Tango on the Razor's Edge Ch. 20

She rested her head on my chest and pressed her body close to mine. We lay silently for several minutes before she asked, "Did you get everything straightened out with Chris?"

"Probably not, but we both tried."

She considered my response and said, "That's all it takes." After another pause, she said, "Thank you for trying so hard."

"You're welcome... But it's not easy."

"I know."

"And there's truth in what Chris said about self-respect."

"Yes, but there's also truth in what you said."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"You told Dan you love him, and you told Joaquin that you love him, but I don't think you've ever said those words to me."

After a long pause, she said, "That's not a question."

She'd say whatever she thought was necessary, so I had to be careful. "Do you think they love you?"

"They don't even know me. So how could they possibly love me?"

"Do you know yourself?"

She laughed, "Why don't you just ask me what you want to know?"

"There's no point. If you wanted to say those three words to me, you already would have."

"Ha! You see how well you know me? I've told dozens of guys I love them. I've been married four times. Not once has a profession of love made a bit of difference. So, I don't put too much stock in those three words."

"I can understand that, but I'm finding it hard to keep the faith, and I'm searching for something I can hang onto. As hard as I try, I can't find anything that you give me that you don't give someone else in spades."

"Like what?"

"Sex, declarations of love, your time, any of the tokens of affection that couples give one another."

"That's not true."

"Of course it is! You have more sex with Joaquin than you've had with me. Before Joaquin, you were with Dan. You tell them you love them, but you never say anything like that to me. You're never alone with me anymore. I could go on and on."

"I say one thing to you that I've never said to anyone else."

"What's that?"

"I've told you that I'll never leave you, and you know it's true. I never will."

"That's just because you get off on torturing me."

She gently stroked my cheek. "That's right, Baby. I do enjoy torturing you, but you enjoy being tortured."

"Is that all we've got?"

"You give me something no one else can, and I give you what no one else will. That's way more than most people have." Her hand descended my chest, crossed my abs, and landed on my cage. "Don't compare what we've got with some imaginary life that the Disney company is trying to sell you. What we've got is real. It works for us, and, as fucked up as it may seem, we're lucky to have it." She clutched my balls, squeezed them just short of agony, and waited for my reply.

I stroked her back as I reveled in the pain. I'd wanted a hug or maybe even a kiss, but somehow she knew that a bit more torture was what I really needed. "Is this the vibrant, fulfilling life you wanted?" I asked.

She squeezed my balls a bit harder and said, "No, Baby, not yet, but we're headed in the right direction."

"Maybe I could get you there if you let me use my cock."

"Nice try, but I'm not letting you out," She laughed.

"I promise to be good."

"You may mean your promises now, but if I let you cum you'd be gone in the morning."

"No, it's like you said. I've accepted my place."

"I'm sorry, Baby, maybe in a month or two but not tonight."

"Please?"

"Trust me, this is best for all of us. I don't want to lose you again." Her hand traversed my thigh and then wound its way up the silky nighty. "Why don't you try pleasing me the way a woman pleases another woman?" It wasn't what I wanted, but she was probably right. I was an emotional jumble. Who knew where an orgasm would take me? I shifted down to give her head, but her curled index finger caught my chin. "Not like that, Baby. Start by kissing me behind the ear."

I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, kissed her softly on the crown of her forehead, and said, "You are so beautiful. You always have been." She smiled at my simple compliment, so I continued, "Somehow, you're sultry, alluring, and so fucking hot without even trying."

She stroked my head and said, "That's it, Baby."

I softly kissed her eyebrow, the bridge of her nose, and the mound of her cheek. She tipped her head to one side, letting me kiss her ear. I whispered, "I never had a chance against your beauty."

Her smile intensified. "No, you didn't, did you?"

I replied by following the line of a muscle in her neck with a daisy chain of kisses.

"Do you really believe what you said to Chris?" she asked.

I kissed her shoulder. "Yes, of course. Why do you ask?"

"Even the part about no secrets?"

