Susan's Firsts

"So, I've made over $300,000, less taxes, doing porn and stripping. I've discovered I'm a bit of an exhibitionist and love both jobs. I really love sex and have loved everything I've done in my DVD's."

"You know you can't do those things forever. What about the future?"

"I'm taking classes at Cal State Northridge though I haven't decided on a major yet."

"How about business management like your Dad?"

I scowled and said, "After what business has done to us, there is no way I'm doing that!"

My Mom hung out with me for 6 hours talking about all sorts of things. By the time she left I felt a lot better about my relationship with her. Just as she was walking out the door, she stopped abruptly, turned and said, "I almost forgot, I wanted to give this to you in lieu of missed birthdays and as a token of our love for you." I opened the box and was dazzled by a beautiful diamond pendant on a silver chain. I looked up at my Mom at a loss for words as she said, "This belonged to my mother and to her mother. Cherish it." I couldn't help myself as I grabbed my Mom and gave her a bear hug. She hugged me back and whispered in my ear, "I love you, honey. Never doubt that. I may do foolish things, but just remember I love you!"

I started crying and said, "I love you too, Mom. I'm sorry I've been such a brat."

She held me at arm's length, smiled at me with tears in her eyes and said, "You have nothing to apologize for, honey."

My relationship with my parents improved markedly over time and we began spending some time together. They never said another word about being in porn or stripping, which I figured they sidestepped to avoid alienating me again.

School went well and after my first year I decided on a double major of Psychology, focusing on human sexuality, and Cinema and Television Arts. All through school I continued dancing on the weekends and during the summer I would shoot 5 scenes with Porn Parade. I was making money hand over fist and had amassed a pretty tidy savings account and investment portfolio.

During my last semester at Northridge, I took an Eastern European literature course to complete a humanities elective. It was interesting with books by Gunter Grass, Milan Kundera, Alexander Solzhenitsyn and others. I was sitting next to a good looking guy who looked a bit older than the rest of us. We began greeting each other before class and after the third one he asked me to join him for coffee after class.

I found out that his name was Tim, that he was in the MBA program and that he always took literature classes to discover new authors to read. We talked for two hours straight with no lulls at all. When he asked about me, I was sketchy about my life and what I was up to for obvious reasons. I had a really good time with him which led us to having coffee after our remaining classes.

After about 6 classes he said, "I have a couple of tickets to the LA Philharmonic on Saturday night and was wondering if you'd like to go with me?"

Wow! I was being asked out on a date! "Uh, yeah, uh, I'd like that that. I'll have to get that night off work, but that should be no problem. What time?"

"If it's alright I'll pick you up at 5:30 and then take you to dinner before the concert."

"Yeah, that would, be, uh great. Let me give you my address. I've never been to a classical concert, so what should I wear?"

"An evening gown would be best."

"Okay. I'll look forward to it."

I walked to my car in a daze. As I drove home I decided I needed to talk to someone and get some advice, so I pulled over and called Robin. When she answered the phone I asked, "Are you at the studio because I really need to talk to you."

"There's nothing wrong is there?"

"No, I just need some advice on something that just came up."

"Okay, I'm in my office at the studio. Come on over."

I made a beeline for the Porn Parade studios and went directly to Robin's office. When I walked in she smiled up at me for a moment until she saw my face. "What's going on? You look like you just saw a ghost."

I sat in a chair and said, "It's worse than that. A guy I've become friends with at school just asked me out on a date to see the LA Philharmonic on Saturday."

"Okay...so you're going on a date."

I laughed and said, "I have never been on a date before! Plus, I really like this guy, so I'm afraid he'll find out what I do and, oh fuck, why did I say yes!"

Robin smiled at me and said, "Okay, take it easy. Is he taking you to dinner?"

"Yeah. He also said I should wear an evening gown. I've never owned an evening gown!"

"Alright, first things first. I'm going to call Robert and tell him you need the weekend off so we can get you a dress and shoes tomorrow and then Saturday I'll take you to salon and get your hair and nails done."

She picked up the phone and put it on speaker when Robert answered. The two of the chatted for a couple of moments and then Robin said, "So, Suzy needs to get the weekend off because she's been asked out on a date."

