All Comments on 'Sun Shone'

Your story is incomprehensible, the plot is obscure, your spelling is atrocious, and your lack of attention to detail is annoying. Get a good editor and a good proofreader - or better yet - forget trying to write. You're not good at it.

Sure, there are some mistakes that good editing would correct, but the story has an interesting premise. My main suggestion is that the "action" portion should be at least as long as the set-up. Take a little more time to describe the attack on Emily and the successful killing of the old vampire. Then, spend a few extra sentences on the wrap-up. This is worth a thoughtful re-write.