All Comments on 'Summer Night Bonfire Confessions'

It's difficult to recall and event without a flashback. Your did a decent job having the other characters share insights and asides. Where it got confusing was with your use of dialogue quotes. If person A is speaking, and they continue in the next paragraph, you don't close the quotes at the end of the paragraph. You still open the next paragraph with quotes, but we know it's still the same person speaking, because you never closed the quotes. I lost track of who was speaking several times and had to retrace. Literotica has a great dialogue quote article in the 'How To' category.

.

On the plus side, your dialogue flows well, and you have an ear for how people converse. Even though you were 'telling', versus 'showing', much of your imagery supported a good story. You also include a lot of details in your descriptions, which is a tremendous upside.

.

Keep writing!!! 4/5!

I am not sure who this writer is…male or female…but the writer needs to keep his. Day job….atleast in the near future…

Will lead to an open marriage and divorce

Pretty good, but watch for mistakes like "both our boys had her class's"

Kind of meh. Ending was rather blah.

Painful! This has to be a lot of guys' worst nightmare, a lot worse than just embarrassing. When Dave says "I am just seeing my shortcomings in the sexual arena and it's a bit humbling." you are painting a flattering picture of the degree of his self-honesty.

More than a few guys would never recover from what Dave was also "the hopelessness and worthlessness I felt at that moment".

Lucky for me I learned how to be a 'Curt' (in technique if not in size .. the 10" was an unnecessary porn trope) before ever being confronted with this scenario, but I can still visualize the pain. You did a good job of capturing that part of a fragile (and young) male ego. Most don't have a Tina in the wings to give them lessons.

Marriage going downhill.

At least not a cuck story.

I hate cuck stories

That was OK, but damn confusing! Still don’t know if he was married to Sue at the time all of his past actions were revealed.

.

3 ***

OK….I just re-read this, and noticed I didn’t pick up on fact that the events all happened when he was living with a girlfriend, Tina. I had thought he had moved into the neighborhood with his WIFE, Sue. Duh. That helped straighten things out 😎.

.

Again….good story. And Sue sure seems “accommodating” there at the end 🥳

Dr beulahthebrit; Good start, I like how he was so comfortable telling his wife's friends how useless he was at sex, but how he learnt to satisfy women and how they opened up their relationship.

Fun read! I have to admit, I just don’t get the idea of married folks being swingers. Single couples? Ok, have fun until your ready to make a true commitment. I guess swingers must view sex like I view pizza. I enjoy many different styles of pizza, I have my favorites, but still like to change things up. It’s sort of like going to a big party with your roommate. Both of you looking to hookup, knowing you’ll eventually be back sharing a home together.

To me marriage is inwardly focused - between 2 people, both emotionally and physically. Luckily, my wife has the same view of marriage.

Not as interesting as I thought it should be. Of course I don't think I've had any friends like Curt.

I wonder if he is not with Tina because of what she experienced with Curt?

This is the kind of loving wives story I love! I'd love to see a follow-up on this story. This could be a lot of fun! Getting Tina and Lisa back into some action along with the two women there at the party.

"fist time" is a hilarious tag.

Keep at it. The story is good and the scenes are hot. Verb tenses, use of quotes both need attention but those are not killer issues. They make the story a bit harder to comprehend accurately. 4* Please keep writing.

Not bad for a 2nd story . Kind of slanted towards humiliation. Way better than anything I could do and I've tried. Good Luck, and DON'T GIVE UP !

You're just getting started posting and already you're better than many of the veterans. I've discovered typos and errors in the work of the most polished writers so don't fret about them when you discover them in your own work. Just learn from it. I think it was John Grisham who said that he'd learned that typos and other mistakes inevitably creep into any manuscript, but it doesn't matter who said it. No matter how many times I proofread I find mistakes. I think your story is remarkably well written and free of errors grammatical and otherwise. But more importantly you built the slow burn beautifully and you created a very erotic and arousing story.

Really well done. I hope you write more. I'm eager to read more from you. This is easy to score five stars. Thanks for sharing it.

Great start to your work. Keep it up!

I enjoyed it, well described and quite believable with none of the bullshit often found in this category, and speaking of categories, try to ignore the unhelpful negative comments and ultra low scores. Anything in the loving wives section, no matter how good or bad that involves a woman having sex outside a relationship will attract those responses. Quite a few small mistakes and Curt became Kirk for a moment but reading through couple of times would eradicate most of the worst of them. Otherwise pretty good and I think Dave ended up in a very envious position. I'll look out for more of your work.

Punctuating Dialogue

.

When one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed. When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but ONLY the last one has a closing mark.

.

You wrote his story -- a monologue -- as if it was a conversation.

You certainly write very well, and yes, it was a barely out of the cuck range at the beginning (we aren't all THAT stupid) but in the end it turned completely dumb to a fault.

You get a 3 for it being well written and a 2 for not so good premise.

Pretty good but try to keep the names straight. Lisa and Tina seemed to spontaneously switch places at one point and the Curt/Kirk thing others pointed out. The final act could have been expanded upon but it was a good punchline that when Dave ‘won’ of the three he chose his wife.

Wow. First off I can't imagine sitting there and listening to my girlfriend having sex all night and the next morning all the while the other girl tells me just how great a lover the other guy is. Hearing how she is moaning and screaming in pleasure like she never has with me has to be gut wrenching. I would have stormed out as a loser long ago.