"Especially the part about no secrets. That's the only way to true intimacy."

She took a deep breath while gazing up at the ceiling as I kissed her chest. "Do you know how many guys I've been with since we've been married?"

I kissed her erect nipple. "I'm afraid to ask."

"Dozens, maybe as many as a hundred."

"Since we've been married?"

"Yeah, some one-nighters, some in groups, quickies at lunch or in the stockroom at the market."

The thought of her chronic infidelity made my cock hard within the cage. I sucked her nipple into my mouth and massaged it between my lips. "A guy at the supermarket said I was too beautiful to be shopping alone. He said that if I were his wife, he wouldn't let me out of sight."

I wondered if I'd made a mistake by letting her out on her own, but, no, she may have found his possessiveness tantalizing for a few moments, but there was no way she'd put up with it for long.

"I let him bend me over the kiwi fruit in the produce section and take me from behind."

I released her nipple to look into her eyes. Was she serious?

"An old lady with a walker watched the whole thing without saying a word."

"Is that why we don't shop at Lucky's anymore?"

She shrugged. "It's their loss."

"Jesus, Holly."

Her hands pushed my face back down on her breast. "Is it really that surprising?"

The pressure of her hands on my head left me no option but to take her other breast into my mouth. I caressed her body with my free hand as I sucked. "That's nice, Baby. You would have made a wonderful lesbian."

I kissed her taut belly, where a child was slowly taking form. I wondered if it could possibly be mine. She wanted me to believe that it was, but there were just too many men to know for sure. I slipped down between her legs. I kissed the border between her smooth skin and trimmed pubic hair. I kissed to the right and left of her pussy, then blew a jet of air over her excited flesh.

Her hips responded with a twist from side to side. "Oh, you're such a tease," she said.

"Aren't lesbian's notorious teases?"

She laughed, "Oh, yes. You lesbians are notorious!"

"Is that why you get your cock elsewhere because I'm a lesbian?"

"I never thought about it like that. Maybe." She pushed my face back to her pussy.

I aimlessly kissed her pussy's inflamed flesh a few times and then slowly licked her with a broad tongue. I lapped up the briny juice of her excited cunt without intent, making her softly moan. She said, "The manager at the Mercedes dealership always took me to his office while the mechanic serviced my car in the garage."

"The guy with the mustache?"

"Yeah, Guido."

"Is that why you insisted on driving a Mercedes?"

"Maybe, but the guy at BMW was good too."

A shudder ran down my spine. No matter how many guys I thought my wife had cheated with, there were always more.

"Guido always threw in an oil change or tire rotation that I didn't need to give us more time."

"He was always such an asshole. I never understood why you always asked for him."

Holly smiled. "Now, you know."

"How did I miss all of this?"

"I used to wonder about that. You were so attuned to every squeak on the shop floor that it didn't make sense for something as disruptive as an affair could slip past you, but you never said anything."

"I trusted you."

She laughed and said, "I don't believe you." She pushed my face back to her pussy, which was even wetter than before. I gave her head while I thought about how the big guy with the mustache had insisted I take an extended test drive through the countryside in a car that was way beyond our budget. I recalled the condescending smirk worn by the salesman in the passenger seat and how odd it was that he hadn't bothered to tell me anything about the car.

Holly's hands pushed my lips to her clit, "Concentrate on what you're doing, Baby."

My lips worked her clitoral flower for a moment before I asked, "Everyone in that dealership knew, didn't they?"

"Probably, but you knew too. When we got home, you couldn't wait to plant your face on my pussy," she said as she pushed at the back of my head.

"But you insisted that I go down on you."

Her hips writhed as she said, "Yeah, but that doesn't mean you didn't want to." Then, she pushed my face back down to her cunt and said, "Come on, Baby. I'm close. Take me there."

My cock strained at the cage while I pressed my tongue deep into her wet hole. It was as if her affairs with Dan and Joaquin weren't humiliating enough. She had to fuck every guy in town. "You fucked that jeweler too, didn't you?"