"Yeah, so?" Robert replied.

"Yeah, it's the first date she's ever been on, so we need to make it special. Alright?"

Robert chuckled and said, "Okay, fine. Tell her to have a good time."

Next Robin called the salon she uses and made an appointment for me to have my hair and nails done on Saturday at 10am. With that finished she said, "I'll come fetch you tomorrow around 1 and will take you dress and shoe shopping. I know the perfect stores for you. So, does this guy know about your jobs?"

"No, I've been pretty vague about what I do. He knows I work weekends, but he hasn't pressed me for details. Do you think I should tell him?"

Robin thought for a few seconds and then said, "You should eventually, but wait until you see if things will go further. No sense blowing things up right away. Enjoy yourself for now."

I thanked Robin for her help and being a friend and headed for home. Later I checked the LA Philharmonic website to see what pieces they were going to play. They were going to perform a Mozart symphony, a violin concerto by Bruch and Barber's Adagio for Strings. I wasn't familiar with either Bruch or Barber, but I had always liked the Mozart I had heard, so I was confident I'd like the performance.

Robin and I decided on a navy blue satin evening dress and matching heels. Robin said I looked really good and very sexy. I asked her if I looked trashy because I didn't want to come off that way. She smiled and said, you'll look elegant and very attractive. Your date will be panting with desire when he sees you."

On Saturday at the salon, Robin, the hairdresser and myself discussed how I should have my hair. When I moved to LA it was pretty short, but I had allowed it to grow over the years so it was down past my shoulders now. I didn't want it super short and I wanted to keep the ability to pull it into a pony tail, so we worked around those criteria. What we came up with was both elegant and practical. As far as my nails went, I wasn't a fan of the uber dark nail craze and traditional red and pinks wouldn't look good with my dress, so we went with a clear polish and a short trim.

When I got home, I had several hours before Tim was due to pick me up. I was extremely nervous, so I looked at some of my investments for a while. That didn't last long, so I decided to call my Mom. We had made up and talked together at least once a week. If there was ever a time for a mother's love this was it!

"Hey honey, what's up?"

"Hey Mom, I just needed to talk to you. I have a date tonight with a guy from school. You're not going to believe this, but this will be the first date I've ever been on and I'm nervous as hell."

"There's nothing to be nervous about. Dates are a means for people to get to know one another away from the day to day norm. Believe it or not, it's a chance to evaluate a future mate by observing their manners, tastes and feelings towards you and vice versa. Just relax and be yourself."

"Okay, I guess what you say makes sense."

"Does your date know your, um, vocation?"

I chuckled and replied, "No, not yet. No sense scaring the poor guy off right away. If things develop in a positive way, I'll have to tell him, but not right now."

"Well, when you do, be sure to tell him about how we treated you and how that influenced your decisions. That will help him understand your motivations. He may not like us after he hears your story, but we aren't the important ones here, you are."

"Oh god, Mom, I don't want to throw you and Dad under the bus anymore."

"Honey, we deserve it for being such fuck ups and for driving you to such an extreme reaction, so use it. I'm sure he will understand."

I had to laugh and asked, "So Mom, such a colorful metaphor! I've never heard you use 'fuck' before."

She laughed and said, "Sometimes you have to use words that fit the conversation. I learned that from you! Now relax and have fun tonight, okay?"

"Thanks Mom, I will. I love you."

"I love you too, honey."

My conversation with my Mom calmed me down a lot, so I relaxed took a shower and got dressed. There wasn't much to getting dressed because we had decided that wearing underwear wasn't an option with this particular dress. When I had the dress and shoes on, I put on the pendant that was handed down by the women in my family. It stopped just shy of the modest amount of cleavage I was showing.

Right at six my buzzer went off, so I buzzed Tim in and waited for him to knock on my door. When he knocked, I answered and was taken aback by the handsome visage in a tuxedo before me. I wasn't the only one staring as he looked at me with eyes wide. Finally, he broke the silence and said, "My god, Sue, you're beautiful. Er, I didn't mean that you aren't always beautiful because you are, but right now you are taking my breath away despite my rambling."

