The end.