"Mr. Farsadi? Of course, I've been doing him for years."

"You told me you used him."

"I did, but he used me too."

"But you said you'd never sleep with him."

"I said what you needed to hear."

"But he's such a sleazeball."

"Did you really think a guy like that would give me a huge discount for a coy little kiss?"

"I just thought..."

"Come on, Baby. Be honest with yourself. You knew."

"God, I'm such a fucking sucker."

"Don't be like that. Being married to a cheating wife gets you off. That's just the way you are."

I slowly kissed her inflamed clit in tacit acknowledgment of what she said.

"I loved all the sex, and I figured it got you off, so I went with it. The longer it went on, the more sex I needed, and it kept building. We were like a freight train headed for the end of the tracks at full speed. Me having one indiscreet affair after another, and you covertly getting off on each and every one."

"How could I get off on them if I didn't know about them?"

"You may not have known the details, but you knew what was happening. I knew that eventually, I'd push things too far. Someone at work would say something, or one of the other parents at school would recognize me. You would be too embarrassed and too humiliated to go on, and then you'd do something rash."

"Like move to Chicago?"

"That or worse. I thought you might hurt someone." I lay quietly for a moment while I thought about what she'd said. She interrupted my thoughts with a thrust of her hips and said, "Come on. I need you to take me there."

"Is there anything else you want to tell me?"

"No, I think that's enough."

"Did you fuck anyone at work?" I asked, even though I didn't want to know the answer.

A flash of concern crossed her face. "Other than Dan?"

"Yeah, anyone in my crew?"

"Not anymore."

"What does that mean?" My tone was bitter.

"Dan fired them."

"Is that what happened to Alberto?"

She bit her lip. "Yes."

"And Steve?"

"And Steve."

"They were good guys. I put a lot of effort into training them."

"Yeah, well..."

"Yeah, well? Is that all you have to say?"

"It was Dan, not me."

"Anyone at the high school?" I stoked the flames of resentment that she'd sparked within me.

"Let's stop talking about this."

"I thought you wanted to be more intimate,"

"I do."

"So, let's get it all out there." My words dripped with anger.

"You're not ready."

"When am I ever going to be ready?"

Holly swallowed hard. "Come on, Baby. Let's just relax for a minute."

For a brief moment, I'd thought we were going to make it, but now I couldn't see how it was possible. My beautiful wife was mentally ill, or maybe she was a sex addict. The specifics didn't matter. There was no way I could help her, but worse than that, I didn't even want to be around her.

She must have sensed my change in mood because she hastily blurted out, "I want my second chance."

"Second chance? Aren't we past that?"

"You promised me a second chance,"

"Come off it. You've had Dan and Joaquin and every guy in town and most of the guys in the county. There's the state and then the whole fucking country. We're way past second chances."

"No. I want a second chance at life. I want to live those words you said to Chris, and I want someone who can live them with me." After I failed to reply, her mood softened, and she continued, "You know you're my only hope."

I shook my head and said, "I must have been delusional when I said all that shit to Chris."

"No, Baby. That was the juice." Once again, I failed to reply, so she pressed on, "You know it too. It's a choice. One we all have to make. We have to choose to accept each other as we are, warts and all."

"You just want me to make all the sacrifices."

"No, I want you to see things the way you saw them with Chris."

"I've been trying, but every time I think I've got it, you dump more shit on me." I shook my head. "I don't think I'm up to the task."

She squeezed me tightly and said, "Come on, Baby. I'm counting on you."

I rolled over to the side of the bed with my hip and shoulder pressed against the wall and tried to imagine what she'd done from a woman's perspective. I tried to sense the rough skin of kiwi fruit underneath me in the market while I was being taken from behind. I visualized the lecherous manager at the Mercedes Benz dealership fondling my body. I imagined the fawning grasp of the creepy jeweler. But try as I might, I couldn't get past the betrayal of her chronic infidelity. "I'm sorry. It's too much for me."

She stroked my arm and said, "Just give it a little time."