I laughed and said, "I could say the same thing because you look incredibly handsome."

We both laughed at ourselves for a moment and then he asked, "Are you ready?" I indicated I was and took the arm that was offered to me. I was led to a Rolls Royce limousine and as he helped me in he said that he hired it so that we could drink if we wanted to.

As we rode I couldn't believe how quiet it was in the car. We made chit chat for a few minutes until I said, "I have a confession to make, this is the first date I have ever been on."

"You're kidding! I would have thought that someone as pretty as you would have to beat men away with a stick. So, how did this happen?"

"Well, when I lived in Chicago, my parents kept a tight rein on me and told me that the only thing boys wanted was to get into my panties. The experience of some of my classmates reaffirmed what my parents said, so I never took any of the requests from boys up. When we moved to LA in my senior year, I didn't make any friends, so kept to myself and studied. After high school I worked a lot, so didn't have the time. Oh, and thank you for the nice complement."

Tim blushed a bit and said, "Well, you are very pretty and thank you for trusting me enough to go out with me. I promise to do nothing that will alter that trust."

The ride downtown went quickly and soon we were pulling up to La Maison du Goût. A doorman opened our door as we pulled up to the front of the restaurant. I took Tim's arm as we walked in. The Maître d' greeted Tim by name and the two had a conversation in French for a couple of minutes and then we were led to a table in a corner. As we sat, the Maître d' put my napkin on my lap and then presented me with a menu and then did the same for Tim. They spoke again for a few seconds and then Tim asked, "Would you like some champagne?" I nodded and then the Maître d' left.

Tim looked at me and said, "I apologize for talking with Maurice so much. It gives me a chance to use my French and he likes that I speak it."

"You have nothing to apologize for. I was impressed that you spoke so fluently. Where did you learn it?"

"We lived in France from the time I was two until I was eleven. Actually, French was my first language though my parents made sure I learned English as well."

"Wow, did you like living in France? Where were you?"

"We lived in Paris and I loved it. I had so many friends and the food was so good. Even the simplest thing like a ham and cheese sandwich there was so superior to anything we get here."

"Have you kept in touch with any of your friends?"

"There are three that I've stayed in touch with and visit whenever I'm there or when they come here."

At this time the wine steward approached out table with a bucket and a couple of flutes. He showed the bottle to Tim who nodded his approval and then popped the cork and poured two glasses for us. When the steward left, Tim held his glass up and said, "Here's to your first date, I hope it's memorable one." We touched glasses and then sipped the wine.

I had never had champagne before and had to say I loved my first experience. I looked at Tim and said, "If the evening keeps up like this, it will be very memorable. Thank you."

I looked at the menu and didn't really understand any of it and I think Tim saw my confusion, so he said, "Would you trust me to order for us?" I nodded so he then asked, "Is there anything you don't like food wise or are you open to anything?"

"I'll eat anything, so go ahead."

Tim and the waiter bantered back and forth for a while and then the waiter left with a smile. When he left a couple of men swooped down on our table and began removing plates, glasses and utensils.

We had a good time eating and talking. The food was marvelous with wonderful flavors I had never encountered. I wasn't much of a drinker and I didn't want to get drunk for the rest of the night, so I think we wasted quite a bit of wine because I only had the one glass of champagne and one glass of a Bordeaux that Tim ordered. I noticed that he didn't drink much either.

When we had finished we were whisked a few blocks over to the Walt Disney Concert Hall, a very striking building with large swooping panels of stainless steel. When we got inside I was struck by how different the interior was to the exterior. There was lots of wood and muted red lights illuminating the stage. An usher showed us to our row and then directed us to the middle where our seats were. We were seated behind a small partition between about 5 rows of seats in front of us. I was guessing that these were pretty prime seats.

The concert was fantastic and I especially like the Bruch violin concerto. The performer was a woman named Hilary Hahn who was, to my inexperienced ear, absolutely wonderful. When the concert had finished, I saw that she was signing autographs in the lobby, so I talked Tim into letting me get her signature. She was very personable and friendly and thanked me for the complement I paid her.