And then to admit that to others? Including who I think was his wife? My god.

If swinging is your thing then I guess this story is for you.

Nice story. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Dang! You have talent, i will be watching you.

Thnak you for an interestign story.

Curt was almost inconsiderate.

The first time with Tina should have been a shorter session, not an extended marathon..

By the way, all the mentions of cigarette made me uncomfortable, as I am a non-smoker, am not around smokers and am not attracted at all to smokers. You may be a smoker, and I respect that, but **please consider** fewer mention of cigarettes in future stories. Also, given a relatively small portion of the populations still smokes, you are limiting the appeal of your stories.

Great story! Shows the pit falls of swapping and sharing but doesn’t ruin the guy who falls short!

"I've knew Curt..." I agree that this was an interesting story, but please find an editor/proofreader. Of course that should have been, "I've known Curt...", but sadly, that wasn't the only error. Missing commas, periods where question marks belonged, etc. While I respect writers, why serve a gourmet meal on a dirty plate?

I actually don't normally go for these kinds of stories. I don't understand why any man would want this. But for everyone - it's their life. I really do like the consideration of how young men & women don't really understand sex, do know what they are doing, etc. I am an old man now (over 60) and remember back to many liaisons in college how inept I was, how many times I missed the signals, didn't take advantage of opportunities and didn't understand reluctance. It makes me unhappy. How much better if we each could have a tutor at 16-17 to teach us how this works, what we should be doing. It's not all young men - though the hormone drive is powerful, young women need this help too. Both men & women would be so much happier if we could find a way to pull this off...

5 stars, loved it. Hot story. Well done without the cuckold angle and humilation.

Please write more!

What sort of advice to give?

Any author has to write their own story first, for themselves. Advice can only come in the form of judging whether or not the author achieved what they wanted to.

This author seems to be aiming for something, although I'm not completely clear as to what that is. There are three obvious aspects of the plot that hints that there's a message under the surface -- or at least a unique perspective that is the author's. In short: (i) the 'confession' is from one man in the company of four women, and involves sexual limitations at that! (ii) there's a curious counter-story provided by Tina, presumably as counterweight to what Dave is going through, and (iii) even though the main story is about Dave's worst moment, the overall story line is positive.

There are a few tonal inconsistencies in the story. I'll mention one of them as an example.

""I can't describe the hopelessness and worthlessness I felt at that moment." It's not clear if he's saying this to the group in the present or to Lisa in the past. Either way, his worst moment is mostly hidden in the event itself -- he's tired, he's OK, etc etc. Denial or shock? Worse, for me, a male reader, the experienced couple Curt and Lisa in effect abandon poor Dave and work on Tina until 6am.

Every one of these points involve a choice by the author. Why, for example, didn't the experienced couple have a bit more sympathy and understanding for the novice pair? Why not to opt for Dave speaking up during his bad moment? Could the author's goals have been met with such changes? If not, what's the point aimed for?

Any author can improve their own writing (without feedback, although an objective eye can always help) by thinking through alternative ways of writing a scene, and be as aware as possible of the choices made and how the choices fit the goal of the story.

It's also worth pointing out that a "full disclosure" isn't necessary. The story was Dave's confession; it wasn't a detective story. We know nothing about Tina's reaction, for example. Neither she nor Dave talked about the event. Curt and Tina sort of come across as predatory, insofar as they both abandon Dave. But, maybe not. Tina, after all came across as mentor. Dave didn't inquire, so he had nothing to say about those matters. Some readers might wonder about such details (I did) but a bit of mystery and the unexplained can do a story some good. Gets the reader thinking, possibly. All this said, it can also help an author to realize where those points of 'non disclosure' are and that readers will have different reactions.

I identified so strongly with Dave's pain, and even more so to him effectively being abandoned (remember Curt and Lisa could have called it an early night, and give both beginners a chance to get their heads around events). This was the dominant reaction in me, and the way in which the story played out positively wasn't enough to counterbalance a very heavy mood. Other readers will have other reactions. I thought the story worth a 5, by the way. I don't have to feel good -- strong impact is a better result. Any author should take such reactions into account. If most fit what the author intends, then the story's a success: communication worked.

It's a bit rough around the edges, but I like it that way. It's not all glossy adjectives and metaphors, just a meaningful story told well.

I was distracted by the back and forth in the beginning and the game almost put me to sleep. I think the poor guy still doesn't know how to give a good fuck.

I don't have any insight as deep as ISKwest, but I would just say to be mindful of your parentheses placement (a problem I see in your other stories too), and as you were telling a story about someone telling a story, it was sometimes difficult to tell if we were reading Dave's thoughts from the night of the swap, or his comments around the fire.

Still a good tale. 5*

Great fun

rather hot

This is a great story in a difficult category. I was surprised it wasn’t more highly rated, but then I saw it was in Loving Wives, a category I don’t understand. The story within a story makes it more interesting. Well done

Yes! Finally, a guy that understands he's not a super stud and is willing to learn. He took a potentially horrible situation and opened his mind enough to make the best of it. Well done!

Another inadequate MC. Not sure who would put up with this in real life... Not the best in bed, sure do some training and ego check. Its what a relationship is all about.

But do the partner swap and let her getting railed for hours on end ? It clear his GF didnt give a shit about him.

So in the end its just another cuckold MC.