After the concert we went to a bar and talked about the concert over drinks. Tim chuckled when I ordered a Coke. Finally, we headed for my place and when we arrived, he walked me to my door and kissed me good night. I thanked him for a magical evening. He asked if he could ask me out again and I told him I'd love it, but he had to keep in mind that I worked on Friday and Saturday nights.

When I was in bed I thought about the whole night and had to admit to myself that it was the best time I had ever had and I looked forward to many more dates with Tim.

The next day Robin called and asked me how it went and I told her it was wonderful and described the whole night to her. When I mentioned where we ate, she said, "That is the most exclusive restaurant in LA!" Later on, my Mom called and I went through the same conversation with her.

As the year progressed I kept on dancing on weekends and would go on dates with Tim on Wednesday's, usually. During the last week of classes before I was going to graduate, Tim asked me out on a Wednesday evening. During the whole time we had been dating, he never once tried to have sex with me. I was more than willing, but I thought maybe he had some reasons not to. Anyway, after dinner we went for a walk on a beach and at one point he stopped, took both of my hands in his, looked me in the eye and said, "Sue, I have never felt about any woman like I feel about you. I've fallen in love with you and have to confess that I've kept a secret from you. You have probably figured out that I'm doing pretty well money wise, but the truth is I'm really rich, like billionaire rich. The reason I haven't said anything is because women either get scared by that or can't wait to get their fingers on the pot of gold.

"During our time together, I've concluded that you are neither type, so I would like to ask you..."

"Um, Tim before you go any further, I need to tell you that I've kept a secret from you as well and I'm afraid you won't like me too much when you hear it. The truth is, oh god." I began crying but continued, "The truth is that I'm a porn actress and my weekend job is dancing at the Pink Kitty strip club. My stage name is Suzy Sweet, if you want to see my work on line."

He stood and stared at me gape mouthed and tried to talk a couple of times but nothing came out. I was afraid of what he was going to say, so I turned around and ran for the parking lot. There weren't any cabs around so I just started walking as I pondered my ruined life. I had fallen in love with Tim as well and I couldn't give a hang about his money.

I walked and walked until it was quite late. I didn't want to go home so I called an Uber and had him take me to my parents place. It was around 11pm as I rang the doorbell. My Dad answered and when he saw my condition, he cried out, "Oh Sue, are you alright?"

I burst out in tears again as my Mom came down the stairs, she pulled me into the house, hugged me and said, "There, there. Let's go up to your room and talk about it."

She led me to my old bedroom that still looked the same as the day I left. We lay on the bed together as she continued to hold me while I cried. When my tears finally ebbed, she said, "Tell me what happened."

"Oh Mom, Tim and I had had dinner and were walking on a beach when he stopped and began telling me how he loved me and how he had kept a secret from me. He told me he was very rich and was about to ask me to marry him. So, I stopped him, told him I had kept a secret from him as well and told him about my jobs. He just stared at me, so I began crying and ran away. Why am I such a fuck up?" I began crying again. My Mom held me tight through the night, even when I had fallen asleep.

I called in sick to the club and spent the weekend at my parents place. My parents made up for all of their mistakes during that weekend as they helped me get past my trauma with Tim. By Sunday I was feeling better, plus I needed to get home so I could go to class on Monday. Once I got home I sat down to study because we had finals coming up.

I had been studying for a couple of hours when my door buzzer went off. When I answered the intercom, it was Tim, "Hi Sue, can I come up please?" I buzzed him in and waited by my open door. He gave me a wan smile and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek as he passed me coming in. After I closed the door, I turned around as Tim asked, "Can we talk?"

"Yeah, please have a seat. Would you like something to drink?"

"Thank you. But no," he said as he sat. "I just want to apologize for being an idiot. It took incredible courage for you to tell me what you did and I responded like a total moron. In my defense I was a bit shocked, but that's no excuse to behave the way I did. I hope you will forgive me.

"I ran after you after a few seconds, but you must run really fast because I couldn't find you anywhere. I came here, but you didn't answer the buzzer nor answer your phone. I hung out until 10 that night, but no lights came on in your apartment and you never showed up. I was really worried something may have happened to you and was going to contact the police if you didn't answer your door today.